All along, our habit is to advocate competition, just like advocating virtue; And many people think that the sense of competition should be cultivated from an early age, just as virtue needs to be cultivated from an early age. This is actually a misunderstanding. There are two main reasons for this misunderstanding. One is overestimation? Competition? Second, I don't understand what the main task of childhood is.
Life is not completely without competition. We don't deny that competition brings people a sense of accomplishment and can promote social progress. However, competition must maintain two degrees, one is the psychological level and the other is the age dimension. What does the former say? Moderate? Competition is a good thing, isn't it? Degree loss? ; The latter said that it is not suitable for people of any age to compete, and there should be no competition in the lives of the elderly and children. Because they are vulnerable groups, there is little energy in their bodies, and competition consumes energy, which will accelerate the withering for the elderly and affect the normal growth of children.
Competition among the elderly is not a common social problem, but the competition among children is becoming more and more serious. I hope my children will succeed in the future and win in social competition. This goal is correct in itself, just as teenagers can never be wrong if they have ideals. However, it is wrong to think that children's sense of competition should be cultivated from an early age and they should be encouraged to participate in competition from an early age.
Childhood is a very unique age group with its own unique tasks. The normal process of a child growing into an adult consists of the following parts. Small animals? Where to? People? Is that an evolutionary process? Natural person? Where to? Social man? History is excessive. Newborn babies are as ignorant as newborn calves, weaker than calves, and the time from childhood to adulthood is much longer than calves.
This is the careful arrangement of nature, which wants to leave enough time for every kind of life with great potential to accumulate energy. Just as it takes time for wheat seedlings to grow from small green buds to strong ears, it needs sunshine and rain, which has a long period and a strict insurmountable order.
The task of childhood is not to extend outward, but to accumulate inward. Only when a person has a strong heart can he control himself well, and it is possible to handle the relationship between himself and the world in the future and gain the initiative in life affairs? This is the normal order and logic of cultivating competitiveness.
The responsibility of adults is not to disturb children's self-development and give them some help when conditions permit? That is to say, we often say that we should give children a good enlightenment education, care for their curiosity, develop their free will and make them happy? These unchangeable truths in pedagogy are the simplest and most important means to explore children's inner potential and fulfill their future competitiveness.
Unfortunately, many people can't see the hidden power in these simple educational elements now, but they are more willing to spend their energy on some immediate competitive affairs. The reason is that society needs competition, and children's sense of competition should be cultivated from an early age. I have to say that this seemingly long-term idea is actually short-sighted.
Parents with this mentality tend to be more competitive, like to instill some law of the jungle in their children, and like to care about some quantifiable external gains and losses, such as reciting more Tang poems than others, whether they have attended key schools, how their grades are ranked, and how many certificates have they taken? And so on, not only guide children to compare with others, but also promote children to compete with themselves, paying less attention to their inner feelings. These parents stand tall on the surface, but in fact they just pee a little farther.
When children's attention is diverted to various. Than? In the matter of self-growth, the strength begins to disperse, and the anxiety caused by competition will consume children's energy more? The heart is getting weaker and weaker.
I once received such a letter from the parents of a second-grade pupil. The letter reads: Yesterday, my son came home from school and was fine when he did his homework at night. After a while, he began to cry. I thought he didn't do well in the exam, but I looked at the score, 99. I asked what was going on. He asked: Mom, I got the math exam 100. Why can't I get 100 in the Chinese exam? He began to cry.
I told him in your way that you corrected the test paper yourself, and if there is no problem, it will still be 100. But he said with tears that the teacher didn't get 100. The teacher asked us to reflect on why we didn't get 100 today. I told my son that it doesn't matter if I don't get 100. What matters is whether you have mastered what you have learned. The child nodded as if he understood, but he was still very sad when doing his homework. His mood was not high, and he could not concentrate on his homework, which made him absent-minded. I would like to ask Mr. Yin how to guide children to have a good attitude in the face of exams.
Although the letter only stated a small fragment of isolated life, it is certain that this is by no means an isolated event. Rome was not built in a day. A boy who is only in the second grade is crying for one point. How many related events will hatch this result? The teacher wants children? Why didn't the introspection get 100? This is crazy, and to what extent have parents contributed to it?
