Method 1: Prepare to end the relationship.
1, are you sure you want to end? Don't use leaving as your tool when quarreling. If you say it, be prepared to act, otherwise don't use this threat. Before the end, discuss the problem directly with each other openly. Many men and women have endured years of torture, but never discuss problems with each other, leading to separation. If you really want to end it, you should list the reasons that make your relationship unhappy-these problems can't be fixed.
Expert tips
MFT· elvina Lewis
Elvina Lui, a marriage and family therapist, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the San Francisco Bay Area, USA, specializing in emotional counseling. She received a master's degree in psychological counseling from Western Theological Seminary in 2007, and received training from Asian Family Association of San Francisco and New Life Community Service Center of Santa Cruz. Elvina has more than 13 years of consulting experience and has been trained in damage mitigation models.
MFT· elvina Lewis
Marriage and family therapist
See what needs to be changed. Elvina Lui, a marriage and family therapist, suggested: "If you start to feel unhappy, but don't know whether to break up, then you need to calm down and think about it. Maybe it's time for you to break up, or maybe this relationship just needs some repair and improvement. Either way, you must first determine your own needs and whether these needs have been met before you can repair or end this relationship. "
2. Rational decision-making. Don't decide to break up just because you are hot-headed. When you are emotionally unstable or have a bad week, put all the blame on your feelings. Before you make an important move, take time to get advice from your good friends, parents and people who have opinions about your feelings. Once you decide to break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend, don't go around telling your good friend or other people, or that person will know soon. It's okay to ask friends or parents for advice, but once a decision is made, it's mature to talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend first.
3. Choose the right time and place. Give you and the people you want to get rid of some time and privacy, and do it well. Don't say this when others have important exams or have to go to work. Friday is a good time to give your future ex a weekend to heal. Don't break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend in your favorite restaurant, bar or park. Choose an ordinary place, a place with no special significance.
Choose a time when you can be relatively calm. Don't break up with each other immediately after a major work meeting.
4. Make sure to end the relationship in person (in most cases). Give each other the respect they deserve, and you should break up face to face, no matter how much you resist. If you are in a long-distance relationship and know that you can't meet for a long time, or that you are controlled and manipulated by the other party, you can break up on the phone. This may be safer if the other person is likely to be furious, violent or controlling.
Method 2: End the relationship.
1, be firm when breaking up. Whatever you say, be firm-if you hesitate too much, leaving hope for the other party will hurt more. Be strong, because you have made a decision. There is no need to be so dramatic and vigorous. Go straight to the point and tell the other person that you don't want to continue. Such feelings have no result. Don't let people feel that this is a temporary separation. You may return to him after cooling down. Breaking up is breaking up.
You may think that this will relieve the other person's pain "I'm not ready" or "maybe this can continue", but if you don't mean it, it will only give others more pain.
2. Sincere but not cruel. You don't want your lover to think that the relationship has a happy ending, but you don't want the other person to leave with your 20 dislikes. Just tell the other person sincerely why it's over, and whether you feel suffocated, controlled and disrespected. Don't waste time arguing The most serious reason for breaking up is to stop loving each other, because this is not the reason for each other. In this case, you should be sincere, but say it as gently as possible.
When you tell the main reason, you don't need to be too detailed and dig up old accounts unless the other party has questions. There is no reason to dig out the previous problems and increase the damage.
Don't let the other person down and make him/her feel insecure and useless. Don't say "I just want to be with a real man"-say "I think you should give yourself confidence."
Whatever the reason, don't surprise the other person too much. If you keep good communication, you won't be too surprised.
Don't list many reasons for wanting to break up. Go straight to the key question: "We don't get along in some important places", "I feel that you don't support my career and I don't want to give up", "I want children and you don't want to" or other small specific details.
3. Be prepared for the other party's poor reaction. People who are dumped often feel angry or confused, shocked and painful. If he/she feels angry, you should try to keep calm and let the other person calm down. Keep your voice calm, even if the other person starts yelling at you. If things get out of hand, leave and let him/her calm down-but let the other person know that you will come back after they calm down. Don't just say, "Oh, anyway, I'm leaving." If the other person needs it, comfort them, but not too much. If the situation is too uncomfortable or inappropriate, you can express your opinion. You don't want this to happen. Be compassionate, but firm. If things get worse, cut the gordian knot.
If you are worried about leaving your ex, you can call your relatives or friends to let them know what happened, tell them where they are, say that you are worried, and know that it would be better to have a friend/sister with your ex. Apologize for the pain caused by this incident, thank them for their help, and then walk away completely.
If your ex was angry and said nonsense, all you had to do was say, "It's no use yelling at each other. I have made up my mind not to change my mind, but if you can keep calm, I can talk to you. " Call me when you calm down-then we can continue to talk. "If your predecessor calls, keep your promise and answer the phone. If you have any questions, your answers should be sincere and friendly, but the conversation should be short and civilized, so as not to prolong the pain.
