How to educate teenagers (short message from Pastor Jiang Xiuqin). 0? three

Do their clothes and attitudes towards their parents make you feel helpless? Pastor Jiang has been participating in youth fellowship for some time, hoping to understand them and help them, and they are willing to open their hearts to the pastor. Do you want to know why they are so angry with you because you love them too much? Why do you want him to go east and he wants to go west? This set of information will help you better understand your child's mentality, and also point out a way for you, which can not only resolve the hostility caused by the other party's injury in the past, but also teach you how to get along with teenagers! ? 7? 3? 7? 3? 7? No matter how old your child is, it will be more helpful for you to listen to How to Raise Children together. (1)- Pastor Jiang Xiuqin, what I will say later is that I am with 20 teenagers, and the Lord is doing wonderful work to make them willing to open their hearts to the pastor. I asked them what makes them often nervous and unhappy with their parents. Because after we started serving teenagers, I found out why these teenagers don't sing when they sing poetry. Many of them are lying on the ground with their mouths closed. When you tell him something, many of them just like talking to the people next to them. Why don't they just listen and sing? I found that it seems impossible to go on like this. The most important thing is to solve their inner pain, inner anguish and inner bitterness first. So I have to find out what teenagers think, what they have and why they are so rebellious. Why do they hate his parents so much? I think we should get to know them first, and I pray for it. As a result, it was a beautiful day. When we talked in a natural atmosphere, I asked them, what makes you so unhappy at home? How can we be happy? What did your parents do to make you so angry? Thankfully, they spoke very enthusiastically and raised their hands one by one. So I communicate with my brothers and sisters today. I hope you have a mentality and don't listen to "well, I'm going to listen to what our little guy said about our family and go back and settle accounts with him." If you have this mentality, you'd better go out now, because I don't want to tell such parents. I hope that we parents should have a mentality. Pastors are like parents, fathers and mothers in the church, so I know the hearts of your parents. Actually, after I believed in Jesus, my parents persecuted me for 6-7 years. In those 6-7 years, I didn't feel the love of my parents at all, and I felt that they hated me until I came out to serve the Lord full-time. I wrote a letter, 10 stationery, eight or 10 stationery, put all my savings on the letter and put it on my father's desk, and then I went to the party until I went to my sister's house in the evening, because I was tutoring their children's homework at that time. As soon as I went, my sister said that my father asked you to call me back, and I was quite scared, because I wrote in a letter the mental journey of a believer in 10, which was very frank and explicit. Because I think I want to serve the Lord, I must write down all the real work that the Lord has done for me. Usually they don't allow me to talk about faith, and when I talk about faith, I will be scolded and beaten. I thought that day, I don't know what will happen to them. As a result, as soon as I called home that day, my brother answered the phone and said, "Xiuqin, my parents cried when they saw your letter today. My parents said that it doesn't matter if I told you not to be a missionary. " Then dad listened with his mobile phone. My father always told me that "you don't want to be a missionary, my father will take you to America to play", which has become very good for me. How to raise teenagers-2-"It doesn't matter whether you go to the party or not, just don't be a missionary." It was the first time since I believed in the Lord for seven years that I felt that my father still loved me, because everything he said to me and scolded me seemed to want me to die. My mother also said, "If I had known, I would have crushed you to death when I was born." 6? 7? 6? If you go to the party again, you will break your leg. "In the past 6-7 years, what they said to me was swearing, so I feel that they hate me very much. In fact, I still love my parents in my heart, but I dare not go near them because they are all fierce, scolding me and hitting me. Until that moment, I have been crying on the phone because my father has been crying on the phone. At that moment, I didn't feel that my parents were treating me. It seems that I dare not say "no" to him in front of his love, but I dare not say "no" to God, so I didn't answer. Then my father asked me, "Do you have to go? When will you go home? "I said' I'll go home on Tuesday' and he said' it's been so long'. Actually, it was Sunday night. I said I would go home on Tuesday, but he said it would take so long, and I was deeply melted by my father's love. After hanging up the phone, I went upstairs and sat by the bed. I have been crying until 12, and I