First, parents should have equal communication with their children.
Communication is the basis for both sides to resolve different opinions. Perhaps many parents feel that they have communicated with their children, but they never know what their children really think. In fact, parents should be tolerant and don't regard themselves as authority in front of their children. What some children say is slightly different from what their parents mean, so parents stare at these children's weaknesses and constantly pressure them to change. In this way, children will know that their parents don't respect their own ideas, and they won't communicate their true ideas with you. The communication between parents and children should be based on equality and mutual respect.
Second, cultivate children's willingness to learn.
Lack of willingness to learn is the cause of spontaneous growth retardation. Children lack the ability to think independently, decide what they want to do and be independent of others. Parents should also reflect. The reason for this situation is that early development is blocked, which cannot be attributed to the children themselves. Don't preach to your children with offensive and induced words, such as "If you don't study hard, you will only pick up garbage when you are old", "If you don't study, there will be no good way out" and "Both children and parents are for your own good". This kind of preaching is more likely to cause children's rebellion, even rebellion, or misjudgment of purpose.
"Wordless walking" is more convincing than empty preaching, creating a "learning" atmosphere for children, helping children find the fun of learning, and gradually forming their willingness to learn. To improve children's learning efficiency and interest, parents must clearly tell their children that your own time is at your disposal, and parents will not restrict you to urge you every day, because learning is your own business, and playing is also your own business, which is equally important! Studying and writing homework is something you must finish every day, because the teacher will check your homework tomorrow. But if you finish your homework on time and carefully every day, you will have more time to play, otherwise your procrastination and procrastination will only make you learn badly and have fun. Parents can guide their children to do time cost calculation, so that they can know how much time they spend on study and play. By improving the efficiency in comparison, children can reduce their study time and increase their entertainment and play time, which will increase their enthusiasm for learning.
Third, discover the potential of children and seriously cultivate an advantage or specialty.
Nowadays, in terms of children's learning interests or specialties, it is more common to "rush in" and follow the crowd. Many parents often arrange special training for their children, such as arranging several special classes for their children at the same time, such as piano, dance, calligraphy, English and so on. Accompanied by their parents, they often keep their children busy on weekends or after school.
When children gradually lose their curiosity and interest in their own specialties, they deal with things in a boring and helpless way. After a long time, parents will naturally lose control of their emotions. When children are bored with criticism and accusation, they will follow suit and even erase their interest in one of them.
Therefore, if parents don't carefully observe their children's potential and blindly report their interest to their children, it is tantamount to drinking poison to quench their thirst. In the end, parents and children will be very troubled and painful. Come to think of it carefully, how many people persist in learning their specialties after their children reach junior high school? Almost most children give up because of study pressure. So instead of this, why should children sacrifice their great freedom to play their nature?
Therefore, for children in this period, free choice may be more effective than meaningless intervention. Adults' attitudes and choices imposed on children often have the opposite effect, leading to resistance or strike, and even tension.
Fourth, parents should be brave enough to admit their mistakes and take seriously the criticisms and suggestions made by their children.
Children's eyes are transparent, and the ways and methods of seeing problems are often very different from those of adults. Many parents look at their children's clothes with a strong secular color. For example, they will compare the shortcomings and shortcomings of their children with the advantages of other children. As a result, they will find that their children are neither excellent nor excellent, and as a result, they will be hurt. Even let children distrust their parents more and more.
When parents lose their children's trust, just think, are parents' words authoritative? Can children still listen carefully to their parents' arrangements and deployments? In particular, many parents will avoid the contradictions and conflicts between parents and children after criticizing, accusing and scolding their children with strong self-emotion. Therefore, sometimes our parents should listen to their children's criticisms and suggestions properly, be honest with each other, be brave in admitting mistakes and introspection, and communicate with their children on an equal footing. The importance of this attitude lies in educating children by example and making parents' "self-reflection" the best demonstration of honesty.
Fifth, give children enough space for thinking and entertainment.
Nowadays, parents often limit the self-development of children's thinking too much and convey their views to their children without restraint. They deprive children of entertainment space on the grounds of learning, so that children can grow up in "no reason, no happiness" and their personality is limited. Once they are patient enough, children will explode.
