The following are 12 common quotations of psychological counseling, corresponding to the problems often encountered in life and how to solve them. If you master these principles, you will be able to solve most problems.
In this world, just like there are no two identical leaves and no two identical people. Even father and son, mother and daughter, brother and sister. Everyone is unique. In this way, different living environments and different living backgrounds will form different ideas, different concepts, different practices and different experiences, thus forming a colorful world.
Often, the more you ask the closest person, the higher your expectations are. Sometimes we think that what we say should be understood by our lover and understood by our children, but it is not. Everyone's ideas are imagined by their own level of understanding.
If you understand the truth that "no two people are exactly the same", then it is easy for you to understand others and accept that others don't understand your ideas and others disagree with your views.
You won't impose your ideas and opinions on others. You don't have to judge others with your own ideas and opinions. Respect and accept others' differences, and others will understand your uniqueness.
Giving people space is also leaving space for yourself. Only by respecting other people's beliefs and different values can we form a good communication relationship. It's normal for people to put forward their own opinions and have different ideas. This reduces a lot of trouble.
The view that no two people are the same can not only help you upgrade your life's "operating system", but also solve many small problems around you. From the intimate relationship around you to your social cooperation with the outside world, it can be the master key to open a complex world.
Because no two people's thoughts are exactly the same, and they will not be completely synchronized. Even if I feel that the harmonious heartbeat of the sacred unicorn sometimes appears, it's just that two people know each other better and can share the same frequency. It's very happy and lucky.
Many contradictions in life are due to the lack of a good relationship. Everyone lives in various relationships, such as family relationships, intimate relationships, parent-child relationships and even interpersonal relationships. However, if we look closely, we will find that it is full of all kinds of "control".
We always want to change our parents, make our partners better, arrange a better future for our children, and even unconsciously want people around us to do it in their own way. And the closer you get, the stronger your demands, the deeper your love and the more you manage! However, many times, the more attention, the more chaotic! Or go to extremes.
Many troubles in life are caused by: "Why don't you listen?" "Why don't you do it like me?" "Why do you always do this?" ……
However, in fact, one person can never change another person, and neither can you unless he really wants to change for you. A person's change is what he wants to change!
In life, "I did it for his own good", "My method is better" and "I will succeed if I do what I say". Many times, "I am really angry!" "Hate iron and not steel!" However, thinking like this can only add more anger! Because a good motivation can only be the reason to change others, not the right to control others!
As a result of the control, you can look around.
Everyone has no right to force others to agree with their own beliefs and values, otherwise it will only attract strong resistance and stay away. Examples abound in reality. Family relationship is tense, intimate relationship is broken, parent-child relationship is not good, and work relationship is not smooth. Generally speaking, this relationship is not clearly defined.
Control is invisible and sometimes imperceptible. If you don't want to be controlled by others, don't try to control others. If you think there is something wrong with your's relationship, first reflect on whether you are offside or under control.
It is futile to control others, and it is also futile to change others. Therefore, we must first change our attitude, distinguish between "ourselves" and "others", and accept the fact that we have no right to change others, let alone control anyone.
Everyone has their own independent personality and equal rights, even children. The truth that "one person can't control another person" is a reminder to everyone, a prerequisite for respecting others, and the beginning of liberating oneself. Everyone doesn't need external changes to make themselves comfortable. When he changes, the world changes. He has the final say in life, from himself to the country.
Learning is to stand on the shoulders of giants and see further. Many truths are obtained in learning, which has a good guiding significance for our lives and helps us establish our own values. However, only by practicing in practice and internalizing it into your own cognition can you really grow up.
Being familiar with the sentence "I know a lot of truth, but I can't live a good life" shows that knowing truth may not be able to use good truth. If the truth only stays at the level of knowing, then knowing more is of no use to you. "All talk and no practice" is useless and can't be used.
No matter what we do, we have a goal. With a purpose, we have a direction. There is a general direction in life, that is, to do things well and achieve the perfect effect of "three good" (hello, I am good, everyone is good). Therefore, the effect is the direction and result of doing things, which can guide us to become better.
In reality, we can realize that successfully doing one thing brings us happiness, happiness, hope and a sense of accomplishment. We can make a virtuous circle and move in a better direction.
If it's just empty reasoning, it sounds right, but if you don't act and don't do it, it's just reasoning and you can't see the effect, such as castles in the air. So we can see that there is a bridge between cognition and result, and that is action.
On the issue of educating children, tell them what is good for them for a long time. It is better to lead him to do it and let him taste the sweetness of success. Tell him a lot about the benefits of reading. It's better for an adult to pick up a book first, read it with relish, tell it to him vividly, and slowly guide him to like to write. Which effect is good or not?
The same is true in intimate relationships. Both people who love each other and kill each other know that marriage needs two people to maintain together. Only those who are often together, communicate with each other and appreciate the effect of love will slowly find the right way to love each other. Everyone is different, and the truth that everyone advocates is not exactly the same. Only through practice can we gradually integrate and understand each other.
