What kind of experience is it to receive psychological counseling?

Empathy has two meanings: the first meaning is to transfer the past relationship/emotional pattern to the present, and the past behavior pattern is repeated now. The second meaning is the transfer from the inner world to the outer world, or from one's own fantasy/imagination to real life. For example, when a visitor grows up and his father doesn't help him much, he will want to change his father. In psychological counseling, he will transfer his idealized father to a psychological counselor, which is also a kind of empathy. He will show the image of a very idealized father, in other words, it is just an illusion in his heart and has been transferred to reality. One part is that the visitor's past mode has shifted to the present, and the other part is that his fantasy and imagination have shifted to the psychological counseling site. In fact, the situation is much more complicated. Empathy is not only a repetition of what happened in the past, but also an idealized image of the inner world transplanted to psychological counselors. For visitors, psychological counselors are newcomers, who have new experiences and new personal experiences. In fact, the relationship is two-sided, on the one hand, it is repetition, on the other hand, it is new experience and experience. Compare CBT with psychoanalysis. In CBT, we want visitors to change their thinking and behavior patterns, but in psychoanalysis, we want to change their emotions. We believe that the deepest reason for tourists' change is emotion, which is the difference between the two. We always capture emotional details, positive/negative emotions, emotional conflicts, etc. In consultation, we capture emotional words and critical moments. If you interfere with emotions or emotional clues in consultation, it is very important that emotions should be vividly presented in the consultation room, not just told. If he is just talking about his emotional experience, it is not enough. We hope that visitors will show these feelings on the spot, such as resentment towards their parents. This is the meaning of empathy. Emotion refers not only to inner feelings, but also to these two concepts. Emotions must be reflected in interpersonal relationships. Psychological counselors should be able to understand the feelings of visitors, and the feelings felt by psychological counselors should reflect the feelings of visitors. Emotions are not static experiences, but emotions expressed through relationships. This is the importance of empathy and emotion. We don't just "talk" about emotional problems with visitors, we must be able to feel it and experience it, and then visitors can find new ways to solve emotional conflicts. Psychological counselors' own feelings are also very important, including those involving intimate relationships. He has to work closely with visitors, which is very different from the way CBT works. It is precisely because of this that the emotional distance between counselors and visitors is very important. It belongs to two people, not the counselor. An experienced counselor should keep a proper distance, neither too close nor too far away, understand him at a proper distance, don't be overwhelmed by the feelings of visitors, and don't stay away from visitors, control or be controlled. Only by keeping a proper distance can you go to work. It is for this reason that psychoanalytic-oriented psychological counseling has a sense of accomplishment and challenges. Through such an emotional work, you can know such a person and know what it's like. When you have experience, you will know what such a person will look like, instead of just dealing with symptoms and patterns. Of course, this kind of work is also challenging and arduous. Emotion and relationship are linked together, and the emotion of counselor and visitor is also a personal relationship. Visitors will transfer their relationship to the counseling room-empathy, and counselors will react-anti-communism. The relationship model in the consulting room is partly facilitated by consultants. The way to deal with empathy in the process of consultation has changed in intensive consultation. In the past psychological counseling, in order to reproduce the visitors' past, we traced back the young trauma and excavated and repaired it. Now we pay more attention to the experience and feelings of visitors in the current clinic, because only by paying attention to the present can visitors learn from the experience and adapt to the present. For example, a visitor is not easy to trust others. According to the past model, we just explain why she doesn't trust others. We can explain when she was young, but such an explanation can't solve the problem of visitors. Now, work is the real interpersonal relationship between visitors and consultants. Only when the visitor trusts the consultant can he trust others and grow up like this, so we use the relationship between the consultant and the visitor to solve this problem. Back to the example of the morning speech, visitors are jealous of others. According to the past model, it is a repetition of past interpersonal relationships, because compared with her brother, she was ignored by her father and turned to a counselor, who thought that the counselor liked male patients rather than her. But this is not the focus of the work. The point is that we should give the visitor the courage to admit that she is jealous of others. Psychological counselors face jealousy not with rejection, but with acceptance. He let her know that jealousy is normal. Courage is important. Psychological counselors should make visitors accept the feelings that make her feel ashamed, instead of explaining her, but use their realistic interpersonal relationship to promote the growth of visitors. Things always go both ways. In this case, visitors themselves will feel jealous and ashamed. It is understandable that she transferred the relationship model with her father to her own psychological counselor and others, which is a kind of repetition. I pay more attention to this point, that is, the establishment of a new interpersonal model is a new interpersonal experience, just like interpersonal communication with psychological counselors. She was rejected by her father before, and her heart was full of shame and jealousy. But in the consulting room, the counselor understood her feelings and did not refuse visitors. It is the understanding of psychological counselors that gives visitors the courage to admit their inner jealousy. It is this understanding that enables visitors to grow. The two sides of things are here. We can use other words to describe empathy. Empathy is an expectation. The visitor has a wish in his heart. Because