As a result, many parents regard this age suggestion as an iron law. They took the time to implement, forcing children to separate beds and rooms, for fear of missing this critical time node.
My cousin's daughter is three and a half years old. Recently, she is engaged in a sharing war. Every night for nearly half a month, there will be a drama of "crying+climbing the bed". Children have to wake up crying countless times at night, cousins have to get up to soothe them to sleep, and the couple have to go to work during the day. The whole person is decadent with the naked eye.
She called to ask if yomi slept in separate beds. Hearing the negative answer, I was puzzled and asked: yomi is 4 years old. Aren't you worried that she won't be independent in the future? I asked: Now, after housing distribution, we must be independent? I didn't sleep in separate rooms until I was 9 years old. Isn't it quite independent now?
I always thought it was natural for children to be separated from each other. There is really no need to "separate beds at the age of 3 and separate rooms at the age of 5". Raising a baby is not a product, so what is the timeline?
I believe that many mothers, like my cousin, are worried that their children will become clingy and delicate if they sleep in separate rooms too late. Coupled with the advice of some online experts, they would rather toss themselves and their children, but also let their children learn to be "independent"!
But can this simple and rude operation really make children independent? Unfortunately, the answer is no.
Colleague Guo Ge is a tough dad. Since his son was born, he has planned to grow up to be a man. At the age of 2, other children are still letting their parents sleep, and Guo Ge's children have been thrown into the children's room to sleep by themselves.
Guo Ge often used this incident to show off his "wolf education". He said that his son sometimes cried and knocked at the door in the middle of the night, trying to sleep with his parents, but he never succeeded. Sometimes it will attract the father's reprimand, and slowly the child will start to sleep independently.
Guo Ge said that the key to let children sleep independently is to be ruthless, and be ruthless! I once asked him: in the middle of the night, a 2-or 3-year-old child was outside the door, crying and shouting just to sleep with his parents. Why can't he satisfy his children? Guo Ge scoffed and said, You mothers can't do anything but be soft-hearted ... (It's outrageous, why attack your life? )
Once the company organized a tour. After meeting Guo Ge's son, I told myself that I would never follow suit. At that time, the child was 7 years old, and he didn't like to talk or laugh. After the house was divided that day, the little boy secretly asked his aunt who was in charge of logistics, "Aunt, do you have an extra room?" I want to sleep alone. My parents don't like sleeping with me They don't like me. "
At that moment, I seemed to see a small figure, rejected by my parents again and again, and plunged into endless darkness and despair again and again. It is really distressing!
In fact, James McKenna, a professor of anthropology, has long discovered that babies are habitually close to their mothers in biology, and the mother's body is the only environment for babies to really adapt.
In other words, it is instinctive for children to sleep with their mothers. Mother's body temperature, temperature and voice can improve children's sleep quality, which is beneficial to children's growth. On the contrary, those children who are pushed out prematurely may have psychological barriers.
Children who sleep separately too early will generally have a relatively indifferent parent-child relationship. In the grade where children are not independent, forcing children to sleep by themselves seems to be cultivating children's independence. In fact, it is sacrificing children's trust and dependence on their mothers and their sense of security. When children grow up, they will naturally become indifferent to their parents without the basis of attachment to security.
Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? The child doesn't want to sleep in separate beds. Maybe he is really scared!
Piaget classified children from 2 to 7 years old as the pre-operation stage, which is characterized by "pan-spirituality". The so-called "animism" means that in the eyes of children at this stage, everything is alive, which is why children at this stage will talk to a doll, be afraid to step on the grass on the road and play house with toys.
It is precisely because of the "animistic period" that nights that pose no threat to adults will become children's nightmares. Perhaps the light shadow, in the eyes of children, will become a hungry fierce beast; That dark room without a mother will be regarded as a monster with a big mouth.
"3-year-old room, 5-year-old bed" is only a suggested data. Parents really don't need to ask their children to achieve it at the point. Psychologists point out that before 10, it is not too late as long as children can sleep in separate rooms!
Every child's psychological age, courage, attachment to parents and family environment are different, so sleeping in separate rooms varies from person to person. Some children like to have their own space when they are very young, so let them have their own room as soon as possible. But if the child is really scared, there is no need to force him to bear it alone.
As Yi Nengjing once said in Weibo: What will happen to children sooner or later? Why are you in such a hurry?
Of course, not forcing children to "sleep in separate rooms" does not mean that they do not pay attention. Instead, they need parents to pay attention to scientific methods. For example:
Decorate his little room with the child.
Before sleeping separately from the children, decorate his small room with the children, so that the children are full of expectations for this small space. Desk, bed, lamp, etc. Let the child choose what he likes and let him personally participate in the layout of the room. At the same time, tell the children: you will be the little masters here in the future!
This kind of psychological suggestion will make children have a sense of belonging to the small room, and it will be much easier to sleep separately in the future.
Children are allowed to bring accessories.
It is inevitable that children are afraid to sleep alone. If children are attached, they can sleep with them at night. Holding or holding that familiar attachment will make children feel more secure in the dark. This feeling of being accompanied can eliminate the loneliness of children.
When you start sleeping in separate rooms, parents had better not close the door.
Children have just started sleeping in separate rooms. Parents can sleep with their children before leaving, and don't close the bedroom door after leaving. This is actually an attitude for children. Even if he sleeps alone, his parents can hear his voice at any time, and they can go back to their parents' room if they are afraid. Having a retreat will give children more courage to challenge.
Finally, I want to say that sleeping in separate rooms is a process that every child must go through, but there is really no need to "separate beds at the age of 3 and separate rooms at the age of 5". Every child has his own growth rate. What our parents can do is to accompany him and find the most suitable rhythm for their children.
Do you force children to separate beds? Did you encounter anything interesting in the process of sleeping separately? Welcome to discuss in the comments section ~