She said that the wedding scene is a vegetable market, and the divorce scene is also a vegetable market.
In fact, this sentence, at first glance, sounds puzzling, but when you think about it, it hurts.
Why the vegetable market? You might as well think about it. What are the most common words and things you do when you go to the vegetable market?
"A little cheaper." "Send more, I have bought so much." "This dish is not fresh, so there is no discount."
The memory of this generation of vegetable market is actually incomplete. In my parents' generation, their performance may be more vivid and typical.
I've heard my mother argue with vendors for a dime more than a dozen times. It's because of the difference of cents that she can't say that she won't buy it if she reaches an agreement, and sometimes she will be red-faced because she is short of weight.
What I saw was very nerve-racking. Every time I try to persuade my mother, she will call me stupid, not helping her, but also helping outsiders.
Let's turn back to the topic and talk about the vegetable market. But I think you can understand the real reason why marriage and divorce are like the vegetable market.
When you get married, you haggle over every ounce because of the bride price. When you get divorced, the division of property is a very sad thing for the parties, no matter which one.
I often tell readers that love is the most important thing in marriage, and I can still say this sentence with certainty.
I still believe the importance of love. You will find that a happy family has no struggle in the vegetable market from beginning to end, while an unhappy family, without the blessing of love, cares about interests from beginning to end.
Let's not mention the wedding market for the time being, but mainly talk about the divorce market, because the disputes in this market are far more tragic than the other one.
After all, there is no place to get married. Even if we had a quarrel and separated, we would feel uncomfortable at that time, but we would eventually move on and live a new life. However, two people who have been married, had feelings and even had children will eventually return to the vegetable market. That kind of chilling feeling, perhaps only the parties can understand.
In fact, divorce is not a great thing. Two people worked hard together, but it was not appropriate in the end. It's better to be apart than to torture each other.
What I'm afraid of is that I can't be together well, I can't be together well, I can't live a good life, and I have to pick up chicken feathers that I can't pick up when I get divorced.
"During the divorce negotiation, my ex-husband took off his mask and begged me for 68 yuan's electricity bill. His appearance makes me want to throw up. I really can't imagine how a man who has lived with me for seven years can be so mean to me. He's getting divorced and wants to break my heart again. I really have nothing to say to him. I just feel really miserable. It really hurts to marry such a man. "
The speaker's name is Sister Cai. She is a poor woman. After she married her husband's family, she hardly had a good life for a few days. Her divorced ex-husband finally disgusted her and made her completely lose confidence in marriage.
"I'm really afraid of remarrying now. If you have an abused marriage like mine, you will be so disgusted by your ex-husband, and you will probably die like me.
I am not a strong woman. Of course I want someone to accompany me, but I'm afraid of meeting such a man again. "In fact, Cai Jie and her ex-husband once had love. When they were in love, the man was actually very kind to her. However, after marriage, they encountered some practical problems and their thoughts collided. In these frictions and contradictions, their feelings were slowly worn away.
For Cai Jie and her ex-husband, the biggest problem is children. The ex-husband preferred sons to daughters, and Sister Cai didn't know until her daughter was born. When Mingming was pregnant, her ex-husband also said that it was the same for boys and girls, but since Sister Cai gave birth to a daughter, her husband's attitude has changed.
"He felt very disappointed. When I was pregnant, my mother-in-law kept saying that I wanted to have a boy, that the boy with a pointed belly and the girl with a round belly. My mother-in-law came to touch me and said it was sharp. It must be a boy. That's what my family thinks. Everything prepared at home belongs to boys.
My ex-husband also bought many boys' toys, but he bought them all, even if the children didn't need them.
When my daughter was born, I saw that his eyes were particularly disappointed, visible to the naked eye and not shy at all.
Later, when his daughter was born, he didn't hug her several times. After she was born, he kept telling me that he wanted a second child. I was confused at that time, too. Their family held too much hope, and finally they were disappointed and unhappy. At that time, I felt as if I were possessed. I am ashamed of their expectations, especially because their family did not give birth to a son.
