How to communicate with children series 1: grow up with your daughter

Growing up with my daughter Dear teachers, parents and friends: Good afternoon, everyone! I am Zhou Xiaolu, the parent of Class Two, Grade Two, on Tuesday and Monday. The topic of today's report is: growing up with your daughter. Here, first of all, I want to thank the school for its trust! I am even more grateful to the school teachers for their hard education of my daughter! Outside Hangzhou, as parents, we are ordinary people and grew up in an ordinary family in the countryside. We are really a little nervous about this task arranged by the school. My hometown is Zhuji City, and my daughter has completed six years of primary education in that county town with a strong tradition of farming and reading. She was lucky to come to Hangzhou from the countryside and to the city. In the past, her father played the role of a parent. A sentence in my daughter's composition, I am a workaholic, I can't finish my work and I can't finish my books. I came to Hangzhou three years ago, and my living environment and working environment have changed. Although I can't find many memories of my daughter's childhood growth now, I think it's never too late to pay for maternal love, so growing up with my daughter has become a very important part of my life. What I want to communicate with you here today are some stories, experiences and my three superficial ideas that happened between my daughter and me. As far as I know, many people here are engaged in specific teaching practice. You are more experienced than me, both theoretically and practically. So please correct me if I'm wrong. My first thought is that there are many ways to communicate by email. The most important thing is to find a communication method that suits you. Some people say that every child is the same and every child is different. Because of gender differences, personality differences, living environment differences, regional differences, urban and rural differences, differences determine the diversity of family education and parent-child communication. Nowadays, in the internet age, e-mail has been given such a shortcut to convey information and feelings. I remember the first email to my daughter was in 2003. I went to Tongji University to study full-time for a year, away from my family. The letter is very short: "Dear daughter: These days, my mother hurried by the school, and when she saw so many young girls passing by, she thought of you. Nine years later, I think you should be here. You should be one of them. This is the hope and expectation of mom and our family for you. Daughter, our dream is beautiful, but everything depends on ourselves. Seize every day that belongs to you now and reach the other side of victory. " Finally, I will send you a sentence: "There is no shortcut to learning, and there is no shortcut to life." At that time, my daughter stared at the computer screen and shed tears. Maybe I gave her too little maternal love for so many years, which moved her for many days. Later, my daughter decided to take the exam outside Hangzhou. Separated from the two places, we started email contact again. Before her selection exams again and again, on her birthday, before she came to Hangzhou, I poured all my maternal love accumulated for many years on the computer keyboard, cheering for her and making psychological preparations for her entering junior high school life. Outside Hangzhou, calling at 9 o'clock every night has become our compulsory course, which is to talk about things like school classes and what happened. A few minutes, a bit like a routine, provided her with an emotional output channel. Going home on weekends, a rare family dinner, the daughter's opening remarks are often such a sentence, "I will tell you a joke." In fact, this joke is not a joke that makes people laugh in our general sense. My understanding is what excites her and interests her. When she starts talking, she will talk endlessly, telling what happened at school, telling the teacher's classic quotations and telling interesting stories among her classmates. She likes reading newspapers, telling some current affairs and social news at home and abroad, and telling her views on things around her, especially the novelty. At this time, we became her loyal listeners. Every move in front of her, such as our eyes, expressions on our faces, timely questions and timely thoughts, explains nothing more than these. Take the dining table as a platform to let her fully express her thoughts and feelings. At the same time, let us pay more attention to her and understand her troubles. Communication at the dinner table is a unique sight in our family. Being at home for two days on weekends is her busiest time, and it is also the time when the atmosphere of "home" and democracy and freedom are the strongest. If the communication at the dinner table is more starring her alone, some thematic rambling communication between us is our interaction. Tell me more about the feeling of listening to music (she especially likes listening to Jay Chou's songs. We also talked about his new song "Blue and White Porcelain" in the mid-term review before the exam a few days ago. After listening to her evaluation, she said that the lyrics written by vincent fang have the artistic conception of classical poetry, and the songs of Jay Chou, one of the representative singers known as "Chinese style", are of course good songs. Just as Yu Dan loves Jay Chou, her daughter also thinks that Jay Chou is a disseminator of classical