Smiling is smart, ie smart is not too much for a 30-year-old. I asked her what was wrong, and she gave her husband a timid look. Almost at the same time, he answered for her naturally. Moreover, when I asked Xiaoxiao to stay alone for consultation, her husband turned to comfort her, "Don't be afraid, I'm next door", just like a father who takes care of a little girl. At this time, I had a preliminary judgment in my heart-this is a "little girl" who needs to grow up!
Xiaoxiao's initial confusion was his parents' sense of bondage that "all your actions affect my vision". She wanted to escape, but the idea of being tightly oppressed by "attention" bothered her, so she wanted to come to psychological counseling.
Xiaoxiao has many psychological problems, which need to be discussed. Today I will talk about one of them first, which is why she is 30 years old and still acts like a little girl.
Judging from Xiaoxiao's superficial events, on the one hand, she has a childlike dependence on her husband, and her husband did respond to her expectations and take care of her with fatherly love. On the other hand, she wants to escape the same meticulous care. The difference is that that love comes from her parents.
The truth is that she needs to be taken care of like a child!
It turned out that Xiaoxiao was raised by relatives in turn when he was a child, and he lacked emotional contact with his parents. When she needed her parents' love most, they were not around. That regret was deeply buried in the subconscious. Although the years have increased, her inner longing for her parents' love is like a pair of magical hands, holding her tightly like a little girl.
The little girl, drawn by the subconscious needs, successfully caused her parents to apologize in the early stage, and they almost turned all their attention to her. At this time, Xiaoxiao has a husband who can meet all her expectations, so on the one hand, she continues to enjoy the care from her husband and father, on the other hand, she wants to escape from the love network woven by her parents. I think some people express dissatisfaction and anger at the lack of this kind of love, which I will discuss in a future article.
We always think that the child is still young, three or two years old or even younger. As long as someone looks after her, the world will be peaceful, and there will be no crying or making trouble. However, the younger the child, the more delicate the feeling, because at that time, her development was still in the stage of only paying attention to feeling. She knows how she feels and what she wants. Once this need is not met, she will spend more time and greater strength to find and make up for it in the days to come. Of course, at the same time, she will always be in pain until she reconciles with the lack, that is, with the person who brought her this feeling. This process requires the joint efforts of her and the psychological counselor.
Nothing is perfect, just like we like sunshine, but it will rain on cloudy days. No one is born a good parent, but at least we can learn to minimize the pain of missing children in the process of growing up. Life is an interactive process, and love and love are also mutually nourishing supports. May all children grow up, smile and recall their childhood, and say, "When I was a child, my parents and I ..."