Although the parents' words in this letter are correct, it can be seen from the child's reaction that he does not believe his parents' words. Children, like radar, can accurately feel the attitude of their parents. If parents say something insincere just to enlighten their children, the children will not believe it, but will be more sad. Following this psychological trajectory, will this little boy be a competitive person in ten or twenty years?
We often use it? Pattern? Judge a person's development potential. Some people will feel that their gas field is grand, full of vigorous energy and fearless in the face of difficulties. Will we talk about him? Big pattern? . Some people are narrow-minded, or smart and narrow-minded, but they work hard at everything, and the connotation makes people look at the end. Will we judge him? Small pattern? .
I know a young man whose Weibo posts only two kinds of content, either inspiring or complaining, and his emotions are always at two poles. His parents came out of the countryside through hard struggle and made small achievements in their careers. The young man inherited his parents' IQ and was very clever when he was a child. His parents have high hopes for him and keep encouraging him. If he wants to win anywhere, his parents will be disappointed and warn him?
Now the child is an adult and is not satisfied with himself. They always want to show their parents, but they can't concentrate. They can only struggle with inspiration and curse. If childhood is always haggle over every ounce, where does the big picture come from?
Can't say that the ecological environment of childhood is too bad now, and adults pass on too much anxiety to their children, even if there is? Hit dad? In fact, the pressure eventually falls on children, and too many children are given the responsibility of competition prematurely and bear the burden of comparison.
I once received a letter from such a parent, saying that in order to choose a municipal key kindergarten for his child, he tried his best, thought a lot of ways and found some relationships; At the same time, because kindergartens use exams to select children, in order to have a good performance in the selection, parents have made preparations and taught their children a lot. But in the end, I didn't get into this kindergarten, so I had to choose an ordinary kindergarten.
After learning the news, the three-year-old child actually cried. In the following days, as long as he mentioned going to kindergarten, he was heartbroken and was very exclusive to going to ordinary kindergartens. Seeing that the time for entering the park is coming, the children are still very resistant. Parents wrote to me asking how to do ideological work for their children and make them happy to enter the park.
I can't give an answer because? Do ideological work for children? This is a cure for headache. Children are involved in unrestrained competition at an age unsuitable for competition; At the age when you have no ability to resist setbacks, you are psychologically unbalanced by adults. How can this be solved by preaching? Just as it is impossible to make a hungry person no longer need food by saying beautiful words, it is impossible for us to solve the confusion that his normal life order is disturbed by doing ideological work for children.
Let children compete, not to help them, but to trip them up. Children who grow up in an atmosphere of competitive anxiety and are forced to enter the competitive track are more likely to have a sense of powerlessness, inferiority and psychological imbalance? There are few winners in the competition since childhood.
Pushing a child into the torrent of competition prematurely has the following harms besides weakening the inner strength of the child mentioned above and making him weak.
The first kind of injury will destroy children's ability to cooperate.
We know that a person's cooperation ability is one of his core competitiveness, and the connotation of cooperation ability is friendliness, honesty and tolerance. Therefore, to cultivate children's competitiveness, we must first cultivate good conduct and lay a good foundation for cooperation. But the current situation is that children begin to go to school and are far more prepared for competition than cooperation. Almost from kindergarten, all children's activities are aimed at competition. Even if they play, it is not for happiness, but for ranking.
This kind of continuous competitive training makes children have little chance to learn to cooperate, but only learn to compare and contend and learn to guard against it. For example, many students with good grades don't even want to tell other students a question, for fear that others will learn to compare themselves. More children feel frustrated in the competition. First, they are dissatisfied with themselves and feel inferior. Then you are dissatisfied with others and hostile to others.
A parent told me such a thing with great anxiety. The head teacher of the son's class gives homework, exams and discipline every day? Good behavior? Some students send out small red flowers, and regularly compare who gets more small red flowers. Many people praise and few criticize. The teacher also sent this information to every parent by SMS, which greatly aroused everyone's comparison.
And his son always gets too little red flowers, which makes him hold his head in front of other parents and often criticizes his son. As a result, the teacher complained to him recently that his son had stolen his classmate's little red flowers. He also reported to the teacher several times that other students, especially those with more red flowers than him, were obviously jealous of these students.
