can't bear/stand
This is how I feel after being abused.
Later, I told my husband about my domestic violence from beginning to end ... he was helpless!
Isn't it? Sounds a little messy! Please allow me to elaborate slowly.
It wasn't my husband who hit me. It's her husband
It's the husband of teacher Zhao in our compound. Miss Zhao is a university teacher. We live in a community. I used to give lectures in their school. We have known each other for a long time.
After knowing her, I called her Swallow.
This swallow is as big as me. She has been loved by her parents since she was a child. She is an only child and her parents are small cadres in a factory in Tianjin. The level is not high, but it can benefit a lot. Living conditions at home have always been good. Swallows have been the apple of their parents' eye since childhood.
Few aunts in our generation are only children, let alone the apple of their eye. Anyway, the Beijing aunts I know, whether they are old Beijing in the hutongs or children in the yard, are called "second child" and "third child" at home.
Parents have several pigs in their palms. Who is the pet? Nobody likes it, but it's a big bang!
Swallow's beautiful childhood and adolescence have passed, and then her youth. She entered the quagmire of marriage on time.
This quagmire that has made swallows struggle for half their lives ...
The man the swallow married can't!
Say no? At that time, no one forced or robbed you. How did you get married? There is a reason here!
Swallow's husband is called old horse.
The old horse was beautiful, tall and handsome when he was young. But the education is worse than that of Swallow. Ma Lao is a technical secondary school. Swallow is an undergraduate. Their family backgrounds are also different. Swallows live in an old lease in Tianjin, and there are some foreign schools at home. Ma Lao lives in Hongqiao, a "historic" working people's gathering area in Tianjin. Many cities pay attention to this. There is also a chain of contempt for where you live.
Let's talk about family. The old horse family doesn't know whether it is seven or six children. Anyway, workers and families have many children!
Such a marriage gap, marry a woman. Swallows do have a sense of superiority
This man is handsome. The work is ok. Before you can graduate from technical secondary school! Working in an office. Swallows know each other. She likes old horses herself. So university teachers marry government officials. Is this not good?
But in real life, this is no good!
Old horses don't smoke or drink. This is what swallows like. However, the family is too tired. He has a brother and a sister in the classroom. Ma Lao is the most educated person in his family. Or cadres, brothers and sisters looking for old horses for everything. Go to school to see a doctor and borrow money to repair a house. ...
Swallows don't do it!
Their family is also a working family. Didn't make much money. Some things are unacceptable to swallows. I'm mad.
You're like:
Swallow wants to buy a good camera. Her parents had one brought back from Japan. Swallows like it very much. Once, the unit organized a trip and she decided to bring a camera. I can't find anything to rummage through. What about the camera?
Her husband said unhurriedly, "Brother Wu borrowed it. Return it in a few days. " Swallows are not happy when they hear this. But what I didn't expect was that after many days, the fifth man didn't return it. When she asked again, she found that Brother Wu had tightened the camera lens. ...
Once, my mother-in-law came home for dinner. She went out to buy food. Unexpectedly, my mother-in-law suddenly went home early. In the evening, the swallow discovered that a down jacket just issued by her unit was missing. It turned out that my mother-in-law took it. Her husband agreed. ...
Grandfather is in hospital. Their family shared the most hospitalization expenses. We agreed to have one for each family. But the husband made his own decision and cut out his sister's share. Because, big sister's family is in trouble. ...
Swallow and husband are bored to death together. Her husband's family hates her, too Said she was not generous, stingy and virtuous. However, this will not persuade her husband to divorce her. Because swallows earn a lot.
Except for the annoying in-laws, the husband of Swallow is really terrible!
Once, he drove to pick up the swallow from work. It's good to catch the rain. The swallow saw that I was carrying something on my back and insisted on pulling me along. Her husband welcomed me, too, and specially sat in the back to help me with my things. Zheng Xiaoyan drives, I take the co-pilot ... This!
The husband's mouth is not idle:
Look at the intersection, you are blind!
It's so difficult to turn slowly ahead. What should I do if I drive to find it in rainy days?
Hurry over, dawdling will soon turn into light. foolish ...
He never stops abusing his daughter-in-law in front of outsiders. A gay man! I was so bored that I almost jumped out of the car.
Teach your son to his face and his wife behind his back. A big man who doesn't even know this upbringing is really annoying.
