At the same time, you should also believe that your psychologist, a professional counselor who can accept and give help, can naturally handle such a situation, which is also a normal thing in psychological work. On some occasions, out of the complex of attachment, we sometimes have feelings for the person who offers help or the person who is familiar with the characteristics of others. There is no need to suppress yourself. Speaking out, sometimes we will find that this is not a burden, which is much better than a person torturing himself in the dark.
Many visitors will empathize with psychological counselors, and dealing with empathy is an essential ability for every counselor.
However, the trouble is coming: this person you love so much seems to be able to meet all the needs in your life, but Ta is a psychologist who needs you to pay. Ta goes deeper into your life than anyone else. You love Ta so much, but Ta is doomed that you can't ... "
1. What's it like to be in love with a counselor?
"Passion empathy At first, it felt like falling in love, and it made you happy. But my experience is that it may hurt you emotionally and make you very entangled. From my own experience, after nearly two years, I still feel a deep longing, anxiety, and an uncontrollable sadness. That's a deeper pain than ordinary lovelorn. Patients with similar experiences are described as "torturing people"-I think it is very accurate. " (Patient's self-report)
Before talking about erotic empathy, we should first talk about what "empathy" is. Empathy means that visitors bring past experiences to their relationship with counselors. We tend to unconsciously project our feelings for ourselves and others onto counselors. Among them, the most important thing is the feelings we have forgotten (or suppressed) since early infancy. Although we think we have forgotten, these memories still exist in our minds, affecting our current behavior and choices. As we project these feelings onto psychological counselors, we can re-recognize the existence of these feelings and re-understand them, thus bringing us changes. Empathy will appear in various types of counseling relationships, including group counseling.
And erotic empathy, literally, means that visitors have obvious sexual desire in empathy for counselors, and patients are eager to have sex with counselors. Sometimes, patients will firmly believe that they will be happy only if they have sex with a psychological counselor. Patients sometimes insist that only when the consultant has done this can they prove that the consultant cares for them.
2. Why do you say that your love for the psychiatrist is not true?
"Patients' feelings about love are usually not based on the real cognition of psychological counselors." Dorothea Lacker, a clinical psychologist in San Francisco, said. "Usually, you know nothing about consultants. Everything is your fantasy. " Moreover, often this fantasy of love will interfere with your real life.
The emotions caused by the empathy of visitors are not true. In this empathy relationship, the psychological counselor is actually an "inappropriate person". The reason for this is that our strong emotions are mostly unfulfilled wishes in the past, but psychological counselors can't go back to the past and meet our wishes at that time.
In addition, in a consulting relationship, the exposure of visitors is very deep. The consultant may be the person who knows this visitor best in the world, including his family environment, growth experience, life events and personality characteristics. However, the consultants themselves rarely disclose their own information. This is because the conversation between counselors and visitors is not a chat between friends. When consulting, consultants always have a self-checking principle, that is, "Is this sentence I want to say good to visitors?" Counselors should not casually tell visitors any information that visitors don't need to know, because it is likely to cause some trouble, which is a double protection for counselors and visitors.
Then it is not difficult for us to understand that the consultants that visitors see in the consultation relationship are actually "as unreal as real". Visitors don't really understand what it's like to be a "human" consultant in ta's private life. So is this feeling really true love? In a sense, maybe, but in fact it is very unlikely.
3. Is erotic empathy avoidable?
Empathy does not always happen. In other words, empathy is not inevitable. The reason why some patients will happen and some patients will not is closely related to the patient's own diagnosis. Those patients who feel neglected by their parents are most likely to have endless desires for psychological counselors.
4. What should I do if I have erotic empathy?
"Consultants must be fully aware of the power that the empathy of visitors can bring. Counselors can't let themselves be tempted by these feelings, and they can't make any response. On the contrary, consultants should provide a safe environment for visitors, let them fully release and elaborate that kind of empathy, help them analyze and understand that kind of empathy, and let them live a more satisfactory and healthy life than in the past. " Professor Aaron Swartz said.
For visitors, it is very important for your work to tell the counselor frankly how you feel during the consultation. In your consultation, you should be able to talk about any feelings, including this feeling. This kind of empathy actually provides ta and something that can be worked hard. By discussing this feeling of "love", you can understand what attracts you and what your love mode is, so as to better understand yourself. As you get to know yourself better, some changes will naturally take place.
For a consultant, if your consultant is professional enough, whether or not Ta expects you to fall in love with Ta at this time, when you tell Ta frankly, Ta will not be surprised, let alone afraid. -ta will never "respond" to your feelings-whether accepting or rejecting them-and will keep an observer's point of view to analyze them.
Can people who have no sex life be friends? No According to the counselor's moral requirements, no personal relationship of any kind is allowed within three years (or two years, depending on the country or region) after the termination of the counseling relationship. After the end of the consulting relationship, it is still necessary to keep a blank for three years, hoping to minimize the impact of the consulting relationship on the relationship between two people. But some people think that the influence will never be eliminated. Some organizations in Europe advise counselors and visitors not to develop lifelong relationships.
5. Will consultants be attracted by visitors?
? Pope, Keith-Spigel & ampTabachnick (2006) surveyed 575 psychologists, and 87% of them were attracted by their visitors at least once.
