Your perseverance, your emotions, your emotions, these qualities. 1960, a famous psychologist, Walter Mitchell, made a fudge experiment. What is this fudge experiment? exist
He did an experiment in his kindergarten, so he gathered a group of four-year-old children. In a hall, the walls should not be too gaudy. What should we do with them? Everyone put a piece of fudge in front of them and told them, children, the teacher is going out for a while. Don't eat the fudge in front of you. If someone eats it, we can't add fudge to you. If you control yourself from eating this kind of fudge, the teacher will reward you with another kind of fudge when you come back. The teacher left, the teacher peeked outside, and many people peeked outside. This group of four-year-old children, after the teacher left, everyone looked at the fudge, attractive and sweet. Some children stretched out after a while, retracted, went out again and retracted again. After a while, some children began to eat. But quite a few children persisted, and when the teacher came back, he gave a reward to those who persisted and did not eat fudge. Is it over? The teacher analyzed it before he finished writing it. Why did they persist? Some children just count their fingers and don't go to see fudge. Some people lean their heads on their arms, others sleep, trying to make themselves fall asleep. Some count, one, two, three, four, and don't look. Is it over? After that, they continued to observe and analyze. When these children go to elementary school and junior high school, they find that those who can control themselves from eating fudge, after they go to junior high school, most of them perform better, get better grades, have better cooperation spirit and perseverance, but those who can't control themselves don't perform well, not only in junior high school, but also in society. So what does this deception tell us? Control yourself and control your strength. This not mysterious experiment makes people realize that the value of intelligence in life was overestimated in the past. They think there are other factors, and success in life should also have other factors.
My friends, last time we talked about outwitting, there was a man in the Three Kingdoms. His name is Zhou Yu and Zhou Yu is very handsome. This young man is handsome and has a high IQ, so he can lead troops to fight. It is said that Comrade Mao Ze has another comment on Zhou Yu. It is said that,
Say what, Zhou Yu is a
What about Hong Zhouyu?
And then what? It means that Zhou Yu became a big official and a viceroy at a young age. Retired cadres, veterans and old leaders refused to accept him and became big officials at a young age. Later, 33-year-old Zhou Yu,
He won a great victory, and the veteran cadres and leaders were impressed by him. How did a man with such a high IQ die later? Yes, by
Three mouths are so angry.
There is such a passage in the 56th time, which is called Kongming Sanqi Zhou Gongjin. Zhou Yu was depressed, died immediately, fainted and slowly woke up. I woke up with a sigh and gave birth to Yu and He Shengliang. He shouted several times and died several times. He lived to be 36. At that time, Zhou Yu's career was in full swing and he had succeeded. He should achieve greater success and continue to succeed, but when he succeeds, he means high spirits. When he met with adversity, he gave birth to Yu and He Shengliang. He is narrow-minded, irritable, angry and jealous of talents, and wants to put it many times.
Murder. Therefore, he not only failed to achieve greater victory, but also failed to succeed continuously. Instead, he became angry early.
, sad, alas.
So is modern society. There are many prodigies. Everyone says that he is smart and a child prodigy, but he is not as promising as people think. No, why? Although some students are also very smart, they are withdrawn, weird and unsociable, and are not suitable for cooperation. Some people feel inferior and fragile, unable to face setbacks, some people are impatient, stubborn, conceited and emotionally unstable, and some people are indifferent, irritable and neurotic, making it difficult to communicate with people around them. In particular, some people take me as the center, everything is me, me, me, not caring about others, not caring about others, and always like people around them to revolve around one person. Some big experts, even big experts, have extremely high IQ. They may be good at doing projects and have a certain reputation. However, their cooperation with others is not satisfactory, they are critical of others and cannot forgive or tolerate others. What people do to this great expert is to stay at a respectful distance from others, and in the end, they may become lonely and become a research team. There are also many people who are not very intelligent, but they are not too smart. Even people think that he may have a low IQ, but later he became a great cause, a great hero and a great success.
An American journalist later switched to business management and once found a strange phenomenon at a class reunion. At that time, his grades in the class were average, but they all succeeded. At that time, his grades were good and his IQ was high. Later, many people left the society with average grades. So will other classes do the same? He also took other courses, almost the same, so he came to a conclusion that IQ only accounts for 20% of a person's successful achievements. What is the other 80%? He didn't know what it was, so he tried to find out what it was, 80% success. 1995,
professor
He wrote a book called.
. In the middle of this book, he mentioned some emotional problems, but we ordinary people, even people all over the world, have to admit that we are very worried about universal problems and general trends. What are their trends? Modern children are lonely, melancholy, strange, willful, active, anxious and impulsive. Many parents are right to say so, that's all. Especially in our country, many parents of only children are like this, resulting in * * *. People keep looking for reasons, what caused this result, many reasons, the root cause, and what they found, that is, emotional intelligence, mood and emotion. Emotional intelligence is a particularly important factor in people's success. In other words, high IQ, high IQ and low EQ may not be successful or sustainable. Moreover, the IQ is not too high, and the EQ is relatively high, but it is likely to succeed.
