Puppy love is an overly intimate approach between the two sexes in the process of puberty sexual maturity. Nowadays, most people call puppy love "too intimate" Because of sexual development, boys and girls instinctively have a feeling of mutual admiration. Some people have unrequited love, some break through the shackles of shyness, pass notes, date, pour out their love to each other, and help each other under the pretext of being inseparable, while others have further sexual contact.
Teenagers are prone to emotional impulses, but they are fragile, emotionally unstable, simple in thinking and rarely consider the consequences. This psychological situation makes puppy love as unpredictable as the clouds in the sky, and the emotions of puppy lovers will fluctuate accordingly, and the feelings between them are often capricious.
So what is the real reason for puppy love? This should be understood from the evolutionary history of mankind. Puppy love reflects that the sexual instinct activities of modern human beings are still repeating the past history: the living environment of primitive human beings is very unsafe, lacking of food, many diseases, insecure life, short life span and difficult to survive to sexual maturity. Therefore, if you don't reproduce immediately after you have fertility, you may lose the opportunity to reproduce. This shows that the primitive reproductive instinct of human beings is hidden behind the puppy love of teenagers. This is also the case. If the puppy love behavior of teenagers is not restrained, there will be a large number of teenage girls who get pregnant before marriage. In the 1980s, there were 1 10,000 teenage girls who got pregnant before marriage every year in the United States.
Today, human civilization has made great progress and the way of life has changed greatly. Human life expectancy is generally prolonged, and children and young adults rarely die. With the increase of knowledge accumulation and the complexity of production technology, everyone must study for a long time to gain the ability to make a living independently, otherwise it is impossible to get married and have children, so it is not necessary and impossible for modern people to have children as soon as they are sexually mature as primitive people.
At present, there is an obvious time gap between human sexual maturity and the actual possibility of giving birth to offspring. It is characterized by early sexual maturity and late reproductive activities. So, why didn't human evolution keep up with this change? If humans don't start puberty until they are 20 or 25 years old, won't the problem of puppy love be solved naturally? We know that the evolution of life is a very slow and complicated process. The evolution of mankind has gone through millions of years. Compared with this long process of life evolution, the history of human civilization progress is only a few thousand years, but the modern lifestyle has undergone earth-shaking changes because of more than 100 years of industrialization. It is impossible for human physique to undergo obvious biological changes in such a short time.
From the perspective of biological evolution history, it is a general development trend that the age of sexual maturity of higher animals is getting later and later. Among all primates in the advanced stage of evolution, human sexual development starts at the latest and matures at the latest. This fact reflects that with the evolution of life to an advanced stage, human beings' ability to protect their offspring has increased and their survival activities have become more and more complicated. The time from birth to being able to live independently has been prolonged, and sexual maturity has been delayed more and more. This is the law of biological evolution. The phenomenon of early sexual maturity in recent decades is only a change in the expression function of genetic genes, not an essential change in human genetic characteristics. The reasons for this non-essential change are the improvement of material living conditions, the richness of nutrition, the increase of knowledge and information, and other unclear environmental factors.
Therefore, we must face up to the influence of sexual maturity and sexual instinct impulse on teenagers' psychology and behavior. As long as we can clearly understand the nature of puppy love and try our best to focus on learning and healthy extracurricular activities, teenagers are fully capable of avoiding puppy love.
Why are junior high school students prone to puppy love?
"Puppy love" refers to the love phenomenon between teenagers who are not fully mature physically or psychologically.
After entering adolescence, teenagers who tend to love each other will take the initiative to approach the opposite sex they like, and the two sides have frequent exchanges and love each other, which leads to the occurrence of love.
With the early puberty of children and the increasingly prosperous social phenomenon, middle school students' love shows a trend of younger age, universality and openness. At the same time, various comments have appeared. To this end, many families and schools have taken many measures to solve or even eliminate this phenomenon.