feel that my parents love me so much. Why? Because they usually never reveal it, children will only directly absorb what their parents usually say and do, and will not feel your heart. That's when I realized how much he loved me. Later, I went to Hsinchu as a missionary. Every father's birthday, mother's birthday, Christmas, Father's Day and Mother's Day, I write cards to them and preach the gospel. Every time I go home, I'm afraid they will be angry, but every time I go home, I see my father cherishing every card and letter I gave him. I put it in his drawer, and it's good for me to go back. I am a preacher in Hsinchu Pastoral Association. I tutor these students from Qingda University and Jiaotong University, as well as these students from Zhuzhonghe Teachers College. I started to be a mother. Only when children are brought up can parents really know their hearts. When I became a preacher myself, I realized my parents' heart and love. So I told my brothers and sisters in Hsinchu, don't listen to your father scold you, because it's hard for your mother to scold you. Actually, he still loves you very much. Don't avoid him just because he called you that. Because I do the same to my lamb, I said he needs to improve, I just want him to improve, but some lambs will stay away from me, as if they think his image in front of me is very bad, and I am actually very sad. In addition, some lambs, you said they needed to improve, and they really improved, and then they became very close to me. I think such a lamb is so cute. I realized that I should do the same to my father. In fact, when my father scolded me, I should be close to him. I don't think he hates me. I should stay away from him. When I say this, I mean that children can't understand the love of their parents. Unless they say it from their parents' mouths and express it, they won't understand that "beating is pain and scolding is love". Children can't understand this. I think many parents of teenagers have always felt that the atmosphere at home is very tense. The child doesn't seem to listen to me, as if he is deliberately against me. When I say "East", he will never go to "East", but must go to "West". I think many parents of teenagers feel this way, but they are against you just because they are against you. I really don't know why, so I don't ask him. I want you to write it down, take a pen and a piece of paper and write down what I should improve, but you must promise me one thing, and never say a word to your child when you go home, "Oh, how did you say this, how did you tell me that?" You may think that the example I gave was told by your child, but it may actually be told by another child at all, just another child. But your child didn't say it, so please don't wronged him. Even if you think so, it must be my little guy. In fact, it is rare for him to say such a thing. If you are a shrewd parent, you should be glad that my child is finally willing to speak his mind. Because if you say it, you will be saved. If you don't say it, there is no cure. If you don't want to say it, your heart will die. When a child says, "It's no use talking, I don't want to talk, my parents will never change, and it's no use talking", it's already bad. Therefore, I hope you will write down my real views, and you will get them from the Lord. I really want to change that. Don't just feel humiliated. If you only care about your face, you will definitely lose your child. How to bring up teenagers -3- For example, I sometimes talk to my parents about their children's problems, hoping that they can go back and help them. I also told them how to help them, but I found that some parents went back and said to their children, "You really humiliated me" and scolded them like this. The child's heart is locked up by the priest forever. The priest and preacher can no longer help him, and he no longer trusts the church. His relationship with you will be the same. I hope our parents can humbly say in the light of the Lord, "Lord, I really want to be illuminated, and I am willing to improve and be a parent after your heart", instead of feeling angry and humiliated when the children say these words. Your face has deeply hurt yourself and your children. Never settle accounts with your children before God. Thank God that my children are willing to speak out and spit out their bitter water before sweet water can enter. Let's start with a passage from the Bible: Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, don't make your children angry, but bring them up according to the teaching and warning of the Lord. It says here that you fathers should not make children angry. What do you mean by "making children angry"? That is, you use your words to arouse children's anger. Some parents whose children are still very young think that their children are cute and unwilling to discipline them, so they take this passage to ask our pastor why they don't make their children angry. He thinks it means not to hit him or make him angry. No, "Don't make children angry" means "Don't make children angry with words". I will now talk about some concrete examples of how parents provoke