It's like a strange circle. The more one party loves, the more the other party demands, and then lose patience with your partner and ignore his feelings. As a result, love can only die quietly in your hands.
In fact, judging from our habitual thinking, after breaking up, ordinary people will not easily get back together with their predecessors.
A relationship is beautiful at the beginning and painful at the end for a reason.
Either because I don't love you, or because it's too painful to get along.
No matter what causes the breakup, it is painful enough to seek reconciliation after the breakup, and it is bound to experience problems again.
Our reason will tell ourselves that getting back together will only repeat the same mistakes. Who wants to go through the pain of the past again?
After breaking up, no matter what you say, your ex won't believe you easily. Even the more you talk, the more disgusted your predecessor is.
Why is this?
Mu Yan once put forward a theory called "biased cognition". In the ex's mind, your long-term behavior has put a label on you, and most people will have a negative label on their ex after breaking up.
For example, the other party will think that you are a man of your word; You are the creator of heaven and earth; You are love rat love rat; You are an underachiever and so on.
In short, even if your real situation is not the case, from the perspective of your predecessors, their subjective prejudice is that you are not a "good lover".
Some students always like to apologize and promise after breaking up, hoping that their predecessors can get back together, such as "I will definitely change in the future;" I will definitely work hard in the future; I will never have too many entanglements with the opposite sex again "and so on.
However, if your predecessor can still believe your apology and promise, you will definitely not break up and your predecessor will not become your predecessor.
Mu Yan prepared four effective ways to repair the relationship for everyone today:
Ease the relationship between you
Mu Yan once talked about a theory called "Emotion builds a wall".
After most people break up, negative emotions will be very strong.
When you get in touch with your ex with the purpose of getting back together, your ex is bound to be defensive and resistant to you, and any behavior of you will be interpreted by your ex as that you want to do something again.
Therefore, when your behavior has a clear purpose, the other party will inevitably subconsciously resist.
You apologize, promise, give gifts, and the probability of rejection is high; If you insist on fighting, the other party will be unbearable and even black you.
At this stage, you will find that everything you do is wrong or even counterproductive.
Some students will give up slowly after saving for a period of time, and finally tell themselves that I have done everything I can, and can only say that our fate is over.
Actually, that's not the truth. For a period of time after breaking up, the most important thing to do is to eliminate the vigilance of the predecessor.
Some students will choose to disconnect, some students will choose to be friends, and some students will choose to take a step back.
You need to pay attention to the risks. It depends, because you don't know how long it will take to ease your relationship. You don't even know if your ex will miss you, forget you or even start a new relationship during the break-up!
According to Mu Yan's personal experience, at this stage, our best way is to constantly test each other. We can choose some reasonable and seemingly non-offensive ways to contact our predecessors and test their attitude towards us.
In the process of communicating with our predecessors, we can test whether our predecessors are still resisting and preventing us.
At the same time, in the process of communication, you must adopt flexible strategies and not be aggressive, which will also let your predecessor slowly put down his guard and feel that you will not do anything again.
Tear off the label
Your predecessor won't believe you easily. No matter what you say, or the most poisonous oath, your predecessor will not believe it easily.
You have been labeled negatively by your predecessor, that is, "biased cognition", and you can't change it in your predecessor's cognition.
This is often the most difficult reason to recover the compound. You are no longer trusted by your partner.
At this stage, what you need to do most is to show yourself, because language is no longer trusted, and you can only change your predecessor's cognition of you through behavior and gradually repair your image.
In this process, you must clearly find the core problem that caused you to break up.
Why did you break up?
What prevented you from continuing this relationship?
Are you too hard?
Or are you not motivated enough?
Or like Neptune?
There is always a core problem in breaking up. Accurately find out the root cause of your ex's determination to break up with you, and then convey it to your ex through behavior. You've changed.
What needs to be emphasized here is that in this process, showing ourselves is the core, and no matter how we communicate, we all serve to show ourselves.
Communication is not the purpose. Chatting will only kill the patience of your predecessor, and you need purposeful communication. Self-expression is the key in this process.
You know, every communication opportunity after breaking up is precious. Don't waste precious opportunities on meaningless embarrassing conversations.
You have shown yourself well, and your ex found that you have really changed through your behavior, so it is possible to rethink the future direction of your relationship and whether to accept you.
Learn to keep each other's appetite
We only take action on things we are interested in, and those who can make the opposite sex curious are definitely capable people.
You must learn to know when to speak, what to say, what to do and when to shut up.
Sometimes if you do well, your ex will wonder if he did something wrong and lost you.
Learn to keep your ex's appetite in details and make your partner pay more attention to you.
Clever use of "first cause effect"
The "first cause effect" is people's first impression. The first impression largely determines what kind of relationship they will become in the future, and getting along with each other in the future determines whether this relationship can last.
In this period of time when we want to recover, we should break the old framework, improve ourselves, change ourselves and try to change our lives.
When you reappear in front of the other half, that brand-new state, revived, will make your predecessor have an idea: "So, you are still so good!"
We should learn to face up to our own advantages, believe that we deserve a better life, and have our own principles and bottom lines.
Only when you know how to love and respect yourself first will others treat you in the same way.
I'm sure that after reading this article, you may get some inspiration. If your situation is special, please consult privately. After the tutor understands your situation, he will tell you the success rate of recovery and guide you in the follow-up operation!
I'm Mu Yan. I have been waiting for you. Let's fight your current emotional dilemma together.
About yourself: handsome, vicious, daily persuasion, giving.
People can't make money beyond cognition.
People can't maintain intimacy beyond cognition.
therefore
There are still some things to learn and understand.
exceed