literature. ) Because of girls' nature, we also talk about clothes. I also talked about online language, mars language, and the compositions arranged by teachers and written by classmates, which became a window for me to know my daughter. Anything we are interested in, sometimes a book, will also become the exciting point of our communication. At present, most of our children live a two-point and one-line life from home to school, so family education can easily cause children's psychological fatigue. How to solve it? Traveling abroad is a good choice. In the past two years, we haven't been to many places, but every time we go, we let her choose her own route and sum up her gains. For example, in order to commemorate the 10th anniversary of Hong Kong's return to China, we went to Lijiang, Yunnan to feel the charm of historical and cultural heritage, to Nanjing to feel the artistic conception of small bridges and flowing water, to Xitang, an ancient town in the south of the Yangtze River, and to Haining to visit Xu Zhimo's former residence for an April day. For one of her promises, to fulfill her honesty, we went to Lishui, her classmate's home for the first time. Living in Hangzhou, we made full use of the city's cultural resources with profound historical accumulation, and visited universities, museums and exhibitions together. Opening the world outside the school gate to her has created a new world of communication, expanded her life radius, broadened her horizons and learned more. The email, telephone, dinner table exchange, leisure theme exchange and travel I just mentioned are all common things we do. Someone asked: What kind of family education is successful? There is only one answer-to adapt to the development of children. So I think there are many ways to communicate, and the one that suits you is the best way. My second thought is: looking at communication from a menu, there are many factors that affect communication. What we can do is to put down our parents' airs and grow up with our children. The daughter's living on campus affects her parents' hearts, and the first thing that bears the brunt is her ability to take care of herself. Eat well, sleep well and be healthy. Health is capital, that is, 1, and everything else is 0. Only when we are healthy can we study hard. In front of my daughter, I can't remember how many times I have said this. She verbally agreed, and she didn't feel any difference between eating more and eating less. To my surprise, things have changed for the better. There is an assignment in Cambridge English class in the second semester of Grade One. The general content is to provide you with a menu about diet and nutrition. Different foods have different calories, such as 100 grams of rice 100, and so on. There is a set of data on commonly used foods. According to this menu, the daily calorie intake of children of my daughter's age is 2 150 calories. She came to the conclusion that her daily diet and calorie intake are seriously insufficient, only half. This conclusion touched her heart. So, a menu changed her eating attitude. In her words, "I don't just eat the cat food my mother used to say about me." So I sometimes laugh. My good intentions are not as good as a menu. Some people say that parents are a profession, but they have no vocational training. A study shows that the education level of parents is also one of the factors that affect parent-child communication. If a person's "self-state" is compared to a "jar", then what is in my "jar" will affect my communication with my daughter. Imagine if I could have this list earlier and come up with convincing data earlier, I wouldn't have fallen into this helpless situation. Of course, I also want to thank the teacher for his teaching. To grow up with my daughter and be a good teacher, we must improve our own quality, especially our cultural literacy, and we have a lot to learn. Once, after learning that her good friend's mother was a national first-class psychological counselor, she came back and made a request to me: Mom, you will take the exam in the future. Yes, my mother also wants to study. I think textual research is just a means to learn some psychological knowledge and use it for me. After that, I paid attention to her psychological needs and tried to find our common topic. What she learned at school also opened a new world for me. She will use the basic concepts and principles of psychology she learned in psychology class to analyze my psychological situation before and after I arrived in Hangzhou. So I want to say that in the era of knowledge updating, the best way to communicate effectively with children is to grow up with them. My third idea is that communication is only a bridge from the election, and the foothold of communication is to guide the cultivation of children's personality. As we all know, in the future society, what is truly competitive is not a child's education, but a child's personality, which lies in "winning by character". The uniqueness of education and teaching mode outside Hangzhou also shows that intellectual education is not an end. In our eyes, our daughter loves to learn and treats others warmly and sincerely. Students outside Hangzhou live a full life. In addition to intense study, my daughter has participated in many activities every semester for more than a year: writing the commentary of the grade propaganda film, participating in the calligraphy live competition of the school art festival, participating in the director, organization and participation of the school English festival