their children's anger with words in life. If you have such a situation, you should write it down, otherwise I may commit a crime, and you should write it down. ★ Parents always scold "You are always like this, you are always like this". -don't sentence him to life imprisonment with' always like this', he will never turn over. So, you have to say so. ★ Parents scold their children for one thing, some for 2 hours, but in fact, 10 minutes can finish. The child has been listening to your scolding for two hours, and it is already very late. You scold, "Why didn't you finish your homework? You just didn't concentrate on it, so you did it so late, "but you forgot that you just scolded him for 2 hours." -maybe this boy, he usually does it late, but you scolded him that day, and he used this day as an excuse to think that what you said was very unsatisfactory. Teenagers should not scold him for so long. Teenagers are most afraid of their parents nagging. Some children say, mom, you can talk about me for an hour, then leave for five minutes and come back for half an hour. They are tired of nagging. Actually, you said it, and he heard it. As long as you have said it, don't say it over and over again. ★ Some parents get angry easily, scold or hit their children, or just "I want to kick you out, you get out"-don't use such emotional and bloody words. Do you really want him to go out? If he really goes out for a month, will you be afraid? So don't say things that are not what you really want in your heart, don't talk with blood, and solve whatever happens. Go on digging up old scores and dig up past mistakes-you've scolded in the past, and now it's good for you to say things. ★ Sometimes parents misunderstand their children and blame them wrongly (I think parents sometimes blame their children wrongly). The child wants to explain and clarify, but you don't want to hear it at all. You also scold "You quibble and you talk back". How to raise teenagers -4- You'd better give your children a chance to argue every time. Educating teenagers is different from educating children under 0/2 years old. When you educate teenagers, you must respect them as adults. You must let them say what he wants to say and listen to what he thinks. Teenagers may have strange ideas, but you just need to understand him, why he thinks so and what his reasons are. Don't hold him down without saying anything. If you don't treat him as an adult, you should always keep the way of raising children, and press him with authority and authority. Your children will think that you are unreasonable and will be too lazy to talk to you in the future. He wants to explain to you now, but you don't want to hear it. He won't say anything in the future, but he is very dissatisfied with you. His relationship with you will become very cold, and "cold" is the most terrible. So don't say "you quibble, you talk back" and say it calmly. Parents should pay attention to discipline teenagers. Go out with blood, take it back. When you go out in anger, what you get back is also an angry reaction. When you go out in the flesh, you bring back the flesh. On the contrary, if you discipline in love, you will get a real love response, so you must be very careful not to use blood and anger to arouse children's anger in temper and emotion. ★ Don't nag, almost every child is afraid of parents nagging. -I asked them, "Why do you think your's parents are nagging?" (Please rest assured that I didn't just let my children talk. There are some things that I think can inspire them on the spot, so I taught them on the spot and made them think. I said, "Like my parents, I never thought he didn't nag, because I heard them say it once, and I wouldn't let him say it again, because I was afraid of being scolded, so I kept it in my heart once." I will teach these teenagers. But a priest, for teenagers, for teenagers, for parents, for parents, only in this way can the two aspects be integrated and solved, and the wall between them can be torn down. ★ A child said, I know I was wrong, and I need to be disciplined, but give me some free space and don't nag. -Then I see. Some things he knows are wrong, but you have already said that when he commits another crime, just let him know that you are wrong this time. Don't keep nagging, because he needs a little time to change, and he can't change it at once. In fact, parents need to take care of each other. What God taught us in the Bible and on the platform, did we change it at once? If not, how can my children change every time they listen to us? You want your children to listen to you once and change. You need to pay attention. Listen to you once and I'll do it. This is a law. Your children will be like their parents. This is God's way of treating us, so every time you see how their children are, you should confess yourself and say, "Lord, I am like this, and my children are my mirrors." Especially when children are teenagers, it is really a mirror for parents. I see many things exactly like his father or mother, and I think you will see them, too. But children don't know, and many parents don't know, so we really need to