There are a few words written in front:
To say that in Ode to Joy, many people think that Fan's EQ is high.
She is an old HR driver and knows office politics like the back of her hand. In front of Guan Guan and the little earthworm, she even pretended to be a big sister and analyzed their confusion clearly.
For example, "be reserved when making a boyfriend, don't stick to the pole", such as "step on the leader's heart everywhere and have a good internship" and so on.
However, if we analyze it carefully, it is not difficult to find that Fan's EQ is really worrying.
This article will focus on the following three issues:
1. What is high emotional intelligence?
2. What are the characteristics of people with high emotional intelligence?
3. Looking back at Fan's case, I will take you to analyze the lifestyle with high emotional intelligence.
0 1
What exactly is high emotional intelligence?
In fact, there was no word "emotional intelligence" at first. Before EQ, such a thing was called EQ.
The concept of EQ was put forward by salov of Yale University and Meyer of the University of New Hampshire, which refers to "the ability of individuals to monitor their own and others' emotions and identify and use this information to guide their own thoughts and behaviors".
What capabilities does EQ specifically include?
1, the ability to understand your emotions
Knowing one's emotions means knowing one's feelings, emotions, emotions, motives, personalities, desires and basic value orientations, and taking them as the basis for action.
2, the ability to correctly manage their emotions
Proper management of one's emotions means self-awareness and self-coordination of one's own experiences such as happiness, anger, fear, love, surprise, disgust, sadness and anxiety. For example, comfort yourself and take the initiative to get rid of anxiety and anxiety.
3. Self-motivation
Self-motivation refers to self-motivation and self-persuasion at any time in the face of what you want to achieve, and always maintain a high degree of enthusiasm, concentration and self-control. In this way, my efficiency is very high.
4. Know other people's emotions
Understanding others' emotions means that you can quickly make intuitive judgments and feel others' shoes. Understand other people's emotions, temperament, motives, desires, etc. And be able to respond appropriately. In interpersonal communication, we often judge each other from their language intonation, mood expression and gestures.
5, interpersonal relationship management
The management of interpersonal relationship refers to the art of managing others' emotions. A person's popularity and interpersonal harmony are related to this ability. People who are well versed in interpersonal relationships are easy to know and understand, good at reading their inner feelings from other people's expressions, and good at observing each other's motives and ideas. With this ability, it is easy to get along with anyone, and it can act as a spokesperson for collective feelings and guide the group to the same goal.
02
What are the characteristics of people with high emotional intelligence?
From the original definition of EQ, it is not difficult to find that having a high EQ doesn't just mean "being a good person". At critical moments, individuals sometimes need to play the role of "bad face".
1, people with high emotional intelligence don't always make each other comfortable.
From the original definition of EQ, it is not difficult to find that EQ ultimately points to the behavioral level, which refers to how we should perceive the emotions of ourselves and others, reduce impulse or unnecessary expression, so as to control our behavior and make appropriate decisions.
Note that there is a very important concept here called "reducing unnecessary expressions".
Andy is definitely an example at this point.
In one episode, Andy was in a meeting with someone else. Bao Yifan's mother peeped at the door and found a man coming towards Andy, which seemed very close. Mrs. Bao rushed in at once and spoke loudly to them.
At this moment, Andy stepped forward and pushed the old lady out of the door directly.
She told the old lady clearly that I was having an important meeting. You can eat whatever you want, and I'll pay for what you drink in the hall.
Here, Andy's strategy is to "reduce unnecessary expressions".
One of the most effective ways to reduce unnecessary expressions is to clarify your attitude.
Surprised, right?
People with high EQ are often good at expressing their feelings.
Once upon a time, people thought that "being good at hiding emotions" = "high emotional intelligence".
All wet.
We often mention a kind of people who have a very powerful ability, called "emotions are invisible."
However, this does not mean that these people do not express their emotions, but that these people have the ability to control their emotions and find the right time and way to express them.
Interestingly, people with low EQ tend to hide their emotions, because they are afraid that once they start to express their emotions, they will expose their shortcomings and make themselves feel unsafe because of the lack of emotional control theory.
For example, Fan is not very good at expressing his feelings when interacting with others.
There is a bridge. When Fan learned that the sample sent to Bao Yifan failed the test, she was very anxious. At this moment, her real idea is that the failure of the sample test will inevitably have a bad impact on Wang Baichuan's career; In case Wang Baichuan's career is in trouble, their plan to buy a house will be postponed. In addition, during the New Year in China, her mother approached her and advised her to leave Wang Baichuan, and under pressure, Fan inevitably became extremely sensitive. However, fatally, Fan Meisheng chose an inappropriate time and adopted an inappropriate expression when expressing his feelings.
