Change must change. There is no need to waste time on inappropriate people. The question is how to change it?
Wait, maybe I'll take the initiative to chase him. How is that possible? That's not very cheap.
0 1 Why do girls seldom take the initiative? Generally speaking, girls don't like to take the initiative. Generally, there are two situations:
First, even if you are heartbroken, you expect a heartbroken boy to chase you and won't take action; There is such a colleague in our office. She clearly told me that she was interested in a boy, but she often deliberately didn't reply to the message when chatting, euphemistically calling it "testing each other's sincerity."
The point is, the other person is still a blind date who has just met and never met.
People sent you a message at seven o'clock in the morning, and it was only at seven o'clock in the afternoon that you replied in a perfunctory way: "I don't have time to watch my mobile phone today." Girl, playing hard to get is not like this. Be careful when you find reasons.
Why is this happening?
Because in the eyes of most women, this society has a perfect lover image.
Do not ask why you can't see.
Yes, it doesn't exist in reality, but in cultural works.
Today, when Marisol is popular, Overbearing President falls in love with me and Ordinary Shop Assistant are CP; Handsome boy sweeping the school and Cinderella being bullied are CP; "Shining Star" and "Ugly Assistant" are cp.
Such a perfect lover image was originally intended to cater to the Marisol psychology and ratings of female audiences, but in turn, it made women think it was true. There must be such a man in reality, just like a popular sentence in Tik Tok a while ago: "The sunset falls on my armor, and the prince does not necessarily ride a white horse." But there must be a man to satisfy my fantasy of love. I can't do anything. I don't have to work too hard, but he will still pursue me and cater to me.
Second, many girls feel good about themselves and think they are very competitive in the marriage and love market.
Everyone knows a saying, "Women chase men, but it's a barrier".
However, the world is also very contradictory, and at the same time, it has created a batch of women who "can choose a spouse only by being licked" with practical actions.
Many girls in life will fall into a misunderstanding: if he likes me, he will chase me down, if not, then he doesn't like me.
There is nothing wrong with this sentence at first glance, but you can't knock over a car with one pole.
Sometimes his initiative may be just because he is bored and lonely, and you are single.
It is also possible that he doesn't take the initiative because he just appreciates you, not likes you.
The key is that it is easy for women to have a good impression on them over time, and it is easy to overestimate their charm and competitiveness, and it is a natural result to maintain a condescending posture.
02 Men and women have different ideas about "making overtures". Let's take another look. Then why do men take the initiative so easily?
If the thinking of men and women is compared to animals, women are like hedgehogs and men are like rhinoceroses.
Hedgehog: I have many thorns. I will consider many.
Rhino: If you have a goal, you can push it with your horn.
For example, when buying clothes, boys may feel that there is a similar store nearby, so they don't need to go to a big shopping mall. Feel and compare casually, and the quality and price are ok.
But girls may consider whether it looks good, whether it is expensive, whether it is thick or not, how about the quality, whether there is a discount, whether it is good to wash it, whether it suits their temperament, whether the clothes, shoes and bags are well matched, whether there is any problem with the design, whether there is a girlfriend around, whether it will look old-fashioned or naive, whether the boyfriend will care (revealing clothes), and so on.
Does it look like a hedgehog? If you order too much, you will poke it carelessly.
I found a chat record with a visitor:
So some girls have taken the initiative to pursue others, but they have not achieved good results. The essential reason is either because they used the wrong force or because they can't seduce people and run away.
But they attribute the reason to "active" behavior and let "active" take the blame.
I understand that initiative is to actively establish contact. There is a saying that as long as you take the initiative, we have a story. At first glance, it's a joke, but that's the truth. What I mean by initiative may not be quite what you understand.
My initiative is not frivolous, flattering or full of demand.
He is more like I gently opened a window, through which you can see me, know me and like me.
I often hear girls say, Oh, I just saw a boy in the coffee shop, which is super emotional. What should I do? What should I do?
What should I do?
Go after him, and the duck in his mouth will watch him run away. Aren't you in a hurry? I'm worried about you.
I remember when I was in high school, I was still a shy girl, and I didn't even pull a boy's little hand. There is a thin and tall male classmate in my class, which is my type. I watch him play basketball in the corridor every day, and I fantasize about the story of the prince falling in love with Cinderella in my mind.
Unfortunately, it was lovelorn in a few days, and it ended before it started!
He was confessed by a girl in the next class. That girl is totally different from me. She is hot and careless. I remember that girl bought him a pack of snacks and left a note: I like you and want to be with you. Could you take a message for me? Don't complain.
As a result, they are really together. It is said that they were fine until they graduated from college.
It is worth mentioning that once I contacted the boy through a hot topic in Weibo, and I asked if we would have a story if I had taken the initiative. He replied to a message.
This matter, this person, has been stuck in my heart for a long time and can't get rid of it.
Later, I especially like a sentence:
If I like you, I can take one step in your direction and another, but if you don't pick me up after two steps, then I will go back.