"Reasoning" focuses on past experience, and whether it is "effective" depends on future development. We should look at the truth we have with a developmental perspective. In the process of doing things, knowing more truth means that we have more methods or shortcuts, and helpful actions will be more efficient. And the future effect depends on action.
Sometimes you can take what others have done effectively as experience, but don't read from the book, because everyone's situation and personal hobbies are different, so you need to verify and use it yourself and find a method that suits you.
With the cognition that "effectiveness is more important than rationality", we will not be entangled in the "boasting" brought by "rationality", nor will we be "complacent" because we know a lot of reasons, nor will we be "unhappy" because others don't understand me, so as to better understand ourselves and others, and focus on whether the pursuit is "effective", and humbly use actions to achieve it and invest more energy.
The farthest distance is the distance from head to toe. You have a plan in mind, but it can only be achieved if you are down to earth. Learn more truth through learning, don't stay in the channel you know, but also implement truth through practice, actively practice, sublimate cognition through experience, get more and better results, and make the mind more free.
In the same world, some people are happy and beautiful, while others are cynical. The world is created by ourselves, and there is no absolute real world.
Everyone has different genetic codes, was born in different environments, grew up in different families, received different education, experienced different landscapes, formed different outlook on life and values in the process of growing up, and started different information systems and mental models when encountering the same problems. So everyone's views and opinions will be different, and the world in everyone's eyes is different.
Often we will discuss a problem and get different results. This is normal. To be fair and reasonable, quarrels will always intensify unless someone gives in. The world that everyone sees is the so-called "truth" filtered out by their own cognition. No one can see what others see. The so-called "you know yourself when you drink water." "It's hard for others to understand."
The life we show is a different destiny, and the world everyone sees is processed by themselves, with everyone's own color. One world, one thing, different feelings. Different mentality, different views. A positive attitude is like the sun, shining on it; A negative attitude is like the moon, which is different on the fifteenth day of the first lunar month.
Some people are sad and lonely every autumn, but I say autumn is better than spring. In the same world, who will provoke who? Different emotions come from different inner feelings. Also, does the sparrow know the ambition of the swan? Everyone has his own troubles. Don't envy others, as if they are always happy, and you are always stuck in the churning of the Wang Yang sea. What you see is not necessarily true, perhaps, you are also the enviable scenery of others.
Sometimes, what a person often says will become your reality. Usually, our inner consciousness has been strengthening our language and inner hints. You will pay attention to what you think, and you will see what you see. Over time, a person's perspective on the world will be formed.
Everyone's cognition is different, so we can't ask others to be the same as ourselves. What you see is not what others see, and your experience is beyond others' reach. Sometimes, you can't read it without a fax. Because I don't understand your world, summer insects can't speak ice, and Qiu Chan can't see spring.
When I was a child, I felt that the world was so big that I could never see the edge. When I grow up, I can fly to the ends of the earth. It is our people who grow up with age, and the world around us is getting smaller and smaller, and we are facing more and more pressure and anxiety.
However, things never give us pressure, and pressure comes from our judgment and reaction to things. Different people have different judgments and reactions to the same thing.
However, the world you see can be changed. Don't try to change others, and don't need to change the outside world (we can't know what it looks like). As long as we change ourselves (the world in our minds), your world will be different.
Some people in life are good at communication and interpersonal relationships, while others are efficient and can upload and distribute in place. Because the world is shaped by your own feelings, and two people are different, good communication is not a very simple thing.
Communication is a process of the transmission and feedback of thoughts and feelings between people, people and groups, so as to achieve ideological consistency and emotional smoothness. Communication is the cooperation between the two parties, and it is not a slap in the face to achieve a pleasant communication effect. But it depends on what effect the initiator wants to achieve.
The importance of communication is beyond doubt. It can be said that there is no life without communication. Communication is a bridge to establish interpersonal relationship, a lubricant for interpersonal communication, and being good at communication is a kind of ability.
1, the measure of communication ability is whether the expected effect has been achieved.
Communication is to convey what you want to express to the other party and let the other party receive it. Someone talked plausibly for a long time, but the other party didn't understand and said it in vain; Someone did it in a few words, come on! You see, what you say is not important, but what the other party receives is important.
2. Real communication means that the other party recognizes what you say.
We know that no two people are exactly alike, that is, no two people understand exactly alike. If you want the other party to receive your information completely, you should express what the other party can understand, not what you think is "correct". No matter how correct it is, it is only what you think is "correct". Only when the other party thinks that "correctness" is the real "correctness" can it be recognized by the other party and realize real communication.
3. The significance of communication lies in the response of the other party.
There are many ways to communicate, such as writing, language and body language. To achieve the purpose of communication, adopt appropriate and acceptable ways and methods.
