In fact, eloquence is a mysterious skill, which can be mastered through skill and practice! Today, A Xin compiled five communication skills to teach you to be a talker.
The way a person speaks often reflects his inner cultivation and thinking. The Persian poet Saadi once said: "Because of words, you are better than the beast. Incoherent words are worse than animals. "
In life, we always like to have things with people who can "chat", because it means that it is easier to get along. Chatting is a common thing, but it can best reflect a person's knowledge and cultivation.
But the reality is that there are more and more people chatting online, and fewer and fewer people can chat well. They are embarrassed to chat with people who don't know a few popular stalks.
But do we really have to live in hot search and new topics created every day? Can you really make yourself red by constantly brushing your mobile phone every day to absorb a lot of information for yourself?
The answer is no.
Speaking is also a matter that needs to be taken seriously. In his book How to Speak: 65,438+03 Communication Skills, Allen Garner, a well-known American communication consultant, described 65,438+03 communication skills that can be practiced at any time to help you improve your interpersonal communication skills and learn the art of speaking.
Unlike some books written by Carnegie and Hill, this book is very practical and is a concrete measure that needs constant practice.
Next, let's experience the advanced way of speaking together.
0 1
Start a conversation
We sometimes miss some important opportunities in life because we don't know how to speak, even though we try to practice the "perfect" opening remarks silently before starting a conversation.
But research shows that what you say at the beginning of a conversation is not that important. As long as your opening remarks are not too negative, ordinary words are enough.
It is important that you seize the opportunity of communication so that you can talk to each other. If the other person is also interested, he will provide some free materials to let you two find common ground and close the relationship.
In fact, the opening remarks are very simple, and there are no more than three topics: the scene, the other party and yourself. After thinking about the topic, you can start the dialogue in your. You can start your conversation in three ways: asking questions, expressing opinions and stating facts.
Of the three topics mentioned above, talking about scenes is undoubtedly the best choice to start a conversation. It won't cause disgust like talking about others, but it's easier to lead to topics than talking about itself.
To start a conversation about a scene, first look around and find something that interests or puzzles you. At the same time, take care of each other: make the other person interested in talking about the topic you are looking for.
If you are classmates, colleagues, or join some interest groups, such as parent-teacher conferences, clubs, YMCA, etc., it will be much easier.
After you ask a question, listen carefully to the other person's answer, and pay special attention to some free information that you can expand.
Please remember, it would be better if you can come up with the topic yourself. It's better to say something than not to say anything.
02
Use questions to promote dialogue.
Everyone will ask questions, but few people know how to ask questions to effectively promote dialogue.
When you can't get any answer to your question, the question is not whether the person you are talking to is friendly, whether he is interested in the topic you are talking about, or whether the scene is appropriate, but whether your question or your wording is appropriate.
Generally speaking, you will ask two kinds of questions: closed questions and open questions.
Closed-ended questions are generally true or false or multiple-choice questions, and usually only short answers are needed. For example:
"Do you like broccoli?"
Closed-ended questions help others show you many details you want to know, such as liking broccoli.
When everyone's role is clear, only asking closed questions will make the conversation boring and produce awkward silence.
Answering closed questions all the time will soon make people feel interrogated.
If you want to keep the conversation going, interesting and deep, you need to use closed questions and open questions alternately.
Open-ended questions are like essay questions, one or two words can't be said clearly. It needs to be explained, and it needs to show your interlocutors that you are very interested in what they say and want to know more.
For example, after asking whether a person runs, you can continue to ask open-ended questions:
"Do you think running has brought any changes to your body?"
Please remember: don't dwell on boring conversations. Once you ask questions, you can master the right to speak to a great extent.
If a friend tells you "I just got back from France", then you have many questions to ask. The specific choice depends on your interest. For example, you can ask:
"How do you communicate with the French?"
When deciding what questions to ask, remember two things:
First, ask only the questions you really want to hear from the other person. No matter how sophisticated you are, if you just pretend, the other person will eventually find out that you are playing tricks to attract others' love.
Second, try to keep a dual perspective. What questions do you want to ask and what answers do you want? You should not only think from this angle, but also start from each other's interests.
The worst boring conversation is to turn a blind eye to other people's needs. I have a good example here: at a cocktail party, I met a handsome guy who said to a lady, "We have been talking about me. Let's talk about you! " What do you think of me? "
Another thing to be reminded is that you may need a special attempt to practice how to ask open-ended questions at first, but like other skills such as walking and writing, you will soon get used to it.
03
Listen actively and feel each other's feelings.
Interpersonal communication begins with inner feelings. When someone has something on his mind, he needs to talk to you.
Active listening can encourage others to continue talking and make sure you understand what the other person is saying. From this perspective, this is an unusual way to deal with it.
In order to use this technique effectively, you must first understand what happened during the conversation.
Fritz Bowles, the founder of Gestalt psychotherapy, said: "The images of the world do not automatically enter our brains, but are selective. We are not looking, but looking, looking and examining. We haven't heard all the voices in the world, we are listening. "
For example, you are playing a song for your friend. It is a song that he likes very much, but he wants to keep it down.