In fact, every adolescent boy and girl, with the gradual maturity of physiology, will begin to pay attention to the opposite sex students, hoping to get to know them and communicate with them. This is a normal psychological phenomenon. Some parents and teachers are too sensitive and nervous to stop communication between the opposite sex, which is actually wrong.
However, this is only a part of people. Why do other people fall in love even if they don't put an end to different directions?
We found from other statistics that the peak age of first love is 13- 16 years old, and the average age is 14.20 years old. Some students who are puppy love are class cadres and have excellent academic performance, because work requires more opportunities to contact the opposite sex, which is easy to attract the attention and pursuit of the opposite sex; The other part is students with poor academic performance and unsound families. Poor learning pressure, easy to empathize with two directions; The family is imperfect, lacking in fatherly love or maternal love, hungry, and easy to seek the care of peers.
In addition, we summarized the characteristics of some people's puppy love through discussion:
First, curiosity. With the gradual maturity of minors, a mysterious and curious feeling begins to emerge between the opposite sex, and mutual attention and attraction become the instinctive reaction of boys and girls.
Second, comparative type. Some competitive students don't have the idea of puppy love, but they feel that they will lose face without the company of the opposite sex because of the * * * of their classmates around them.
Third, imitation. Nowadays, in some advertisements, audio-visual and film and television works, there are often pictures of boys and girls accompanying them, which makes some minors deeply tempted and deliberately imitate them in obscurity.
Fourth, seek spiritual comfort. Some students are empty because of their parents' divorce or poor study, and hope to chat with the opposite sex with similar background and seek comfort.
The main reasons are:
1, from the physiological and psychological point of view, promoting the "puppy love" of adolescent boys and girls is mainly because their physical development is accelerated, their sexual maturity is advanced, their sexual consciousness begins to sprout and be agitated, and they have a strong demand for premature experience; Due to the advent of adolescence, they are psychologically eager for independence. Once they get rid of the shackles of family, they will long for love. 2. From the point of view of school and society, the colorful extracurricular cultural life increases the contact opportunities of male and female students, but in the process of communication, they inevitably fall in love, resulting in puppy love; At the same time, the openness, richness and increase of information in social life, especially the promotion of the Internet and film and television dramas, make students obtain information describing love from various channels, which is very attractive and infectious, and arouse their desire for association and imitation.
3. From the perspective of educational methods, the lack of ideal moral education, especially love education, has caused many students to make no progress, have weak moral concepts and are ignorant of love issues. Many students regard the affection and friendship between the opposite sex as * * * feelings. Parents and teachers set various restrictions on the communication between male and female students and criticize students who break through the restrictions, which leads some students to be curious and find opportunities to try the taste of love.
4. Other reasons: For example, some are driven by curiosity and mystery about the opposite sex; Some judge people by their appearance and are attracted by each other's appearance and demeanor; Have a plenty of envy each other's knowledge and talent;
Some people have a good impression on each other because of accidental meeting, and so on. It can be seen that the puppy love of middle school students is often emotional and vague. The reasons for falling in love are often extremely simple and have no solid ideological foundation. They don't realize that the consistency of thoughts and feelings is the foundation of true love, and the consistency of ideas, beliefs and sentiments is the most important factor to determine the success of love.
Middle school students' thoughts are not fixed, so they can't think deeply about these complicated factors scientifically, and they can't really know whether they are really consistent in these aspects. Puppy love among middle school students is like sailing into the sea without a compass and rudder, which hides the danger of hitting the rocks and sinking at any time. Therefore, the puppy love of middle school students not only has a very low success rate, but also a weak will may be cast into a lifelong crime. ...& gt& gt
Why is there puppy love?
