If I am riding a horse, you can call me a groom. If I am driving, you can call me a coachman; If I am in charge of accounting, what should you call me?
Yesterday, I dreamed of you, really! The sun is so bright, you stand on the blue sea, and I stab you with a stick: hey, this little bastard, his shell is quite hard!
I will skin you, pull your tendons, dig your liver, dig your lungs, dig your heart, eat your meat, drink your blood, chew your bones ... pig.
I heard that your mobile phone has no short message function, so I sent this short message to try. If you receive it and confirm that it has SMS function and it is not my SMS, please reply to me: I have it, it is yours!
6. You are the brightest star in my sky, Sangmenxing; You are the most beautiful god in my heart, without spirit; You are the messenger I worship, and you have no shit to squeeze!
7. A person died suddenly this morning, and the cause of death is very rare. According to reliable sources, this person was reading the Encyclopedia of Fools, and it was confirmed by forensic examination that this person was stupid.
8. You go! Find someone who is worthy of your love. I don't know you well enough. I know that some things can't be forced and some distances can't be crossed. Just like yesterday, I really can't believe you left with someone else for a bone.
9. I want to be an emperor, but I am afraid of verbosity; Want to be an official, afraid of many things; Want to eat, afraid to brush the pot; I really want to beat you up, but I'm afraid of getting into trouble.
10, money can buy a house but not a home, marriage but not love, clocks but not time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!
1 1. If a star falls on your head tonight, please don't worry. This is a gift from my immortal brother. From now on, you will live a carefree and happy life, because … you are stupid.
12, you go Find someone worthy of your love … I don't know you well enough. I know that some things can't be forced and some distances can't be crossed. Just like yesterday, I really can't believe you left with someone else for a bone.
13, my husband was on a business trip, and my wife gave her husband a pack of condoms in distress: I can't help it outside, remember to bring a condom. Husband said excitedly: the family is not well off, I still use theirs!
14, the clear river is full of feelings, and the flowers of friendship are accompanied by green branches. Who should I talk to about a bright future? I'll send the message to an idiot!
15, it's hot in summer and I want to be cool. I'll teach you a secret trick: first raise your hands above your head to let your armpits dissipate heat, then touch the ground with your hands, and finally stick out your tongue to breathe quickly to let your mouth dissipate heat. Do you understand?
16, I shot the arrow of love into your heart, and you became my prisoner. I've decided to sentence you to life imprisonment and keep you in my heart forever without bail.
17, you were born in bad karma, resigned to your fate, and almost died. In order to live, you have to live and die. After hard work, you finally saved half your life.
18, The Art of Translation: Before marriage, she was slim. Before marriage, she was like a coca-cola bottle. English: After marriage, she became like a bucket. After marriage, she became like a Coca-Cola can.
19, with you in life, life is full of infinite vitality; With you along the way, I am afraid of lightning; Just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; Without you, who will feed the pig food?
20. Yesterday, I turned on my mobile phone to read short messages. I was shocked all night because I was wearing clothes and had an electrostatic reaction. Be sure to take off your clothes before watching it to avoid electric shock! I won't talk to him about ordinary people!
2 1, if you shed tears, I would like to be the toilet paper in your hand; If you wake up, I will be the shit in your eyes; If you are hot to death, I am willing to be the only piece of cloth left on you.
22. Dialogue between pig and puppy: Brother Dog, what do you want to do in your next life? Dog: I want to be a man. What about you? Pig: I still want to be a pig. A few years later, the dog's wish didn't come true, but the pig became a person who read short messages!
23. Drink strong tea until it is tasteless; If you are drunk, you never want to wake up; The kind that makes people want to love deeply and continue to love in the next life; Friends, forever, just look at this phone.
24, one mountain can not tolerate two tigers, unless one male and one female; Take the initiative to pay for feelings, unless that person is occupied; Don't delete short messages at will unless the content is unreliable. As a sign of sincerity, I wish you health and happiness forever!
25. Your black eyes look at me as if you have a thousand words to say to me. I haven't seen you for days. I know you're having a bad time. I feel guilty and say to you: Baby, it's really hard for you not to jump out of the pigsty for such a long time!
26. For men, women are like lighthouses in the harbor, which can lead men to a safe harbor and a group of dangerous reefs.
27. Once upon a time, there were four monkeys. The first one was blindfolded. The second covered her mouth and stopped talking. The third one stopped listening. The fourth one smiled with a mobile phone!
28, you are really not smart enough, and your nose is like an old fritter; Eyes like red pepper; Eyebrows are like two knives walking on both sides; It seems that the crab fainted.
29. Seismological station forecast: There will be a slight earthquake from tonight to tomorrow morning. For your safety, please sleep under the bed tonight, cover yourself with a quilt, put a toilet on your head and put a straw in your nose.
