On many nights, the dark past came to me like a lotus.
I'm a murderer, that's my definition of myself.
I often dream about that cat, and my hands are covered with blood.
I live alone in the house, and my grandmother is two opposing individuals. The arrival of Snow White added some ripples to my stagnant life. It's from Mrs Yao's house. I have seen that female cat. Her hair is sparse, some places are missing pieces, and some places are scabbed and mottled. Her graceful posture makes her walk like a slowly rotating globe, which makes people dislike it at all. I am glad that Snow White is wearing snow-colored hair, and her posture is elegant and pitiful. I never thought that this would be my last time with this female cat.
On my way home from school one day, I saw the mother cat hanging motionless on a dark and dry branch, like a shriveled ball. In the distance, several black birds circled in the sky and made strange calls. Grandma said it was the Death Messenger. I thought: this unpleasant thing finally died. At that time, I never thought that one day my Snow White would be so innocently paralyzed on that female cat. Snow White, killed.
"Where did you die again? After school for so long, why did you come back now? You are a monster. Is it easy for your father to make money outside? You are too disobedient at home. Are you worthy of them? " Grandma wrapped her feet and trembled, taking small steps to pull my ear, but I quickly hid. I went to sister Li's house to play, I said to myself. I know how she will scold me. "You always don't listen to me with this ear. I said Lili demon was strange and told you not to associate with her. You won't have good fruit to eat. Why don't you listen? " I was silent. I didn't expect that it was reasonable to suffer in front of me without listening to the old man. However, it is too late to regret. If you make a mistake, you will always pay the price. )
Always like this, endless abuse and rude behavior, I can't feel the kindness of the kind grandmother to her grandchildren described in the book. Reluctantly put the heavy schoolbag on the messy bed. Grandma followed, "you baby killed by a knife." Why don't you tidy up the house when you get up in the morning? " My teacher gave me a lot of homework yesterday, so I struggled to finish it at one o'clock. So much so that I finally got up this morning after putting off the alarm clock countless times. I didn't have time to fold the quilt and even cook breakfast, so I bought something to eat at the roadside stall and stuffed it into my mouth. When I went out, through the bedroom door, my grandmother's thunderous snoring, which was supposed to make a steaming and nutritious breakfast for my grandchildren, shocked my eardrums.
The morning light reveals a little golden light through the clouds, covering the snow on the steps with a layer of light. There is a warmth on my lips. What a beautiful picture. But when I hear snoring again, it makes me extremely upset.
I hate it, I hate it, and I don't want this life.
Lili is the son of my second grandfather, that is, my cousin's daughter. She is a princess in my heart in the sixth grade. Neither uncle nor aunt is at home, and she has no grandparents. She lives alone in a big house, as lonely and beautiful as a princess in a fairy tale. She has a gorgeous dresser that only a princess can have. She has many pearl necklaces (perhaps plastic) and other beautiful jewels. She tried it on and let me see it in such a close and far place. It's not that she doesn't understand the desire in my eyes, but she is satisfied with the vanity pleasure I brought her. Just like there are many boys pursuing her at school, she just smiles and refuses to accept it, keeping a proper distance from each pursuer.
Lili's grandmother lives near our home. I often go there to play with Lily. I call her grandmother my aunt. I have a sweet mouth. Every time I go, my aunt laughs and squeezes the flowers out of her face. My aunt will give me many beautiful and interesting gadgets. Although Lily finally asked for it, she said that her grandmother's things should belong to her. Only a naked Barbie with a broken leg was rejected by her, and it is still on my desk. I said hello to it before I went out this morning. I am very happy at the thought of going to menstruation's house with Lily in the future. My aunt will tie a thick twist braid for me, let me put a pillow on her lap, pull out my ears in the sun (my aunt has bad eyes and can't see it in the house), and make me my favorite coke chicken wings. I like my aunt very much, and my aunt likes me very much. Even after today, she smiled at me, but I will never go to menstruation's house with Lily again.
On this day, my hands were covered with sin.
It's raining outside, and my aunt's snoring in the rain is so sweet. And this has become the best cover for our criminal activities. Raindrops pattered on the ground, and rumbling thunder beat on the window lattice. Lightning lit up a series of lights, showing Lily's sharp face.
Lily opened a big wooden box of my aunt's, which is said to be the dowry my aunt brought from her family. I stood on tiptoe and looked around. I saw Lily take out a wallet. She opened it and found a thick pile of grandpa Mao inside. I can see straight and buy many beautiful gadgets. Lily handed me five and I took them. Lily means that this is her grandmother's money, that is, her money. Now give me 500 yuan. I was so happy that I held her hand all the way and called her sister.