As a result, people increasingly think that EQ surpassing IQ is the reason for success and victory. So, I was looking for 80% people to search and found that IQ accounts for 20% of success and EQ accounts for 80% of success. That's what it says.
This man named Gorman pointed out that the key to a person's success is emotional intelligence rather than IQ. Therefore, someone said that IQ is valuable and EQ is more expensive.
Dear friends, the United States has an institution specializing in consulting and research. They surveyed 188 companies and tested the executives of each company. What is the relationship between their IQ and EQ and their work? The survey found that the influence of EQ is nine times that of IQ. People with poor IQ can succeed if their EQ index is higher. Besides, our future society will be a rapidly developing society. People are faced with fast-paced life, high-frequency workload, complex interpersonal relationships and increasingly fierce competition. People generally feel great pressure inside. Coupled with natural and man-made disasters, there is a complex society. Only people with high IQ can cope, and people with high EQ can adapt to society, cope freely, manage themselves and adjust themselves. The success of leaders mainly depends on the success of subordinates. When your emotional intelligence is high, your attraction, influence and personality charm will come out. What will happen? You are a businessman with high emotional intelligence, which will make you study your business well and attract customers more.
Emotional intelligence is so important, what is it? Let's lift the veil of EQ and see what EQ is. 1990, two American psychologists, Bede Lalawi and John Meyer, put forward the word "emotional intelligence". At that time, they mentioned that emotional intelligence was emotional intelligence. Friends, what does EQ mean? What is EQ? For a long time, people have always had a mysterious feeling about EQ, which makes it difficult for us to approach EQ, grasp EQ and embrace EQ. There is a song with very good lyrics. Ask how the world is, just to make people live and die, and see how many stories there are. The most fascinating thing is the plum blossom three lanes. Who wrote it, Qiong Yao. She wrote that this emotion is the emotion of the relationship between men and women. The "sentiment" of our emotional intelligence is not the relationship between men and women. The abbreviation of EQ is EQ, and IQ is IQ. So what is emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence. That is to say, we often say that reason, wisdom, rationality and understanding mainly refer to your confidence, your perseverance, your perseverance, your patience, your intuition, your adaptability, your cooperative spirit and a series of reflections related to people's quality. Mainly psychological quality. He is a person's ability to feel, understand, control and use an emotion to express his own and others' emotions.
My friends, emotional intelligence can be expressed through a series of abilities. Daniel Gorman, an American professor, wrote the book EQ, and he classified people's EQ into five abilities.
First, the ability to know your emotions, that is, you have to know your emotions. Some people call it emotional consciousness. Let me give you an example. For example, I used to be the dean. I just came out from home, just went out, someone poured a gourd ladle of water on me. He is watering the flowers. His bright head is dirty and his clothes are dirty. I was very angry. I turned around to scold him. Seeing that no one is here, I'm angry. I'm going to work. When I was at work, the director of the office saw me. Dean Zeng has a meeting at nine o'clock. If you have a meeting, I will interrupt him. Now that the Central Committee has said that Wenshan will meet the sea, you still let me have a meeting. The director of this office said that Dean Zeng took medicine today and I was sitting in the office. Dean Zeng has an appointment to talk to you. About what? You just interrupted my work schedule and didn't let me have a rest. What's the matter with you? The assistant said what happened to this dean today? A few days later, the assistant and the director of the office said in front of them, Dean Zeng, what happened to you that day? I said what happened to me, but I didn't do anything. I don't know. Did not realize, did not recognize their own emotions, and brought the bad mood of throwing dirty water to work. You had a quarrel with your wife at home, which may have brought this mood to the company. You are very angry with the company and don't like it. You go home to your wife and your son is angry, and you don't even know it. When you have a problem, you can't concentrate on the class, which is why you can't understand your emotions well. Therefore, there is a saying in China, "Go to three provinces every day and reflect". It's about self-awareness, including recognizing your emotions and feelings. This is the first emotional intelligence ability.
What is the second emotional intelligence ability? We should properly manage our emotional ability, and don't let our emotions get out of control, emotional, emotional and uncontrollable.
The third ability, self-motivation ability.
The fourth ability, the ability to know other people's emotions. We should not only control our emotions, but also look at others' emotions. This is called taking care of him, taking care of yourself and looking at others. Look at people's emotions and look at them from left to right.
Fifth, interpersonal skills.
So this Gorman put forward five emotional intelligence abilities.
