People who like to divide things into right and wrong, good and bad, and have only one standard answer hold monistic thinking.
The reason why spectators like to wrangle is based on this monistic thinking: speaking English in China worships foreign things and flatters foreign countries; Want to make friends with foreigners, is an "easy girl" ...
In monistic thinking, there is only one standard of things, which is the universal standard.
If things don't develop in the direction of this standard, it is wrong.
People with higher level of thinking will enter double thinking and look at the problem from two sides: right and wrong; There are good and bad.
Most of them have the basic ability to distinguish things, are rational and empathetic, and can think from each other's perspective.
For example, couples often quarrel over trivial matters, such as whether the dishes are washed in time and whether the room should be cleaned.
People with double thinking will know that washing dishes is a good thing, not washing them is also a good thing, and it is also good to save more washing.
Buying a dishwasher or replacing it with disposable chopsticks is really not acceptable. That's a living method, too
A little higher than the level of dual thinking is pluralistic thinking.
There is such a story:
When a famous French painter is on vacation in Switzerland, he often takes his sketchpad with him to sketch everywhere.
One day, he saw the beautiful scenery of Lake Geneva, took out his drawing board and began to draw.
When the painting was almost finished, three female tourists came over and spoke to the beautiful scenery around them: "This place is not as beautiful as I thought ..."
When they passed the painter, they began to tell him what to do with his painting: "It's not well painted here, it's obviously a very tall tree, but your painting is so crooked;" The color there is also wrong. On such a blue day, your painting is not blue at all. There are some things you didn't draw in. You see, a few people are missing ... "
The painter didn't refute it, but also made some minor changes to his painting according to their suggestions.
The next day, he went to another place to sketch and met three ladies again.
The ladies asked him, "Sir, we heard that the great painter Beronie was in Switzerland and wanted to visit him. Do you know where he lives? "
The painter bowed slightly and said politely, "I'm Beronie."
People with diverse thinking can not only tolerate different viewpoints, but also automatically filter out those voices that are unfavorable to them and take the essence and discard the dross.
Just like the painter Beronie, facing the amateur advice of three ladies, he was not proud of his major, but listened to their opinions with an open mind.
Cong Fei, a psychological counselor, said in the book I'm Really Great:
In pluralistic thinking, things have not only one perspective, but also other perspectives such as symbols, motives, reasons, emotions and backgrounds.
I'm arguing with you about this because of something else. What I care about is other unspeakable and unconscious content. This matter is just an exit and a representation.
Therefore, in pluralistic thinking, people pay more attention to the periphery of things besides the things themselves.
For example, in the little quarrel between husband and wife about "washing dishes", people with multiple thoughts will realize that washing dishes itself is also expressing other contents, besides finding out right and wrong:
"Do you still love me? Have a sense of responsibility? Do you care about this family? You should wash a bowl to prove it. "
Many people live to be in their thirties, read a lot of books and understand a lot of things, but their minds are getting narrower and narrower. Every day, there are endless quarrels and endless topics.
The reason is that the ideological level is not high enough to learn to respect and accept differences. Everything is centered on my own preferences and judgments.
There is a term in psychology called "backfire effect", which means that when a person encounters a fact contrary to his own cognition, he often refuses to accept this fact and strengthens his original position.
The lower a person's thinking level, the more simple his thinking, the less judgment he has, and the more stubborn he will be.
In order to avoid such shortcomings, here are two suggestions:
① Cultivate critical thinking.
The key is to keep an open mind, and don't use words like "100%", "sure" and "inevitable" to judge a thing.
When others disagree, please don't instinctively take it as a personal attack. We should have empathy and realize that every decision we make has its own personal mark, including experience, values, training and cultural habits.
Don't think about the rationality of this person's point of view because you hate this person's negative emotions. If the other side's point of view does have sufficient evidence, we should be brave enough to change our past prejudice.
As Fitzgerald said, a first-class mind can hold two contradictory views at the same time without affecting its behavior.
② Communicate with different people.
Keith Sunstein, a professor at Harvard University, mentioned in Utopia of Information that if you only pay attention to what you choose and the communication field that makes you happy, over time, you will be trapped in a cocoon-like "cocoon room".
Try to break the circle you are familiar with, don't just communicate with people who agree with you and affirm yourself, communicate with different people more, and put your views in a public field to discuss.
In this process, you will gradually find your own imperfections and incompleteness, so as not to stand still in the "information cocoon room".
There is a saying in "Zhuangzi Qiushui": "The well frog can't talk to people in the sea, but is confined to the air; Summer insects can't talk to ice, but it's also timely. "
Don't talk to frogs at the bottom of the well about the sea, and don't talk to insects in summer about ice, because they have never seen the sea and ice, and they have never experienced it, so even if you tell the truth, they won't believe it.
This stubbornness is caused by the limitation of thinking.
Reading books to see the world is different from seeing the world.
To truly see the world is to be able to open your ears, open your mind, think deeply about what you have seen and heard, and learn to respect and be equal, calm and open.
Just like a classmate of the University of Electronic Science and Technology said after being caught in a network storm, it is the quality and tolerance that 985 students should have:
What distinguishes people in this world is not gender, skin color and race, but quality and personality! We must be alert to all people, but this does not mean that we should treat all people maliciously.