After many men break up, women won't delete any of your contact information. When you send a message, the other party doesn't reply or only replies with a word "Oh".
Later, your news sank into the sea. You can see in her circle of friends that you kept sending messages without a red exclamation point, but she just ignored your news and refused to reply to you, even if the initial perfunctory was gone.
At this time, the man will think: "Oh, wow ... she is really determined to let go, just let go?" "Women are so fickle."
……
Some men are more cruel, perhaps because of the relationship of "love and hate", and send each other a sentence "You are really determined and heartless". This idea of standing on the moral high ground is like the devil. After breaking up, he will not reflect on his own mistakes, but will continue to override the other party and think that the other party is determined and heartless.
"Rome wasn't built in a day", breaking up is not sudden, or disappointment with you is accumulated over time, or you have been planning for a long time and don't love you at all. If you don't even find a reason to break up, you think the other person is too determined. I can only say, "Hey, you are hopeless."
In many cases of emotional counseling, more than 80% of the consultants will ask me the same question, "Teacher, her attitude towards me is very decisive. Is it really over?" .
What is this kind of question more like?
This is more like a sign of self-distrust, because you may want to get back together again and again, but the other party refuses you again and again. In many rescues, the other party's refusal hits you again and again, and then you lose confidence.
But for us, the more determined they are, the more they can't let you go. Why do I say that? Because the essence behind rejection is more attachment.
There are many people who think that love equals enthusiasm, and not love equals determination.
American psychologist rollo may said that the opposite of love is indifference.
For example:
When I first broke up, I hated my boyfriend because I thought he hurt me and let me down. So after breaking up, I told myself every day that I wouldn't look back. My boyfriend said I was heartless, determined and didn't love him, that's all.
But did I put it down? I didn't. Although I put it forward on my own initiative, people are emotional animals. They have been in love for so long and invested so much. How can they let go and say they don't love immediately after breaking up?
But I'm disappointed. I have to force myself to let go of my thoughts about you, right?
So, I can only choose to treat you coldly, as simple as that.
So, just like the feelings between you, she used to love you, because there were problems and contradictions between you, and you let her down and hurt, so that she could not continue to be in this intimate relationship with you.
Therefore, this indifferent and resolute performance shows that I don't love you anymore and let you go.
Therefore, there may be three reasons for refusal:
The "overrun effect", enough disappointment, has accumulated an emotional fortress. In psychology, this phenomenon of psychological impatience or rebellious psychology caused by too much, too strong or too long stimulation to the human body is called "overrun effect"
Let me make an analogy: the mother repeatedly warned the children to clean up their own house, but the children ignored the mother's words, and the house was still as messy as before; The wife earnestly advised her husband to give up smoking, but the husband was still arrogant; Teachers seriously educate students not to be late often, but those students who are often late still arrive long after class. ...
So in an intimate relationship, you didn't do what the other person wanted you to do, and you didn't change what you asked you to change. You even wish you cared more about her and took care of her. You didn't do it. After a long time, the little mud became a fortress. When the emotional fortress was built, women turned from sensibility to rationality. Once reason appears, it will be very decisive.
The wrong way to recover makes the other party feel "uneasy". Under the influence of external stimuli, people's feelings will show various emotions.
Every emotion has a different level, and it has a completely opposite emotional state, such as love and hate, mixed happiness and sorrow. In the process of psychological activities in a specific background, the higher the emotional level, the greater the "psychological slope", and the easier it is to transform into the opposite emotional state.
For example, if you are extremely excited at the moment, you may feel extremely painful at some point in the future because of some sudden external stimulus. This psychological phenomenon is the "psychological pendulum effect".
At the beginning of the breakup, you saved it in the wrong way, such as SMS bombing, such as chasing after the soul and chasing her home. At this time, the other party will have a "heartbeat" because of your various harassment. The appearance of this effect will make them more painful.
In order to get rid of this "psychological pendulum", you can only push you away decisively, or do something you think is heartless. In fact, it is nothing more than getting rid of the power of this effect and preventing you from continuing to do too much harassment.
With a decisive attitude, play down the pain of lovelorn, and don't repeat the same mistakes. Yes, do you want to make the same mistake with you?
You didn't give each other a sense of security and comfort. After the other party failed to communicate with you countless times, you lost trust. Do you want to go back to the same cycle?
The other party refused because you put your own needs first and didn't consider the other party's feelings.
So we can only use this way to reduce the pain of losing this relationship.
Force yourself and dilute your feelings.
As for, can you really put it down? I can only say that you don't understand women.
I want to tell the majority of male compatriots that even if a woman proposes to break up, she may not be able to get through it at all and really can't let go.
Let me give you the simplest example, myself.
My predecessor was disappointed in me, and he was the kind of person who could not see the future at all.