Afterwards, the swallow said to me, "This is his virtue, that is, the more he scolds me in front of outsiders, the more vigorously he scolds me." That is, he wants to suppress me! In fact, he just feels inferior. His educational background, family background and level are not as good as mine. He just feels inferior ... "
Actually, it's obvious.
This is not the case with men who have good conditions and do not feel inferior in front of their wives.
He may not like you, he will be as cold as ice, or he will simply change people. However, I won't criticize you in front of outsiders. Even pretend to be a gentleman and a "sage". Because the logic of this kind of person is: "You are my woman. No matter how bad it is, I won't let outsiders see jokes. Looking down on you is equivalent to losing my own face!
The symptom of Swallow's husband is extreme insecurity in front of his wife.
Obviously. Swallow has been rated as an associate professor, and there is still room for improvement. What about him? In the unit is the most basic. I can't mention it because I don't have a degree. The salary is not high either. Not doing well! Hold your head up in front of your wife. So, simply! Take a bite and go back to "curse"!
However, housework is also two-sided.
Swallow is an only child. There are also arrogant people. She is willing to marry her husband, largely because he is really beautiful. He's a handsome guy. Really married, and she doesn't like her husband's family background. The burden is too heavy. Don't like her husband's behavior, working people have a strong atmosphere.
I went to their house once. Just in time for their dinner. Her husband invited me to dinner, and I said I had eaten! Her husband then sat on the sofa with a job in his hand and chatted with me. The swallow saw it and said to her husband, "Don't run around with a bowl. Don't know the rules at all ... "At that time, her husband's face obviously sank.
Oh, dear!
He is of poor quality, and she really doesn't like him!
He is incompetent, she is always complaining!
I advised the swallow:
Since you are married to him, you should respect your choice. Respect your partner. Don't always try to reform him. You are not a "discipline cadre" and he is not a "reform-through-labour prisoner". He will resent your condescending criticism and discipline. After a long time, his rebellious mentality began to rise. Of course, it is a "mixed" of broken cans.
"Respect is the foundation and praise is the means." As a teacher, don't you understand this?
"I understand the truth, but I can't execute it!" The swallow tutor is simply!
Zheng Xiaoyan is now, how to see her husband, how uncomfortable, but, don't want to divorce.
Because their only daughter is not close to them. She is a rather cold girl. I've been working in a foreign university and don't go home. The swallow's parents also died one after another. If really divorced, the swallow will be alone. Here, at least it's a home.
Her husband envied her, suppressed her and resented her.
She is, annoyed and angry with her husband, plus hate.
The two people in the marriage are torturing each other and anxious about each other, so they are consumed in the cold mire.
That day, the swallow called me for first aid and told me to go at once!
As soon as I went to her house, her husband was hitting her! I stood up ... and finally I was defeated.
Hey! What to do! I punched my mouth and ran home covering my ears!
Go home and check: nothing! Nothing serious. Not broken or deaf!
Two days later, they got back together.
She said, just make do! What else can we do?
They seldom go out together and don't talk much at home. Swallow said that she would never retire. It is best to stand in the lecture hall all your life. She really doesn't want to go home. Home is where she suffers. However, she didn't have the courage to leave home. A bone-breaking divorce, selling a house, buying a house ... all these years!
Swallow's daughter hates her parents all her life. Her childhood was spent in mutual abuse by her parents. However, her own marriage is particularly unhappy. Married for two years, divorced!
She said that she would never get married again. Marriage system is harmful!
This family, how can I say this?
Our hometown people are responsible for calling: the good days are not good!
Men who belittle their wives come from incompetence and inferiority, and only in the weak can they find a little poor self-esteem and self-confidence. I'm afraid my wife will look down on me and leave. I will use the way of larger foe, using children as chips to control each other, to suppress and contain each other. It further confirms that sentence: a man who has no ability beats his wife! Don't you know: My wife is estranged from Germany, strange strange bedfellows. Looking forward to revenge when he was down and out. Don't say that a woman is cruel, it is a kind of self-protection and counterattack when her heart is like a knife.
Hello, I'm a psychological counselor, Chengdu Qiushui Tian Chang. Let me answer this question, hoping to help you!
First of all, what is your relationship with this man who verbally attacks women? What gender are you? This is very important. Because there are only three things in the world, your own business, others' business and God's business.