For example, a parent recently confided to me in a consultation: "Teacher Han, I feel particularly anxious recently. My son always tells me, alas, it's boring to live. I might as well die. " You said that the child is only 8 years old, why should he die and live? "
I told this parent that your compulsory education has made children feel extremely depressed and sometimes even angry. When children can't feel the happiness of life, they will definitely develop in a negative direction. In severe cases, they will have problems in their hearts, which will lead to drastic changes in their personality and mind. Therefore, parents should give their children full freedom, only to a certain extent. The free development of body and mind is an important guarantee for the synchronous growth of children's physical and psychological age.
Sixth, actively establish the evaluation criteria for children's "good children".
I often listen to some parents nagging and think that children are disobedient. In fact, parents who have this idea have completely gone into a misunderstanding. Some obedient children who don't worry about adults are largely the result of spontaneous and slow development. Too obedient children often hide more serious growth crisis.
If adults can't change the evaluation criteria, "good boy" will often become "problem children". Trick-or-treating, frolicking, fooling around and quarreling are often manifestations of children's self-spontaneity, which should not be blindly attacked, but should be protected to a limited extent.
In the face of the above-mentioned phenomenon of children, parents must clearly realize that children may not have any problems in moral quality, but because of poor educational guidance or the wrong educational methods, so that children have embarked on the wrong direction of growth.
For example, although some children have some minor problems, if parents always blame and complain for a long time, children will think that they are nothing in the eyes of their parents. Anyway, I have nothing to say. You can really break a jar. Therefore, parents must tell their children rationally what a good boy should be like, at least be helpful, be good at uniting and caring for others, and be honest and enthusiastic in doing things.
In short, parents must pay attention to the special growth stage of the second resistance period. At this time, all kinds of problems need parents to update the concept of family education in time, carefully understand their children's voices and improve parent-child communication, otherwise the problems precipitated in the first resistance period will continue to grow with the problems in the second resistance period. If so, children's problems will gradually become chronic diseases, and children will not be able to make changes after they enter adolescence. At that time, the parent-child relationship would be unable to communicate because the child closed the door to communication.
disloyalty
When children are found to be rebellious, parents need to calm down and communicate with their children in a friendly way. Don't try to have a full harvest in the first communication, because once the child refuses to communicate with the parents, the parents will get nothing, so parents should master the step-by-step way and slowly guide the children to express their thoughts and share them with their parents.
When children tell their parents what they are talking about, parents should be a serious listener, don't interrupt, let alone add their own ideas and judgments, and let the children finish their sentences at once. The purpose of this is to prevent parents from misunderstanding, and to avoid the situation that children give up their inner expression because of misunderstanding and even don't like to communicate with their parents.
Companionship is the best way of education. For rebellious children, the companionship of parents is out of reach. They are rebellious because they are eager to accompany them, because only when they are rebellious will their parents pay too much attention to him. Therefore, parents should find ways to accompany their children no matter how busy they are. What's wrong with children being unsociable in kindergarten? What to do)
When a child insists on doing something, just make sure there is no danger, then let the child do it. Don't stop too early. When a child regrets hitting a wall, he will naturally find a way to solve this mess. Parents can also show the results of this matter in advance, so that children can predict that their ideas are wrong, so as to correct them and avoid detours.
What will smart parents do if their children are rebellious?
Doll: In most cases, I will watch my child rebel and do what he wants, with little interference, even if it is wrong. Only when he really sees the real failure will he never forget the result of failure.
There is a little girl at home: my child is also very rebellious and has a big temper. We can't refute the decision made. Later, whenever she put forward something, I found it wrong, and I would patiently analyze the possible results to her in advance. After listening, the decision will be returned to her and she will make her own choice.
Min: In fact, most children are rebellious because their self-esteem has been hurt. He will resist for the sake of face, so parents sometimes have to respect their children, give them enough face, let them have their own space, and don't care too much.
Fang Fang: Parents and children must pay attention to their tone and try to use positive language instead of negative language, so that children's self-esteem can be respected, their self-confidence can be strengthened and they can be a sunny child.
Rebellion of 7-9-year-old children is a manifestation of their psychological growth. Parents should not be too serious, but they should also guide them reasonably to reduce the psychological damage to their children and let them grow up healthily. You can also read what should I do if my child loses his temper? How do parents guide their children? Learn more about the behavior and intellectual development knowledge of 3-6-year-old babies and learn to establish a good parent-child relationship with them.