Friends, a great nation and great people must be educated and cultivated, and so must people with high emotional intelligence. There are many ways that EQ is higher than training. In my opinion, there are five methods that stand out. First, train emotions and emotions. Train your emotions and emotions. How to train? I think there are several suggestions. First, cognitive emotions. I just talked about recognizing emotions, then analyzing emotions, and then evaluating emotions. It depends on your emotional shortcomings. What are the disadvantages? Next, control emotions and mediate emotions, emotions, emotions. Don't have ups and downs, don't be moody, keep an emotional stability, and don't get carried away when times are good. Don't be dejected and depressed in times of adversity, but take it easy when you are hit.
We have the following specific suggestions. First, we should control our anger. In fact, emotions are human nature, and anger is a manifestation of intense emotions. It can have some advantages and people can get angry. We wrote "Man Jiang Hong" written by Yue Fei, and he was angry. Isn't he angry? It is imposing and has a deterrent effect, but it is often bad to get angry. Including being a leader, including being a parent, is often angry, bad for study, bad for work, bad for life, bad for interpersonal relationship and bad for health. Some people say that anger hurts the liver. What methods do we often use? Strengthen psychological control and improve self-cultivation. What is a trick? Angry, out of control, out of control again, a little trick, procrastination, procrastination, what else can we do? Transfer method, transfer, for example, my dean and my subordinates are angry with him. What's the matter with you? You are such an asshole. You just ... when you are angry, your language may get out of control, and you even really want to hit him. This may have adverse consequences. What shall we do? My secretary told me, Dean Zeng, this is an international call. I'll talk to you later. I'll answer the international call first. I went, picked up the phone, and my secretary said, Dean Zeng, there is no international call, no, I don't think you can control it. Dean Zeng, you can't be angry. I think you almost hit him. The language is almost out of control, and there is no international call. This time, I made a mistake. This time, I shifted slightly. My emotions may have been controlled, and I may have calmed down in the past. What is this? I want to have a tacit understanding with my secretary and assistant. When I lose control, almost lose control, he will interrupt me. This time, I will talk about international calls. Next time, I will say that your wife is here and your leader is here. Then I'll come quickly. My mood will be relieved again. It's a trick.
What other tips are there? Count, count, one, two, if you want to be angry, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, count slowly until you are not angry. Some people say that if you count to 60, you won't be angry. Try it. Count to 60.
What is the other way? If you go to the toilet, you will get angry. Whether you pee or not, go to the bathroom and squat for 20 minutes. After squatting down, your mind will be very peaceful. Although it's indecent, you might as well have a try.
Then there is rational control to exercise your self-control ability, and what's more, to cultivate your world outlook, outlook on life and values. What about anger in the first place?
The second is to overcome tension, pressure, contradictions, conflicts, risks and crises, which easily make us nervous. Excessive tension is not good for work, health and life. What are the emotional methods to overcome nervousness? Have correct goals, communicate and coordinate, learn to enjoy, and participate in some civilized entertainment activities. Come to our CCTV to listen to the report. It's all good.
Third, to avoid impatience, it is mainly to cultivate your patience, have appropriate goals, relax and calm down, and learn to deal with it coldly.
Fourth, get rid of negative emotions, cultivate your own positive emotions, enthusiastic mentality, open mind, sense of accomplishment, and have fun.
Fifth, vent reasonably, because the pressure is too great, you can control, control the explosion in your heart, control the explosion in your stomach, and you can vent appropriately. Use words and actions to vent bad emotions in your heart and keep your mind balanced. This is also the way, what should I do? Go to an empty mountain, shout at the mountain, vent, do exaggerated actions when shouting, relax and vent.
What advice does the president of a country give to his subordinates? His subordinates are all big officials and presidents. I hate that man so much that I want to kill him. The president said not to hit him. I suggest you write and scold him, saying that he is a damn dog. When the official thought about it, the president suggested that I write and scold him. Write. Write this letter when you come back. Almost all the dirty words in the world have been written. What do you think, President? When shall I give it to him? Don't send it to him. Burn it. Anyway, whatever you want to scold most, just write it out. Burn it. We are practicing psychologists now. In fact, psychologists, most of us can become psychologists. You are all the best psychologists in Ceng Laoshi. What do you mean? Psychologists listen patiently to patients' voices most of the time. As long as he has a good audience, he can be psychologically changed by psychological patients, and the miraculous effect is to listen to him.
Sixth, learn to relax. What are the main ways to relax? Learn to relax. Humor is one of the most important ways to relax. Be humorous. Humor can especially relieve mental stress and psychological stress. I wrote a book at 199 1, a humorous book, at the beginning. Humor is a kind of relief, you can get rid of it when you look at it, and it is easy to take it off. At the end of this book, I wrote a passage like this. Friends, don't forget to give humor as an advanced gift to others.
