Case focus
Xiao D, male, said in the letter: "When I entered the third year of high school, the pressures followed one after another: family pressure, teacher pressure, classmate pressure, self-pressure and study pressure ... many pressures made me unbearable and had nowhere to vent. Every day, my head is in a state of high tension and I often suffer from insomnia. Sometimes I want to relax myself, but every day when I go home and look at my mother who is more nervous and haggard than me, I am speechless. Sometimes I can control myself and drag my tired heart on. Sometimes it is difficult to control yourself and there will be conflicts with your family. "
cause analysis
Senior three students are often under great pressure from their parents, teachers, peers and even themselves. Great pressure makes children feel anxious. Faced with this anxiety, many children want to get rid of and relax at home, but when they get home, they find that their parents are more nervous and anxious than themselves. Imagine: when both sides are in an anxious mood, it is easy to produce conflicts and unhappiness, and when both sides are irrational, the contradictions will escalate.
Communication strategy
1. Parents should be in a stable mood. Parents' emotions will directly affect children's emotions, and parents' anxiety will also make children more anxious. Therefore, parents should have a normal heart. The stability and normality of parents' emotions is the basis and premise of effective communication with children.
2. Be considerate of children and give them time and opportunities to relax. When a child drags his tired body home, he can say with distress, "Tired, relax for a quarter of an hour before doing his homework!" " "In this way, the child will feel your understanding, care and love for him.
Case 2: Children who don't want to talk
Case focus
When I was consulting a family, a mother vividly described a fragment that happened in her home:
When Xiao L came home from school, his parents greeted him immediately.
Dad: "Yes, how was school today?"
Little L: "Well ..."
Mom: "There are watermelons in the refrigerator. Eat something to cool down. " Little L: "Well ..."
Dad: "What are you unhappy about? Tell us. "
Little L: "Well ..."
Mom: "What's the matter? Why don't you talk? "
Little L: "Well ..."
Dad couldn't bear it: "Are you dumb? You are such a child! "
"Bang" little L closed the door of his room tightly.
Mom opened the door: "How did your parents make you angry? How do you treat your parents like this? "
Little l: "didn't you hear me answer with' hmm'?" Aren't you tired of nagging all day? "
Mom: "even the puppy will say hello to its owner, unlike when you go home and talk to you for a long time." Do you still care about your parents? "
Little L: "Your mouth is on my face, whether I want to talk or not. Dogs will say hello, so you can have a dog. "
Dad: "mom and dad have worked hard for your education, but they are still angry with you." Look at your face. Does this make sense? "
Little L: "I'm bored, bored." I'm too lazy to tell you so much, you can't understand it anyway! "
Mom: "You can talk about your grievances and discomfort. You said before, how did this happen? "
L: "I just don't want to talk. Isn't there even such freedom? " If you want to help me, don't keep asking me and bothering me! "
cause analysis
In real life, many parents have encountered similar situations. In this case, parents are angry and children are annoyed. Both sides have grievances and feel wronged. So what should we do under such circumstances? Let's take a look at the deep thoughts of Xiao L and his parents.
Little l: "I was not sick at that time, but sometimes I was depressed and didn't want to talk." I just want to be quiet for a while. " My parents have taken care of me long enough. Not that they are bad. It's entirely my personal problem. I want to calm down and think about some problems. Sometimes I really want to enjoy it quietly. "
Mom: "My parents are really worried about you in the face of your abnormal silence. They want to help, but don't know what to do. " If you want to be alone, your parents won't force you to talk, but you can find a way to let us know your mood. "
Communication strategy
1. Leave your inner space for your child. Everyone needs their own space, especially senior three students. The pressure is too great. Therefore, parents should let their children have their own space, and don't break into their room or their inner spiritual space at will.
Don't ask them what they don't want to say. In daily life, parents should not be aggressive and ask everything. If the child is willing to tell you, you must listen to him carefully and cherish him.
3. Send a distress signal. You can leave a message to your child with a small note, or you can send a message to your child to express your feelings and love for your child.