Neil, a British educator, said that all rewards, grades and exams will hinder the development of normal personality. ? Social psychology research also confirms that competition is one of the important sources of frustration, and pain and frustration often cause hostility. Therefore, it is not that there is something wrong with the child's conduct. Obviously, the child was forced to come here step by step.
Dewey, an educator, suggested that the primary responsibility of a school should be to provide a simplified environment for children, so as to eliminate the influence of ugly phenomena in the social environment on children. Our current reality is that schools often make fancy evaluations without considering the rationality of these evaluation designs. For example, there is a primary school that evaluates children three times in the morning, noon and evening. The evaluation level is divided into five levels, from? The cutest person? Arrive? The most unlovable person? . Think about it, a child, probably since morning? The most unlovable person? Into the night? The cutest person? , and often change back and forth between levels.
The child is still the child, but the evaluation will lift him to the sky for a while and demote him to the ground for a while. With such an evaluation, can the child's heart not be chaotic and his morality not be damaged? Some children learn acting, some children are confused about their self-awareness, and some children become indifferent? If a child has no chance to develop honesty, friendliness and tolerance in childhood, how can he be required to have cooperative behavior in adulthood? Without the ability to cooperate, how competitive is it?
The second kind of injury will cultivate pathological strugglers.
Can some children really be trained well? Competitive consciousness? Competition was fierce since childhood, but the side effects were also obvious. Such children stopped the development of natural people early and tried to adapt to various social standards with little feet and big shoes. This distortion is at the expense of destroying nature. He was trained to abandon his inner desires in various options of life without thinking and only regard social evaluation as his own value judgment.
For example, a primary school student, in order not to lose the position of vice monitor, sits up straight in every class, and the mosquito falls on his arm and refuses to fight, fearing that it will leave a bad impression on the teacher, preferring to let the mosquito bite a big bag. The child may be appreciated by the teacher, but this unnatural behavior will definitely leave a serious injury in life, and this lesion may not be exposed anywhere.
Social psychology research findings? Self-activity ability is limited. Someone who tries to control himself? Force yourself to eat carrots instead of chocolate, or suppress forbidden thoughts? Later, when you encounter a problem that you can't solve, you will give up faster. Intentional self-control will exhaust our limited willpower reserve. ?
In life, we often see such people. Even if they succeed in the secular sense at some time, their mental breakdown is always in a dangerous situation. Like a little too much? Hard work? People, they even put? Bitter? And then what? Old? As the meaning of life itself, any little pleasure in life is regarded as evil.
There are many, too? Successful people? We found him unhappy, always living in anxiety and tension, and some even committed suicide; Or some people finally give up the fame and fortune that they once valued most, their mentality returns to zero, and their lifestyle changes dramatically. Life seems to take a long detour to get on the right track.
Social psychology research shows that an extreme utilitarian and a paranoid mental patient have the same psychological function, and they can't establish normal contact with the world and exist in a pathological way. The result of competition is often not to defeat others, but to defeat yourself. This is in contrast to the philosopher Fromm's point of view: laziness and excessive diligence are not opposites, they are two symptoms of people's all-round function being disturbed.
Among patients with neuropathy, we often see that his main symptom is that he cannot work; On the other hand, we can see that the main symptom of overworked people is the lack of ability to enjoy and rest easily. Excessive diligence is not the opposite of laziness, but its supplement. They are all the consequences of destroying the inner harmony of human beings.
The third side effect is that it may damage your health.
Long-term unbearable pressure will first accumulate toxins in emotions and affect the efficiency and quality of work. Too many emotional toxins will affect your health. Children are in the process of both physical and psychological development. Excessive mental stress not only affects psychology, but also affects physical development.
Studies have found that stress or lack of sleep will affect the secretion of pituitary growth hormone in children, affect their height, and may also be manifested in other aspects of the body, such as skin diseases. Neil, a British educator, has made a discovery that deserves our attention. I have never found a happy teenager with acne on his face. ? Philosopher Fromm also found that our body reacts to happiness and misfortune more obviously than our consciousness does to it. The body is not so gullible as the mind. Is this related to the traditional medicine in China? Seven emotions? The theory of internal organs is the same.