30. Give you a little sunshine and you will be brilliant. Give you a little flood, and you will flood. A broken jar has its own broken lid, and an ugly ghost has its own ugly love. As long as love is as deep as the sea, Asako can shine!
3 1. The mule was invited to the meeting, which accidentally made everyone fart. The animals all laughed, but think about it, you have never heard a mule fart. In fact, mules are also thinking about this problem.
32. Who didn't have shit since ancient times and who didn't use paper for defecation? If you don't use toilet paper, are you using your fingers?
Study hard and make progress every day. Don't date anyone for three years. The key is how ugly you are, but you have no other advantages except ugliness!
I am trying to write a poem, but only two people in the world know it. Now I'm laughing and a fool is watching.
There will be a meteor shower tonight. It is said to be a big pig constellation. A pig will fall from the sky, but I want to sleep. You're gonna be okay. There are so many people watching you fly.
36, you, drink five fans and three ways every day, jump up and down around the leader and yell at the subordinates. You still don't sleep at night, holding the young lady and swearing sadly.
37. Urgent reminder: Look at the left first, then look at the right. Please be careful of a psycho who just slipped out. His characteristic is: looking around with a mobile phone.
38. You are standing on the side of the road, waiting anxiously. I rushed to you, and you seemed to close your eyes happily! I am both excited and sorry to say: I am sorry! My headlights are shining on you!
39. When you left the card room yesterday, the young lady told me that you didn't give enough money, and she was going to sue you at your wife's place!
40. Do you have a TV? Watch CCTV. The White House was bombed and the whole building collapsed. The police have sealed off the whole of Washington. Some people are dead, some are injured and some are missing. He was cheated!
4 1. Do you know why you and I are meant to be in this life? In fact, we met thousands of years ago, and it was also spring. You chased me for a long time and left your teeth marks on me, which made an eternal story. My name was Lv Dongbin at that time.
42. In the dark, a tiger threw you down, but why didn't it eat you? Because this tiger is a Muslim and doesn't eat pork!
43. You and I are both one-winged angels. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. I had a hard time finding you, only to find that our wings were smooth.
44. We sat face to face and didn't talk much. You try to touch, I try to touch, especially exciting. Suddenly, you shout, Hu!
45. Your belly is a little bigger, your neck is a little thinner, your head is a little shorter, your hair is a little less, your teeth are a little yellow, your thighs are a little shorter and your muscles are a little less. Other than that, you are a 100% handsome guy.
46. You are a genius and a born fool. You graduated from Harvard Harbin Buddhist College, and you look good. It's really not your fault that you look like this.
47. Look horizontally, vertically, left, right, up, down, front, back, inside and outside ... Alas, I finally understand that yours is really not a thing!
48. There are two regulations for students: those who cheat twice during college and those who get married during college are advised to drop out. I have a bad heart, which is interpreted as: people who have been married twice in college advised him to quit school.
49. I will build your happiness; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; I'm the only one who cares about you. I am a professional donkey farmer!
50, you rode a motorcycle, killed more than 200 people uphill and downhill, * * came to catch you, you ran into the ladies' room, there was no light in the ladies' room, you fell into the poop pit, you struggled to poop, and almost didn't sacrifice!
5 1, it's hot, send you an electric fan, and happiness revolves around you; Send you an air conditioner, only you cool others sigh; Send you an ice cream, your mouth is sweeter than your smile; I say hello to you and let you cook. This is called reciprocity. Remember to be there or in the square!
52. It doesn't matter if you are ugly. If you go out to scare people, that's your problem!
53, sitting under a hat, wearing shoes on his head, chewing socks in his mouth, holding a mobile phone in his hand, staring at a pair of beads, trying to have fun.
54. Snowflakes are floating in the cold sky, and ice stubbles are hung on the green trees, revealing beautiful shoes. You are a fool.
I admit I can't catch up with you, there are so many people chasing you! Well, I'm definitely hopeless. Some things can't be forced. Forget it, give the opportunity to others, whoever catches up with you will kill the people anyway! You still run, dead mouse!
56. I will call your name. In the dark, I think your name is never so far away. Farther than any star, sadder than drizzle. Bajie, why did you raise the price again?
57. Dude, you have a good life recently! Last time the city Council heard that you attended, the mayor met you personally. I heard that he came up to you affectionately, patted you on the shoulder with a smile and politely said, you, get out!
58. Thank you for knowing each other in this life. I'm fascinated by you. I am sure that you are the love of my life. Without you, my life is bleak. How much I need you, come back to me: RMB!
59. It is rare for you to spend money, so you can spend it well. Pay my mobile phone fee first, then my water and electricity fee, winter heating fee, and then this information fee.
