In the following words, let me talk about some easily overlooked but important parenting knowledge.
Many parents think that children like to cry, and they are especially disgusted with this behavior. If they cry, they will feel bored, so they will ask their children not to cry. This kind of not crying is often the repression of children, which will lead children to dare not express their emotions. In the long run, the accumulation of such emotions will have a great impact on children's physical and mental health.
Do you often say no to crying? Some boys are also taught that boys can't cry, crying is a cheapskate and so on. All these make children unable to solve their emotions, and then develop the habit of hiding everything in their hearts. Let yourself suffer everything silently. After a long time, no one can stand it, and his heart is fragile.
And these, the source is to let the children not cry.
Parent-child relationship is ignored by many people, because children live in front of us every day and spend a long time together. Many parents think that the parent-child relationship with their children is very good. But in fact, many people often ignore the parent-child relationship, not measured by the length of time, but the relationship between you and your child. If you don't pay attention to your child's emotional thoughts and needs, then the parent-child relationship between you and your child is often not as good as you think, which is particularly important.
I have repeatedly told many parents that there is no education without relationship. Many times, educating children is ineffective. In the final analysis, it is a problem of parent-child relationship, which is caused by bad relationship.
To put it bluntly, even if the child wants to make you happy, because his performance makes you happy, he will want to do something to achieve this goal, so he will show obedience.
Many parents don't know how to chat with their children. Simply put, if you find that your child doesn't listen, you don't understand what your child is saying, and you don't know why your child is crying inexplicably. If there are many such things, you should pay attention. On the one hand, we may not communicate and chat with our children well, and the communication is not smooth. In addition, it also shows that we really don't know enough about children.
Always tell the truth to your child, and the child's state is often very stable and happy. If children just silently play with themselves and have no interest in playing with their parents, it shows that there is a huge gap in communication between parents and children.
The most common are elders and relatives. I think the child is cute, so I always tease him. As a result, I made the child cry and the adults laughed.
As we all know, children are not circus animals. Teasing will make children emotionally unstable and subconsciously hate people around them.
Some mothers once said that their children are good to everyone, but they have special problems with grandpa. When they saw him, they cried and refused to hug him. Why? Because grandpa often teases him to pinch him after hugging him. Let the children laugh when they are angry and cry, and let the children avoid when they see grandpa crying. Then who caused this? Grandpa made it himself.
These two ways of facing children are wrong. The most important thing is that others can see clearly, but parents look indifferent. Parents who firmly believe that their children must fight, what he likes most is the education that denies that children should not fight. How can they not fight? And those doting parents don't listen to other people's opinions.
Both types of parents tend to go to extremes and stubbornly believe in their education.
In fact, appropriate punishment is possible, and parents can completely switch between several roles: teacher, companion, mother, supervisor, punisher, reward and so on. But if we always cling to a role, children will easily find ways to deal with it, and you will find that education is ineffective and laborious.
This is what we hear the most and what parents often say. The fact is that children are still young. If they don't teach now, they won't grow up, and they won't get better when they grow up.
Because the younger a child is, the more he can change the trajectory of his life and let him walk on a broader road.
What behaviors of children are biased? What needs to be corrected?
The criterion of judgment is "hurting yourself, hurting the environment and hurting others". If you touch the moral bottom line, you must correct it in time!
1. Many parents are still confused about parenting after reading all the articles and videos on the Internet.
In fact, parents' words and deeds are very important to children. Parents are the people who have the most contact with their children, and their words and deeds play a direct guiding role in their children. I believe many parents have long known this, but life is not a drama. It is impossible for new parents to consider whether their behavior is proper every minute, so it is very important for parents to improve themselves. This is not a one-off event, and it needs long-term accumulation, which is good for both the baby and the parents.
2. Learn to empathize and understand the reasonable requirements of children.
Perhaps parents will think that it is unreasonable for children to want toys or go to the playground, but curiosity and playfulness are children's nature. Parents should not judge their children's thinking from the perspective of adults. When the so-called virtue is not voluntary, it will become the kidnapping of personal interests by the whole society.
