How to get rid of the emotion of regret 1 and accept your true level?
Many friends who learn musical instruments may have this experience: they usually practice the piano with the door closed, but they can obviously play it skillfully and make no mistakes at all; But when it comes to exams or performances, it's easy to play the wrong sound, and it's a mess, which is simply not like your usual self.
When I encounter this situation myself, I will especially regret and blame myself, but my piano teacher said to me: Don't regret it, your real level is like that. ?
I was unconvinced and said, teacher, you know me. You can really play well when you practice by yourself. My true level is not like this! I was so nervous when I went on stage. ?
The teacher said: Do you think that you are strong because you usually play smoothly?
That's not true.
Performing on stage requires not only skillful skills, but also extra psychological pressure. This ability to withstand pressure is actually part of your strength.
And you played it wrong as soon as you came on stage, which just shows that your strength in this part is not strong enough.
There is no other way. Only when you go on stage, perform more and expose your pressure in public, will your ability to resist pressure be truly cultivated. ?
From this perspective, my judgment of my own strength is actually an omission of my ability to withstand pressure!
For another example, many people have had the experience of doing multiple-choice questions in the examination room, hovering between A and C, and finally having no choice but to get a C.
As a result, I checked with others in the examination room and found that the correct answer was A.
At this time, we often regret it very much and think: I should have done the right thing. Why did I choose C just now? Why am I so stupid? Why didn't I choose a? Why not choose a?
In fact, the essence of this regret is an overestimation of one's own strength.
The real reason why we hesitate between A and C is that we are not proficient in this knowledge point.
If we really review in place below, memorize the knowledge points and practice thoroughly, then when we arrive at the examination room, we won't hesitate, and the answer will naturally appear in front of us.
Therefore, the first way for people to overcome regret is to learn to admit regret.
Admit your true level, face your true level and dare to say to yourself: I really don't work hard enough, I admit it. ?
I chose the wrong answer because I didn't review carefully enough before and I didn't remember the knowledge points firmly enough. I admit it.
I jumped up and down at the concert because I didn't have enough performance experience and psychological quality before. I admit it.
When we learn to admit that we are not strong and take responsibility for our weakness, we will have a calm power inside, and it is this power that will lead us to be really strong.
2. Dare to pay the decision-making cost in advance.
A friend of mine missed a good opportunity to buy a house last year, and now he wants to buy it again, and he has to pay nearly twice the house price last year to get it. She was very, very sorry for this and asked me how to calm this regret.
I asked her:? When you learned about this property information last year, what finally prompted you not to make a decision to buy a house?
She said:? In fact, what made me hesitate most last year was that the location of this property was a bit biased. Worried that this place would not appreciate in the future, I finally gave up. Who knows the housing prices here when the government moved to this area this year? Wow? It will go up soon. It's too late to buy again now. Alas, I regret, I regret.
I continued to ask her: Did you study the relevant policies when you hesitated to buy a house here last year? Have you done any data analysis? Have you consulted relevant professionals, such as real estate lawyers?
She thought about it and said? Hmm? I didn't expect this. ?
In fact, this is the crux of the problem.
Any gain needs to be paid, and any success needs to be watered at a price.
When we are faced with major decisions, we should dare to pay the decision-making cost in advance and do a good job in research and consultation in advance.
Major decisions, such as buying a house, selling a house, signing a contract, choosing a job, etc. Decision makers are required to have a high professional threshold. Ordinary people are easy to make wrong judgments without knowing the relevant majors, and eventually make wrong judgments, causing huge losses.
When your professional knowledge is not enough to support your own judgment, you should dare to ask professionals for advice, rather than making a hasty decision based on your own subjective speculation.
Before making a decision, we should dare to pay the decision-making cost in advance.
Only by knowing, investigating and consulting in advance can we obtain more effective information, thus making a relatively more accurate judgment and avoiding regret.
3. Allow yourself to make mistakes.
After reading this, some friends may ask: So if I haven't read this article before, I don't know that I have to pay the decision-making cost in advance, and I haven't investigated and consulted. Now I made the wrong choice and regret it. How can I get rid of this feeling of regret?
For friends who have this idea, let's recall what Teacher Hao often said:
? I'm not a god. I can't be perfect.
I allow myself to be imperfect, I allow myself to make mistakes, I allow myself to make mistakes. ?
I don't know when it started. It seems that each of us has been implanted with one. You must not make mistakes? Description. Once we make a mistake, we will subconsciously blame ourselves and punish ourselves in our hearts. This feeling is the source of regret.
Who helped us implant it? You must not make mistakes? Where are the instructions?
Perhaps our parents disciplined us severely when we were young;
Perhaps the fiercest teacher in the school;
Maybe we made it artificially to fight against inner insecurity? The all-knowing and all-powerful self? .
The person who implanted it for us. No need to make mistakes? Instruction, we all have to put it aside now and ignore it.
We should free ourselves from the cage of thought and give ourselves one? Make mistakes? Freedom.
Set yourself 30%? Fault tolerance rate? Well, otherwise we'll really push ourselves to the wall.
Say yes to myself, I allow myself to make mistakes, and I also allow myself not to be an omniscient and omnipotent God.
Say to yourself: I screwed up this time, I admit, I know where I made a mistake. Next time I will replace the old model with a new one, and I will make progress!
Finally, I want to quote a sentence from my favorite debater, Jiang Sida. Be generous and romantic, what's the big deal ~! ?