4. Keep your distance in the future. When it's over, you should draw a clear line politely and firmly, and clearly tell the other party that it's not negotiable. You can completely cut off contact without giving a chance to discuss what went wrong. Trying to make this relationship valuable can be an opportunity for you to learn and grow, and let you know what kind of person is not suitable for you. If you have * * * friends, but want to avoid each other for a period of time, you can set up a * * * plan to meet your friends without meeting them.
If you both like to go to the same cafe or gym, try to arrange a schedule where you can't see each other. You don't need to be too strict or take this seriously, but you can avoid the pain of meeting.
If you have each other's things, or even live together, you can plan to separate your things so that you won't always see each other.
5. Know when to leave. The biggest mistake in ending a relationship is to let the last pain last. It is one thing to sort out expenses, divide property, etc., and it is another to waste energy endlessly. When the discussion becomes circular-that is, you always turn around the same problem, but you can't find a solution-stop here. It's time to say, "I think we should eat before continuing, or we should stop discussing" and then walk away.
If the other person doesn't understand why you broke up, you can make it clear with a letter or a short message. Say what you need to say, let the other person explain himself in the short message, let them think you are listening, and then end. You are separated from each other in different places, but you will be free.
Method 3: move on after breaking up.
1, don't try to keep friends. Continuing to be friends will only prolong the pain. Many times, it is better to break up completely. After a while, maybe two or three months, maybe more than a year, when you meet again, it won't be so hard. Maybe you can try to be ordinary friends. Even so, be considerate and respect your predecessor's needs-he/she may need more time. If so, don't just want to be friends with each other. If your predecessor asks, "Can we continue to be friends?" You can say, "No, you can't be friends at the moment. I think it's finally over. " If the other party keeps pressing, you can say, "Look, we were friends from the beginning. If we want to continue to be friends, we have to go back to the past, but to be honest, I don't want to go back to the past. We have to move forward. This means that this broken relationship needs space and our own future feelings. Let's split up, take some time, give each other space to heal and move on. If we meet again in the future, we can be friendly without resentment. That's it. " So, let this be your last contact. It's over when it's over. It's over.
If you have friends, tell them you broke up. You don't want to know anything about your ex. If it means they have to choose their own position, so be it.
Give some time to face your loss. Of course, you broke up, but in most cases, it doesn't mean that you can celebrate freedom overnight. What people don't understand is that the person who broke up is often more painful than the person who was dumped, because he may feel guilty, even though he knows he did the right thing. After breaking up, give some time to reposition your life and think about what to do in the future to be happy.
It doesn't matter if you spend a week or two crying, writing a diary and lying in bed. But then it was time to get out and get into the state slowly.
Calling friends when necessary can make you feel better. But going to a bar with a male friend on the night of breaking up may not work.
3. Enjoy the life after the breakup. After a few weeks or months, you begin to enjoy life slowly again. By this time, you and your ex should have sorted things out and found a way to avoid meeting each other, which will help you heal your wounds. When your situation begins to improve, you should enjoy your life with friends and close family, continue your old interests and develop new ones. If you want to find yourself, don't do what you and your ex used to do together, whether it's climbing mountains in your favorite place or drinking in your favorite bar.
Make some changes. Make yourself fresh, rearrange the furniture, clean the car, and pursue some new hobbies, such as playing volleyball or taking art classes.
Before breaking up, don't play games with each other or ignore each other. If you want to end it, as soon as possible.
It is better to end a painful relationship than to force yourself to continue.
Don't start quarreling or confrontation under control. If necessary, wait until everyone calms down before continuing the breakup conversation.
After making love, don't break up with others. It's hurtful and selfish. This practice is very low-level.
Be firm and sincere from the beginning. Don't let the other person hope that you will come back one day.
Don't date someone in the same week, it will make people think that you broke up for someone else. Unless you want him to hate you and give himself a bad reputation, so be it.
Leave for a while; Before seeing you with someone else, give them time to face it. At least a week, but it depends on how long your previous relationship has been with you. If you have been together for more than a year and the breakup comes suddenly, then it is best not to be too high-profile afterwards. This includes going to places where there is no new love and choosing new places. Be generous and keep your ex's life intact-you have moved forward, which is easy for you because you are ready to end it. This kind of tolerance, let you stand on the commanding heights, but also let your predecessor retain some dignity.
The indirect way is to gradually alienate each other-try not to have too much contact with each other. This can imply that the "spark" between you is gone and you want to end it. However, this rarely succeeds-usually, the other person can feel the distance and will try to repair the relationship with you.
Warning if the other person starts to cry, don't be discouraged. Remember why you did it!
Don't give each other hope. If you decide to move on, you must be aware of this. Don't break up if you still have nostalgia. But focus on how to save this relationship. Breaking up should not be a threat, nor should it be a tool to make the other person change.
Generally speaking: don't send a note-break up face to face! Don't be so cowardly unless it's dangerous to do it in person. Don't complain, deal with it face to face when you tell each other.
Don't say, "It's not your problem, it's mine." This sentence is unreasonable and old-fashioned, even if it is true. Many people know that this means "I won't tell you the real reason, but it's actually you." I just don't have the courage to say it. "
Never let the other person feel that the reason for breaking up is yourself. Tell me your personal shortcomings.