? Rodolfa et al. (1994) evaluated 907 counselors working in university counseling centers, and 88% of them reported that they had been attracted by visitors.
So it is common to be attracted by visitors. There is no doubt that sexual contact with visitors is a kind of harm to visitors, but if you are only attracted by visitors, it is not against professional ethics. Only at this time, the counselor should be careful not to put it into action and go to see his supervisor and therapist.
Being attracted by visitors is also an anti-empathy. But when this kind of anti-empathy dominates the consulting relationship, this kind of anti-empathy will do harm to both sides. Such treatment is often manifested as the extreme pleasure or satisfaction of analysts, the excessive conflict and defense of analysts, or the transition between the two. One of the following two basic results often occurs: either it is a long-term treatment that is too enjoyable, so that it will give up because of lack of motivation; Or one party suddenly stops treatment.
As a consultant for any patient, there is a main task, which is to keep everything brought to the patient objective. If this objectivity is destroyed and the counselor's own appreciation or even lust is brought, the counselor can no longer help the visitors.
As a transitional body between disease and normality, the clinical therapist is like a door through which visitors move from the disease world to the real world. But this door is always in a transitional position.
In fact, the purpose of all kinds of psychological counseling is to help patients improve their functions (social, work and life). Solve the empathy of lust, help visitors find suitable and intimate objects in the world outside the clinic and enter an adult relationship. In that real relationship, they can live an intimate and satisfying life with a suitable object. This partner will satisfy their adult wishes about love, sex and family.
After all, psychological counseling is a kind of-in my teacher's words, "bitter with sweet". Although the relationship between counselors and visitors is very important, it is a bit like the relationship between parents and children, which was established for separation from the beginning.
So in the best case, you have experienced a good consultant, who will stay in your "self" as a part of you. In the future, you will look at things in his way. He will always be with you in this way, not as a friend.
I hope my answer is helpful to you.
What do you want?
Do it.
If you pay for the consultation, it is protected by the contract law. You can use your psychiatrist as much as possible, and your heart must be dealt with in the contract. As for how your psychiatrist treats your heart, that's another matter.
In the environment of psychological work, it provides you with such a platform that you can show your true self, that is, imagination and dreams are all part of psychological work. If you don't suppress yourself, you can make the best use of your psychiatrist.
You can express your feelings to the psychologist according to your original feelings. Boldness and recklessness are what psychologists hope and support you to show, which can also help you to know yourself more truly.
Real psychologists serve the public. If they can be taken away by their own "customers", then this working relationship will be discounted, and it may be time to move out of the working environment and become a part of life.
This situation is normal. You should look at it objectively and know that this is normal. Don't be too serious, soft landing.
It is normal to have trust and dependence on psychologists! Everything that may happen will come naturally, but you should know that he is only your temporary spiritual pillar, the person who can accompany you all your life, or a true partner!
Your question reminds me of a news I saw some time ago. The girl who was helped fell in love with the policeman who helped her.
When a girl was in danger, a policeman saved the girl regardless of her personal safety. The girl was moved and fell in love with the police. More and more want to associate with this policeman and confess.
The policeman is still the policeman, and has not changed because of the girl's likes and hints. The girl thought that the police didn't notice or was embarrassed. Finally, one day she couldn't help it. She went directly to the police and told him that I was in love with you. I want to fall in love with you and be your girlfriend. Do you love me? "
I didn't expect the police to be so calm and tell the girl directly: I can't love you. I am married ... "
This last sentence is the truth.
I hope it can enlighten us.
Hello, I saw your question, which is called "empathy" in psychology and is a manifestation of your inner needs. If you like, please follow the following steps:
Any feeling you have has its own meaning and value. Only by accepting him can you understand him.
1, what excites you is not the psychologist, but the infinite acceptance and support of the psychologist, which you have not seen in real life, or some of his characteristics that you once had or longed for;
What kind of behavior or characteristics of psychologists make you move? Can you describe it specifically?
2. The appearance of your heartbeat also shows your desire and demand for this feeling; Only when you need it will you be moved. This is a question worth thinking about:
Why does this make you feel "excited"? What do you crave?
3. Your psychiatrist's acceptance is like the sea, but you are actually just working, which is professional ethics. Outside the consultation time, he is an ordinary person. Maybe he has bad habits, doesn't accept, doesn't understand, has emotions and so on.
If so, will your heart ache?
A responsible psychological counselor will attach great importance to this empathy and will seriously deal with it. In addition, "empathy" itself has high consulting value and will help your psychological counseling progress.
I'm Zheng, dean of the college. Good wishes.
In the process of counseling, it is normal to fall in love with your counselor. Before we confirm the true love, we classify this situation as empathy.
Empathy is very common, and professional psychological counselors will correctly handle the empathy between themselves and patients.
It is a good thing for Chengdu to see this situation. This is a rare opportunity for you to further communicate with the counselor. I suggest you communicate with a psychological counselor seriously, which will be of great help to your consultation.
If you really love each other, then accept the blessing and love each other well.
Psychological counseling is just a profession.
Psychological counselors are people with mature psychological growth. It is not surprising that he fell in love with his counselor.
If you happen to love each other, I send you many blessings.
Wish: complete.