Now is not the time. No matter how anxious you are in Van Meisheng, you should not choose to talk about it while driving in Wang Baichuan, because people need to pay close attention when driving, and you can talk about it while they are eating.
Inappropriate expression is common in the habitual thinking of many women in conflict, that is, when it is time to express their feelings, they should be eager to explain their views.
If you are a person with high emotional intelligence, you should use this expression at this time-
Emotion first, tell your feelings, state the facts as far as possible, don't rush to speculate, and don't judge, and then make further communication after reading the other party's reaction.
In this case, if Fan Zhen is a person with high emotional intelligence, she should express it like this:
"All rivers run, I accidentally learned that your sample failed the test. To be honest, I'm a little worried. I usually only know how to go to work, but I don't know anything about business, and I don't know what the problem is. However, I'm just worried that this matter will have any bad influence on your future business. You know, I care, because we are in the same boat now. I always want to share your worries, but there is always a deep sense of powerlessness at this time. "
If Xiaomei said this, Wang Baichuan would feel her true feelings more easily, so as to make some relief for Xiaomei, and would like to further inform Xiaomei of the relevant context.
Fan's most embarrassing place is that every conflict between her and her is because she doesn't know how to choose the right time and express her true feelings in the right way, which leads to the escalation of contradictions and the deepening of the gap between them.
3. People with high EQ seldom encounter the scene of "hesitating"
In Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, the author points out: "There is a distance between external stimuli and our reactions. This distance is the key to happiness. "
"Seven Habits" emphasizes that people are active, and you can choose different responses to the same external stimuli.
For example, if you are bitten by a dog, you can choose to bite the dog; Choose to walk away; Choose vaccination. Just different choices.
For various external factors, people with high emotional intelligence can take the initiative to choose their own reactions; Emotional intelligence is low in passive acceptance-the latter often feels angry, depressed and sad.
If the boss scolds you:
"Of course I will be sad when my boss scolds me"-this is low emotional intelligence;
"The boss scold me and I am sad are two different things. I can choose to be sad, but it seems useless to be sad; I can also choose not to be sad and reflect on whether I have done something that makes my boss dissatisfied. " -this is a high emotional intelligence.
After some improvement, you still didn't satisfy the boss, and you were scolded again:
"Oh my god, Lulu, is the boss targeting me? I can't do this job, I will resign tomorrow! " -this is low emotional intelligence;
"The boss is not satisfied again. It's two different things if I resign or not. I can choose to resign, but the problem is that I still don't know what the problem is when I leave like this; I can also choose to stay, or I can talk to my boss to see what went wrong and whether I didn't realize it myself. " -this is a high emotional intelligence.
In the case of Fan, when the Queen Mother tried to persuade Fan to let go, Fan obviously chose to submit to humiliation and was full of grievances.
If it is a high emotional intelligence, she should think like this-
"The queen mother advised me to break up and whether I broke up with Wang Baichuan are two different things. I can choose to promise to break up, but this promise is obviously against my will. If I marry Wang Baichuan in the future, the queen mother will definitely think that I have gone back on my word; I can also choose not to make a promise, because according to the current situation, Wang Baichuan and I have not yet reached the time to talk about marriage. "
After thinking about it, Fan Meisheng responded like this-
"Hello, Mrs. Wang. I know how much you expect me to make a promise, and I hope to break up with your son tomorrow, but I really can't make such a promise because I love him. At the same time, I'm sure you also understand that emotional matters can't be decided by a weak woman's promise, so please don't waste your time on me. Besides, I have a small proposal. I hope you won't peek at your son's mobile phone next time. It is beneath your dignity. "
When these words are finished, it depends on whether the queen mother has enough emotional intelligence to resolve her emotions.
03
Emotional intelligence is a core competitiveness.
In the crowd, the distribution of EQ also follows the law of bell curve.
In other words, people in the middle are in the majority, and people who are excellent or poor are in the minority.
They are the mainstream of society.
To sum up, high emotional intelligence is reflected in the perception and control of emotions. When making decisions, we take into account the influence of emotions, make rational behaviors, and finally point to rationality.
Therefore, high EQ is your absolute core competitiveness in your workplace and life.
About the author: Zhao Xiaoli, a senior career counselor and a female writer in the workplace, has written books such as "Fear of trouble is your biggest obstacle" and "Please stop ineffective efforts".