3. Suppress children with "future"
This is undoubtedly an increase in anxiety for children. Some parents' mantra is "I'll regret it when you wait for the future" and "I'm thinking about your future" ...... This is something you should never say to your children. Parents should guide their children to accept themselves, affirm themselves, always face their true feelings and be responsible for their actions. Children should have a happy same year instead of always worrying about the future. The harsh environment is extremely unfavorable to the growth of children!
Stick to your principles.
There will inevitably be conflicts in the process of educating children. As parents, we should set a principle or bottom line for ourselves, and we should not blindly accommodate or be too tough. Facing children with reason, parents and children should be managers of emotions, not slaves of emotions.
3. Introversion and extroversion have their own advantages. We often think that children should be extroverted, but extroversion and introversion are only differences in personality characteristics, and each has its own advantages and disadvantages.
4. Love allows separation, not firm bondage. Few parents don't love their children, but the proper love is to allow their children to be independent, rather than being arranged and firmly bound. Too close love can't make children grow up independently, but can only raise giant babies.
# Parenting psychology theory #
A child has a fever for several days, but his mother never gives him medicine or goes to the hospital. She just drinks juice and eats products, which makes her illness worse. Mother said: "fever is a process of detoxification in the body, which is a normal phenomenon."
Finally, the child who almost fainted, with the strong insistence of his family, was finally taken to the hospital, but did not leave the ICU intensive care unit in the end.
The child died after being rescued, and the cause of death was organ failure caused by serious lung infection.
The child is in the prime of life, smart and lovely. He is the "other people's child" in the mouth of his parents and the embodiment of family pride. Poor and fresh life broke its wings and fell into the abyss before spreading its wings in the sky.
Doesn't the mother know that the child is ill and wants to see a doctor? Don't you know that a persistent high fever can be life-threatening? She just prefers to trust her own consciousness.
People with high knowledge, high education and high income, but with mismatched cognitive awareness, are quietly hurting our closest relatives.
Mother once said: "Don't go to the hospital if you have a cold and fever, just eat products and drink juice, and sleep to detoxify." Going to the hospital is harmful. " She used to eat product capsules as rice and drink fruit juice as water, and her body repeatedly hovered between fever and improvement.
The child is going to be vaccinated. The mother said, "Vaccines are poisonous and will poison children. Don't give an injection. " Her husband turned against her and threatened to divorce, so she gave up.
It never occurred to this mother that any product may exaggerate its efficacy in the sales process. As consumers, we should treat it rationally, not blindly believe and obey.
We all think that the product hurts her children, but it is the mother herself who really hurts the children.
Anthony robbins, a potential motivator in the world, said: Nothing can affect us, but what can really affect us is our own cognition.
In the process of children's growth, bones are in the development stage, especially in the brain, temples, ears and other parts. When hit by external force, it is likely to cause concussion, perforation of tympanic membrane, neurodysplasia, etc., and even lead to death.
A bird can break the balance of a car hanging on the edge of a cliff, and any external force may be a fatal blow to children.
The most difficult problem in a person's mind is usually not the lack of knowledge, but the imprisonment of thinking mode.
We have abundant knowledge reserves and strong financial support. We should improve our basic cognitive awareness and protect our closest people.
Writer Lu Yao said: Life can't be arranged by others. You have to fight for it yourself. No matter whether the result is happy or sad, it can be comforted that you have not lived in this world in vain. With this understanding, you will cherish life without being cynical, and at the same time, you will inject a powerful inner strength into others.
No matter how much wisdom there is, there will be times when there is nothing you can do. In times of crisis, only we can help those closest to us.
In the book "Meeting Socrates at a Gas Station Late at Night", it is said that knowledge is not enough for life, and knowledge has no heart. Life must take correct actions and bring knowledge into life. You know, but if you don't take action, you're not a soldier.
Life is an adventure of knowledge, destined to go hand in hand with learning.
In life, we strive to get a higher degree and earn more wealth. We think we have given our best things to our closest and favorite people.
