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More than a year ago, I operated an emotional account in Weibo. At midnight, a girl sent a private letter. The content is that my boyfriend has a room in the hotel for his birthday tomorrow. It's my first time to go. Do you think I should go?
In order to answer more rationally, I clicked on the other party's homepage, and the birthday column was 1995 x, and I was just 20 years old.
Through some Weibo, we know that she is 1 m 7 1 and weighs 48kg. She is a junior in a university in Beijing, majoring in broadcasting and hosting. Her boyfriend is one year older than her and her family conditions are not as good as hers. Next month is the third month of their love.
Before that, I probably answered more than 10,000 private letters from Weibo, but I didn't know how to answer this private letter. In order not to delay things, I thought about it after midnight and gave this answer:
As an adult, you have the right to make any decision that concerns you. In love, the choices you make should be based on making you happy without hurting each other. To put it bluntly, I am willing to do this, not for each other's happiness. I have to do this. I wish you a happy life and a happy birthday to your boyfriend. Besides, if it happens, remember to wear a condom.
On the third morning, she sent a private letter saying that we didn't have sex last night, because I told him I wasn't ready, and he respected me and didn't force me, but I could feel that he was very unhappy. He hasn't contacted me since yesterday's birthday party. He usually wakes me up. I am very sad now. Did I do something wrong last night?
I quickly replied to her: You have done nothing wrong. The most feared thing in love is guilt, which can easily lead to imbalance in relationship. Since he lost his temper and didn't contact you, you can contact him, go to the canteen with him, go for a walk in the playground and read books in the library.
In the middle of the night, she returned a message; Today, my boyfriend and I had a serious chat for a while. He said that all his friends fall in love with their girlfriends, and some fall asleep within a month. He also said that we are all in college now, and we are all adults. We can't hold hands in love like junior high school students. Adults can only make relationships last longer by sleeping. Do you think he is right? Do you have to have sex when you are in love?
I thought for a moment and told her that the forms of adult love are more complicated than those of junior high school students in the 14th and 15th Five-Year Plans, but love at any age is simple. This simplicity means that when you see the other person smiling brightly in the sun, you feel that spring is at your feet. This simplicity is that the other person quietly reads you a love poem and turns it into a sea of flowers. Sex is icing on the cake for lovers, not a panacea. Adult love needs sex, but sex is not the glue to maintain a relationship.
After a long time, we didn't contact again. Just when I was about to forget it, she sent me another message. It was February 15, and the content was like this:
I gave it to him for the first time last night. Although I didn't particularly want to, I saw that he endured a lot of hardships, so he did it. Forgive me for not being rational and objective in love. As you said, I am an adult, and I am willing to be responsible for my choice. I hope our love will be sweeter in after making love.
After reading the private letter, I went to her homepage again, and I was particularly sad to see her recent Weibo. I guess it was because the boy deliberately snubbed her that she agreed to have sex with him to make up for it.
Obviously she didn't listen to me, but as an emotional counselor, I'm used to it. After all, everyone has their own destiny.
After a pause, I told her that it is wonderful to have sex with someone you like. You are luckier than some people and can have sex with people you like. You don't have to take the first time too seriously, it's just that you gave your favorite person a beautiful flower at the best age, and there will be many fragrant flowers in your future love, which will make your life more colorful. If one day, you find that the person in front of you is not suitable to accept these flowers, don't force yourself. After all, bright flowers can only be given to those who love them the most. Best wishes.
The last contact was a private letter she sent me a few days ago:
We broke up the other day. I brought it up. He tried his best to save it, but I didn't agree. The reason is I don't want to have sex with him. Perhaps, as he said, sex is very important in adult love, but for a relationship, you can't continue without sex. Maybe giving up is a better choice.
The communication with this girl reminds me of my friend Chen Huan, a man who is determined to leave his virginity to his wife on his wedding night.
02
Chen Huan is the first friend I made after work. He is an independent musician who plays rock and roll, and he is very famous in China. In the circle, his greatest fame lies in his excellent lyrics, and he has written some first-line big coffee songs.
In the eyes of outsiders, people who can write beautifully must have rich emotional experiences, plus they play music, and there must be many girls caught in bed.
But in fact, Chen Huan only had one emotional experience. From freshman year to now, the boat of love has been moving forward for eight years.
Chen Huan loves his girlfriend very much. He doesn't like or love her, but loves her.
Chen Huan only loves two things, music and his girlfriend.
After eight years of love, he didn't do something indescribable with his "love".
His girlfriend once suspected that he was not straight or that there was something wrong with him.
Once he went to a music festival. After the daytime performance, his girlfriend suddenly appeared in his hotel, wearing sexy underwear.
His girlfriend put him on the bed, tore off his white shirt, took off his sky blue jeans and gagged him with her mouth.
But in the end, he gently pushed his girlfriend away. Her girlfriend cried and said, do you not love me anymore? If you don't love me, we will break up.
Chen Huan said, I only love two things in my life, you and music.
Her girlfriend said, are you gay, or do you have sexual problems? Just tell me, even if you are gay, I still love you, and I only love you in my life.
Chen Huan said, I started masturbating at the age of ten. I'm not gay, and my sexual function is fine.
Her girlfriend said, don't you men all want that?
Chen Huan said, I'm afraid we can't go to the end. If I have you, you will be bullied by others in the future.
His girlfriend cried and said that he was a big idiot. She punched him on the shoulder with her pink fist and threw herself in his arms.
Later, when we chatted together, some people said that Chen Huan was too cautious when talking about this topic. Who cares now? Besides, girls don't care. What do you care?
Chen Huan took a deep drag on her cigarette and said that her mother had always opposed her going out with me because she thought playing music was unreliable. I'm not sure we'll get married. In case, I mean in case, I'm not the last person she married. She was wronged because of that. How can I stand it?
Someone next to me said, then you are talking about a relationship like a junior high school student. All bathing men in their twenties. Don't you think it's tasteless to fall in love without sex?
Chen Huan said that you may not have really loved anyone. If you love someone, you will find her beautiful as long as you see her. When we are together, it seems that there is a blooming flower in every square meter of air, and there are notes beating in every cell of the body. It's not romantic at all. How can it be tasteless?
I quite agree with Chen Huan that when you love someone deeply, you will put yourself in the other person's shoes and control your desires.
Not all adults have to go to bed when they fall in love, nor can they continue to fall in love only after going to bed.
A few days ago, Chen Huan opened her own music school, which was approved by her mother-in-law. She divorced her girlfriend and they lived together.
On the day of drawing cards, he improvised a song called "Happy Life is Coming".
There are two sentences written like this:
I want to learn new postures.
But I'm afraid it will make you tired.