Case 3: Children with unstable grades
Case focus
The father said: "My daughter is now in the sprint state of senior three, but her academic performance suddenly appears up and down." The college entrance examination is coming, and her mother and I are very worried. My daughter's previous academic performance was very good, and her grades in primary school and junior high school were among the best in her class. After entering high school, her children studied very hard. However, because of the unstable test results in recent times, not only the children feel anxious, but also we begin to fidget. "
My daughter said, "My grades in elementary school and junior high school are OK, but not after high school. In high school, I sometimes heard that girls can't compete with boys. I wonder if this is the reason? " I really want to learn well and work hard, but I can't learn well. The college entrance examination is approaching day by day, and my grades are always failing. I'm really anxious. I often suffer from insomnia recently, and sometimes I have no energy in class. "
cause analysis
Through the conversation, I found that this girl used to study in ordinary junior high school, but now she is studying in key high schools, so the performance and ranking of high schools are incomparable with those of primary and junior high schools. Parents and children themselves always simply compare their current grades and rankings with the past, and the more nervous they are, the more inferior they feel. At the same time, the motivation of girls to "get good grades" is too strong. In this case, the effect of study and examination is counterproductive.
Communication strategy
1. Understand the child's mood and give him time to gradually adjust his learning state to avoid impatience and anxiety.
2. Accept the status quo of children, lower expectations, and often check whether their emotions will bring anxiety and negative effects to children.
3. Give timely praise and encouragement whenever children make little progress; Communicate with children more and seek solutions to problems.
Case 4: The son of senior three is in love.
Case focus
A mother anxiously walked into the psychological counseling room. "My son is a senior, and his academic performance has always been good. This makes us very gratified. Yesterday, when he was taking a shower, I heard the voice of his mobile phone receiving text messages, so I opened it casually and found that it was sent by a girl, saying,' Are you asleep? After finishing all my homework, I spent the rest of my time thinking about you …' Looking ahead, there are some similar contents. I was dizzy! Teacher, how can I talk to my son today? How can I face my son? How to let this girl leave her son alone? "
cause analysis
Busy senior three students have just fallen in love, which many parents think is the most difficult problem. In fact, there is absolutely no need to make a fuss. It's normal for 17-and 18-year-old students to encounter this situation. In recent years, the phenomenon of students talking about "love" has shown an obvious upward trend. If it is stopped as a scourge, it will often become more and more serious. Moreover, the situation mentioned by this parent is that the son is not really in love, but the girl has a good impression on his son. As a parent, don't kill a child with a stick, and imagine the child too badly. In fact, in the initial stage, they are just a hazy consciousness, not real love.
Communication strategy
What should parents do in the face of this matter? If your son is relatively calm, you don't have to mention it, and you don't have to talk to your son. You can observe it further. Through observation, if you find that your son is getting warmer, "playing hard to get" is the best way. How about giving him a compliment? "Your boy is really good, more capable than your mother." "What does she look like? Tell me, let mom give you advice. " If the child can really talk to you, it is already half the battle.
Case 5: Children who don't want their parents to supervise them.
Case focus
A senior three student said: "I often quarrel with my parents at home, and my parents have great differences on the issue of education." I really don't know who to listen to. " I have grown up and I know what to do, but my parents are always nagging. Entering the third year of high school, the pressure of study and senior high school entrance examination is great. I hope I can seize the precious time of this year and try my best to be admitted to a key university. But as soon as my parents urged me, I was restless and unwilling to study; If they don't talk about me, I can calm down and study consciously. I don't want to go against my parents, but I can't control myself at the end of every thing and regret it afterwards. "
cause analysis
Senior three students have stronger adult consciousness and independent consciousness. They are sensitive to themselves and want to act independently, while some parents are always used to appearing as authorities and educators in the family, which will inevitably lead to contradictions.
Communication strategy
1. On the issue of educating children, parents must reach a * * * understanding. If parents don't agree, children will be at a loss.
2. Be a bystander. A parent of the college entrance examination said: "I regard my son who went to high school as a bystander. My son came back to nag me about school. I was happy or sad if I did well in the exam, and I was happy or sad with my son. Then I asked my son what to do next and listened to his thoughts. He had to walk step by step. But I express my opinions on the overall planning of my studies, which way to take, how to choose, and the choice of major events for my son's reference. "
3. Be a consultant. In real life, parents should be children's advisers and allies, not managers. Parents should learn to listen and make suggestions without interference to make their children feel more relaxed in their study and life.