We just forget that all kinds of things we ignore and avoid may hurt our closest people.
Knowledge has taught us to forge ahead on the road of life, to identify things around us with professional eyes, to open up new horizons and to create life.
Then get out of the misunderstanding of consciousness and don't let yourself get lost in childish, stubborn and hasty decisions. Sometimes, what beats you is not ignorance, but self-knowledge.
No matter what field we are good at, no matter how many skills we know and master, there will still be some sudden disasters that tragically remind us how limited a person's cognition is.
In parenting, we often ignore the cultivation of some temporarily ineffective personalities.
For example, parents' language is actually very important for children, but language does not mean that you can become a big fat person after eating today.
Therefore, it is impossible for any training institution to let parents read and interact in their children's own language.
Parents' language, such as 1 doctor who proposed disinfection, we can't see what impact language will have on us at once, but it is actually a more powerful learning brain for children.
The more expensive, the better. The best education is free. It exists in every word, every sentence, every conversation and every activity of parents.
"What if children love to hit people?" Are hitting children violent children?
What are the secrets behind them that we don't know? Look at the following article and you will know ~
1. 1 Why do babies hit people?
How should parents respond?
Second, 1-2-year-old baby why hit people?
When a child is one to two years old, there will be a sensitive period of hands, and he will throw whatever he wants in the container. Therefore, trash cans, sorting boxes and even bowls for adults at home have become a paradise for children to play. Some children just like to touch anything with their hands, including slapping objects with their hands, such as hitting people.
If the child doesn't get through this sensitive period smoothly and his desire to throw objects is not satisfied, he will continue to do this kind of action until he thinks it is satisfied.
If you grab toys and hit people with children in kindergarten, it's because 2-year-old babies begin to have their own awareness of property rights, and they will think everything is their own.
How should parents respond?
1-2-year-old babies can be induced by their parents when they compete with their children for toys, telling them that they can still get things back after giving them to other children, so that they can have a more accurate understanding of property rights and demonstrate them to their babies. For example, dad gives toys to mom, and mom returns them to dad later. If the baby insists on not sharing, it must not be forced. Remember that this is a normal phenomenon and will naturally disappear with age.
1-When a 2-year-old baby is venting his emotions, his parents can help him internalize into the game and let the child know that when he is unhappy, he can do other things besides hitting people.
When the baby is about 2 years old, it may be just a way for them to interact. It is difficult for children to master the strength of their arms, and touching is likely to turn into pushing. In addition, they don't think it is a bad behavior to contact others vigorously, so parents should show their children that if you like someone, you should go over and hold his hand instead of patting him on the head.
When a child hits someone, parents should immediately tell him that this behavior is not good, but they must be calm and not rude, otherwise the child will mistakenly think that hitting someone is a good way to solve the problem.
Why do babies after the age of three or three hit people?
Beating people after the age of 3 is a child's tactile sensitivity, which is called "tactile defense is too strong." Touch refers to the feeling that nerve cells distributed on the whole body skin receive external temperature, humidity, pain, pressure and vibration.
There are two kinds of human responses to touch: one is a defensive response, that is, a natural response that simply protects itself from harm; The other is the recognition response, which is the response of the brain to make accurate tactile recognition. Children with strong tactile defense have a natural reaction of simply protecting themselves from harm, that is, hitting people.
Many parents can recall that when an unfamiliar person approaches a child or puts his head in the direction of the child for close contact, the child will naturally make a flapping action.
How should parents respond?
Tactile games can be played at home to help parents reduce their children's tactile sensitivity.
? roll about
Training method: Parents can spread their children's plush toys or soft building blocks on the floor, spread a blanket on the toys, let the children roll from one side to the other, or put some toys to increase the fun of the game by transporting small toys. Different rules can be set according to different age groups. Children before the age of 3 can roll or crawl to transport small toys, and children over the age of 3 can set a time to compete with their parents.
