At this time, my mother had to struggle to get up from the sofa and pour herself a glass of water. Then she went to Hao Hao's room and found Hao Hao playing games in the room. Mother was very sad to see this scene and asked Hao Hao, "Didn't you hear your mother call you just now?" Why don't you answer me? "
Hao Hao stared at the mobile game without looking up and said, "I'm too lazy to go back as soon as I listen." The mother felt wronged and angry when she saw the child's indifferent expression, and then questioned Hao Hao and said, "I work hard to support you outside every day." You are a baiwenhang. I should never have given birth to you! "
Hao Hao said with a sarcastic smile, "Oh, yes, people like me should not appear in this world. The worst decision you made was to get married. If only you were not married and had no children. "
Mom was particularly shocked to hear Hao Hao's words. She couldn't think of why her lovely son became like this when he was a child. What the hell is going on here?
It turns out that Hao Hao's father and mother divorced. At first, the family had a good time. Later, the husband and wife always quarreled over trivial matters, and every time they quarreled, they turned upside down. Later, Hao Hao's father filed for divorce because he couldn't stand it, but Hao Hao's mother didn't agree. She even suspected that her husband was having an affair outside, so she filed for divorce.
Thinking of this vast mother is even more furious, quarreling with her husband in different ways every day. This life lasted for two years. Both husband and wife have been exhausted in the past two years, and mentioning each other is like mentioning an enemy. I can't believe that two people used to be the closest. Later, both of them were tired and finally divorced successfully.
Then Hao Hao has been living with his mother, probably because the failed marriage life is too painful. After the divorce, her mother often speaks ill of her ex-husband in front of Haohao. When the husband asks to visit Haohao, the mother will do everything she can to stop him. In this failed marriage, Hao Hao was the most injured, so he became more and more silent and his relationship with his parents remained cold.
The relationship between children and their parents is the closest in the world, but for various reasons, children regard their parents as strangers. I believe many parents will be hurt when they meet such a child, and even think that this child is a baiwenhang like Hao Hao's mother.
No one is born indifferent, and there must be a reason behind the inner indifference. Now let's analyze it in detail.
1. Family environment reasons
Marx once said: "Man created the environment, and the environment also created man."
Mr. Chen Heqin, a famous educator in China, once pointed out: "What kind of environmental stimulus, what kind of impression."
Environment is very important for shaping personality. In a family, it is parents who create an environment for their children to grow up. Parents can choose to let their children live in a warm family, or they can choose an indifferent family. The cultivation of children's character is closely related to the family environment. Only a good growth environment can cultivate children with sound personality.
In the story told at the beginning, Hao Hao was originally a particularly lovely child, but with the breakdown of his parents' relationship, Hao Hao's character became more and more indifferent, which was also caused by the bad family environment.
In my personal experience, a family full of violence and a family that dotes on children is the easiest to cultivate children with indifferent affection.
Violent family environment can be divided into behavioral violence and cold violence. Behavioral violence is mainly manifested in beatings and insults, while cold violence refers to not paying enough attention to children and ignoring them.
Overindulgence of children tends to cultivate indifferent children, mainly because children take this behavior for granted. Once parents can't satisfy their children, children will easily resent their parents.
For example, a netizen recently posted that her parents were disappointing. She wants to buy an Apple mobile phone, but her parents have no money to give it to her. ...
The netizen was still so confident when posting, and he didn't feel how much money he had asked his parents at all. He even rightfully condemned his parents' incompetence. Such children are obviously indifferent to their families, and such children are obviously spoiled by their parents.
To sum up, the family environment is very important, whether it is a violent family environment or a doting family environment is not desirable.
2. Parents don't cultivate their children's empathy
Empathy simply means putting yourself in the cognitive awareness, grasp and understanding of others' emotions and emotions. Mainly reflected in emotional self-control, empathy, listening ability and expressing respect and other aspects related to emotional intelligence.
If the child has empathy, then the child can put himself in the position of his parents. Even if the parents accidentally hurt the child, the child will not resent it.
For example, in the story told at the beginning, although Hao Hao lives with his mother because of the breakdown of his parents' relationship, his relationship with his mother is also very cold, which shows no empathy.
Abigail Marsh, director of the Laboratory of Emotional and Social Neuroscience at Georgetown University, once said: "Heroes are heroes not because they are fearless, but because they have strong empathy."
If Hao Hao has empathy, then you can think from the mother's point of view, and you can understand how painful the mother's situation is. After feeling your mother's pain, you will naturally not be so indifferent to your mother.
Therefore, parents are also advised not to forget to cultivate children's empathy in the process of educating their children. Cultivating children's empathy is also very simple, and respect is mutual. Parents only need to think from their children's point of view at all times, then children will naturally think from their parents' point of view, consider each other's difficulties, and understand each other's difficulties, so that the parent-child relationship will be harmonious and long-lasting.
Summary: The indifference of children's affection is the failure of parents' education. If you find that your children are gradually alienating you, I suggest you immediately think about your education methods and seriously think about whether it is because you have hurt your children. In addition, parents should be reminded that family harmony is conducive to the healthy growth of their children, and parents are advised to strive to create a good marriage atmosphere.