Secondly, what is the relationship between a man who verbally attacks a woman and the woman he attacks? If it is not a specific object, it can only show that this man sincerely looks down on women, is male chauvinistic and does not treat women as human beings. It shows that this man has a title in his heart, is abnormal and even has an antisocial personality. If the woman attacked by this man is a specific object, it shows that this man feels inferior and insecure, and expects to make people feel better than others by attacking the weak.
Third, the man who always makes verbal attacks on women, how strong his verbal attacks are, and whether there are insulting words. Attack in person or behind your back? If it is a face-to-face attack, it means that this person is not a real man, but at least bloody; If it's just a counterattack, it shows that this man is not loving enough and his words are cheap. He can only be regarded as a pretentious coward.
Because life is colorful and people are diverse, because the information provided by the subject is relatively simple, so there is no way to go deep. You know, there is a kind of people in society, both men and women, who are called garbage people. For the sake of your physical and mental health, personal advice is still willing to garbage people!
Wish you a happy life! !
Mu Lin replied: Before analyzing this question, we can be sure that men have no love for this woman psychologically. Because you really love someone, you will sincerely respect and apologize to each other.
Now the number of such attacks has become a "ready" state, that is, whether psychologically or behaviorally, he has become accustomed to targeting the woman in this way.
So, what kind of heart will have such behavior? Let me analyze:
1, I feel that I am a strong person and have the right to speak. "I am me, and I am the only person in this family who has a say." This is probably the inner monologue of all male chauvinists. Ask the women in the family to respect themselves at all times.
This power comes from the premise that its own value surpasses the other party by a lot. For example, a man is the head of a company, and a woman is a small employee. I once saw a friend's brother and sister-in-law exist like this. My brother is a director and my sister-in-law is a coolie. At home, my brother has the final say and can "walk sideways".
No matter how hard a woman tries, in the eyes of men, she can't be equal to herself. Therefore, if something goes wrong, you will turn your inner unhappiness into anger and vent it on women.
I think women are "idle", so what kind of women are disrespectful "idle" in men's eyes? That is, for families, women without income. Maybe it is hard for her to take care of the children and do housework, but in the eyes of men, she is a "useless" person.
This concept is more common in our parents' generation. They measure a person's value, basically from the value creation. For taking care of children and doing housework, these are considered very trivial things.
Unless, one day, this woman can start her own sideline or even become her main business. Otherwise, her position in the family will always be the lowest, and she will always be the object of "being forced to accept violence".
3. The violence against women brought by family background, and the concept brought by family background is too difficult to change. In particular, many childhood-related pains and memories cannot be completely changed in a year or two.
Men grow up in the shadow of their fathers' violence and even beating their mothers. Seeing that my mother is often bullied, but she is a "resigned" look, men have become accustomed to the humble position of women.
Then after marriage, I will have such a psychological shadow on my wife. Before the outbreak, maybe it was just a bad temper. It will become cold and violent after the outbreak.
To sum up, if a woman meets a man who constantly criticizes, abuses or even beats herself in her marriage, then the marriage is undoubtedly painful.
In the face of this situation, no matter how powerful the method is, it seems very "pale".
Instead of advising you to get along well, consider the necessity of this marriage.
It is preliminarily judged that such a man is prone to violence.
I suggest that such people can be thrown away, dear. ...
Men are not good at expressing their feelings compared with women, but some men's words can hurt people. What is the psychological state of such a person? What caused it?
The first person who makes verbal attacks on women at every turn is a person who has a great inferiority complex and a serious lack of confidence in women.
It is normal for a person to speak at ordinary times, and when it comes to pain points, it will increase the volume. This is because of his uncomfortable psychological reaction.
Men don't want to show inferiority and self-confidence in front of women, but they are inferior and self-confident inside. It is precisely because of this reluctance that he conflicts with his heart and there will be language attacks on women. The greater the conflict between his unwillingness and his heart, the more frequent and aggressive his verbal attacks on women will be.
Why does he have such a mental state?
First, the influence of family background.
In the family where he grew up, his mother's many behaviors made him dissatisfied, but he was unable to resist his mother, who never praised him, making him feel useless in front of his mother, but he could not prove his ability. Over time, he formed that he could only attack women with words to make him feel comfortable. In fact, it is a long-suppressed emotional venting, which has formed a boring habit, and many times he doesn't know it.