come to the light of God. ★ Some parents scold their children, and he will say, "I asked you to answer, why didn't you answer?" But when his children really wanted to ask her something, she was too angry to answer. -You and your children can't be angry. It must be noted that you don't want your child to do what you can't do, and you don't want your child to do what you can't do. For example, a father told me that his child was only five years old. He once said something to his children. His children said, "Mind your own business first." At the age of five, all the children are smart and can see it. How to raise teenagers -5- I just said, "You let children do things you can't do." For example, many parents like to compare their children with other children and with the best. For example, "look, why don't you look like your next-door neighbor?" Why don't you look like your cousin? People get an A ". The child is most angry when you compare him with other children. He will say, "In fact, there are many ordinary people in the class." You always compare me with the best ",and then when a child says," Why does my brother have this? Why don't I? " You say "Don't compare with my brother", or he says "Why can my brother do this? I can't do this? "You said,' Don't compare with my brother, you are him', and the child refused to accept it, because you often compare me with others, and you asked me not to compare with others. But parents don't think about this, do they? You don't want him to compete with his younger brother, or someone else bought brand-name sneakers, and he also wants it. You asked him not to compare with others, but you didn't want to compare his homework with others. ★ When parents go to work, they immediately ask their children, "What did you do today? "Then he scolded him," Why don't you do this? "Why don't you do that?" . I know that maybe your children often hang around at home, move around, don't do what they should do, or don't do their homework, so that they do it very late, but don't start an argument between you as soon as you see your children. You go back and hug him first. "Are you happy at home? How are you today? " Give him a hug first. Don't ask him as soon as you see him. The child is very keen. What he feels is that these lessons are what you always care about. You let your child feel love and let him know that you really want him to be happy, instead of constantly monitoring whether he does this or that like a policeman. You make him feel love, he is happy, and he will have more self-esteem. ★ A child went out to play with his classmates and called his parents from outside to say "I'm going to be late today", and his parents said "Just die outside and don't come back". The child doesn't know whether to go home or not, because his mother is already angry, and it will be unlucky to go home, but if she doesn't go home, her mother will be even angrier and worse. -I heard them talking about it on a teenage companion boat. On the one hand, it's really interesting, on the other hand, I really sympathize with them. Actually, it was just my mother's angry words, but the child was very serious. "Why don't you just die outside?" He really thinks, "Should I go home or not?" So we really can't talk about that kind of emotion. Maybe you scolded him, and when he came back, you simply forgot what you scolded, or why you were so unhappy at that time, but the child remembered it clearly. So we should be very careful not to hurt children's young hearts. Although they should be treated as adults, he is actually a child. After all, he is only 13 years old, 15 years old, and still looks like a child. So on the one hand, we should respect him as an adult, on the other hand, we should understand that he is a young child. He can't stand the sudden words in our emotions to stab him, which will make him nervous. I don't know what to do. You make him nervous, and he will become very hard in the future, because this is his way of living. He would say, "If I want to survive, I have to do this. Why am I so angry now? Why would I do this to my mother? Why did I hit my parents? Because he used to hit me like this, I need this to survive now. " So many of them are caused by us adults. We must pay attention to what we grow. If we often have emotional outbursts when our children are growing up, you will find that your children are also very emotional. If you often yell at children, you will find that children will yell at you when they are teenagers. (I will talk about how to help children really change later. We must change ourselves first. A little thing, his parents read it to him in detail in the words of the Bible, which made the child feel very depressed. He read me a long passage of the Bible on such a trivial matter. Others say that my parents often scold me with biblical words, such as "cut off your hand, or you won't go to heaven in the future." How to raise teenagers -6- Actually, that's just a metaphor, right? Parents often use biblical words to force their children, "How much did you actually do? Jesus is coming, and you are still sleeping. "They misinterpreted the Bible and