In fact, many people have noticed the harm of social competitive psychology to children and hope to give them a childhood and a happy and relaxed growth. But many people only think so when their children are young, especially before they go to school. Once children go to school, they are faced with various awards and rankings of the school, especially the information that teachers often send to parents by text messages. Almost all are notices of various evaluations? Many people began to be restless, unconsciously raised their demands on their children, began to complain that their children were under too much pressure, and at the same time cooperated with schools to put pressure on their children.
The reason is that education is like this now, and we can't do anything without competition. Some people even put forward the theory that the combination of sperm and eggs is also the result of competition to prove that human competition must start from scratch.
Yes, the birth of life is of course the result of competition. Why can a sperm beat hundreds of millions of sperm to get there first? Not because it is competitive, but because it is tough. It doesn't need to care whether other tadpoles swim faster than it. It just swam to its heart's content and became a winner. If a person wants to gain a foothold in the Jianghu, he must first stay away from the Jianghu, hide in the deep mountains and forests, practice without being disturbed, and practice his internal skills well, so that he can have the capital of the legendary swordsman. The secret of cultivating competitiveness is here.
So, don't complain about the big environment, solve the problem of the small environment first. The small environment is good, and the big environment is naturally good. To alleviate the pressure of competition, the system is of course one aspect; On the other hand, it depends on consciousness to solve it. Adults themselves should reflect on the scale and significance of competition. Only when adults are calm can children be calm.
I know a TV director whose son is in the fourth grade of primary school. One day, she called me and said that her son came home from school today and told her that the school had held an Olympic mathematics tryout and all the students took part. The questions on the test paper are too difficult. She asked her son how many questions he could do, and the child answered easily and mischievously. None of them. ? This sentence not only didn't make her angry, but vaguely felt a relief.
She said that she used to care too much about her children's test scores and other rankings at school, which made her and her children feel very tired. Once, she simply blamed this trouble on social competition, schools and teachers. Later, she gradually realized that her victim psychology was ridiculous. In fact, it is mainly her anxiety and vanity. Let go of these, children or children, schools or schools, and many problems have been solved.
I used to be afraid to tell my parents that my child didn't do well in the exam. Now I can tell her in such a calm tone. Nothing? She described how she felt at that time, no less than hearing the child say? Can you finish it all? .
Adam. Smith said that the main reason for misfortune and maladjustment in life is that people overestimate the differences between various situations. Greed overestimates the difference between poverty and wealth, ambition overestimates the difference between private position and public position, and vanity overestimates the difference between obscurity and fame and fortune? Yes, some situations may be more worthy of our priority than others, but nothing is worth pursuing in an overly intense way.
If it is not out of caution, regardless of just laws, a person who insists on changing the situation is the most unlikely person in all dangerous games, and bets all his possessions on a gamble with almost no chance of winning.
The biggest enemy in life is not a specific opponent, is it? Vanity? And then what? Fear? . In an already dangerous life, vanity is an act of self-harm. It can be said that where there is vanity, there is self-harm. Some people are unlucky, not so much bad luck as vanity. Putting down vanity can reduce consumption and save the cost of living; Overcoming fear will reduce greed and enjoy the peace of life. ? Don't make a scene, since there is no ice charcoal in your chest? .
Are people competing at present and in the future? Competitive consciousness? , but from a higher level of value judgment, innovation ability, psychological endurance and courage to overcome difficulties. This is exactly what the saying goes: it takes hard work to strike while the iron is hot. Facing a weak child with unlimited potential, instead of focusing on training? Competitive consciousness? It is better to concentrate on cultivating his good character. Every good character can catalyze the ability and courage to face the world and difficulties, and a good character itself is competitiveness.
Imagine a healthy, mentally healthy, curious, cheerful, friendly, confident and peaceful child, even if he has never heard of it? Competition? What kind of competition will defeat him in this matter in the later life?
Jack Ma, the famous entrepreneur and founder of Alibaba, is typical? Success? Man, in the fierce market competition, he has experienced various setbacks, but he has always insisted and achieved remarkable results. He said,? A first-class player has no opponent in his eyes, so I often say that I have no opponent because I have no opponent in my heart. If you have an enemy in your heart, the world is your enemy; Invincible in the heart and invincible in the world. ? This sentence tells the secret of his success.
Putting down the sense of competition means picking up competitiveness. Is that what I said? Husband is just indisputable, so he can't refute it. ? Is this what this article is about? When I was a child, I didn't compete. When I grew up, I won? .