Or, do you think marriage and love without sex life are worth maintaining?
According to statistics, while 10000 couples get married, 4500 couples get divorced, of which 80%-90% are caused by dissatisfaction with their sexual life.
There is a Japanese drama "Day After Day", which is about the intimate behavior of couples who have been married to Shunsuke for five years but have no sexual life.
Under the long-term asexual marriage, Shah had already had the idea of divorce. She feels that in this marriage, she can't see the beautiful vision of love and marriage.
Andrew g Marshall, a famous British gender relations scientist, said:
Lack of sex will hurt each other's feelings first. If one side yearns for intimacy and the other side refuses, it is easy to bring psychological frustration to the other side.
Secondly, it will also have a certain impact on health. Long-term lack of sexual life may lead to premature aging of sexual organs and hormonal instability.
In the stagnant marriage, many people have to find another way to vent. Evan, physical infidelity and other behaviors are "born at a historical moment."
In an involuntary asexual relationship, the one who lacks sexual needs, like an inflated balloon, always needs to find an exit to avoid bursting.
Before, some readers left a message in the background, saying that her husband is getting more and more unfamiliar, because now her husband is unwilling to take the initiative to touch her, even if he takes the initiative, the other party will perfunctory.
Once, she found Evan on her husband's mobile phone with another woman, and they made an appointment to meet next month. She said that she had been married to her husband for three years, but she had never heard him say such explicit words to her.
Nowadays, husbands are so interested in other women. Why can't their relationship resist the temptation of sex?
In fact, she doesn't understand that sex is the first criterion for testing marriage.
How miserable is a marriage without sex?
I read a news before that a couple in Ningbo, Zhejiang Province had been married for five years, but there was "intimate contact" the next night after marriage, and the husband personally broke his wife's chastity.
I haven't touched my wife since. Until now, she still kept her first kiss.
The reason for all this is that the wife is not the man that the husband likes. I just don't like it. I snubbed my wife for five years. My husband told my parents that they have a good relationship and it is his wife's physical problem not to have children.
Wang Xiaobo said: Sex is the most primitive natural need of human beings, as simple and beautiful as eating and sleeping.
A big reason for not having sex is that there is no love.
Not only ordinary people, but also stars.
1984, Cai Qin met Yang Dechang and fell in love with him at first sight.
When Cai Qin and Yang Dechang got married in 1985, Yang Dechang made a strange request to Cai Qin:
"We should keep Platonic communication, don't let this feeling infiltrate into any impurities, and don't be desecrated and bound by anything. Because our business needs to develop, we must work together in Qi Xin and put our energy into our work. "
Out of love for Yang Dechang, Cai Qin agreed to this request and fully assisted Yang Dechang to become a famous director.
However, in 1995, Yang Dechang admitted that she fell in love with Peng Kaili, a female pianist 18 years younger than herself, divorced Cai Qin, and immediately married Peng Kaili, giving birth to two children.
Not only Cai Qin, but also Hong Kong veteran artist Bai Yunqin.
In the program, she cried that her husband Xie had suffered from domestic violence for 20 years. Since his marriage, he had never touched himself, and even had an affair with a girl named Qingdao.
After watching the news, I suddenly felt ridiculous.
Those so-called "Platonic" pure love is just a good excuse not to love each other.
The so-called asexual marriage is defined by sociologists as follows:
If there is no physical illness or accident between husband and wife, it lasts for one month.
Sexual life without tacit understanding in the world is called asexual marriage. Sexologist Ma Xiaonian said: "The essence of asexual marriage is loveless marriage."
The popularity of asexual marriage is definitely more exaggerated than we thought.
In 2009, The New York Times had a report about married life:
About/kloc-0.5% couples in the world have not had any sex in the past six months.
In 1994, about 1.3% of married men and 2.6% of married women did not have any sexual behavior in the past year; By 20 14, this figure has become 4.9% and 6.5%.
Professor Pan Suiming from the Institute of Sexual Sociology of Renmin University of China conducted a sex survey in 2000.
In China, more than 28.7% of men and women aged 20-64 who were married or cohabited but still lived together at the time of the survey did not even have sex for a month. This phenomenon, he called it "lack of marriage".
Searching for "asexual marriage" on Baidu, the relevant results are about 3.28 million.
There is a question, "Is asexual marriage common now?" In Zhihu. This topic has been accessed 284357 1 time.
Here, it must be very bad not to emphasize asexual marriage.
"Platonic love" does not exist. As long as both parties have no opinions on sexual needs, then this marriage relationship is also very happy.
But in most unfortunate marriages or love, the two sides have different views on sexual needs. Just like fire and water, one is fierce and the other is soft, and there is no way to blend with each other.
Marriage and love really shouldn't revolve around sex, but they can't lack sex.
American scholar Thomas Lacker said:
For human beings, sex is not just sex. Sex is a language, a bridge, a place from loneliness to intimacy, and a melting pot for establishing mutual affiliation.
For the person closest to you, how can you get into her heart if you don't even want to touch her body?
The terrible thing about asexual marriage is that it is like an invisible sword, destroying a person's mind with indifference and discrimination.
The premise of restoring asexual marriage is that both parties must still have love for each other and try to awaken each other's sexual needs.
How to save asexual marriage?
1. You can talk more about sex with your lover. In fact, in China, when many people face sex, they avoid talking about it, just as they face a disaster. Many times, part of the reason for asexual marriage is lack of sexual knowledge and fear of contact.
In fact, couples should talk more about sexual topics, such as the way both sides expect, or the bottom line that both sides can't accept.
Dr. KEvan Wylie, a famous American sexual health expert, said: If you can talk to your lover about everything, women can find more ways to improve the quality of their sexual life.
In contrast, the same is true for men. Only by communicating with each other can we understand each other's needs? How do you meet each other's needs?
2. Let each other have their own private space. In fact, husband and wife must have their own living space. If you live together for a long time, you will always get tired of watching it, just like eating dragon meat every day.
Psychotherapist Irvin Yalom told a story about him and his wife. He and his wife will arrange a separate trip for themselves regularly. After each trip, they will meet again and they will find a completely different fresh partner.
This is also one of the effective ways to find passion.
3. Discuss with each other how to add freshness. In terms of gender, if both husband and wife have gradually lost their sexual interests and desires, then it is necessary to consider whether there is a lack of passion and freshness in their usual lives.
You can try fresh and exciting activities acceptable to each other within a reasonable range together, or add different new clothes to your home to add interest to your life. You can even plan the way and place of your sexual life without violating the law and mutual consent.
Of course, if the situation is serious, it is recommended to seek the help of professionals, and counseling and treatment by professionals such as psychological counselors will better save the asexual marriage between the two parties.
Sex is the first criterion to test marriage, sex is a barometer of love, and love is a compass of sex.
Actually, sex is not a scourge. It even plays a vital role in marriage and love. Learn to accept it and understand it. Perhaps, one day it will become the best adhesive between husband and wife.
I'm Xiao Mu. Have you handled the relationship between love, marriage and sex?
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