threatened the children with biblical words. So parents, be sure to read the Bible carefully. What is the truth? If you want him to eat such a precious Bible, you must make him eat happily, not by threatening to "eat! Eat! " He must have spit it out, even if he swallowed it, he wouldn't digest it. Do you know how Pastor Rong's mother attracts Pastor Rong? They like reading the Bible? She reads it by herself, and when she reads the Bible, she reads it with great emotion. "Oh, Lord Jesus, your words are sweeter than honey, sweeter than the honey dripping from the hive." When Pastor Rong heard it when they were young, they hoped they could read the Bible quickly. You should give him something precious and attractive. When I talked about "raising children", I said that you should use discipline only when children are rebellious and willful, while for others, you should use praise, encouragement and inducement to make him achieve what you want him to achieve, let him get what you want him to get and let him eat what you want him to eat. You should use inducement and inducement, for example, you want your children to eat. Every time I let my child eat, I deliberately keep him from eating. I ate with relish in front of him. He would say, "Aunt, give me a bite", "All right, give you a bite, just eat one bite" and "Give me another bite". If you want him to eat, you must deliberately lure him to eat. So you can only attract him through words and deeds, not threats, so we really need wisdom from God. ★ There is a teenager with a car. There are many problems with this car, so he goes to see his car every time he comes home from school. Both here and there need repairing. His mother said to him, "That pastor Zheng has some flowers at home. He told him to go and spend them, but he didn't give any. As a result, one winter, the heating in his house broke down, the weather was too cold, and the flowers died. If you spend your time in the car like this every day, it will always be like this. His children are very angry. He feels that his mother often says bloody and heavy words to him, so he is very dissatisfied. -I said, "What do you want your mother to tell you? "He said," she can say that the car is very important to you, but the time you spend in the car must not exceed the time you spend on God. If you spend more time with God, God will give you wisdom and let you know how to repair cars. "The child is very considerate, right? Therefore, every time children talk about their views on their mothers, some of them are unreasonable, and some of them sound really desirable to me. I would ask him, "What do you want to do to you? "So, parents should communicate with their children and know what he wants you to do to him. Otherwise, you think what I said to him is good for him, why is he angry and why is he angry? You don't know just because of what you said. Also, we often use the tone of "pressure" and the word "pressure". We don't need a turning point to induce, but we often use negative words instead of affirmative sentences, such as "I know you like this car very much, which is very important to you." This means that you should know his mood first. Every time you talk to your child, you'd better describe his mood first, and he will feel that his parents understand. We can say, "You must be very sad. You must be very sad when the teacher says so. "You don't want your child to come back and say," Oh, the teacher made trouble without reason today and scolded me. " You don't want to say immediately, "That must be because you are not good, so you will be scolded by the teacher. "The child will be very angry and will never tell you what is in his heart again. You have to say, "Oh, it must be very sad for the teacher to scold you like this. Will you feel very sad? Why did the teacher scold you like this? "Say his feelings first, and then get to know him. I think this is what we always need to learn. Of course, I also told teenagers that in fact, your parents, their previous generation, taught them this way, and it was more severe and terrible. So your parents are very rare. They have tried their best to really love you. It's just that some methods are wrong This priest will teach them, and you must change. I'm talking about this today because I hope that after our parents go back to change their children, I can say to teenagers, "Your parents have changed, have you changed?" "I can start teaching teenagers how to change. So, as a parent among us, you must believe me. Teenagers pray for you at home. How do you train teenagers? They all prayed, "Lord, let my parents have ears to listen." "In fact, this is also a correct spiritual law. As long as parents have ears to listen, your child may have ears to listen. That's for sure. The holy spirit must work like this. ★ Sometimes it is the parents' own mistakes, and they accidentally blame the children, only to find out later that they are wrong. -Don't feel wrong, just forget it. I will be good to him. Just touch his head and make him something delicious. It's no use. You just misjudged him. You must apologize to him. Don't you think it's embarrassing for me