60. There's something I've always wanted to tell you, but every time my heart beats so hard, I'm embarrassed to say it: in fact, you look so cute, just like a little white pig!
6 1, stroking your greasy skin, watching you keep writhing, sticky body fluids, until I deeply insert them, and you die silently-poor fish!
62. Attention, I will give you the energy-saving strategy for air conditioning in summer. I have many years of experience, and only one friend tells you: the first step is to find the air conditioning power supply; Step 2, unplug the power supply; The third step is to check the effect. Look, the meter is slow.
63. Actually, your stomach is bigger and your neck is thinner. A little short, a little less hair; The teeth are a little yellow and the eyes are a little small; The thighs are a little short and the muscles are a little less! Besides, you 100% handsome!
No matter where you are, just smile at the sky and shout "I am a beauty" three times, and I will appear in front of you.
In my eyes, you always look carefree, you always eat with relish, and you always sleep soundly. I really envy you, alas! Sometimes I think it's good to be a pig like you!
66. It is said that something happened to Wukong after the Tang Priest drove him away. If you don't succeed, you will die and remember the spell, so he said it silently. But soon a voice completely shattered his hope of survival: the subscriber you dialed is not in the service area!
67. Symptoms of men having an affair: the company works overtime every day, never touches housework, turns off the mobile phone when they get home, deletes the text message after reading it, snores loudly when sleeping, and often wears underwear backwards. Check.
68. Be as strong as swift, as happy as dove, as happy as sparrow, as free as eagle, as chic as seagull, as beautiful as swan, as graceful as egret and as auspicious as magpie. So the legendary bird man is you!
69. You are eating buns without meat! Take a bite, but you don't get meat. If you want another bite, you still haven't got the meat. You'll have meat after the third bite! Why do you think it is?
70. If you are a bird in the sky, then I am a bird. Bang! You fell in my arms, braised! If you are a fish in the water, then I am an electric fish machine. Cheep! Just float on my chopping block and steam!
7 1, my admiration for you is really like a raging river. Only you have done it in the world: it is not difficult for a person to make mistakes, but it is difficult to make mistakes all his life and never correct them.
72. Some people are really great. They jump when they see money, laugh when they are good, and talk in a strange tone when they have no money.
73. Knowing you is a kind of fate; Knowing you is a kind of happiness; Caring for you has become a habit; Cherish you will become eternal; Bless you, this is inevitable; Greet you, this is polite; Harassing you is a very happy thing!
74. A primitive tribe still has a bad habit of eating people, so a traveler taught the tribe a civilized life. A few years later, travelers visited the tribe again and found that they ate people with western forks.
75. I ran into you suddenly and was at a loss. I can't avoid your affectionate eyes. I tried my best to escape, and you followed me. I shouted helplessly: whose dog is nobody's business?
I saw you in the street the other day. You are with someone. I saw at a glance that he was not a good man. He has been whipping you behind your back. I was very angry and said to him, stop the donkey driver in front!
77. It is just a gust of wind, but it is so eternal; It's just a dream, but it's so real; You bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. Finally, I can't help but say to you: you didn't say anything before farting.
78. Hello, hello, you have antelope horns on your head, chicken feathers on your body and bags all over your face; You said you couldn't judge a book by its cover, but I ran away as soon as I saw you!
79. Do you know Song Ci? Please read this poem out loud for five times: the black trace of spring scares the moth to run, the black eyebrows pose, such as gauze hanging, and the black songs and dances.
80. Warm spring in bloom is your smile; The summer sun is burning, that's your passion; Autumn fruits are ripe, which is your harvest; Hey hey! Bear, so you can hibernate safely!
8 1. When we were young, we didn't guess. I sing, you dance, I can sing 200 songs, so you can dance 200 dances. So people affectionately call me 200 songs and you 200 dances!
82. You haven't been well recently, and you haven't contacted me much. You have to apologize to me and invite me to dinner. Otherwise, I'll look at you on the phone number wall, write the marriage hotline in front and add a condition at the back. It's up to you.
83, say you are happy, your brain is bad; Say you are too handsome, you are like a vinegar cabbage; Say you love too much, your heart has gone bad, hold the beauty in your arms!
I haven't heard from you for hundreds of millions of seconds. I have searched all the ponds and huts we have been to, but I can't find you. How did such a big pig get lost?
85. Doctor: "Hello! Wake up! " Patient: "What is it?" Doctor: "It's time to take sleeping pills." Patient: "Oh, I almost forgot.
86. Buddha said: Looking back 500 times in the past life has brought me the passing clouds in this life. I used 10000 times to look back at my past life in exchange for meeting you in this life, just to ask you: why are you fighting with my dog for bones?