I know I shouldn't smoke, but I can't help smoking.
I know I shouldn't always surf the Internet, but I can't help surfing the Internet. ...
I know, but I can't do it.
All help seekers want to solve repetitive problems, such as smoking and surfing the internet. We should help them solve compulsion rather than duplication.
Coercion means knowing that you shouldn't do it, but you have to do it. There is a psychological conflict, and what the counselor wants to solve is his psychological conflict.
For example:
Symptoms: Xiao Wang is afraid of taking the bus.
Conflict: Xiao Wang thinks that he should not be afraid to take the bus under normal circumstances, but he is afraid to take the bus himself.
? Most people with psychological problems have contradictions.
Solve compulsion: Normal Wang Cheng is afraid that the bus is abnormal, and sick Wang Cheng is afraid that the bus is normal. Let Xiao Wang admit that he is sick first, and then accept the behavior of being afraid of taking the bus. It is normal for her to be afraid of taking the bus, and her inner contradictions are reduced. Then behavioral therapy (exposure therapy) was carried out to make the sick Wang Cheng show fear. After several trips, her shouts became less and less, Xiao Wang was not afraid to take the bus, and the patient label was removed. Xiao Wang who is back to normal.
? Wake up the power of asking for help and let yourself live a normal life.
? Observation (what the helper said) is not important → observation (what the helper said) → understanding (what you said for and what you wanted to express).
5. Effectiveness is more important than correctness, and pursuing effectiveness on the premise of correctness.
Walk around the consulting goal and realize the consulting goal.
Superstition is wrong, but sometimes it is effective, and it is effective to achieve the goal.
Sixth, it is definitely ineffective to solve the problem of the helper with the way of thinking of the helper.
The helper couldn't catch fish in the tree, so he asked the consultant for help. If the counselor slips down from the tree, it's the same as the helper's idea. The solution is to try to get him down from the tree. If he doesn't come down, he can cut down the tree.
Unhealthy people, the method remains the same, and the goal always changes;
Healthy people, the goal remains the same, change the method.
Counselors can't die on the road to saving people. The premise is that you must know his way of thinking and where his mind is.
Seeking fish from the edge of wood: Mencius Hui Liang Wang Shang: "If you want to do something, you should seek fish from the edge of wood." Pursuing that goal in that way is like climbing a tree to find fish. If the direction and method of metaphor are wrong, it will certainly fail to achieve its goal.
Carving a boat for a sword: Some Chu people waded into the river and their swords fell from the boat into the water. They agreed to their boat and said, "My sword fell from there." The ship stopped at the destination, and the Chu people jumped into the water from the marked place to find the sword. The ship has sailed, but the sword has not moved. Isn't it very confusing to look for the sword like this? (Lv Chunqiu Cha Jin by Lv Buwei in the Warring States Period) Metaphor sticks to a routine and doesn't know how to change one's point of view or method with the change of the situation.
Buy bamboo slips and return them to pearls: Some Chu people sold their pearls to Zheng, which were Mulan's bamboo slips, smoked with cinnamon, decorated with jade beads, decorated with roses and jade. Zheng Guoren bought the jewelry box and returned the pearls. This can be said to be a best seller, but it is not a good pearl. Conversations in this world are all controversial words, and people forget to use them after reading them. (Han Feizi in the Warring States Period, "Han Feizi's Foreign Reserve Says Left") Metaphor is improper choice, grasping the secondary and losing the main.
Cut your feet to fit your shoes: the shoes are big, so cut off some feet to fit the small shoes. Metaphor is too accommodating to existing conditions, or mechanically. "Huai Nan Zi said Xun Lin": "If a husband raises it, it will harm what he raises. For example, if he cuts his feet and fits his shoes, he will be crowned when he kills his head. " Feet: feet. Footwear: shoes. Metaphor makes do with unreasonable relationships or ignores specific situations.
Seven, time is the best psychologist, four dimensions = three dimensions+time.
Replace Newton's brain with Einstein's.
Science is not necessarily correct, and science cannot prove but falsify.
You can't say that a swan is white when you see ten thousand white swans.
Science has its limitations. Geocentric theory holds that Heliocentrism is right.
The four dimensions in physics refer to length, quantity, temperature and time. The first three dimensions were summarized by Newton, and the length includes: length, width, height and volume. Quantity includes: quality, quantity, times, etc. Temperature includes: heat, electric energy, resistivity, etc. Time is supplemented by Einstein on the basis of Newton, including specific heat capacity, speed, power and so on.
Psychological counselors should have a sense of time. The only constant in the world is change.
? See the time clearly, and see the change when you see the time.
The consultant asked the visitor: How was your week?
The visitor replied: It's still the same (my heart is dead).
If you can't see the change, your heart will die.
? Stay active: You wore red last week and blue this week. Let him see his change.
It's not a reason to pay for troops. It comes from Zhuangzi. Confucius said, "Return, pay for troops is not a reason." It means that when two arms touch, in such a short time, this hand is not the one it used to be. This means that, as the western philosopher Heraclitus said, "one cannot step into the same river twice." People have changed, so has the water. Considering the time factor, nothing in the world is constant, nothing is constant for a minute, and nothing is constant.
? When you look at the time, you see the change. Most people look forward to the future and review the past from now on; Psychology is to stand in the future and look at the present and the past.
? "Don't judge the future from the height of the present, because you will grow up and have new choices and judgments in the future."
Time is the best therapist. No matter how many wounds disappear on the skin, they all dissolve into the heart and become beautiful patterns on the ventricular wall. -Annie, baby