In the process of communication, the communication between language and body language is generally much more effective than writing. Because in the process of communication, we can interact from time to time, and the communicators can change their communication methods and ways according to the acceptance of the people being communicated. Only the way to get the response from the other side is the right way.
Sometimes some implicit language will have an impact on the subconscious of the communicated person, which may be exactly what the communicated person needs, and it is often easier to achieve the purpose of communication.
Because no two people have the same reaction to the same information, they will get different communication effects when facing different communication objects, which also makes communication more uncertain and poses more challenges to communicators.
4. Efficient communicators are good at reflecting from communication.
Communication is an interesting science. Some people can't achieve results and get feedback from people they communicate with. It is useless to repeat the old method ten times and a hundred times. This is ineffective communication. Efficient communicators are good at summing up communication experience, finding out the reasons for ineffective communication, and changing methods is the only way to improve communication effect.
Reflect on why there is no feedback from the other party? Finding a method acceptable to the other party is one of the important things to achieve the communication effect.
It can be seen that the way of communication can be chosen by the communicator, but the effect of communication is determined by the communicated person.
5. A harmonious atmosphere contributes to communication.
The purpose of communication can achieve a win-win situation. A master who can create a harmonious atmosphere can easily achieve the effect of communication. There is no right or wrong in communication, and the three good effects of "Hello, I am good, hello everyone" are what everyone wants to see. Therefore, if there is confrontation in communication, the communicator should seize it sensitively and change the method in time. Because people's brains are more receptive to other people's opinions in a harmonious atmosphere.
Good communication helps us to live a better life, whether it is family relationship, intimate relationship, parent-child relationship or work relationship. Realizing that the meaning of communication is to get the other party's response, and stopping to change channels in time when the other party doesn't respond can reduce useless energy.
The world has been changing. If you don't want to change, you will be dragged forward, otherwise you will be in a passive position of survival of the fittest. China people's learning ability is super strong, like mushrooms after rain. If an aunt sells vegetables in the blink of an eye, she will use Alipay to collect money, otherwise your vegetables will not be sold.
It's no use complaining about the problems in life, but many people repeat the same life every day. Today is no different from yesterday. If you are content with the status quo, it will be considered that the years are quiet. You wish to be rough, I wish to be calm. However, more and more people are looking at the mountains, and they are not calm when they look at them. Why are you taller than me? And I still repeat the pace of every day.
The convention remains the same, how to surpass it? If you want to be someone else's mountain, you can only get the same result by changing your way of doing things and repeating the old methods.
Any change on the existing basis is the beginning of innovative thinking. Change is the chance to leap, and change is the normal state of life, because people are frequent visitors who like the new and hate the old, and we are embracing a new life every day. Then boldly change some of your own practices and boldly try new methods. This is the only way for you to be happy.
You can change yourself, because no one can control the whole of another person. You change the way you communicate with others, and naturally others will change.
I once came into contact with an example of psychological counseling. Couples who often confront each other have a small quarrel every day and a big quarrel every three days. Often you are better than me. Later, my advice to my wife was that when my husband quarreled again, you recognized his quarrel in your heart, thinking that I wouldn't be fooled by you. He shouted that it was his business, and I wouldn't be hurt if I didn't respond, so his language would have nowhere to fall, because if you didn't, his language would return to yourself. Because without your response, the intensity of the quarrel will not be strengthened, and the intensity of the counterattack will also be weakened. Just like playing cotton, you don't feel pain, and he doesn't feel pain, and his strength weakens and becomes boring. One truth is that it takes two hands to make a sound. It is natural to quarrel. It changes a person, but it changes the feelings of two people, so the communication between two people can be carried out calmly.
What you have to do is the effect. If it is found that the expected effect has not been achieved, we should think about new methods in time. Only by constantly improving methods can people remain invincible and keep up with the ever-changing world. Old keys can only open old locks. If you change the lock, you can't open it without changing the key. It's no use being in a hurry. Just as old methods can't solve new problems, problems often appear, so we should change methods in time.
We often say that only by tearing down the wall of thinking and the wall that binds our own thinking can we find an opportunity to change our destiny and see a bigger world. The fundamental change is to change the way of thinking, from plane to three-dimensional, from three-dimensional to four-dimensional, from low order to high order, from part to whole. The world is developing in a cycle, and what we see are phenomena and actually changed ways of doing things.
Change is the starting point of all progress. Accept that "change is the normal state of life", so that you won't panic in the face of change and take over the move in time. Just like everyone's communication style is different, every child is growing up. Everyone is changing in different moods and different environments. Always look at people from another angle and look at problems from another angle, so that you won't live passively and solve problems in time and effectively.
Repeat the old method and get the old result. To open a new lock, you need a new key. Look at everything from a developmental perspective, don't confine yourself to a narrow space, let change become the norm and serve the goal.
(To be continued)