What kind of relationship is this "consultation-visit relationship"? From the consultant's point of view, what is the "consultation-visit relationship"? From the perspective of visitors, how to understand and use this "consultation-visit relationship"? Does the "consultation-interview relationship" still exist after consultation?
Text | Simple Psychological Student Consultant Xu
All kinds of training and literature have mentioned the factors that play a role in psychological counseling. Without exception, they all think that the most important factor is the relationship between consultation and visiting. The theoretical schools and technical applications that beginners are most concerned about have little influence. )
The relationship between consultation and interview is very important, as if the default is common sense. But it was not until one class that the teacher asked, "What is your understanding of the relationship between consultation and visiting? I realize that I have heard it many times, but we seldom ask ourselves, what is this so important?
I try to sort out what I have learned in the past and answer what I agree with. At the same time, I also believe that everyone can have their own understanding, and there is no only correct answer.
Set the conditional relationship under.
It is because of "setting" that two strangers can establish such a close relationship in a short time.
Consulting fees, stable private places, agreed time, agreed confidentiality principle, agreed frequency, leave, lateness, absence ... all follow the corresponding settings (although the specific settings of different schools, institutions and individuals will be different); In the relationship between consultation and interview, there are many things that can and cannot be done ... in short, it is not a casual relationship.
The lack of freedom caused by various settings is precisely to maintain the security and stability of the relationship between consultation and visiting.
For example, there is a charge (psychological counseling is a service, so it should be charged). If there is no charge, it means that tourists can come whenever they want, and there is no money anyway; Counselors can be happy, but not unhappy or dislike visitors. Anyway, he doesn't accept any money-in order for the consultation to work, both sides need to tolerate some discomfort; Because of the change, I am not so comfortable.
To some extent, the charges stipulate the rights and obligations of both parties, and also provide a buffer between discomfort and action.
Another example is confidentiality and confidentiality exception, which makes the consulting relationship safe and credible; However, if there is no clear exception to confidentiality, confidentiality may become both heavy and fragile.
An interpersonal relationship setting is about the relationship between two identities and two roles; Interpersonal relationship refers to the relationship between two specific and unique individuals, that is, the relationship between people.
This is the "art" part of counseling. Counselors should not only work with theories, but also put themselves into relationships. Many schools attach great importance to the personal characteristics, sincerity and consistency of consultants, which is what it is; When it comes to projected identity, you have to allow yourself to be projected and recognized, then realize that this is projected identity, and then work hard.
Psychological counselors are not only written work, but also have the characteristics of being a human being, which will also have an impact on the visit subconsciously, or be recognized and internalized as a part of themselves-just like every important person who has experienced in the visit life.
In the process of consultation, it is very important for two people to feel about the present and the relationship between them.
Once upon a time, I felt that the relationship between consultation and interview was very similar to the game Traveler in the Wind: two people met at a certain point in the vast journey, then walked together for a while, watched the beautiful scenery together for a while, passed the checkpoint, fought the dragon, snowed ... and finally said goodbye, separated or lost halfway or at the end, but that encounter will remain in my heart for a long time.
Every time I play this game, I will meet different people. The process of meeting, walking and leaving is completely different, but it always brings me a lot of emotion.
(Illustration and explanation: "Traveler in the Wind")
Interpersonal relationship also means including the rules and hidden rules of interpersonal communication and cultural factors. For example, in western culture, visitors are more likely to experience that a consultant is an independent and equal person, while in eastern culture, it is easier to experience that a professional is an authority.
The theory we study basically comes from the west, so when the consultant tries to pull the interview to an equal position with himself, different visitors will have different reactions.
When we ask ourselves not to abuse power (this is the basic ethics), can we admit that this kind of power inequality exists objectively, and visitors regard you as an authority in their hearts?
I met a consultant for the first time in a working relationship, and I went there with troubles. I really hope she can help me. I preset the relationship between the helper and the solver. But the counselor told me that "everyone works together" is a "cooperative" relationship.
