Mother took her two-year-old daughter to a friend's house. The little girl is very happy. She can play with her aunt's children again.
When I arrived at my friend's door, my mother rang the doorbell conveniently. The friend opened the door, but then the daughter began to cry, sat on the ground and lost her temper, and refused to come in. Mom had a hard time figuring out that the little girl wanted to ring the doorbell herself.
So, the mother retreated to the door and picked up her daughter. She rang the doorbell with her little hand and her friends opened the door again to welcome them. This time, the little girl entered the door happily.
It turned out that the little girl had long wanted to ring the doorbell, thinking that her mother would know her thoughts if she didn't say it.
26-year-old Alian has been having a lot of trouble with her boyfriend these days. Her boyfriend gave her a necklace on her birthday the day before yesterday. When her boyfriend happily gave her a present, he expected to see her surprise. I didn't expect to see the necklace at that moment, but Alian was angry. That's not the gift she wants. She wants a ring.
Alian is angry because she thinks her boyfriend should know what she wants even if she doesn't say it. Girls in love are often angry because their boyfriends "don't know" their own needs. For them, telling their boyfriends what they want directly breaks the illusion of love. They believe that true love is: "He will know if I don't tell him."
This immature and childish behavior is very common among adults.
These behaviors of "adult children" often make people around them feel angry and ridiculous, such as nonsense, deception, irresponsibility, moodiness, playing tricks and not delaying satisfaction.
An adult looks like a child because they use a relatively primitive defense mechanism. These defense mechanisms are often used by children, and most of them were formed in the pre-language period.
Simply put, defense mechanism is a psychological skill that a person uses to protect himself from threats. People who have been parents must remember those ridiculous and childish behaviors of their children when they were young.
A psychoanalytic father will immediately realize that his little daughter is using the psychological defense mechanism of "denial" to protect herself, not lying.
When my daughter was young, she liked to jump around on the sofa. Once, she jumped a book lying on the sofa to the ground. I said, "You dropped the book." "Not me, not me!" She cried and shouted. At that time, I was also very angry: "You obviously jumped, why don't you admit it?"
"I hate being wronged by others." When her daughter grows up, "being wronged" is still her emotional breakdown point. If I had known psychology at that time, my daughter might have lost an "emotional mine".
Psychologists have found that people with personality disorders often use primitive defense mechanisms. People with narcissistic personality disorder often use extremely idealistic and degenerate ways. Jobs is a narcissist. In his eyes, there are only two kinds of people, one is genius and the other is garbage. People with paranoid personality disorder often use denial and projection. Originally, they were hostile to others, but they firmly believed that others were also hostile to them. A paranoid husband may have thoughts about other women himself, but he totally denies this and projects it, insisting that his wife has thoughts about other men. Universal control is a common defense mechanism for antisocial personality disorder. They are extremely good at manipulating others and playing with others as pieces in their own chessboard. An antisocial person may associate with more than one woman at the same time without giving away the clues and be complacent about his superb skills.
Some childish and abnormal behaviors of people with personality disorders often confuse or make people around them miserable. In the book Beware of Emotional Vampires Around You, the author Albert J Bernstein called them "midnight urchins"-vampires who haunt in the middle of the night. President Trump is regarded as narcissistic personality disorder by American psychiatrists. Even if you are the president of a country, his behavior often seems childish and ridiculous. Members of the United States Congress once commented that the White House under his rule became a "nursery".
In addition to the defense mechanism mentioned above, the original defense mechanism also includes introspection, projection identity, division, somatization and so on. These defense mechanisms are the way children learn to cope with traumatic situations when they grow up. Once this method is fixed, it will produce similar reactions to various stimuli, no matter whether the person is 3 years old or 30 years old.
With the growth of age, people who grow up normally will gradually form a more mature and advanced psychological defense mechanism. At this time, a person will appear more mature and rational from the internal psychology and external words and deeds.
For example, repression is a more mature defense mechanism than denial. Similarly, in the face of the pain of lovelorn, girl A used the psychological defense mechanism of "denial" and thought that "this is impossible", refused to accept this reality and pestered each other for a long time. And girl B uses the defense mechanism of "repression" and thinks that "this is a fact, but I must forget it, otherwise it will be too painful". So, she tried to start her new life. Obviously, girl B's behavior is more mature.
