Many visitors mentioned when consulting me that their husbands are very different before and after marriage.
They complained that their husbands were very active before they got married, rushing to do housework and cooking, trying to please themselves.
I have changed a lot since I got married. Every day when I get home, I spread out on the sofa, waiting for dinner. After dinner, I continued to lie on the sofa and play with my mobile phone. Doing housework is simply impossible.
Some visitors also mentioned that it is very hard to work every day, and I have to buy food and cook after work.
When they complained to their husbands, they didn't seem to hear them. Sometimes they are reluctant to wash the dishes themselves. It seems that they have done great things for their families. They got angry when they saw it and didn't want him to do housework any more.
02
Qian Qian is one of my guests. When she came to me, she was very wronged. She thinks she has done nothing wrong, but her husband always acts unreasonable. She really doesn't know what to do.
Chichiwa, her husband has been married for nine years. They met on a blind date. Qian Qian once thought that blind date boyfriends and girlfriends always lacked something. But after she met her husband, those thoughts never occurred to her again.
After being introduced by the matchmaker, the two people are no different from those young people who are free to fall in love. At that time, they were always glad to choose a blind date. When in love, Qian Qian's husband is very concerned about Qian Qian, and he is always in the forefront of what is missing or broken at home.
Even Qian Qian's parents are very satisfied with the young man. Qian Qian's husband saw the time was ripe and told Qian Qian that he wanted to get married early. However, Qian Qian's mother advised Qian Qian to try for a longer period of time and not to get married on the spur of the moment.
03
Qian Qian, immersed in love, couldn't listen to such words.
Shortly after the marriage, Qian Qian's husband showed his true colors. Every day when I get home from work, I drill into the study and play computer every day. When it was time to eat, Qian Qian had to call him 800 times before he reluctantly came out to eat.
Fortunately, Qian Qian's husband is doing well except that he is a little lazy. They live a busy but full life together.
However, since March, Qian Qian has felt more and more wrong. Obviously, she didn't work overtime, but her husband always came home late. The latest one didn't even come back until eight or nine, four or five hours later than before.
Qian Qian asked her husband why he came home so late, but he looked impatient and didn't explain anything.
04
In mid-May, Qian Qian's husband was sent by the company to study in Beijing for one month. He went home a few weeks ago and they had dinner together. Qian Qian took a bath and came out only to find her husband asleep.
At first, Qian Qian was very upset about her husband's hard work. When she was about to help her husband change clothes and scrub, she saw a shallow lipstick mark under her new shirt.
Qian Qian said nothing but put away her shirt. The next afternoon, Qian Qian casually asked, "What's with the lipstick on your shirt?"
If you didn't do anything wrong, you should be stunned by the puzzling question. What lipstick marks should I ask? Where is it? However, Qian Qian's husband suddenly became wary, saying that his shirt was borrowed from a colleague, and it was estimated that the colleague had soiled it. He also smiled awkwardly.
05
When Qian Qian asked a few more details, her husband looked impatient and said, "Why are you so unreasonable? I didn't make this dress. Don't ask. "
Qian Qian felt particularly uncomfortable. Even if she lends clothes to others, she won't borrow a dirty one. Can't she just talk about it?
Regarding the situation of Ms. Qian Qian, the consultant analyzed as follows:
After marriage, men should not only strive to support their families, but also adapt to the role change of father, husband and workplace.
Each role bears corresponding responsibilities. Faced with these responsibilities, some men will choose to face them bravely, while others will choose to escape.
If you can't escape in the workplace, you have to escape in marriage, and these means of escape are nothing more than perfunctory, playing dumb, cheating and delaying for a period of time.
Sometimes these behaviors can be avoided temporarily to avoid unnecessary quarrels. For example, if you do an unimportant thing, cheating and playing dumb is harmless.
But if you do something that hurts your marriage, men should know that paper can't cover the fire after all, and avoiding it can't solve the problem, and it will make things worse.
In view of Ms. Qian Qian's situation, Consultant Wei Qing suggested:
First of all, talk openly with your husband about your views on marriage and whether your husband and wife have fulfilled their respective responsibilities in marriage.
Secondly, let the husband know that evasion can't solve the problem, let alone make it disappear. Husband and wife are an organic whole and should face things together.
Finally, marriage is no big deal. After it happens, we must deal with it calmly and objectively.