Seventh, we should take care of other people's emotions, not only our own, especially our primary and secondary school students. We should pay attention to training in this field. Some people don't care about other people's emotions when they are excited.
Eighth, we should create an emotional environment. Students' emotions and feelings, as well as those of our descendants, are largely cultivated and trained by their schools and families. If the family is harmonious, the teachers are kind, the classmates cooperate and the society is harmonious, it will have a great influence on the students and our young people. This is an invisible training, silent training, and extremely important. Although he is invisible and silent, the Tao is invisible, but it is tangible, and more is told in silence than in their voices. This is the first of the five methods I said, training our emotions.
What about the second method? Learn to deal with interpersonal relationships. Friends, dealing with interpersonal relationships is a thick gobbledygook. Some of us haven't finished reading this book completely when we reach the end of our lives. So how to deal with interpersonal relationships, I have the following suggestions. First, tolerance is better than a million soldiers. Second, put yourself in another chair and put yourself in another position. Third, learn to care. Fourth, full of love. Fifth, be compassionate. Sixth, communication and coordination. Seventh, honesty. Eighth, be good at cooperation. Ninth, be willing to bear hardships. Losing is a kind of spirit. If you lose, you can get it if you pay, and you can get it if you give up. Tenth, sacrifice. This is the first method I talked about to develop EQ.
What is the third way to cultivate and develop EQ? Be optimistic and open-minded, be good at being optimistic and open-minded, be fun, be fun, what is your mood, optimistic or pessimistic, which is an important aspect of EQ. This is an important factor in getting emotional intelligence, so some people say that optimism will turn defeat into victory, while pessimism may turn victory into defeat. Friends, here is half a glass of water. If I am pessimistic, I will say, Oh, no, only half a glass of water. What should I do? What would I say if I were an excellent person, optimistic and open-minded? Wow, there's still half a glass of water. Great. After all, there is still half a glass of water, which is also half a glass of water. My opinion is different. Then someone said, where is happiness? Where did I find happiness? Did I find happiness? There is a cat Mimi, an old cat, worried and unhappy all day. He thinks he is the unhappiest old cat in the world, but occasionally he sees a kitten spinning on the ground and biting its tail. He was overjoyed. The old cat said, kitten, why are you so happy? The kitten said, I have happiness on my tail. The old cat came home, biting its tail and circling, biting, biting like a kitten. Really happy. Later, he understood that happiness lies in his tail.
Of course, this is a joke, this is a joke, what does he mean, happiness really needs to be found by yourself, and happiness needs to be asked by yourself. I can base my happiness on the development of our unit, the prosperity of our whole nation, the success of others, my own success and my success in helping others. That's all. I am really unhappy, but from another angle, he may be happy. From another angle, I will turn unhappiness into happiness.
There is an unhappy old lady. Why is she unhappy? She is worried and anxious. She is worried about her two sons. She has two sons, one sells umbrellas and the other dyes cloth. It's raining, and she's anxious. Why? It is raining. Why is my eldest son's cloth hanging dry? Doesn't he dye cloth? How to sell my second son's umbrella on a sunny day? She is anxious when it rains, and when it is sunny. Everyone is anxious and anxious. A wise man said to her, think from another angle. You are happy when it rains. My second son's umbrella can be sold. I'm glad the weather is fine. My eldest son's clothes are dry. I am happy, I am happy when it rains, and I am happy when the sun is shining. Let's put it another way.
What is the fourth method? The fourth way for us to train EQ is to be proactive. A person with high EQ is self-motivated, enterprising and always full of hope for the future. Full of hope, for the future, for society, for the motherland, for the nation, for the unit, for myself, for the family and for life.
French writer Mo Bosang famously said that people live in hope. Hope may be a positive thing, even a dream. A nation that can't even dream is a hopeless nation. Every one of us is dreaming. Sweet dreams. I hope to make more money tomorrow. I hope the report submitted tomorrow will be better. We are all dreaming. We have woven dreams, worked hard, interpreted dreams, pursued dreams and fought for them. I will make up another dream to interpret it and realize it. Full of hope. Friends, go to the zoo to see when peacocks look best. When the screen is on, it's best to look smug. After gloating, don't look at the front of it, look at the back. Not good at all. After the front screen is opened, is the back bare? You don't look at the front, look at the back. You say peacocks are ugly, and you don't want to see the best naked front.
The fifth way is to be kind to life opportunities. Some people say that people with high IQ will find opportunities, people with high EQ will seize opportunities, and people with high adversity will not give up opportunities easily. It should be said that to train your emotional intelligence, you should be kind to life opportunities, especially to give one more chance to succeed.
Stand up one more time than fall, and you will succeed. Giving him a few more opportunities, one more opportunity, is actually a deep affection for us. Thank you, thank you.