In the book Psychoanalysis and Diagnosis: Understanding Personality Structure, Nancy McWilliams believes that the primitive and low-level defense mechanism has two characteristics, which are also the common characteristics of children who do not have language skills:
First, there is a lack of ability to test reality.
This is more prominent in narcissistic personality disorder. They sometimes confuse reality with imagination, which often makes people around them feel confused or angry.
Jobs has an ability, called "reality distortion field", which distorts reality to prove that he is right. Sometimes, in the face of living reality, he will completely deny it.
If you have a narcissistic mother, you will definitely have such an experience. She takes an imaginary thing as an established fact and interacts with you on this premise. When you prove with conclusive evidence that she didn't say it, she will never admit her mistake. "Mom always drives me crazy", which deeply hurts many children who are narcissistic mothers. They don't understand why their mother "lies with her eyes open".
Second, there is a lack of recognition of the independence and constancy of things other than themselves.
Here refers to people who often use primitive defense mechanisms, and the boundaries between themselves and the outside world are blurred. This is more prominent in paranoid personality disorder, who often project their inner feelings as external threats.
A paranoid man saw a young couple on the bus and was very angry at their intimacy. He thinks that when they see that he is still single, they deliberately show their love in front of him in order to laugh at him for not finding a girlfriend.
I was consulting a paranoid visitor when my cell phone suddenly rang. I quickly turned my mobile phone to mute and apologized to him. He suspected that I had arranged for someone to call in advance to remind me to end my consultation with him as soon as possible.
Many people with low level of personality development will rely too much on the original psychological defense mechanism. If they want to "grow up", they need to cultivate and learn to use mature psychological defense mechanisms with the help of psychological counselors. In this way, they can act like adults: they can respect reality and have clear boundaries.
Maybe we need a consultant.
Because usually this phenomenon means that the inner age of psychology is stagnant. This means that when dealing with adult life, we are likely to use very simple logic. In fact, many of our deep-seated unreasonable logics are naive, such as the following beliefs: as long as I have money, I am bad, be kind, be fair, and love should be simple and beautiful.
Many times, growing up means being able to look at problems dialectically-one yin and one yang is the right way-being able to accommodate more faces inside, not only seeing the good, evil, beautiful and ugly outside, but also accepting your own dark side.
A childlike relationship usually means long-term parental care from outside. Unequal and unbalanced relationships usually lead to quarrels and conflicts. For children, conflict is hard to accept. At this time, there will be logic such as "If you dare to talk to me like this, you must not love me" ~
Many times, inappropriate childhood rearing patterns and traumatic experiences will cause children-like adults, as if their hearts were still. In fact, there is a lot of energy stuck in their hearts, and this part of the trauma needs psychological counseling ~
The environment has made his present heart and should be changed by the environment. Of course, when he faces the reality, he needs someone to accompany him, otherwise he may collapse.
No, the way of thinking can be, as long as my intelligence is normal, I can judge the problem. There is nothing wrong with children's way of thinking. Instead, I feel that the child's way of thinking is simple and efficient. For example, children can say whatever they want, and adults can do it. The other person will also think you are direct and clean. Too many routines are not necessarily popular. There are a lot of questions, but the situation is not clear. Others may not understand what you are saying.
This is the process of growing up. There are some emotions stuck in the middle. The effective way is to conduct psychological counseling and channel the stranded energy. Naturally. Seeing a doctor may be diagnosed as a disease, and it may be more stressful to repair it from the perspective of disease.
This is not a psychological problem. Usually, parents are too doting, have little experience, rarely do things alone, and have short knowledge. Do more things by yourself, and then consider the problem from the perspective of a tall man every time.
It depends on the specific situation. Adults sometimes have childlike innocence and act spontaneously. Why else would there be an old urchin? If this childish and spontaneous behavior will not affect social interpersonal communication, work and life, and can be performed appropriately and moderately in different environments, I don't think people should be labeled. However, if the thinking and intelligence obviously do not match the age, which has affected the adaptation of social functions, it is still necessary to go to relevant professional institutions for evaluation.
You can have a physical examination to see if there is brain damage. If it's normal, don't worry too much. This may be related to experience. Maybe you are inexperienced in the process of growing up, and your thinking may be simple. You can also contact me, and I can communicate with you through your paintings to judge your way of thinking and simple psychological consultation.