Later, I mentioned marriage several times, but I didn't mention it again, but I offered to break up.
I thought I was relieved when I left this relationship, but the result was just the opposite.
First of all, the "love inertia" suddenly made me feel that my life was taken away. This man has given me a lot of inertia.
In the living room, I have to hang him to watch TV and go to the market. I had to let him carry me behind my back. I have to keep him looking at me while cleaning the house. Even if you go to the bathroom, let him accompany you. So after breaking up, no matter what I am doing, I can see the shadow when I am together.
So after breaking up, this "love inertia" is like a nightmare. It always reminds me of what he would be like if he were here, and what he would say if he were here.
I thought I would forget all this. After all, it's a bit "hate because of love", but I remember it so clearly, as if Pandora's black box magic changed all my memories at once.
What followed was pain.
That kind of heartache keeps me awake every day, but those who break up on their own initiative can't find friends to resolve it, and they can't make friends. Otherwise, a lot of "lemon essence" girlfriends come out to sour me, and you are not qualified to say that it hurts if you break up first. You deserve to break up, you asked for it, and so on. ...
So I had to knock out my teeth and swallow them in my stomach. I admit that I was in pain, but I just didn't say it. I just didn't show it, so that later, he took the initiative to send a message, and I pretended to be rude and calm.
It's not that men want self-respect and face-saving, but women also have self-respect and face-saving.
My best friend said, why didn't you take the initiative to contact him when you were in such pain? I can tell you that I just broke up and didn't care about it. Later, because of face problems, I tried to be brave. Finally, I broke up for a while, afraid to hear the other party say that I want to let go or have a new love.
Later, I tidied up our things and found a stack of photos. On the back of every photo, there are comments written by him:
"You look as fat as a pig, but I just like it."
"This is the second time you have been so embarrassed, which really makes me laugh and cry."
"Look at our expressions. We love each other and hate each other. It's really a template for loving and killing each other, and so on. "
People are really strange. When we are together, we think about each other's shortcomings and how much injustice we have suffered.
Let's break up. Instead, I think about each other's good. My waist is not very good. He rubs my waist every time. I will work overtime every day. No matter how late I come back, there will be something delicious. ...
Maybe he made me feel insecure. We always quarreled, but suddenly I felt that these things were not good, as if they had been shrunk. Now all I can think about is his goodness.
But unfortunately, he was not saved, and I didn't take the initiative. Finally, we really became the most familiar strangers.
This is my emotional experience. Until now, I have been thinking that if I don't try to be brave and take the initiative to save, or if he can save me, maybe we won't miss it.
So, don't lose heart before we are separated. Instead of thinking about whether the other party has let go, it is better to think about how to save the other party. Many women are strong and determined on the surface, but they really can't let go.
As Cai Kangyong once said, "Sometimes, after a long time, we gradually realize that the way we loved that person was wrong, and then we suddenly want to get that person back, fall in love again.".
But we pay attention to the timing and methods of recovery, and don't use the right way to recover, so that you miss the best opportunity to recover and the people we love very much.
If you are suffering from emotional difficulties or emotional crisis at this time, try the following test!
According to your emotional state and your objective description of TA, I will infer the other party's current psychological thoughts, the real needs that the other party has not shown you, and what the other party's real personality is. Through many ways of personality and personality analysis that I am good at, I will help you better maintain a long-term intimate relationship.
1 Speaking habits and tone, such as tone, speaking speed and divergence of speaking logic.
2 TA is usually strong or depends on you?
Is it suspicion or trust at ordinary times?
Does 4 TA usually give you freedom or control?
5 TA's hobbies.
6 TA's response to hostile situations, such as conflicts. Or the way you look, react or behave when you are angry.
7 TA relationship with parents. And parents' personalities.
What is the reason for your usual quarrel? For example: emotional problems/objective contradictions themselves/cold violence/external causes (parents object to different places, etc.). )
9 TA's favorite books and movies.
10 Some special tricks. For example, I like to roll my eyes when I talk.
1 1 consumption habits. The concept of money status.
The distance of 12 describes the dependence of TA on you 15 months before love.
13 TA arrangement of leisure time at ordinary times.
14 TA friend's personality.
15 TA's handling method of trouble in work.
Did 16 Ta say anything that bothered him when he was growing up?
17 TA's most annoying thing
18 TA Do you make plans before going out for a trip?
19 Generally, who quarrels with whom first.
20 TA dressing style
2 1 TA frequency of mood swings.
What do you think are the three words that best fit the emotional tone of TA?
A. sense of security
B. desire for control
C. possessiveness
D. Sense of identity
E. tacit understanding
F. sense of belonging
Which of you is more like a cat in love?
This is a description of your redemption object. Don't judge subjectively, try to describe objectively.
I'm koi fish, a relationship counselor. There is no one I can't analyze. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.