Puppy love refers to the relationship between underage men and women or their interest in the opposite sex, infatuation or unrequited love. The word "puppy love" has the negative sexy color of elders and is only widely used in China. Puppy love generally refers to the love between teenagers who have not entered college, especially the love between primary and secondary school students. Twenty years' investigation in China shows that many people had feelings in middle school. Most of them are unrequited love and unrequited love. Only when you have a good impression on each other can you develop into puppy love. Puppy love behavior is based on the sexual and physical development of teenagers, and it is also the practice of transforming psychology into behavior.
Some emerging educators, psychologists and students think that the word "puppy love" is unscientific. Because teenagers accelerate their development in adolescence, they gradually mature sexually after the emergence of secondary sexual characteristics, and there is an adult trend both physically and psychologically. Therefore, it is a common situation in adolescence to have a good impression on the opposite sex or to have love behavior, which is the necessity of physical and psychological development. It should not be described as "puppy love" with subjective feelings.
In China, after decades of investigation, few people have never had feelings in middle school. Most of them are unrequited love and unrequited love. Only when we have a good impression on each other can we develop into love.
Adolescence love behavior is the practice of teenagers' psychological transformation into behavior on the basis of sexual and physical development. In China, traditional elders and exam-oriented educators generally believe that adolescent love will bring many problems, such as affecting teenagers' exam-oriented ability and academic performance, or puppy love often ends in failure, and puppy love can rarely be together for life. However, some educators and parents of teenagers believe that puppy love is teenagers' exploration and research on the relationship between men and women, preparing for future love and marriage, and should not be excessively prohibited or suppressed.
Why is there puppy love?
In fact, there is no "puppy love". How early?
Many people are opposed to the so-called puppy love-generally referring to the love in middle school, and it is not unreasonable. They are mainly aimed at two kinds of negative effects that love often produces in middle school. The first is the impact on their studies, and the second is that middle school students are easily hurt physically and mentally because they can't handle emotional things well.
There is no necessary connection between academic performance and ambiguous feelings with the opposite sex. Everyone is willing to connect it because these two things are very important to a middle school student. No matter students, parents or teachers, they don't want one thing to affect the other. The more you worry, the easier it is to connect them. Moreover, under the influence of tradition, we are somewhat secretive about emotional things, especially the youthful feelings between boys and girls. The more so, the more difficult it is to look at it objectively.
So now let's look at these two things separately.
Let's talk about learning first. I don't need to say more about learning methods. I just want to say that the current research is actually somewhat competitive. If you want to win the competition, you must keep a relaxed and peaceful mind. If love will have any influence on academic performance, I think it will only affect the mentality.
In addition to feelings, feelings in middle school often leave a deep impression on people, but this does not mean that feelings at this time will last forever. On the contrary, feelings at this time are often short-lived (although they will leave a deep impression) because they are immature. Emotion at this time is very important, because it will determine your attitude towards emotional problems in the future-whether it is sincere or cynical, objective and rational or laissez-faire.
So I suggest that if you have "puppy love", you should cherish this relationship seriously. In this relationship, you will also encounter interference from teachers and family members. You may encounter the trouble of "lovers" learning decline, and even face the pain of breaking up. Show your wisdom and tolerance and solve every problem seriously. If you are together in the future, that is the basis of your feelings. If you can't be together in the future, it's a good start for you to deal with emotional problems.
Why do some people want puppy love?
Puppy love refers to the establishment of love relationship between teenagers. The word "puppy love" is only widely used in Chinese mainland. Puppy love generally refers to the love between teenagers who have not entered the university stage, especially the love between primary and secondary school students. Twenty years' investigation in China shows that many people had feelings in middle school. Most of them are unrequited love and unrequited love. Only when you have a good impression on each other can you develop into puppy love. Puppy love behavior is based on the sexual and physical development of teenagers, and it is also the practice of transforming psychology into behavior.
Adolescence love refers to the love behavior that occurs in adolescence, or the love for the opposite sex. In China, traditional elders and exam-oriented educators generally believe that love before 18 should be counted as "puppy love" and strongly oppose this kind of love behavior. This practice is wrong on many levels.
