Wen | ice thousands of miles
I always wanted to talk about this topic in my mind until I wrote down the topic and wanted to give up. I immediately jumped out of my body and looked at myself. What happened?
Don't be afraid, I won't split. It's just a common technique in psychological counseling. It's called "hanging attention" As I said just now, not only do you have to talk to another person, but you can also have the ability of out-of-body experience.
It looks like two people, but there is actually a third eye. Counselors should enter the visiting heart and jump out without expectation. What's wrong with you and him? Look at him, look at you, look at you.
I jumped out and looked at me just now. Why do I want to give up? What did I think? I replied, well, there are two feelings:
First of all, I'm afraid to stand out. Everybody's fine. Obviously, do you feel good? I have to say that the whole industry is lonely. Isn't this a projection?
Second, why do I feel lonely and I enjoy it now?
It may be like this:
The loneliness I'm talking about may still be the loneliness in the relationship, and this loneliness is not a dog, it's miserable, but it will change, sometimes it's lonely, sometimes it's enjoyable.
"Oh, I see." The other me jumped back into the flesh, became one, and decided to continue writing.
I didn't scare you, did I? When you see a person talking to himself, asking and answering questions, do you think he is nervous and lonely? Well, yes, that's what counselors often look like.
Let's define loneliness instead of always explaining it.
Loneliness here is not "the painful longing for the lost, absent and loved object".
It is "a seemingly lonely and rich mentality that is marginalized and detached from the mainstream relationship model".
The definition of the former is given by psychoanalytic literature, and the latter is what I just thought of, which is also the viewpoint of this paper.
The setting of psychological counselors determines the inevitability of loneliness.
Look at the settings of psychoanalysis school: confidentiality, neutrality, anonymity, container, good object.
Gentlemen, is it mysterious? There is also an idealized object.
So, do you know the best way to kill a person?
Is to tell him a big secret, and then can't tell it for life, then this person will suffocate.
How many secrets do you think a counselor should keep in mind? Countless love and hate. Sometimes we really thank God for letting us live in a good environment of a democratic society.
Otherwise, you have to pray that a visitor will never become an emperor or a prime minister, or the first person to be killed must be his psychological counselor. Shut up, friends, amit Hoff.
I have thousands of secrets in my heart and signed a legally binding confidentiality agreement with others. If they are not crazy, they will be lonely to death.
Neutral, anonymous, container, oh, my God, the translation is: unknown, dedicated to doing good deeds without leaving a name.
This trash can is going to be "sentimental" Come on, pour as much as you want. This is my role. If people don't want to take out the garbage, you can say "resistance" and hold hands.
If people pour less, you think it's "defense", not real garbage. Oh, my God, Xiao Ping Clay smiled, too. I asked you if you were tired and lonely.
I'm sorry, I just laughed. I said calmly: really, we are such a group of serious narcissists who warm others by themselves. Sometimes you are really not yourself.
You will become all kinds of characters, just like acting in a movie, but you will never be the protagonist, but you are not a walk-on. The role you have played for the longest time is the third party, because you are just a body double, a substitute role. Don't mention "empathy" to me. Is a real director.
Your role is sometimes positive, just like a warm mother, a dignified father, a considerate husband and a close confidant.
Sometimes villains, grandma wolves, sadists, violent men, etc. The most exasperating thing is that you have no right to choose your own role, and everything is completely in accordance with the wishes of the helper. Poor, suddenly feel like a vulnerable group.
Not alarmist. A senior psychologist hurt his finger by his client. Once, a tourist took a book and slapped me directly. Another time, a rebellious teenager scratched my eyes.
This, this is not as simple as one person. It's simple. You said that if you were injured, you should ask others, "What were you thinking when you hit me just now, or who did you think of?" I just didn't put my face in the past and let the protagonist slap again.
