The first love together is very valuable. While others get older, few people can avoid emotional entanglement.
However, if you care about the person in front of you, you should care about his (her) past and see if you can meet your standard.
- 1-
There is a question in Zhihu: What have you learned from chasing many girls?
One of the answers is very interesting:
Although girls will talk a lot about their own mate selection criteria, in the end, finding a man is based on feelings.
Sometimes, standards are only set for people who have no feelings.
Wang Xiaoxin is a girl who has completed her doctorate. While pursuing knowledge, she can't stop the passage of time.
When she graduated, she was almost thirty years old.
I'm not worried about my job, but when I choose a spouse, I'm worried about my family, because Wang Xiaoxin is very picky.
She had an emotional experience and knew what harm an unsuitable man would do to herself.
At school, her ex-boyfriend lived with her, paid rent and did housework, and finally abandoned her because of her first love.
Therefore, in Wang Xiaoxin's mate selection criteria, only men who have never been in love can pass the primary election.
But among men who match their age, where else have they never tasted the first love?
So, in a month, she experienced three blind dates. However, the evaluation of the three people is different.
-2-
The first man, Lee Tae, is a programmer.
Wang Xiaoxin asked his age. He is three years younger than himself, so it should be ok.
Lee Tae is not very good at chatting. Even Wang Xiaoxin's hobbies were never discussed in a meal.
Wang Xiaoxin thought, such people are honest and should not be half-hearted.
Until the end of dinner, Wang Xiaoxin finally asked his own questions.
With you; Yes. Do you ... have any emotional experiences? Wang Xiaoxin asked.
Lee Tae didn't understand, and waited for a while to look at Wang Xiaoxin.
Wang Xiaoxin asked directly, "Have you ever lived with other girls?" ?
Lee Tae suddenly hesitated for a few seconds and nodded: I had a girlfriend after work, but she broke up.
Wang Xiaoxin smiled and said that he didn't care, and then talked about other topics.
After the date, she sent a message to the boy, saying that she didn't think they were suitable.
Lee Tae looked at the information and thought she was not a fool. It can be seen from her eyes that she cares about her cohabitation experience.
Both of them are not young, can't you see through this? A man with emotional experience knows how to get along with girls and how difficult it is to get together.
If you are still struggling with this, I'm afraid something is on your mind. Lee Tae commented.
-3-
The second man, Qin Ran, is a company employee.
He likes to write poems, and he published many poems in college.
Wang Xiaoxin had a pleasant conversation with him and was moved by Qin Ran's romance and wit.
What surprised her most was that when Qin Ran met for the first time, she sat down on the spot and recited a modern poem.
Xiao Xin was so moved that she almost decided to entrust herself to him.
At this moment, Qin Ran's words reminded her: You are the most elegant girl I have ever seen.
Xiao Xin was surprised and asked, How many emotional experiences have you had before?
Qin Ran didn't care, and admitted that he had three girlfriends, one of whom almost got engaged.
Xiao Xin's heart sank slowly, like falling from the sky to the ground.
Qin Ran discovered her strangeness and seemed to understand her heart, saying: Love is like a bottle of wine. The longer it lasts, the more mellow it becomes. A man is also a bottle of wine. It takes experience to know a woman's heart.
Qin Ran saw her silence and asked, Have you ever been in love?
Xiao Xin nodded unconsciously, suddenly woke up and asked, what do you mean?
Qin Ran smiled and said nothing, but he was thinking: People who are tolerant of themselves and critical of others may not be able to live together.
Life has its own trajectory, and it will not change into her appearance because of someone's request.
Think about yourself and care about others. This trajectory is what life should look like.
-4-
After two failed dates, Wang Xiaoxin was a little depressed. At this moment, someone introduced her to another man, a successful young man, Ethan.
Ethan has a good eloquence, unique thinking and great vision. He talks about his plans at every meal.
Wang Xiaoxin used to be a listener and thought that such people must have had emotional experiences.
Questions still have to be asked. Wang Xiaoxin asked him if he had a girlfriend who lived together.
Li Yuan paused, shook his head and said that he had just had an online love.
Wang Xiaoxin was moved, and his attitude was obviously enthusiastic.
Ethan's entrepreneurial experience made him have a good eye. Looking at Wang Xiaoxin, he asked: You should have had emotional experience, right?
Xiao Xin's face sank down. How could he ask that?
Li Yuan went on to say, in your eyes, I saw the melancholy peculiar to an injured woman.
Xiao Xin seems to be a debunked girl. She didn't want to continue the date and left on the pretext that she was not feeling well.
Ethan, who was sitting in her original position, looked at the back of her departure and silently thought: Although double standards are human nature and understandable, she dare not face the past directly, and she is probably a woman who likes to "turn over old scores". If two people live together, it is better to talk about something, otherwise every friction will accumulate, and finally there will be a situation that can't be cleaned up.
-5-
Just like lyrics, everyone's situation is different.
In the same situation, everyone will have a different ending.
I was hurt once, and I took everyone's vaccination. Have you ever looked down to see if you have ever walked out of your shadow? If you can't do it yourself, you'd better not insist on others.
For the happiness of life, it is understandable to be picky and harsh; But this standard should be based on the premise of relatively equal, otherwise, once one side of the balance is out of control, the consequences can only be borne silently.
A thing of the past should be a nutrient for people's growth, not an oil bottle that hinders their progress.
Only by facing up to your former self and treating others with an equal attitude can you reap the happiness you deserve.