Read Draw a Clear Line with Children 1 Recently read Draw a Clear Line with Children to learn more about Xiaowu's growth. Suddenly I feel that you have me and I have you. Her mother's way of education and her expectations for her children are all worth thinking about and learning.
The following are the main points in the book. Let's learn them together:
First, the four principles of children's self-discipline
A, delay meeting B, take responsibility C, be loyal to the truth D, and strike a balance.
Claude, the author of Setting Boundaries for Children, said: "The meaning of life is not to escape suffering, but to learn how to endure suffering beneficially. Children who learn to escape pain from childhood will experience double pain when they grow up ... These problems all come from the pain of escaping from temporary struggle, self-discipline and delaying enjoyment. If we learn to lose what we need immediately, feel sorry for what we can't achieve immediately, and then adapt to the realistic requirements put forward by difficulties, joy and success will follow. "
Second, "the most secret and intimate things have the most terrible destructive power. The power of parents' subconscious is far beyond the obvious communication in a family. "
Judith Brown, American family counselor.
Third, parents' love only cares about their own love, regardless of their children's feelings. If you are not in love properly, it will bring great harm to your child.
The psychological damage caused in the name of "love" is no less than the heavy damage left by violence. This kind of love is called "good bullying". This kind of love sutra often wears a beautiful coat: it's all for your own good!
Fourth, we all have psychological scars.
Class A: Over-recognizing children's pain.
Class B: I can't stand children's venting.
Class C: Over-dependence on children.
Class D: Blending of ice and fire.
"Parents' psychological scars directly affect their love for their children. Parents should have a good understanding of their own hearts, what I am anxious about, what I am afraid of, put this energy on themselves and leave the scars here for treatment. "
-Dr. Xu Haoyuan
Verb (abbreviation for verb) What is an unloving behavior?
1, conditional love
2. Irresponsible love
3. Dependent love
4. Love that can never be satisfied
5. The victim's love for debt collection
6. the return of love
6. What is true love? (Message: I am a valuable person! )
1. True love is giving.
2. True love is attention.
3. true love is listening
True love is courage
5. True love encourages independence.
6. True love is accepting separation.
7. True love is keeping promises.
8. The real thing is to change yourself and promote the spiritual growth of yourself and each other.
9. True love is the quality of law.
10, true love is a kind of self-discipline.
1 1. True love is a feeling that won't fascinate us. True love is a rational decision of loyalty, firmness and deliberation.
7. What is the psychological boundary?
"Knowing what I have and what I should be responsible for set me free. If I know the starting point and ending point of my yard, I can move freely in it. Being responsible for my life has given me many choices. On the other hand, if I don't have my own life, my choices will be very limited. "
-"Psychological Boundary"
After reading:
1. Recognize the different psychological and emotional needs of children in the period of "birth", "incubation" and "restoring harmony" and meet them.
2. Don't treat children as your own private property and personality continuation. The child is not our clone, but an independent, complete and separated individual.
3. At every stage of children's growth, respect and accept their individuality, encourage them to be independent, and let go to cultivate their ability to manage their lives alone.
4. Believe in yourself and trust your children, and let them make conscious choices about their lives from the late stage of "restoring harmony" at the age of three.
5. Don't live for children, choose for children and be responsible for children. Let them be responsible for what they should be responsible for; Even if the behavior is biased, let the children bear the natural consequences of their actions.
6. Don't stop children from tasting the true meaning of life, don't worry too much about their "bitterness" and "loss", and don't protect them too much. Instead, let them exercise and grow in the storm and let them bear the "sin" that children should bear.
7. Don't use children as a tool to realize your uncontroversial dreams. If we are not satisfied with our living conditions, we should try to change them instead of pinning our hopes on our children-this will not only ruin their future, but also bring us disappointment and disillusionment.
8. Don't regard children as your own pension savings, and don't rely on them. Now is the only child era. After giving birth to children, we have a lot of time and energy to fight for our old age.
9. Build your own life, be an independent person and set an example for your children. If you want your child to be proud of us, you must first be a proud parent!
After reading the book "Draw a Clear Line with Children", at first I went straight to the subject with a very clear purpose, because recently I felt that I had a lot of confused problems in educating children, I didn't know how to solve them, and I needed a kind of guidance or guidance urgently. I sometimes pause in the process of reading. Sometimes I feel that this book has solved many doubts in my heart, and I have a better understanding of some children's behaviors, so I am more tolerant and more calm. Sometimes, I feel that some practices or ideas introduced in the book have a certain gap with our usual education. It is not easy to really follow the book. When you read and think, your thoughts are full of twists and turns. I think this book has caused me to think about some common problems, which should be my greatest gain from reading this book.
Jung, a master of psychology, said: "All subconscious thoughts will be projected." Lydia, American family counselor. Brown said: "The most hidden and intimate things have the most terrible destructive power. The power of parents' subconscious is far beyond the obvious communication in a family. "In this chapter, Xiaowu reminds every parent that the child is innocent and helpless. Don't ask too much of children, so that children who can't resist their parents can torture themselves to please their parents. When we are dissatisfied with our children, we must first face our own hearts and see if there is some sense of insecurity in our subconscious.
Is the subconscious really that terrible? Do the pressures and fears I feel about educating my children come from my subconscious? I reflect on myself according to Xiaowu's thinking: Do I have inner fears that are unknown (even unknown to me)? Do I have a fear of not even touching it? When I am angry and anxious, is it the fear buried deep in my heart that makes waves?
First of all, I quote a passage from the book Draw a Clear Line with Children to talk about my deepest feelings after reading it: "If parents can calmly face setbacks, competition and depression in life, they will not care about the inevitable conflicts in social communication. When children see their parents' leisurely attitude towards life, they naturally learn to face conflicts, rejections and setbacks calmly. The more nervous, arranged and overprotective parents are about their children's social activities, the more cowardly, timid and dependent they are. "I believe that every time many parents see other children singing and dancing in front of strangers, their mouths are sweet, and their children always shrink behind. Although I am not in the mood, I can still control my mouth and rarely scold my baby for being timid. In fact, looking back, we did overprotect them. Xiaowu said well, don't stop children from tasting the true meaning of life, don't worry too much about their "bitterness" and "loss", don't protect them too much, but let them grow up in the storm and let them bear the "sin" that children should bear.
After reading this book, I have a deep feeling that at every stage of children's growth, we should respect and accept their personality, encourage them to be independent, and let go to cultivate their ability to manage their lives and deal with problems alone. Xiaowu said that it is not the credit of parents that the child is well; Parents must be responsible for their children's failure. If you don't reach this psychological state, you won't draw a clear line. But I don't think so. The baby is fine. That's because I drew a clear line with my child and removed a lot of fetters and bad influences from him in time, which allowed him to grow naturally. This is my credit!
When I was confused, I saw this book, in which the wizard said that children need our 100% unconditional acceptance most. Accepting and respecting their personality and their own growth and development track is the spiritual food for their survival, the source of their self-confidence and security, the driving force for their learning and growth, and the solid foundation for their lifelong happiness.
In the future, what I want to do is: calm down, bend down, listen to children, feel children, accept children and try to be a good teacher. I hope that children can find true happiness and happiness in life and achieve inner peace and balance under our care and guidance.