It's late. I want to go home. Lily said, "it's okay. I'll call your grandmother and say you're staying at my house tonight." I was so eager for her pink princess room that I reluctantly agreed. I know grandma must be angry, but I don't want to care about her. Now my heart is full of happiness. Lily took out her "jewels" to play with, but I still looked at her with envy. I thought she wouldn't talk to me, but I didn't expect her to dress me. I look at myself in the mirror, like a real princess, gorgeous I am very excited to touch these jewels, and Lili also looks at me leisurely and occasionally praises me. I think I'm going to heaven.
"Let me sell these things to you." Lily suddenly said. I stopped to hold Liu Hai's hand and looked at her in surprise. Where did I get the money? My grandmother never gives me extra pocket money. "Didn't I just give you 500?" Lily smiled and poked my head with her finger, and my scalp was pricked by her nails. Anyway, I finally bought these "jewels" with 500 yuan. Lily was very happy and took many beautiful photos for me. I dare not take these "precious jewels" home for fear that my grandmother will scold me. "Nothing, just temporarily to me. You can try it on at any time. " Lili said. I thank her for her generous help. Thanks to her, grandma didn't scold me when I came home that day.
I don't know. Grandma Lily's money is not Lily's money. Lily's act of giving me money is called stealing. Lily stole her grandmother's money, which is called stolen money. Lily gave me all the stolen money, and I used it to buy her jewelry. I don't know what a clumsy trap this is, but I did get in. I am a thief. I was a thief when I was nine years old in the third grade. Before I knew it, one of my feet had fallen into the abyss. I don't understand why Lili did it. She thought she could deceive everyone and put the blame on me. I'm only nine years old. I can't get out of her condom. She controlled me so firmly that I almost made a big mistake. I've been so glad for countless times since I found out.
I don't know why everyone says I scold me, accuse me of disliking me and call me a thief. Grandma is even more angry with me. She gives me a stick every day, and the intensity and frequency of beating and scolding me are 100 times greater than usual. I don't understand, but I feel disgusted. "Why, I didn't take the money, but Lily, I have no money! Why did you hit me? " I am wronged to wipe my tears. Sobbing, she told grandma the process. "You ... alas ... you this back when Eva, I told you not to associate with her, you just don't listen. Do you know that if you steal, you will go to jail? If you sit at the bottom of the prison, people will visit you. " Later, grandma made me kneel there all the time.
She went to find lily. I don't know what she said to Lily. Let Lily kill her. Lily gave me two cups of oral liquid and poured it into a thermos bottle. I may or may not know Lili's intentions, but my pain and long-term suffering made me choose silly obedience. When I go out in the morning, I pour the liquid into the kettle. I didn't attend class all day. I feel horrible. I want to make up for it.
Unknown flowers are blooming in the four fields. Give off bursts of fragrance. Passing through a lotus pond, the lotus is graceful and beautiful. Somehow, a sentence popped up in my mind, "Killing is a lotus." What a beautiful day it is, but I can't stop to enjoy it. I am anxious to race against time.
The door is closed, grandma is not at home, and neither is the cat. The neighbor said, "Your grandmother went to the hospital." I hurried to the hospital. I'm afraid I won't see grandma for the last time. In the clinic, I saw a familiar figure, Snow White collapsed in her arms. "grandma! Grandma! " I shouted. Grandma shouted at me, "I didn't lose my soul when I came back." What are you yelling about? Call my soul! " I held her tightly. Rubbing my head helplessly. "Snow White doesn't know what happened today. She suddenly went crazy and grabbed me, and now she's dead, even eating what she shouldn't have eaten. I've just finished treating the wound, and we'll take Snow White to check it later. " I'm scared, eager to be seen through, afraid of being rejected. "Grandma, let's go home. The snow will be fine. I'm hungry. Let's go back and cook. " "Good good, you know to eat every day."
I got my grandma back, but I lost Snow White. Soon after she came back, Snow White was foaming at the mouth and twitching all over. I was so scared that I wanted to scream loudly, but I was afraid to disturb my grandmother who was cooking in the kitchen. I use paper towels to clean up the foam. I know this is a typical symptom of poisoning. Later, we had dinner and grandma boiled water to make tea. "There was only a little water for Snow White to make rice this morning, and now there are no guests to drink tea at home. You can't be diligent in one day. " Grandma is very nagging, but I think life is full.
Snow, thank you. After dinner, grandma called a car to go under the tree. We hung snow on the mother cat in the tree. Grandma said it was a reunion. That tree seems to add a little color, like a cloud. There are black birds hovering above the clouds. Since then, for a long time, on my way to and from school, I can always see the dazzling white fading away.
Murder is a lotus, blooming in my terrible past. I killed the cat and myself. I have always wanted to write such a story to save myself. I finally wrote it today.