The more intimate, the more internal friction.
Produce mental dependence
In such feelings, the most difficult thing to give up is to have a strong spiritual dependence on that person in long-term contacts.
Through this emotional support isolated from reality, we can temporarily avoid some unbearable pressure, pain and spiritual desolation.
When you get used to each other's active concern, what you expect most every day is to receive his information. You will keep clicking on the other person's head, friends circle and even steps to guess what he is doing and whether he misses you.
Because the emotions are dragged and consumed by the other party, I feel that I am not loved and not valued.
Maybe you just admire this person at first, or you want a good feeling.
But after getting along for a long time, the lust is spreading a little bit, and you can't help thinking about the details. Why can't he give me more company, will he leave me, and will it be better if we are completely together … ...
Feeling first
The other person cares about your feelings all the time.
For a woman, the integrity of love can only be realized if she loves someone with all her heart. Similarly, the criteria for judging men tend to be absolute in details.
Once out of expectation, it is not only suspicious of feelings, but also difficult to trust each other; I may even fall into the victim's mind and think that I have ruined my pure love, so I will continue to care about accusations or self-attack and self-doubt.
But for most men, what they want is not wholehearted, which means they need to give back with all their strength, but he is unwilling to give too much, or his ability is limited and he can't give back. Love has become their bondage.
In short, men need love, but they don't need 100% love; I need marriage, but I don't want only responsibilities and obligations in my life. Need intimacy, but more need a comfortable and free relationship.
The essence of extramarital affairs is to satisfy oneself.
Therefore, a woman's love will satisfy a man's self-esteem and make him want to be close; At the same time, a woman's infatuation will violate his freedom, so she subconsciously wants to escape.
The good feeling is that when you depend on someone, the other person is willing to accept this dependence. This dependence not only requires mutual love, but is usually based on the same realistic goals and interests.
Therefore, in this special relationship, it is inevitable that there will be imbalance.
Many women who come to consult will judge that they love each other more according to the standard of pain.
In fact, objectively speaking, they are essentially the same, and they all want to satisfy themselves by asking for it from each other.
The difference between men and women is not the different concentration of love, but more the different positions and the mismatch of needs.
For women, his initial enthusiasm and concern filled your original blank.
Balance and control desire
Once this concentration is not enough, your life will face a chicken feather and a pool of stagnant water.
You can't solve it and don't want to face it, so you will be eager for the other party to continue to stay hot, whether it is concerned or affirmed, and the more purpose is to meet your own needs.
For men, the initial sweetness is easy to dissipate, and it is more responsibility and bondage, which also violates the initial needs, so I recovered my reason.
Such feelings can easily support a person's desires, but they need the ability to control and balance. Once the spare capacity of the heart is insufficient, it will suffer from loss and internal friction.
At present, this person's aura is slowly disappearing, and even he has a resentment. This relationship is tasteless, and it is a pity to abandon it.
But because I tried the sweetness and then turned back, the pain was more unbearable than before, and I needed occasional contact to quench my thirst, so I fell into the dilemma of not loving deeply enough and hating enough!
Any choice is a matter of gain and loss.
In fact, any choice is a matter of gain and loss. Whether you continue or leave, there are advantages and disadvantages. So if you choose the lesser of two evils, are you more able to bear the pain of wasting energy repeatedly, or are you lonely without any exit?
Everyone, first of all, should protect their energy and not be excessively consumed by others. After knowing their energy and ability, they know how to choose.
People are more self-righteous than affectionate. What they once thought they would never forget in their lives eventually disappeared without a trace.
Many people say that I already know intellectually, but if my behavior is out of control, I will still be sad and can't help looking forward to it.
It doesn't matter, as long as you are sober, independent, self-vigilant and know what you really want, you will keep pushing yourself, at least you won't put yourself in an extremely passive position.
At first, feelings that began with lust must end with abstinence from lust.
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It must be very painful. I can't fight these pains, but I still don't want to make a choice, I want everything!
But this is obviously unrealistic.
In short, love should be an emotion that makes you better, not a subjective feeling of blind loss of self and judgment.
You must tap your potential, lower your bottom line and broaden your understanding of the world, then your armor will be strengthened by yourself.
Be more patient, life is long, you are not in a hurry, it is normal to advance, retreat and retreat, as long as the direction is correct and the purpose is clear.
Not just emotionally, everything is. Come on!