musical, participating in the English festival English song competition, participating in the grade English pronunciation and intonation imitation competition, participating in the grade story-telling competition, participating in the social practice activities organized by the school in the summer vacation, hosting the grade party and so on. Let's talk about running for vice president of the student union some time ago. As a mother, what I want in this movement is not a result, but a process. Take this opportunity to exercise yourself, improve yourself and develop your potential. Cheer up on the phone and pay attention to the reports on the campus network. I became a strong supporter behind my daughter. At the beginning of the campaign, she hesitated whether to run this year because of the failure of the campaign brigade in grade one. According to what she told me, she went with the mentality of "only failing for the second time". From the moment of the candidate's primary election to the surprising calm when the final election result came out, in her own words, she encountered many things that she had never encountered before, and finally came step by step under the guidance of her teacher and the trust of her classmates, and finally won the election. Through this campaign, she not only gained the joy of success, but also regained her self-confidence. More importantly, she understood the truth of "one hero and three gangs" and began to have a deeper understanding of a sentence. This sentence is: Be responsible for your own choices. After making the choice of running for the vice president of the Student Union, she and her classmates had to get up early to do the homework they had not finished the day before, so as to get rid of the poster in time. Because I took part in the election, I took up my spare time, and I had to bear the psychological pressure brought by my temporary backwardness in my homework. Of course, after the successful election, there will be many situations, how to deal with the relationship between study and participation in activities, and how to learn to deal with some situations and problems by yourself. Growth requires waiting. So what I want to say is that children's physical and mental growth has its own development law, and we adults don't have to impose our own cognition on children. Sometimes failure is growth. The best choice we can make is to wait patiently for her to grow up. We can't help talking about exams here. Over the past year or so, her course examination has been generally ok, but it has not been smooth sailing. She didn't do well in the dominant subjects, and even appeared in the selection exam of the China Cup when she was completely depressed in Grade One (she told me that she stared at the test paper for the last 30 minutes and didn't write a word, because she felt that she definitely had no chance). Before the selection exam for this year's grade math competition class, she paid attention to a question from Teacher Xie: Why didn't you take the exam? This gave her the idea of getting back the lost opportunity. In the end, she played her own level and successfully passed the selection. Take several math exams since this semester for example. Every time the score comes out, she will exclaim: Mom, I have once again set a new record for the lowest score. Especially once, her grades fell behind the class average. I think she was really at a loss and depressed. Because she set a bottom line for herself: the average score is above every time. In addition to asking the teacher about the situation, what I can do is to untie her heart: good grades are not the most important thing, what is important is to pay attention to the learning process, maintain a good mental state and develop good study habits. In this kind of communication, we have gained a lot besides activities, elections and exams. The cultivation of personality, the enhancement of self-confidence and the tempering of willpower have guided her to be open-minded and practical in an atmosphere. Of course, I also have communication confusion. My daughter is characterized by strong self-esteem and strong sense of learning. How to guide her children, release the pressure of study and strengthen her frustration education; How can adolescent children improve her psychological adjustment ability? Strengthen her physique; Wait, these are all things I have to face. I also hope to get guidance from all the parents present. Children are like a book, from childhood to adolescence, from adolescence to adolescence. We turn a page every day, a chapter every year, and a page every year. For more than a year, as a mother, I really realized that my daughter was growing up. When she presented in front of us a series of awards and a series of award-winning certificates that were rated as excellent young pioneers, excellent squad leaders and excellent students with comprehensive quality, when she wore the group emblem on her chest, I was delighted to see her daughter grow up, learn to be strong and learn to be grateful. While I am happy, I also know that this is only the beginning and there is still a long way to go. I really appreciate the words given to her by the class teacher Cheng: Take a walk and see how far ordinary people can go. I think: Our children will go further than us and grow up healthily and happily because of our concern and the cultivation of school teachers. Finally, please take this opportunity to wish our children a better tomorrow with an ordinary parent! I also wish Hangzhou a better tomorrow! Thank you!