You don't know what he is thinking. In order to make you understand, he inadvertently shouted "turn it down!" " "
If you don't listen actively, but use your own subjective thoughts to understand his meaning, you may say, "Are you angry?"
Active listening tells the speaker how you understand his message. It can let the speaker know that you are listening, and it can also let you prove and clarify your feelings.
Active listening will help you a lot in two situations:
When you're not sure you know each other.
When information is very important or full of emotion.
When you are actively listening, pay attention to the feelings revealed by the other party, or the content expressed, or both; It depends on what you think you might misunderstand and what you think is more important.
In order to reach your conclusion, you can ask yourself silently:
"How does he feel now?"
"What is the message she wants to convey?"
One of the easiest ways to actively listen is to test your tentative conclusions by adding "correct" at the end.
If your conclusion is right, you will know right away; If not, the speaker will immediately explain your misunderstanding.
If you pay more attention to the person you are talking to than yourself, you will be surprised to find that it is so easy to find a topic!
Moreover, because of your extra attention to them, they are also eager to hear your opinion. This is the charm of active listening.
04
Know how to praise and appreciate
Psychologist James said: "There is a deep desire to be appreciated in human nature." Praising others positively can not only encourage them to continue to speak and act as you wish, but also make them feel good about you.
There is evidence that when the other party finds out that you have confided in them, they will be more open to you.
In this way, with a little effort, you can establish positive communication with others and make your interpersonal relationship more harmonious and intimate.
The most important thing to praise others positively is to create an atmosphere of openness and mutual assistance, so that people around you can grow up and realize their potential.
There are two ways to help you express appreciation and praise directly:
The first method is to concretize the language of praise:
If you tell the other person what you like in detail, it will make your praise more powerful and credible, and let the other person know that everything you say is only for him, not universally applicable.
For example, praise an action: I like to look at me when you talk. Praise someone's appearance: "I think this new hairstyle makes your eyes look beautiful."
The second way is to say the other person's name when praising:
Since Socrates' time, people have found that most people think their names are the most beautiful notes in the world; Where their names appear, they will pay special attention.
In addition, calling the other person's name is another way, which shows that your praise for him is tailor-made and unique.
For example, when praising an action, you can also say: Annie, I like to look at me when you talk.
When you praise your appearance, you can say: Annie, I think this new hairstyle makes your eyes look beautiful.
Aristotle once said: the accuracy of language is the basis of a good style.
Everything in life needs to pay attention to appropriate tools and methods. As for saying yes, it needs constant practice. Everyone likes people who can talk.
05
Your body can talk.
Freud once wrote: All words and deeds are full of profound significance. Whether he is right or wrong, what is certain is that all words and deeds have been artificially given meaning.
Every aspect of you affects your interpersonal relationship, and in most cases, it is difficult for you and the other person to detect it.
The body can talk, and the information it conveys is the real you, not the one you think.
Looking around, people are laughing and cursing, and body language is the most outspoken.
Enlightened is gentle, tough is indifferent, withdrawn and gentle equals joy, warmth, communication and vitality.
Shakespeare once wrote that all public speakers are giving two kinds of speeches at the same time: one can be heard and the other can be seen.
You have to communicate. Whether you are smiling or expressionless, looking forward or looking down, reaching out or shrinking back, you are communicating, and others can figure out the meaning from this communication.
Usually, nonverbal signals themselves don't convey information, they just tell each other how you feel about the verbal information you receive or send.
For example, you say to a person who is traveling, "What a big bag you are!" Smiling or frowning facial expressions when talking will have completely different effects.
Generally speaking, facial expression shows a person's mental state at this moment, while other parts of the body will show its strong intensity.
For example, when you say "please leave", if you frown, look angry and point at the door angrily, it will show your high anger; But when you say "see you next week", your smile and shoulder-to-shoulder movements show your expectation.
When your appearance reveals your feelings, you can also feel this emotion in your heart. Psychologically, it is called "cognitive dissonance".
For example, when you smile at first, you will feel happy inside; Once you start to put on a relaxed posture, the content of your speech will become more fluent; Once you approach each other actively, your interaction will become more natural.
If you have always been an inarticulate person, clever use of body language may save your's conversation.
Last but not least, start your practice.
Just like reading a book about skiing won't make you a good skier, reading a fitness book won't make your muscles strong, but reading such a book won't make you sharp-tongued.
Now you know the necessary skills to be a good communicator. Next, you must continue to study and practice, otherwise you will have no way to start.
Please don't say "in a few days", in fact, this sentence is "forget it"
You may not be good at using these communication skills at first, and then you have no motivation to practice.
Think back to the first time you read a book, wrote your name, rode a bike and drove a car. Even if you make many mistakes, you still need to keep practicing to make progress.
If you really want to be a conversationalist, practice from now on. I believe you will finally master the way of speaking.
* Note: The picture comes from the picture network.
Xu Wen Hui Mei
Related book recommendation
How to speak?
Ghana, Allen 20 18. 1
For purchase details, please click "Read the original".
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Editor: Liu 20 18.3. 19
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