To be honest, when I heard "working together", I didn't understand. I just think that "the words used by their counselors are quite strange." But this sentence has been planted in my heart and has been remembered until now.
With the later study, I am also enriching my understanding of "working relationship". More and more, I agree that psychological counseling seems to be the relationship between asking for help and helping others, and the relationship between consumers and service providers, but to truly understand and change deeply, it must be completed by both sides.
Among many statements, what I most recognize and impress at present is this description:
The relationship between consultation and visit is a cooperative relationship between two people. This relationship is to explore his world and his heart with the visitor. This work requires the joint efforts of consultants and visitors. Consultants are experts in professional knowledge, but visitors are their own experts.
-this is the "double expert theory" of the relationship between consultation and interview, which I like very much, because it neither denies the value of consultants nor lifts them too high; Do not deny the plight of visitors, but also regard visitors as powerful people; There is both connection and hope. Explain that the visitor is not a weak person who needs to be repaired. He is first and foremost a "person" as the subject.
One relationship is to end the relationship, and the relationship between consultation and visiting is to enable visitors to cope with life independently and leave consultation.
The establishment of the relationship between consultation and visiting is to enable visitors to cope with life independently and leave consultation.
The relationship between the consultant and the interviewer is so intimate and in-depth in extremely limited time and space, sometimes even beyond the depth of life; A consultant may become an important person in the visitor's life.
However, unlike other relationships in life, the basis and goal of the relationship between consultation and visiting is that visitors can acquire the ability to cope with life; The realization of the consulting goal means that the consulting relationship needs to end.
Many times, there will be regrets, reluctance, resentment and sadness, and these will still end.
Some people also say that, just like the relationship between parents and children, raising children is not to stay with them all the time, but to let them grow wings.
Hmm. I think there are similarities and differences in it, so I might as well have a taste.
It will remain open after the end, which will continue to affect the relationship between the two sides. The end of the consultation relationship means the end of the weekly meeting between two people, but it does not mean the complete end.
On the one hand, psychological counseling has always been open, and visitors can still return to the relationship of counseling and visiting if necessary in the future.
On the other hand, although we no longer talk regularly, the impact of this experience on visitors will remain in their lives. Those ways of thinking, feeling and acting are also preserved in the form of invisible memory.
Visitors may also have a "consultant" in mind, and this internal consultant can deal with him when they encounter pressure and difficulties. (Different schools or consultants and/or visitors have different names for this kind of "internal consultant". )
Moreover, that encounter not only stayed in the hearts of visitors, but also in the lives of consultants.
In the process of learning and communicating with classmates and teachers, we have given many wonderful answers to the understanding of "consultation-visit relationship", such as puzzles, diving, forest, contractual relationship, finite and infinite, space ... these are the ideas of consultants.
Maybe every visitor has his own understanding of the relationship between consultation and interview, and he doesn't know what metaphor to use. ......
If you:
Because of the events in work and life, I feel stressed and want psychological companionship and emotional counseling;
I am curious about my personality, emotions and interpersonal patterns, and want more personal exploration and growth;
Faced with professional pressure at work, I want to manage the pressure better according to my own situation and get career development exploration;
Confused about interpersonal communication, intimate relationship and other issues. I hope to know more about my own model and handle the relationship better.
If you have these questions, you can "read the original" at the end of the article to make an appointment with a consultant who is suitable for you. Student counselors will listen to your troubles, sort out your confusion and accompany you through the difficulties.
Psychological counselors of students in simple psychology are high-level students who have completed 300+ hours of psychological counseling theory and technology study and corresponding practice and supervision in the course of Uni "Training Plan for Psychological Counselors" in simple psychology. In the practice of counseling, with the support of one-on-one supervision by professional supervisors, student counselors provide professional psychological counseling experience for the majority of visitors.
Each student adviser is limited to 2 visitors; The consulting fee shall not exceed 150 yuan.