I am a very active girl myself;
When you go to Starbucks, you will take the initiative to strike up a conversation when you see a boy you like. When a friend meets a boy he appreciates at a party, he will take the initiative to strike up a conversation. In the process of interaction, I will send a 1000-word message late at night to express my thoughts.
I like him, I will actively create opportunities to link with him, I will actively create opportunities for him to see me, and I will actively create opportunities for him to see my cuteness and intellectuality.
But in my dictionary:
I will not take the initiative to send breakfast to boys who are not boyfriends, I will not take the initiative to tell boys who are not boyfriends that I like you, and I will not take the initiative to confess to boys who are not boyfriends.
I'm just giving you a chance to get to know me. I am confident that you will want to know me by knowing me, you will get close to me by knowing me, and you will like me by getting close to me.
So the key is not whether you take the initiative, but whether you have confidence in yourself and whether you are attractive.
The most important thing for a woman is to be herself. Speaking of which, I just watched several programs that Yang Mi participated in recently, and I have to say that her popularity is rising.
But our theme is not gossip, but how she was publicly asked by Wang Sicong to marry her, thus making Daxun Wei, a national warm man, a younger brother. I watched the major news media analyze Yang Mi's ability to flirt with Han and Yang Mi's social skills, but everyone ignored a premise.
Yang Mi's confidence and transparency.
As a star, she holds fashion resources, commercial value and top traffic in her hand, which is confident.
She can also announce her love affair with Hawick Lau at the peak of her popularity, get married and have children, and announce the news of divorce at the rising stage of her career.
This is independence and transparency.
Mature love means that I welcome you when you come, and I respect you when you leave. So instead of obsessing about whether to send messages or expose the sense of demand, it is better to spend more time to enhance your attractiveness.
In real life, many girls like boys who are actually excellent, at least one level higher than themselves. Some girls like basketball captain, some girls like top ten singers on campus, and some girls like career men.
But how do you get along:
1. "I watched you play football, and I think you are super handsome when you play football" (a face of fans)
2. "I listened to your song in the Top Ten Singers Competition, and you sang very well" (a charming face)
3. "You are really something. You started your own business at an early age "(a face of fans)
The other person will definitely reply to you, but the reply you receive will usually be "thank you for your compliment" and the chat will be over.
So let me tell you, how can I take the initiative to really attract these high-quality men?
1. "So you also like football. Do you remember the final of the 2006 World Cup? I think Grosso's penalty is too handsome, too sharp and too explosive. "
2. "I listened to your song, which is completely different from the original song. His song is colder, and you have given this song more emotion. Did you do something when I heard the chorus? "
3. "Seeing that you are also doing short video on the Internet, I feel that in this era when traffic is king, short video is the current slogan, and individuals and enterprises should take good care of it."
Compared with the way I chat with you, what kind of dialogue do you think will improve your's relations?
Girl, I tell you, love can't wait. There is no shortage of small fans and active people. What they need is someone who can walk with them for a better love.
Psychological test: test the probability of getting back together after breaking up.
Have you ever thought about the possibility of getting back together after two people break up? This set of test questions helps you test the probability of getting back together after breaking up. Let's try it together.
Do you still have your ex's contact information in your mobile phone?
It's five points.
No, all 0 points have been deleted.
What is the reason why you broke up?
Due to objective reasons, the family disagreed with 1.
Long-distance love, no future 2 points.
TA thinks I have a bad temper and our personalities are incompatible. Three points
There is a third party involved in our relationship.
After our quarrel, no one would bow their heads and broke up in a rage.
I think TA has a bad temper, always complaining, and was dumped by TA for 6 points.
Of the following four statements, if you had to choose one statement that you agree with most, which one would you choose?
If a person loves another person, he should love all of TA, regardless of its advantages or disadvantages. Otherwise, it is not true love. He likes 2 points at most.
Although feelings are what you want, but it depends on people's efforts, the other person's love can also be controlled, as long as it can meet the other person's psychological needs, love can guide 4 points.
Twisted melons are not sweet. If TA doesn't want to get back together, I respect the idea of TA 1 minute.
The emotional world can never be equal, and those who want to get back together must not be stingy with their 6 points.
When you express one thing, you value it more.
The accuracy of verbal expression is 2 points.
Talking to the other person gives the other person a strong impression of 1.
Are the people around you comfortable with what you said? 6 points
The ultimate goal that words can achieve is 4 points.
What do you think are your basic emotional characteristics?
Emotional, often unable to control his temper 0 points.
Self-control ability is strong, the surface is calm, but the inner mood fluctuates greatly, and it is difficult to calm down 2 points in case of contusion.
Everything is a cloud, and it is not easy to get angry by nature. My friend praised me for my good temper by six points.
Feelings are not slow and direct, but once they are unstable, they are easily excited and angry. Three points
Did you save your ex?
I saved it, but it was rejected. I didn't save four points.
No, I don't know what the other person is thinking, so I dare not say 2 points.
I saved it several times, but the other party was very exclusive, Lahei, and I don't want to see my zero again.
I tried to talk, but the other party thought we were not suitable. Hope to find happiness 6 points.
The complete version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private mail.
I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.