The combination of two kinds of attraction
Because not every couple can call it true love.
True love is a combination of two attractions:
"Sexual attraction" and "emotional attraction"-neither of them is enough to make two people's feelings better and better.
Sexual attraction is simple and rude at first sight: you think he is handsome, well-built, well-dressed, and his words and deeds are sultry enough, so you want to be with him.
Sexual attraction is more like an external objective condition, which people from far away can see, appreciate and evoke infinite reverie.
And emotional attraction is a long-term goodwill after getting along.
You think he has high emotional intelligence, good personality, quick thinking and charming personality. Getting along with him is not only comfortable, but also makes you closer to Zhu Zhechi and get better and better.
The proportion of attraction in a relationship
Emotional attraction is more like a subjective advantage. At first glance, it won't be seen by people, but in the process of getting along, there will always be something that inspires the charm of the other party and constantly gives you a sigh that "he really deserves to love him."
Sexual attraction is inversely proportional to the growth of time: the longer the time, the deeper the relationship, the higher the stimulation point of sexual attraction, and the less likely it is to make the other person move.
Emotional attraction is proportional to the growth of time: the longer the time, the deeper the relationship, and the higher the stickiness and dependence brought by emotional attraction.
So the answer is obvious. Please observe the proportion of sexual attraction and emotional attraction in the relationship.
If the former is more, the relationship will easily become boring and dull; If the latter is more, the relationship will be stronger and deeper.
Balance the specific gravity of two kinds of gravity.
First, how to balance the proportion of attraction and emotional attraction?
These two attractions must complement each other and be indispensable.
None of them, you either become a good friend or a superficial person without spiritual attraction. But these two kinds of attraction have obvious primary and secondary relations: emotional attraction is the main one, supplemented by sexual attraction.
The two put the cart before the horse: it is likely that both sides only pay attention to each other's sexual attraction and only show it to each other; But they are indifferent to each other and their emotional attraction.
No matter how beautiful your face is, you will get tired of it one day. All the wonderful and fresh things will become numb and dull after repeated appearances, and even don't bother to take a look.
The most important support to maintain the relationship between the two sides has collapsed, and I want to get a profound positive relationship over time.
We must choose to develop both sides' emotional attraction to each other in order to lay a solid foundation.
Improve emotional appeal
Second, how to improve your emotional appeal in the relationship?
For a considerable number of people, talking about "emotional attraction" in real life is too abstruse and has no clue, and it is even contrary to the theory put into practice.
From the perspective of human weakness and big data experience, we tell you how to get emotional appeal in specific ways.
1, good at providing positive feedback.
Be good at giving positive feedback to each other, especially when they think it is worthy of praise.
For example, he proudly tells you that he was praised by his boss today, and his essential purpose is to share happiness with you. However, when your feedback is negative, it violates his expectations of you and misses an opportunity to make him feel good about you.
In other words, treat his sharing with emotion: be happy for him, encourage him to become better, say that he is the best in his heart ... don't use reason, don't use disappointed truth, don't use severe reprimand, don't use reverse repression. ...
Improve emotional appeal
2. Maintain emotional stability.
Occasionally trifles are emotional insights, which can be explored, tested, satirized, and run away from home every once in a while. 3. Extremely negative courtship methods such as breaking up must not be available. The ups and downs of feelings may have satisfied the "sadomasochism complex" in human nature from the beginning.
But in fact, it is still only the unilateral demand of the unprotected party. Over time, it will make the other party tired and escape.
Therefore, from the perspective of the long-term development of the relationship.
Have strong emotional control,
Without deliberately causing trouble to the relationship, it is a very safe way to maintain the intimate relationship between the two sides.
4. The ease of maintaining the relationship between the two sides.
The premise of making the other person willing to be with you is that he is relaxed and happy around you.
Don't say how much you have paid and how much you are worth to him. These are more effective and direct than creating a relaxed range.
For the most similar example, please refer to the school.
We all know that learning is for our own good, and the teacher's strictness is serious and responsible.
However, it is human instinct to pretend to be sick and want to take time off at the thought of the tense atmosphere at school and the rigid face of the teacher. This is logic.
Therefore, don't be too strong, respect and regress enough; There is no need for moral kidnapping, and it is more stable to speak frankly.
Creating opportunities makes him feel ashamed.
Let me explain the meaning of this sentence: in a relationship, especially when there are contradictions between the two sides, learn to use the expression of "first restrain and then promote" to let him know and feel your goodness later.
For example, when there is a conflict between the two sides and no one will give in, you suddenly give in, even if it is silence.
The worse the performance of the other party, the greater the contrast with you, and the better the follow-up effect.
He will calm down, and at this moment, you will show your heart gently and calmly.
Show understanding and tolerance to him, but at the same time do your best in reason, and he will suddenly realize that you just don't have the same knowledge as yourself.
This is the "guidance" in the relationship. He will think that you can guide him and have the ability to stay one step ahead of him, then he will naturally rely on you and appreciate you.