So my husband wanted a second child, and I later agreed. But I've been pregnant for a long time and I'm not pregnant. Later, after half a year, my husband kept urging me to check if there were any problems. Later, I went to the hospital and said that caesarean section had tubal adhesion, so it was difficult to get pregnant naturally.
As soon as this diagnosis came out, my husband was even more unhappy. Their family wanted a second child very much, and later said that they would make test tubes.
I know it's difficult to make test tubes. A friend around me went to make a test tube because of her husband's physical reasons. During those six months, I saw her swelling slowly, but her face became worse and worse. Fortunately, she succeeded. Later, she said that she really didn't even think about it during that time. She couldn't help shivering at the mention of the promotion of injections.
But my husband's family took turns to persuade me, and I agreed. That's what women do. For the sake of their families, they feel that suffering is worth it.
I later made a test tube, and I don't want to talk about what I suffered. Anyway, it was successful, but the child failed to keep it in the end. It is a son.
You can't blame me for these things, can you? However, my ex-husband thought I was useless and spent my money. Everyone was saved, but I didn't. I felt it was all my responsibility.
His family ran out of money, but I was the one who suffered. Am I not heartbroken or sad?
After several years of marriage, he and I almost separated. He thinks I owe him, and he always pokes me, hits me and hurts me with these things.
After several years, I finally couldn't stand it and filed for divorce. As a result, he readily agreed, and I later learned that he was not good to me, and his family was not so good to me, just to force me to leave.
But I was afraid that others would say something about their family, so I tried my best to get me to file for divorce.
Divorce, he quarreled with me about everything. He doesn't want to give me a house or a car. My name was originally added to the house, but I knew it had nothing to do with me, but I paid half of the car, so I wanted him to give it to me, 130 thousand As a result, he asked me to give him 75 thousand to drive away.
For these trifles, the divorce negotiations between us have been going on for a long time.
I don't really want that car either, but I feel like I'm leaving. I don't want anything. I have suffered so much for nothing, and I don't want to.
The most ridiculous thing is that I moved out after my divorce with him. Last month, he even asked me to share the electricity bill of 68 yuan, saying that I didn't pay the water bill, and he helped me get rid of it.
I read the message he sent at that time, and it was really disgusting. I was in tears. At that moment, I felt really hard. My seven-year marriage is really hard.
Later, I didn't want anything. I just want a divorce and an end to this marriage. I'll be satisfied if I don't have to see his ugly face again!
I don't know what other people's divorce is like, but I know myself. I really don't want to go through it again. I am tired. "
Sister Cai's story is very helpless. As she said, it really makes people feel so sad. She gave birth to a daughter for her husband and later made a test tube.
In order to satisfy her husband's desire to carry on the family line, she suffered a lot, but in the end, because her son is gone, her feelings with her husband are gone, which is very sad for a woman who has made sacrifices for her family.
But after the marriage came to an end, her husband's true colors were completely exposed, selfish, narrow and ugly. What can I say about haggling over the electricity bill in 68 yuan? Very sad.
I believe there must have been sweet time and love between Cai Jie and her husband. Otherwise, how could Cai Jie be willing to be a man's painful test tube and have a second child?
Even with this friendship, divorce should not be so embarrassing, but the reality is that without love, friendship will be gone, maybe forgotten, maybe deliberately ignored, and the rest is just bargaining and triviality.
Sometimes I find it difficult to get married. If such ignorant bargaining, everyone hopes that the other party will not make money, and everyone wants to get the greatest benefit as much as possible. Both sides can't trust each other and can't deliver their sincerity to each other. How can such a marriage be difficult?
But sometimes, I also think marriage is very simple. If both parties don't move the vegetable market home, don't bargain and live an open and transparent life, wouldn't marriage be much simpler?
But I also know that it is really not easy to do this. This depends not only on one person's efforts, but also on both sides' same beliefs. Two people go in one direction, make efforts in one direction, not selfish, maximize the interests of * * *, and not monopolize themselves.
But even if you manage yourself well, you can achieve the above conditions for a good marriage. The other party can't bear it. He doesn't want you to do more, and the end result may just make you more chilling.
This kind of vegetable market, I hope you don't encounter it or experience it in your life. It's better to meet naturally, even if you can't, it's already a good ending.