Especially in the first two years of psychological counseling, you will feel that the whole person is not good. Friends who used to drink, sing and go shopping together no longer ask you out. At the party, you are like Mr. Lonely Mouse, staying in the corner and quietly watching them pretend to be forced.
This process must be experienced. In fact, the mountain is still that mountain, and the river is still that river, but you have changed yourself. Psychology is the study of human nature, and it is the easiest to see things as they really are.
When a group of people bragged and forced to toast each other, you saw through it at a glance. In fact, they are quite far away from each other. Why pretend to be intimate? It is because you penetrated their defense and disdained to associate with them with a mask that you were isolated.
It's like everyone is drunk and I wake up alone, but when everyone is drunk, you are really drunk in their eyes. Psychiatrists make rounds, and among a large group of schizophrenics, you are a mental derangement.
Make up your mind carefully It's really chewy
As the saying goes, some deep psychology lovers are half counselors. In fact, they know a lot and will provide different ideas for career counselors. Therefore, they are also half lonely patients.
Many psychology lovers ask me, I felt quite healthy before studying psychology, but why did I feel sick after studying psychology?
Cough, cough, you are not sick. You saw them sick, and then they all said you were sick. You think you're sick, I'll explain. In fact, you are very ill, but you don't know it. Now it's just that you finally know.
Did you feel a sense of loneliness abandoned by the world at that time?
It doesn't matter. When you graduate, for example, if you have worked for more than five years, you will find that you are not sick, and neither are your relatives and friends. When you get together again, you will have fun with them, and the world will be harmonious and beautiful.
Because, you are more lonely, loneliness at that time is a kind of loneliness out of low taste, and loneliness at this time is a kind of returning loneliness.
Just like the real cattle people are always among the people, the real Buddhism is never in the temple, but in the world. This outstanding master will not be Mr. Murong from north to south, but an unknown sweeping monk.
Others think that psychological counselors are sick. Yes, many colleagues began to explore their own complex, and later gradually embarked on the road of helping others. No one stipulates that doctors can't catch a cold, right?
Others are afraid to make friends with counselors for fear of being seen through their inner thoughts. Actually, you don't have to worry at all. You can't just watch and not give money. It's tiring.
The loneliness of consultants also comes from personal hobbies.
So far, I haven't seen a colleague who doesn't like reading, and I haven't seen a colleague who doesn't like being alone. Late at night, how about a cup of tea, a cigarette, a book and a shadow? Loneliness is cool enough.
In fact, they, oh no, we don't care about the gold and women in the book at all, just a hobby, a kind of relaxation and love for no reason.
In a relationship, it is not the kind of loneliness that the world thinks. In fact, our inner world is still very thick. How thick is it?
It is about 1000 books thick.
When a seemingly lonely scene is given the meaning of enjoyment, loneliness is beauty.
As a result, many of our colleagues began to hold a group to keep warm.
People always live in relationships, and staying alone for a long time will inevitably lead to loneliness. On the surface, it is for learning, but in fact it is for the warmth of being together.
Just like one group after another, I also organized an online peer monitoring group, all of which are colleagues from all over the world. We not only learn skills from each other.
More importantly, we give each other warmth. Are you envious? You can contact me and we will set up another growth group.
However, you really have to envy this. Because we are studying the original appearance of the relationship, we can basically "chat" when interacting with our peers, which is essentially different from ordinary chat.
Isn't it amazing? Although it feels a little abnormal, don't you think it's real? Can you talk like this in reality? This kind of communication can help each other to reflect better, and heart-to-heart is always the essence of the relationship.
Of course, we also speak human words, and we don't always say that. For example, what I said today is very reasonable, but you don't think it's your class teacher in class. Well, I found that I showed off in an ostentatious manner. Let's reflect and feel.
Well, yes, so, finally, I must send you a word with my heart:
If you have a counselor's lover, or a partner who loves psychology deeply, please treat her gently and embrace his loneliness, and you will get infinite nourishment.