as a parent to apologize like this? No, the more you apologize to him, the more he respects you. Parents need to be respected by their children. He loves you not because you give him money, but because you deserve the respect of your children. A parent worthy of children's respect is humble, and he will admit his mistake when he is wrong. He dares to do what he dares to do, and he can change when he knows his mistakes. This has set a good example for children, and children will respect you. ★ Sometimes parents will ask their children to do things, such as helping parents wash dishes and mow grass, and helping parents take care of their younger brothers and sisters. They don't know what it is. Parents ask their children to help with things, and the children do it themselves. Parents don't thank their children for everything they have done, but also find fault with him and blame him for not doing well here and there. -I think it's easy for us to promise. We will say, how did he do this? However, you have to thank him first. "Thank you for helping me wash the dishes so hard. Thank you for doing this for me? 6? 7? 6? 7 "and then teach him," When you wash the dishes in the future, this place should be washed like this, so there will be no oil, and you will do better next time. " So, the children will be very happy. So, you should thank him for everything. ★ My parents forced me to join the youth ship, but I didn't want to go. My parents gave me a hard time. This is the same principle as what I just said. You want your child to get a good thing and do something you think is good for him. You must use inducement instead of anger, which will certainly lead to no good results. So if you want him to join the church fellowship or something, don't give him a hard time if he doesn't go. It's no use. Even if he goes, he will be angry. I asked him, "Why don't you go?" Tell him how good it is to go there and induce him patiently, instead of forcing him or giving her a hard time. Parents ask tutors, such as teachers teaching children piano and swimming. In fact, the child doesn't want it at all, and neither does he. So it's unfair that he didn't learn well, but he was scolded for not learning well. He'll think I don't want to learn this. You forced me to learn it. I didn't learn well, and you want to scold me. This is the child's point of view. But from an adult's point of view, I will feel that I pay you to study, and I love you so much. -So we need to know what the children are thinking. How do I think to solve this problem? You should arouse their interest first, and everything you want him to learn should follow this principle (this principle has been repeated several times, and everything you want him to learn should arouse his interest first). For example, you should take him to a friend's house first, see that his friend plays the piano so well, and then look at him and ask, "Do you want to learn?" If you are good, your mother will learn from you. "This will make him feel hard-won and he will be very happy. Instead of letting him learn, he didn't learn well, and you called him "you spent so much money and didn't learn well." If you can't learn well, you can give me my money back. "Don't use money to stimulate children. Children will think that you only care about my grades, and you don't care about me at all. I asked the child, what do you want your parents to say? He said, "They can use encouragement, such as' You should work harder'". I think this method is quite good, so that parents can remember that if children don't learn well, you should say "you are smart, you can do well if you work harder" in an encouraging way instead of a provocative or sarcastic way. If you use encouragement, there will not be so much unhappiness between you. It should be noted that teenagers should not use satirical 8 words and stimuli. Teenagers don't buy it. The more sarcastic and provocative you are, the more he will oppose you. Some teenagers are very smart, because some parents can fight, so he will tell you, "I know I was wrong, it's all my fault." "He thinks it will calm things down, so he doesn't need to continue listening to your nagging. Therefore, we need to win the hearts of children, not just a little Pharisee. On the surface, he is willing to listen to what I say, but he is not satisfied with it. ★ Never slap a child in the face, which is a great shame for the child. -We said in Educating Children that we should use a very thin stick (parents of teenagers can listen to the tape if they haven't heard it yet). You can also apply those five steps to teenagers, because they are very reasonable and children will not be dissatisfied. But there is one limitation. If the child is taller than you, you can't fight anymore, because it's useless. So when you are young, you should develop a submissive character. " Educating children and educating teenagers have some of the same principles, while others are different. Raising children is like a tree. When the sapling first grows, some people will surround it with ropes to prevent it from growing crooked. It needs to be tied, so why be strict with children?