? Step on the balloon
Training method: Parents can put the fingerboard flat on the ground and put colored balloons on it, so that children can crush the balloons with their bodies. In the process of pressing the balloon, the balloon is soft, which brings soft touch to the child's body, while the fingerboard is hard, which brings stimulation to the child's body. In the meantime, children can be constantly stimulated by touch, so that children can have tactile massage in the game and reduce their tactile acuity.
Whether it is beating or being beaten, it is actually an experience of baby's growth and a part of social interaction between children. In this process, parents need more peace of mind and perseverance.
The safety of the children.
When it comes to safety, many parents will say, "We attach great importance to it. You see, I bought these for the safety of my children. I think these ... ".
We all attach great importance to form, but we tend to neglect practice.
It is the most direct and effective to carry out safety education and safety practice in various scenarios.
I watched a program with my children that simulated various scenes of child abduction. The abduction rate of children participating in the program is very high.
After the children watched it, we analyzed the reasons why the children were abducted in the program. Theoretically, we have all gained knowledge and experience.
But the actual effect is really uncertain. In order to popularize safety knowledge and practice it effectively for children as much as possible, I adopted the following methods.
1. When I take my children out, I always make full use of different places and situations to share safety knowledge with my children, including who to ask for help in the first place in case of an accident, what I can and can't do. For example, in shopping malls, supermarkets and families separated, alone in the elevator, crossing the crosswalk and so on.
Third, often find some videos of safety tips to watch with children.
Fourth, at home, hot water, electricity, gas stoves, knives and other sharp tools can be used, how to use them, and so on.
Five, according to the child's age, learn to master the relevant knowledge of psychological education, keep the habit of communicating with children every night before going to bed, understand the child's psychological thoughts, and guide them in time.
Do you have any good methods? Let's share it.
I think the easily overlooked but important parenting knowledge is the cultivation of self-care ability.
1. A baby with extraordinary intelligence
Children nowadays are born in honeypots. From birth, grandpa, grandma, grandfather, father, mother, and some families have old ladies and grandfathers. There are so many people who spoil and love them. The babies trained by so many people are very smart. At an early age, they can recite many ancient poems, retell simple stories, sing, dance and do puzzles. They have a sweet mouth and can say anything.
2. Live a life like a little emperor
Usually live a life of clothes to reach out and mouth to mouth. Many things that children can do have been taken over by their elders. For example, as long as you find that your baby's toys and books are messed up, someone will help you sort them out immediately. Once you find that the baby has dropped something on the ground, pick it up quickly. The baby is like a little emperor. Don't play with this, and don't do it all day, just like the seedlings in the greenhouse. Although they grow well, they have not experienced the wind and rain.
3. It was exposed when I was in kindergarten.
There are so many adults to take care of at home, but once you go to kindergarten, you must have a lot of self-care ability. This time, I'm exposed. I won't pull my pants when I pee. I don't know how to pick up toy blocks when they fall to the ground; Don't even dare to take a spoon when eating ... one hundred are not used to it, and one hundred are not used to it.
It is very important to cultivate self-care ability.
I remember a famous person said: Good habits will benefit you for life. So I think the most easily overlooked parenting knowledge at this stage is the cultivation of children's self-care ability.
Parents attach too much importance to their children's intelligence and are unwilling to let them do things. There are many things that children can do and practice slowly, but they refuse to let him try. I often think that children grow up naturally when they are young. Actually, it is not. It is natural to look at seventy at the age of three, and it is easy to form good habits. It is not so easy to cultivate a good habit.
The early manifestations of autism are in infancy, don't wait too late to find out!
Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that began in infancy. Many novice parents have no experience and can only know a little about parenting from books or articles. In fact, infants and young children have obvious signs of development at every stage, and there will be some symptoms that are obviously different from normal infants. Brain health experts at Peking University Medical Center pointed out that children's autism (autism) usually occurs before the age of 3. At an early age, they are extremely withdrawn, do not communicate with others, are silent or use less language, and especially like to repeat rigid activities and strange behaviors. So far, the cause is unknown and there is no effective drug treatment. Only by early detection, early diagnosis and early intervention can children's potential be brought into full play and they can seek survival and study in the future. Let's look at the performance of children's autism.