But the undeniable reality is that more than 90% of post-80s families need the help of the elderly to take care of their children.
Fudan University once did a study. In 10000 families born after 1980s, more than 90% need the help of the elderly to take care of their babies, and almost more than 7 1.9% need their parents to come every day. ...
These data also undoubtedly show that in modern society, the older generation still plays an important role in raising children.
However, more and more young mothers seem to be increasingly resistant to the elderly taking care of their babies. Why?
My best friend Xiaoqing chatted with me and said that she was under a lot of pressure recently.
Xiaoqing and her husband are both office workers, and they are usually busy. Dabao went to primary school. After Bauer was born, he left him in the care of his grandparents so that he could work in time.
Recently, however, Xiaoqing felt that three-year-old Bauer was a bit stubborn, and wondered whether the old man had spoiled the child and brought the child back to take care of himself.
At the same time, the couple are busy at work and have to help Dabao with his homework after work. They are afraid that they have no time and energy, so they ask me what to do.
In fact, for so many years, young people have been hesitating and questioning to bring their own babies to the elderly. Is the old people's concept of parenting obsolete, and will Separate child care let their children be spoiled and overbearing?
But in fact, it may not be as bad as we thought.
First of all, the elderly have many years of practical experience. From the perspective of parenting skills, this kind of practical experience is far stronger than that of young parents who have read several books.
Secondly, from the perspective of parenting concept, the old people are not stubborn or enterprising. At present, there are many parenting classes on the market, and the proportion of old people signing up is getting higher and higher.
This shows that the older generation still keeps up with the trend of the times.
Moreover, in some parenting classes, the elderly have shown amazing learning ability and practical ability. They have mastered both theory and method very well, even better than other young parents who study at the same time.
Therefore, the old ideas and ways of parenting for the elderly are old, which may not be true, especially in the current environment, many elderly people have a relatively high educational level, which undoubtedly adds points to their parenting quality and ability.
However, although from these aspects, the elderly bring their own baby has certain advantages, but many professional authorities and people are also advocating that parents bring their own baby, and do not advocate that the elderly bring their own baby. Why?
Old people with children are not necessarily worse than young people in professionalism and foresight.
But why are more and more young parents unwilling to let the elderly take care of their babies?
According to psychologists, this is because of fear of "attachment interruption".
In psychology, there is a term called "psychological mother", which can be the same person as the "biological mother", grandparents or even other people such as nannies.
The biological mother refers to the person who brings life to the child, and the psychological mother is the person who can make the child feel attached.
In the field of psychology, whether a child grows up healthily is closely related to whether he has a stable and reliable psychological mother.
To put it bluntly, if a child can establish a close trust relationship with one or more adults from birth, then his growth will generally not be a big problem.
The emergence of problem children basically has two situations. One is that there is no intimate relationship with adults, and the other is that attachment is interrupted.
However, in families where the elderly have children, it is easy to have the phenomenon of attachment interruption.
The reason is also very simple. Because of the problem of time and energy, it is difficult for the elderly to raise their children to adulthood.
Many times, the phenomenon of filling interruption will occur.
In this case, the attachment relationship between children and the elderly will be interrupted and new attachment needs to be input. However, at this time, due to children's thin feelings for their parents and lack of trust, once their parents are improperly educated, children will easily have resistance, resulting in various problems and even parent-child conflicts.
That's why many parents say that because the old man has taken the baby for a while, he feels that the child is no longer close to him.
Although we know this situation, it is undeniable that the elderly are still the main force to take care of the baby. So how can young parents avoid bad problems?
When a child is young, there may be many people attached to the child, maybe grandparents, grandparents and even nannies.
So what should be done to avoid unnecessary problems?
First, don't give your child to someone you don't like.
If parents have to leave their children with others because of work or other reasons, then be sure to find someone you agree with.
The advantage of this is that, first of all, you and she are on the same side, and she will send the right message to the child in the process of taking care of the child.
For a simple example, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been the focus since ancient times If the relationship between mother and grandmother is not good and the child is given to grandmother, then family conflicts will easily break out.
In this case, the consequences will not only attack each other, but also bring a bad environment for children's growth. Even more frightening is that they will speak ill of each other behind their backs.
Over time, the impact on children can be imagined.
Second, stop attachment interruption and learn attachment transition.
Many people cut off their children's attachment to others in order to avoid crying caused by the interruption of attachment when they pick them up from their grandparents' home.
But in fact, this practice is very dangerous, because children's resistance will make the relationship between parents and children worse and worse.
Therefore, the best way is to make attachment transition.
When grandparents take care of their children, on the one hand, parents should put a lot of emotion into interacting with their children, on the other hand, when the elderly can't take care of their children, they should also make attachment transition.
How to transition? It is the most ideal state to ensure that children are attached to many adults, to prevent the elderly from easily withdrawing from the raising stage, and to let children and their parents establish an attachment relationship step by step.
Message from Tammy's mother:
It is the true state of the current environment that the elderly bring their babies.
In order to avoid children's various situations, as parents, we should try our best to establish an attachment relationship with our children when they are 0-3 years old, so that they can grow up healthily and happily to the greatest extent.
Today's topic: