Marital loneliness, called "pseudo-intimacy" in psychology, is simply: seemingly intimate, but actually strange.
This situation is not that we don't love each other, but that we lack the ability to love and be loved and don't know how to express and show love.
Different from the straightforwardness of cheating, it is more like a chronic disease, which slowly erodes each other's feelings unconsciously and may eventually miss the loved one.
So what are the manifestations of "pseudo intimacy" in marriage?
1. Lack of trust
Two people know each other and love each other, which is a process of building trust. In other words, there is no happiness in a marriage without trust.
Colleague Xiao Fang chatted with other women during his wife's pregnancy. After being discovered, he took the initiative to admit his mistake. In order to make up for his mistake, he was doubly kind to his wife, but it still stuck in his heart like a thorn, which was irrelevant but still lingering.
Believe this thing, it is easy to destroy, but it is extremely difficult to rebuild.
2. Personal interests
Life is boring, and it is precisely because of each other's participation that it becomes colorful and has the motivation to struggle.
In today's society, many people's love styles have changed, and the logic of love has also deviated. Selfishness, demand, utility and transaction have penetrated into many marriages.
You have to admit that in today's sexual relationship, the "mutual giving" attribute of love is gradually moving closer to "one-way taking".
When the husband and wife have different goals and only care about their own interests, the loyalty creed of marriage will fail.
3. Invalid communication
Why do quarrels get louder and fiercer?
Can be explained by the psychological "racket effect":
In the quarrel, you constantly attack each other, making people bear more pressure and exert their potential; On the other hand, if one party proposes to be calm in the middle, it is equivalent to giving up the behavior of continuing to "slap the ball" hard, and the result will be much better.
Especially when quarreling, turning over old scores not only failed to make the other party receive the information you want to convey accurately, but also involved many unnecessary contradictions.
4. the balance of love is tilted
In my opinion, a good relationship should be evenly matched, and blindly asking for and posting will only worsen this relationship.
Because of your excessive dependence and flattery, your framework is too low and you lack the guidance of love, which is not conducive to the development of feelings.
Disrespect each other
Respect is not a prerequisite, but a result.
I often hear people say, "He didn't give me the respect I deserved. Why should I respect him? " ? What can I respect him for? "
He hates your concern, and you hate his refusal, so you fall into a vicious circle.