China culture and society generally believe that puppy love is harmful to the future and development of teenagers. One of the most important reasons is that the education system is extremely competitive and the society is extremely utilitarian. Newspapers and other media also report the harm of puppy love to students and parents' worries. This phenomenon also reflects the monopoly of adult society on the mainstream discourse right from a certain aspect.
In fact, it is normal, natural and beautiful for adolescence to have love and even affection for the opposite sex. However, this is measured. However, for teenagers with relatively poor self-control, it is not easy to grasp the discretion and not easily cross the border. Many people think that puppy love is inevitable, but for teenagers who are puppy love, proper self-control and proper guidance and help from the outside world are possible and possible.
Because the subject of puppy love is physically immature, it is not easy to have sexual impulses compared with teenagers, which makes puppy love behavior feel purer, more sacred, better and often more memorable. From this point of view, puppy love is not a bad thing, and it is even worth promoting, at least it will not prevent her from happening. But it must be under the condition of not causing harm to the subject. Therefore, the following suggestions are put forward for teenagers with puppy love tendency.
Suggestion:
1, we must improve our awareness of self-protection.
2. Try not to let puppy love affect normal study.
Don't let puppy love do harm to your body and mind.
In fact, the purest feelings in a person's life are in this period. At that time, we watched the blue sky and white clouds, the moon and stars, the leaves slipping quietly from the branches and the birds chasing happily in the air. .......
Why do middle school students fall in love early?
Students lack communication with their parents in adolescence, and they can't get their parents' care and understanding. They are easily moved by the concern of the opposite sex of the same age. Why do middle school students fall in love early? I think the reasons are as follows: first, children have grown up, and some emotions will naturally breed. With the physiological and psychological needs and social influence (enlightenment), it is inevitable to have a "love affair" with the opposite sex. Every adult has experienced the special feelings between boys and girls, because it is more of a "natural attribute", which is also the reason why makarenko, a Soviet educator, pointed out that "love cannot be forbidden". Respect is undoubtedly the best choice for the needs of this "person" in the process of growth. Second, there is a lack of lofty ideals and firm beliefs. Due to the vigorous development of national higher education and the expansion of colleges and universities, the phenomenon of college entrance examination, which determines the fate of candidates, is gradually fading. If adolescent students do not have clear ideals and goals, they will easily lose their motivation to learn and be easily influenced by adolescent growth. Third, the family environment. Students lack communication with their parents in adolescence, and they can't get their parents' care and understanding. They are easily moved by the concern of the opposite sex of the same age and fall into puppy love. Fourth, the influence of literary and artistic works. Influenced by romantic feelings in some literary works, many students are keen on gossip news of singers and movie stars, and are deeply moved by it, pursuing curiosity and simply imitating love behavior. Fifth, families and schools neglect to provide students with appropriate sexual knowledge and moral education. Adolescent students can't get care and understanding from families and schools due to different degrees of sexual confusion and anxiety, which leads to strong rebellious psychology. Now the attitude of teachers and parents towards puppy love is quite worrying, and the cases exposed by the media make people think: what should teachers and parents do? For example, in April 2004, Qingdao Evening News reported that "two children were dismissed by their teachers because of puppy love". After "puppy love" was discovered by the class teacher, two students in Jimo No.3 Middle School were not only asked to write a letter of guarantee, but also told to drop out of school automatically or be ordered to drop out of school by the school. Two students who were overwhelmed left the school. The girls in Xuanwei No.1 Middle School in Yunnan were "defeated by the storm of puppy love in public", and the class teacher learned about the problem of puppy love and corporal punishment in public, which led to the mental disorder of abortion; Chifeng City, Inner Mongolia, "The daughter who was blocked by puppy love was arrested for schizophrenia and murder." Four years ago, my daughter was stopped by her parents and suffered from schizophrenia. Her parents were so tired that she strangled her