★ Why do men prefer active women? According to different people's feedback, I summarized the following reasons:
0 1. Active women are more attractive and make men more accessible.
Water, Leo girl, 32 years old, married, bank lobby manager.
I have known what I want since I was a child. In my study and work, I will set my own goals in an orderly way and then work hard for them.
Love and career are interlinked. I know what I want and what my strengths are. I have no reason not to show it to them on my own initiative.
My husband and I have been married for two years. I have done many active things, such as going to the other city to surprise him in a different place; Later, in order to have a future together, I offered to live in the other city.
I know I wasn't his best choice at first, but later my husband told me that when I was always nice to him, he thought I had a warm charm. Compared with other introverted girls, he thinks I am more real and lovely. More importantly, he thinks I'm the only woman who treats him so well. No other woman gave it to him. I gave it to him. He felt that he was particularly important to me and fell in love with me unconsciously.
Summary:
Compared with conservative women, active women are more vivid and affectionate, and most importantly, men will find this woman interesting to them.
There is a saying that "girls who dare to take the initiative must like you very much".
When women show themselves and establish emotional connection with each other, men will unconsciously fall into this narcissism. Even if he doesn't like this woman at first, he will unconsciously pay a lot of attention to this woman. This is an emotional investment. If this active woman is good at pushing and pulling, men will soon fall.
02. Initiative is a kind of reward, which is conducive to maintaining the balance of the relationship.
Nancy, 29, broke up for three months and became a new media practitioner.
He pursued me on his own initiative. He chased me for about a year. At that time, he was humble. He tried his best to please me in order to catch up with me. I was indifferent from the beginning, and then I was slowly moved by him and finally got together.
I don't think there can be anyone in the world who treats me better than him. From beginning to end, he came to me every step of the way. He said he felt like a worthless dog licker, very humble. By the time I got used to answering messages, I was indifferent to him. I will lose my temper with him when I am in a bad mood.
He broke up. He said he was too tired to lose himself. He said that he has been accommodating all my hobbies and my bad temper. He is willing to do anything for me, but I always take it for granted. I offered to get back together, but he still turned me down.
Summarize;
If a relationship is always paid by a man, then the balance of feelings will eventually collapse and lose balance. No matter how much he loves this woman, he will feel unfair one day, and why he always gets nothing in return for his efforts. At this time, women pay first, which will make men very moved.
When a man works outside for a day, an active woman will relieve his pressure and be willing to spend time cooking and comforting each other. This man will feel very comfortable with her. Passive women always need this man to take the initiative to give love. When a man is tired, her indifference and emotional needs to be satisfied will be unreasonable. Men will become more tired when they face her, and men will not stay up for long.
03. Women's initiative can give men a sense of security, while passivity represents the unknown.
Sister Yan, 4 1 year-old, remarried for one month, housewife, and has a daughter.
I'm actually not an active person, but after the divorce, I thought a lot and people around me advised me a lot. Finally, I decided to take the initiative to try to remarry him.
My husband cheated on me, just once. We divorced. Began to be a housewife after pregnancy. When I was just pregnant, the doctor said that I had threatened abortion and told me to stay in bed. Then I resigned. I never went to work after this break.
He is very busy at work, but he is very kind to me. I don't believe that he would cheat at all. Maybe I really ignored him and focused all my energy on the children. I didn't know about it until he found the door at his third wife's outside.
He doesn't want a divorce, but I'm determined to leave this heartbreaker. During the divorce, both my parents and his parents came to persuade me. Considering the children, I wavered.
I took the initiative to send him the first WeChat to discuss the children's further education, and by the way, I made him something he loved to eat and took it with me. If I hadn't taken the initiative, I wouldn't know that his attitude towards me was still the same as before the divorce.
Later, there was a parent-child activity at my daughter's school. In fact, it is not necessary for both parents to attend, but I lied to him and made him rehearse many times. Knowing that he and Xiao San had broken up, I suggested that the whole family go out together, and that night he asked me to remarry.
Later, my husband told me that he actually thought about it many times, but when he remembered my resolute attitude towards him before the divorce, he felt that I could never forgive him. Later, I took the initiative to send him a message, just like giving him a reassurance. If I don't make my point, he may think that I don't want to see him all my life and have never had the courage to mention remarriage.
Summary:
To put it simply, whether in the process of pursuing or in the process of saving feelings, a woman who actively extends an olive branch will give her a sense of security. Men feel that "I pay for her, there will be feedback", but in the face of a passive woman, you don't know what she is thinking, and you don't know whether you can get her response by interacting with her.
All this is a man's simpleton. Men are discouraged by the fear of the unknown. Instead of facing the unknown, it is better to seize the olive branch that is actively extended, which will make people feel more at ease.
★ Why are women unwilling to take the initiative? Although we know that women have various advantages in taking the initiative, it is still difficult for most women to put down their bodies to actively pursue or save a boy, which is actually influenced by the following psychological factors;
0 1. Girls who feel active are worthless.
Many people think that women who take the initiative are cheap, and only women who are chased by men have dignity. Once you take the initiative, it's like putting down your posture and lowering your frame. Fail to live up to expectations in front of men What you can't get is the best. They think men like hunting. The colder the better, the more active, and the more the price falls.
02. I just want to enjoy, but I don't want to pay.
As I said before, taking the initiative is a kind of effort, but many girls have been spoiled since childhood and can't stand a little injustice in their feelings. They don't want to take the initiative to pay, just want to wait for others to love them, so she will find some excuses to take the initiative to fall in price and so on. This is actually selfish in nature.
