Attending physician, senior psychological counselor, founder of RET, head of Huilan Psychological Counseling Center, special class teacher of national second-level psychological counselor qualification examination, supervisor of national second-level psychological counselor, and director of EAP.
Write in front: At present, the fast-paced city life and busy work make many people have no time to care about marriage or treat marriage life in the wrong way. Communication is an important part of married life. Improper communication or lack of communication will bring a layer of gloom to our life.
Case backtracking
The "liberal arts woman" and "science man" can't find a common topic after marriage.
When Xiaoling and his wife came to the consulting room, their status was obviously different. Xiaoling has been expressing her needs and feelings and has a strong desire to seek help. And her husband Minghui is very silent. Xiaoling said that two people have nothing to say and don't know how to live.
Xiaoling and Minghui are typical liberal arts women and science men. Before marriage, Xiaoling appreciated Minghui's reason and composure, and Minghui appreciated Xiaoling's enthusiasm and eloquence. After getting married, they found that each other's advantages became obstacles in their lives, their reason became boring and their eloquence became wordy. Now neither of them knows what to say.
Psychological decoding
Research shows that there are great differences between men and women in language habits. Many contradictions and conflicts between men and women are often caused by different habits of using language. Dr. Tannan, a linguist, found that what is worth saying to men should have a certain amount of information, so the outcome of the event is the most important; Women, on the other hand, think that the conversation itself is the most important, but they don't care what they talk about, so they try to describe the event in detail and clearly. It sounds trivial at first glance, but after careful study, we will find that this kind of conversation is closely related to personal life and can achieve the purpose of exchanging feelings between people.
During the consultation, I found Xiaoling used to describe things vividly when she spoke. Minghui is often a passer-by and even feels speechless. Two different ways of speaking will inevitably make the other party unaccustomed, which will lead to dissatisfaction. Coupled with the different working environment and circle of friends, two people will lack more opportunities to get to know each other, which will eventually lead to conflicts between husband and wife.
It can be seen that the problem of Xiaoling couple is caused by the different natural expression habits of men and women, and it is also related to their inability to run a marriage.
expert opinion/advice
After fully understanding the situation of Xiaoling and Minghui, the psychological counselor gave the following suggestions:
1, know each other and respect each other. Let both husband and wife understand that each other's expression habits are related to the differences between men and women, learn to look at each other with appreciation, respect the differences between men and women, and look at each other with appreciation.
2. Express expectations for marriage. Husband and wife express their expectations of marriage and partners, and at the same time revise and adjust their expectations according to each other's requirements and their current performance, and finally reach an agreed goal and work hard for this goal.
3. Create a harmonious living space. Learn one or two hobbies from each other, and then exchange feelings with each other to create more opportunities for two people to get along.