daughter. Puppy love is the product of many aspects. I think we should start from the following aspects: First, help parents treat their children's puppy love correctly. At present, 80% of teenagers who have "puppy love" behavior are related to improper education of their parents or problems in their relationship. Therefore, parents should be the first to prevent their children from having real "puppy love". According to the psychological counseling of teenagers in the Green Apple Hotline in recent two years, thousands of calls received by the hotline in recent years are about ideological issues such as "puppy love". On the phone, children reflect that their parents can't communicate with them, which leads to rebellion or revenge and "puppy love", or seek the warmth of the opposite sex because of family problems. Among them, "puppy love" mostly occurs because of family breakdown, disagreement between parents and long-term absence of parents. Parents should not add psychological burden to their children after learning about their puppy love, because love is determined by hormones beyond our control and has nothing to do with morality and age. Under normal circumstances, children should feel that their parents can be close and talk, so that they can relax, and naturally they will not only focus on a friend of the opposite sex. Second, help middle school students who are puppy love to treat puppy love correctly. Because of the concealment and mystery of puppy love, some middle school students often contact and associate in private, and they also feel guilty and are afraid of being known by their parents and teachers, which is very unfavorable for their healthy growth. The class teacher and parents should let the children know that puppy love is wrong, but once it happens, it is not a bad thing or a wrong thing. It is a very happy thing for a person to love and be loved by others, but adolescent middle school students are not mature physically and psychologically and do not have the conditions to deal with all aspects of love and marriage. If you really like someone, you should improve yourself in all aspects, strive to make yourself a career, create various conditions for each other to be happy, and think more about each other. You should not affect each other's study and development because of puppy love. 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Why does puppy love always break up?
Love is often associated with marriage, which is what you want to expect, and it must be what you really like.
In junior high school, the idea will be simple, such as being handsome and studying well, such as having a sweet mouth.
Handsome is born of parents, and some things are ugly and useless; ; ; Learning well is not necessarily a good brain, but a high score and low energy is; ; Sweet mouth, good for everyone, how can you concentrate; ; ;
In fact, in junior high school, studying hard is the most important thing, which is admirable and much better than being liked. As long as others don't hate you, the opposite sex will always make them feel uneasy. Many of my classmates regret not being able to concentrate on their studies for some reasons.
Every year or two, I have experienced more, learned more and thought differently.
The type I liked a year ago will feel naive this year.
Personality, knowledge, learning ability, psychological quality, work ability, family education, lifestyle and so on will be gradually taken into account.
Why are you so against puppy love?
Will falling in love too early affect your study ~ Parents attach great importance to their children's grades, so they will definitely object ~ At that time, they will be distracted ~ In fact, it is normal to come early now than anything else ~ I don't find any objection ... I will accept it slowly.
Why is puppy love so serious in China?
From the perspective of the country, it may be that the age limit for falling in love is too late: the legal age for marriage in Iran is 9 years old; The legal age for marriage in the Netherlands is 12 years old; The legal age of marriage in Russia is 14 years old; The legal age of marriage in France is 15 years old; The legal age of marriage in the Philippines is 16 years old; The legal age of marriage in Korea is 16 years old; Japanese male 18 years old, female 16 years old; Brazil 16 years old; Hong Kong, China 16 years old; Taiwan Province Province, China 16 years old; States in the United States are different. Some states stipulate that if both parties are under the age of majority, they can only get married with the consent of their parents. Some states stipulate that men 18 years old and women 16 years old can't get married even if their parents agree. Idaho, Mississippi, New Jersey and Washington state allow boys over 14 to marry girls over 12.
Another possibility is that they can't understand love correctly. The budding emotion in adolescence is normal, but it's not love. Our country does not attach importance to education in this field.
Why does puppy love affect learning?
Although the number of young people's puppy love is very small, not both parties in love have become victims, but some puppy love phenomena have caused great harm to students, and its harm can not be ignored. Its harmfulness is manifested in the following aspects:
1, distracting energy and affecting learning. Puppy love has ruined the studies of many excellent students and the future of many children. There are many teenagers who are outstanding in puppy love, but because of puppy love, they are too curious, excited and obsessed, too addicted to the fantasy of love, and can no longer devote themselves to their studies. In fact, learning is like sailing against the current. If you don't advance, you will retreat. A student studies several courses at the same time every day, even a very hard-working student is not sure that he can get excellent grades. How can you learn your lessons well when you are in love and deeply attached to each other? Most of the courses that middle school students learn are basic courses, and they learn knowledge that paves the way for the society in the future. If we don't lay a good foundation at this stage, what will be the basis for employment, development and contribution to the country?
2, emotional impulse, planting bitter fruit. Usually, love and * * * are inextricably linked. After boys and girls fall in love, they are alone all day. They either go out for an outing together, or freely enter and leave the film and television hall. The scene of love will become the focus of their attention and imitation, especially the kissing and cuddling of men and women in movies and television will stimulate the emotional impulse of boys and girls. Strong sexual impulses often make them lose their minds and have sex without considering the consequences. Once the physical and psychological defense lines are broken, premarital sex begins. In the case that values, moral norms and life experience have not effectively controlled instinctive desires, premature sexual behavior will make teenagers addicted to sex, regardless of psychological and physical adverse consequences. Due to the lack of sexual knowledge, the physiological consequence-pregnancy often sweeps away the romance and stubbornness in puppy love and replaces it with the panic and confusion of both sides after sex. Because girls are not mature physically and mentally, premarital sex is bound to plant bitter fruit. Our country's moral concept and public opinion can't tolerate teenage pregnancy, so some girls pretend to be ill and secretly go to a hospital far away from home for abortion because they are afraid of others knowing and have no face to tell their teachers and parents, which does great harm to their health. Some girls even died because they bought medicine and had an abortion. Some girls committed suicide after it was revealed that they were ashamed in the face of parents' abuse, school punishment and classmates' cynicism. It can be seen that the result of puppy love is often that girls become the ultimate victims.
3. Dissipate the will and influence the atmosphere. In school, if boys and girls in a class have sex, there will be all kinds of repercussions. Some people regard puppy love as the focus of after-school talk, asking about lovers' whereabouts and private activities, telling jokes to each other and diverting everyone's interest and attention in learning. Some even envy, yearn for and imitate the precedent of "actively looking for friends of the opposite sex", which has affected the school atmosphere.
In addition, boys and girls who are in puppy love are keen to be alone with their lovers. In order to avoid people's eyes and ears, they often look for me in secluded alleys, have no acquaintances, are dependent on lovers, and hate interference from others. In the long run, this two-person world will gradually be divorced from the public, and they will rarely communicate with most students in the class, and gradually form a gap with the collective and classmates, pushing themselves to an isolated situation.
4. The relationship is extremely unstable. Adolescent boys and girls fall in love, which can be said to be carried out under the condition that the body and mind are not very mature. In addition, teenagers have no economic foundation, and most of their financial resources are pinned on their parents. So this kind of love has no solid foundation, and it is easy to give up halfway. When they first fell in love, they often believed in philosophy and even called each other names. However, with the passage of time, they entered the university from middle school or went to the society, gradually enriched their knowledge and experience, accumulated their own life experience, really matured, established their own world outlook and had new criteria for choosing a spouse. People who once loved each other may be difficult to combine because of their personality changes and different interests. At that time, they will look back on an old experience and think it is like a game. Someone has done a follow-up survey and found that the success rate of puppy love marriage is extremely low, and few people who became warm to each other in middle school can eventually form a family. It is a pity that this "love" with more bitter fruit than sweet fruit has spent many of the best time in life. Young friends really need to observe and experience this fact carefully.
How to overcome puppy love
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