03. I'm afraid of losing myself voluntarily, and I'm even more afraid of the inhumanity I entrusted.
A visitor once told me the story of her chasing her predecessor. Finally, she felt very humble, cooking the dishes that the other party liked, watching the movies that the other party liked, and playing games that she didn't like to play in order to please the other party. When she left, she found it difficult to leave each other, so she didn't want to take the initiative to love someone again. In fact, she is afraid that she will become a person who has lost herself again, and that she will take the initiative to fall in love with the wrong person again. This is a kind of escape mentality of girls, afraid of the unknown, afraid of inhumanity, so they dare not pay easily.
★ How do women take the initiative in feelings? 0 1, leaving a box, active does not mean posting.
Whether chasing a person or saving a person, being too active will easily expose the sense of demand and make the framework lower. To keep your high profile, you need to make excuses for yourself. For example, in the above, Yan Jie used children as an excuse. If she wants to meet, she won't go directly to the other party, but find a topic that the other party can't refuse.
If you want to save each other and send an ice-breaking message, you can maintain your framework by affirming each other's decision and rationalizing your contact reasons. A reference speech:
I've been thinking a lot lately. As you said, separation is a better choice. I know we have broken up now, and I shouldn't bother you, but I may be too fragile. After all, I need a buffer period. Let's be friends in the future (rationalize the contact information in the future), otherwise I'm afraid I'll keep harassing you.
02, active in language, passive in action.
A very important and cheap way to avoid initiative is "semi-initiative", that is, taking the initiative in language but "always forgetting" in action.
For example, if you invite people to dinner, "Are you there? XX restaurant is really great, and I invite you to dinner" gives them a psychological expectation, but "I am too busy to remember". If the other party has expectations, the result will not be achieved, and the expectations will be shattered. At this time, he will have a faint sense of loss, which is a kind of push and pull, making the other person wander in "does she mean that to me" or "does she want to talk to me?"
03, the use of gender advantages to create positive motivation
Women should be good at using their gender advantages in their feelings. For example, after a party, you are "drunk" and ask the other party to pick you up. At this time you will be "drunk" and unconscious. As a woman, you are helpless and need someone to take care of you, which is one of your motives for asking him for help. At the same time, the reason should be online, "You are the only friend of the opposite sex around me, so I have to find you", so that the other party will not have any objection. Even if the other person realizes it, you need such an excuse, because it is also a self-made opportunity to test whether he will give the window.
However, the premise of initiative is independence. The purpose of your initiative is not to be attached to anyone, but as an independent woman, you also have the ability to love yourself.
What a man needs is not a woman who flatters himself at will. They like a woman who knows both cold and hot, and can cherish her sincerity. Those women who take the initiative can be more intimate with them and understand the difficulty of men.
As a woman, don't always care who pays more and who takes the initiative less. If you can face each other with a frank attitude, rather than a condescending attitude, then you will unconsciously become active and considerate, take the initiative to find and communicate problems, and you can nip in the bud in time. Passivity is an escape most of the time. I hope you can jump out of the ostrich mentality, learn to manage your own intimate relationship, and have smooth sailing feelings.
Psychological test: test the probability of getting back together after breaking up.
Have you ever thought about the possibility of getting back together after two people break up? This set of test questions helps you test the probability of getting back together after breaking up. Let's try it together!
Do you still have your ex's contact information in your mobile phone?
A. Yes (5 points)
B. No, delete all (0 point)
What is the reason why you broke up?
A. For objective reasons, the family does not agree (1)
B. Long-distance love, no future (2 points)
C.TA thinks I have a bad temper and our personalities are not suitable (3 points).
D. There is a third party involved in our feelings (0 point)
E no one wants to bow their heads after our quarrel and break up in a rage (5 points).
F. I think TA has a bad temper, always complaining and being dumped by TA (6 points).
Of the following four statements, if you had to choose one statement that you agree with most, which one would you choose?
A. If a person loves another person, he should love all of TA, regardless of its advantages or disadvantages. Otherwise, it is not true love, but he likes it at most (2 points).
B. Although feelings are what you want, it depends on people's efforts, and their love can also be controlled. As long as you can meet each other's psychological needs, you can guide love (4 points)
C. twisted melons are not sweet. If TA doesn't want to get back together, I respect TA's idea (1 point).
D. The emotional world can never be equal, and those who want to get back together must not be stingy with their own efforts (6 points)
What do you value more in expressing one thing?
A. Accuracy of verbal expression (2 points)
B. The strong impression left by talking to the other party (1)
C. Are the people around you comfortable with what you said (6 points)
D. The ultimate goal that words can achieve (4 points)
What do you think are your basic emotional characteristics?
A. He is in a serious mood and often can't control his temper (0 point).
B. Strong self-control, calm on the surface, but great ups and downs in inner emotions, once bruised, it is difficult to calm down (2 points).
C. Everything is a cloud, and it is not easy to get angry by nature. Friends praise it for its good temper (6 points).
D. Feelings are not slow or direct, but they are easily excited and angry once they are unstable (3 points).
Did you save your ex?
A. I got it back, but it was rejected and I didn't get it back (4 points)
B. No, I don't know what the other person is thinking, and I dare not speak (2 points)
C. I saved it several times, but the other party was very repulsive and dark, and didn't want to see me again (0 point).
D. I tried to speak, but the other party thought that we were not suitable, and hoped that I would find happiness (6 points)
The complete version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private mail.
I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.