Second, I have been hurt by some unforgettable feelings.
If a man loves a woman deeply, but she abandons him, it will do him great harm. He can't vent his emotions, and feels that women all over the world are not credible, but he wants to contact women, and his inner knot has not been opened. As soon as he touches women, he will feel hurt. He will attack and protect himself with words. He doesn't know, but it's a reflex.
No matter what kind of situation this man belongs to, it is actually a morbid psychology. On the surface, he is hurting women with words. In fact, in the process of hurting women, he is also seriously hurting himself. The longer he continues like this, the more harm he will do to himself. You need to adjust your mentality and open your inner world so that this kind of behavior will not happen again.
Third, serious male chauvinism.
There is a kind of man who looks down on women under any circumstances. He believes that the world belongs to men and women are only accessories. He looks down on women in his bones, and even hates the better women. This kind of men and women must stay away. This is a terrible person. He may not be capable, but he is not pleasing to the eye. Such people are generally prone to violence.
In any case, it is not normal for men to attack women easily with words. If he wants to change, he knows what the problem is, so he can recover.
Attacking women with words, never practicing swearing, always cursing mercilessly. I think this kind of man must have been hurt by a woman, which led to his psychological abnormality. Perhaps this kind of person is a misogynist, and this kind of gaffe is a strict psychopath or personality disorder.
For men who are always willing to attack women with some outdated language, such people are mentally ill and mentally divided. He is extremely anxious and excited at the mention of women, and this character must be improved. And he goes his own way and scolds women without fear. This kind of person must make him suffer. One is to call the police, and the other is to scold back. However, calling the police is the most important thing. For such a rude and immoral person, there is no need to save face for him, and there is no need to tolerate him. Just warn him of personal attacks.
I have a cousin who is such a pervert, but now my cousin has divorced him and they live together. Whenever my sister goes out to eat with others, she says she is having an affair and even secretly follows my sister. And sometimes, in front of uncles and aunts, I scold my sister for having an affair with whom and for having an improper relationship. Cousin was really fed up with it, and finally the two broke up. This kind of person is distorted in personality and abnormal in human nature. Therefore, it is better to stay away from this kind of man and avoid it quickly. There are several possibilities for men to attack women easily.
1. The shadow left by this man's childhood experience. This kind of shadow may come from a man's mother (for example, she is too strong and controlling, giving her children no space to think, giving them no space, listening to her own opinions and being very critical of her children). This kind of shadow may also come from others, such as some inappropriate bad jokes. For example, some adults like to joke with their children, "Mom doesn't want you", which is harmless. In fact, this joke is very harmful to children, which will make them doubt and feel inferior about love, as well as jealousy and extreme insecurity. Maybe it's a trafficker or something. In short, there are many forms of injury in a person's growth process.
2. The man's ability to resist setbacks is weak or paranoid, so that he begins to hate women after being hurt emotionally. Generally, when a man is frustrated, he won't kill a woman with a stick, but it is possible if the man's ability to resist frustration is poor or his personality is paranoid.
3. This person feels inferior. There are many forms of this inferiority complex, for example, it seems arrogant on the surface (arrogance is sometimes a disguise made by the subconscious mind to cover up its inferiority complex, and it becomes a habit after a long time). For another example, doing things is a bit timid. When a man feels inferior in front of a woman, he is likely to belittle her in order to show his boldness of vision, which is called self-defense in psychology (denial is one of the defense mechanisms, and when he can't get something, he denies it to comfort himself). For example, when a man meets a beautiful woman, he turns around and says that the beautiful woman is ugly because he feels that he can't catch it.
4. Male chauvinism. There are several cases of male chauvinism, one is disguised male chauvinism, which is the disguise of "inferiority" mentioned above. There is also the thought in his bones, which comes from his growing environment and family education. Under the erosion of these thoughts, this man looked down on women from an early age, so he was easy to attack women verbally.
The last one is easily overlooked by many people, that is, this man is controlled by his wife in marriage, and his inner emotions have not been properly channeled and vented, so that he is psychologically deformed and hostile to women. I once met a teacher whose wife had the final say when he went out and went home. He dared not treat his wife at home, and no one enlightened him. The more he thinks about it, the more biased he becomes. For a long time, when he talks to women, he often becomes angry, despised and degraded ... so couples should communicate more.