of her past growing experience, she always felt that her father liked her younger brother more than her, and that psychological counselors liked male patients more than her. So is the pattern in her life. Psychological counselors can understand the expectations of visitors, give them a kind of motivation, give her the energy to fight this expectation, and enable her to break this expectation and enter a new relationship model. It looks complicated, but it's actually very simple. We need to translate the concept of books into our own experiences. If you can absorb and digest, you will find that you have the same experience in your daily life. Freud thinks there are two problems: empathy is a mistake made by visitors. The visitor thinks that the counselor is like her father, who likes her brother but doesn't like her. Freud thought she made a mistake and took the counselor as her father. Visitors must realize that consultants are consultants, not fathers; Freud also believes that empathy is an impedance, which prevents counselors from understanding visitors. But now I think empathy is a very good opportunity to bring emotions to the scene and give psychological counselors a chance to intervene. Empathy is an old concept of resistance, which is wrong. According to the understanding of empathy in the past, the psychological counselor will say: You are angry with me, but it is wrong to treat me as a father. But now, this is not right. It will say: yes, you have experienced this feeling, just like the feeling you experienced from your father. The emotional experience you experienced is now reappearing. After understanding the visitor, the psychological counselor can accept the past experience and let her grow up. The counselors here can understand, bear and let the visitors grow up, instead of just giving an explanation as in the past, which is different from the way of understanding and consulting in the past. If the counselor just says to the visitor: You are mistaken, I am not your father. If you do this, it's really like the father of the visitor used to treat the visitor. This behavior pattern is repeated again and visitors feel rejected. If the counselor can make the visitor realize that she can feel jealous, it is permissible and possible, which can further promote the growth of the visitor, not just repetition. The difference between marginalization, narcissism and neuroticism should not be too deep, and there will be more opportunities to discuss it in the future. Neurotic visitors are not deep-seated problems, but relatively stable, while the emotional state of borderline personality disorder visitors is more primitive and unstable. He may think that the counselor is an idealized counselor, and then go to a counselor who is considered extremely poor. Borderline personality disorder's evaluation of others is either black or white, either that the counselor is perfect and no mistakes are allowed, or that the counselor is useless and has no advantages. Confusion of concepts is normal. The key is to see what is useful to you and whether it makes sense. Anti-communism is correct in two aspects: on the one hand, psychological counselors respond to visitors' empathy, on the other hand, the counseling attitude of psychological counselors gives visitors a new opportunity and the courage to understand their emotions. It is precisely because psychological counselors openly accept the attitude of visitors that visitors can understand their emotions instead of simply repeating them as before, which promotes their own growth. Empathy always has two aspects: repetition of the past and new experience. Reading psychoanalytic books often has such problems. There are twenty opinions in twenty articles. It is important to find out what is useful to you, and combine your experience and books to choose what is useful to you. Don't read it if you don't understand it. It is most important to read some useful books and form your own opinions. There are many theoretical viewpoints, some of which are written by very experienced psychological counselors. They tell their own experiences, which are very good. But there are many abstract theories in this field, which are not helpful for your understanding and thinking. You should find books that are useful to you and form your own opinions. You can enrich your knowledge by reading, and you can also deepen your knowledge and form your own understanding and concepts by communicating with colleagues, learning from patients and communicating with each other. In psychoanalysis, some concepts are useful, but others are useless. Conservative position: as an observer, psychological counselors are in the world and do not participate. Radical stance: The relationship between counselors and visitors is a two-person model. Psychological counselors themselves also participated in the development of psychological counseling. Psychological counselors themselves will have empathy in it and will be mixed in. Psychological counselors need to experience it personally because of this. It is his own empathy that helps him distinguish, not from visitors. The visitor plays the role of a psychological counselor. Classic emphasizes one person's consultation, while modern emphasizes the interaction between two people. Narcissism involves issues of self-esteem and self-identity. On the one hand, such visitors show omnipotence and arrogance, which makes psychological counselors feel humble. These people feel small, humble, sensitive and vulnerable. For visitors of this character, the method is different. Psychological counselors should be compassionate and make these visitors realize that they can tolerate their imperfections without being perfect. Have more compassion and be able to bear your own imperfections. The most challenging thing for the counselor is that she will look very powerful in front of the counselor and make the counselor look very humble. Counselors must be able to withstand the humbleness caused by visitors, and counselors should let visitors reconcile these divisions. His inner world consists of two parts: arrogance and humility. It is challenging for psychological counselors to reconcile the problems of visitors. For such a visitor, when she can admit that people don't need to be so perfect, it will be more humane, which is the performance of consulting progress. It is reasonable to realize that my counselor doesn't have to understand everything I say. Just because he doesn't understand doesn't mean that a counselor is a bad counselor. Counselors just need to try their best to understand. He can realize that the counselor didn't understand, so I can speak more clearly and help her understand, indicating that counseling is a successful counseling to help her grow up.