1. Love
connect
feel secure
4. Sense of value
independence
2. How to give yourself and others psychological nutrition:
1 .3 don't do it: don't say anything that hurts self-esteem and personality; Don't say humiliating words; Not anxious
2. Do one thing: do psychological nutrition (give yourself and others affirmation, recognition and praise according to facts in daily life).
3. How to judge a person's lack of mental nutrition?
1. Emotional instability.
2. There are problems in interpersonal communication.
3. Deviate from behavior (hurting yourself; Hurt others, such as: self-mutilation, pulling out hair, biting yourself ...)
4. Why do people feel anxious?
All human problems are their own problems! Anxiety-it's all about self-acceptance! )
The gap between my ideal self (what I want to achieve) and my real self (what I think) is too big.
How to eliminate tension and anxiety?
1. Pull down my ideal self.
2. Improve my true self.
3. Live in the moment.
5. How to enhance the sense of value?
1. Accept unconditionally.
2. Pay attention to yourself (affirmation, recognition and praise)
6. How to make children feel safe?
1. Mom is in a stable mood.
2. The relationship between husband and wife is stable.
Allow him to do what he should do at his age. )
Seven. Children's developmental characteristics and corresponding needs
1.0-3 months:
# Accept unconditionally? ~ ~ Cultivate children's sense of value
# Value? ~ ~ Cultivate children's sense of value
2.4 months to 3 years old:
# Need security to give
# Complete the separation from important people and become an independent person.
It is carried out in four steps:
4 months-10 months:? The ability to climb-cultivate children's curiosity (children who can't climb are controlled by their mothers. )
10 months-16 months: walking ability-cultivate the child's appropriate adventurous spirit (allow him to walk freely within a safe range)
16 months-2.5 years:? The ability to say no (characteristics: losing your temper and saying that your parents are not good) is due to the ambivalence of your child.
2 and a half years old -3 years old: (successful separation stage, specific time, look after the children. )
3.4 -5 years old: the development of new self
Child Focus-What kind of child am I? Advantages, characteristics, abilities, what can I do? What can't you do? )
Affirm, praise and identify with children. Especially if dad does. Dad's time is worth 50 times that of mom. ~ ~ Cultivate values
4.5 -6 years old
Imitate idols, important people's attitude towards problems, interpersonal relationships and emotional management.
Eight. Seven major problems
1. What can I say and do to make my children feel unconditionally accepted?
1. Distinguish between unconditional acceptance (nothing at birth, we still love) and doting (unprincipled love).
Unconditional acceptance: You should not accept it (if there is a problem), but you should accept it gently and firmly.
2. When is it unacceptable?
# When you do something wrong. Let the children know that they are wrong, understand where they are wrong, and be responsible for their mistakes. )
# Not up to parents' expectations. It's normal to have expectations, and it's normal to fail to meet them. )
# When it fails. (Example: Students who skip the college entrance examination usually get good grades, but they are afraid that their parents will not accept their failure. ) Express your acceptance of children.
# When he has negative emotions. If you don't accept your child's emotions, you don't accept him. Children are allowed to cry or laugh. )
2. What can I say and do to make children feel valued?
Give one-on-one attention time.
3. How to achieve emotional stability?
1. Do emotional management (understand emotions, manage with methods, and relieve yourself)
2. Deal with the unfinished relationship with parents (class, self-growth)
3. Trauma treatment (emotions that cannot be digested in time due to natural disasters and emergencies) should be cautious in doing this work, and few consultants can do it (male trauma comes from childhood humiliation; Women were sexually assaulted as teenagers. )
4. Give psychological nutrition.
4. What can be done to promote the stability and harmony between fathers?
1. Develop the ability to deal with conflicts.
Conflict: Different families, different men and women, different natural temperament.
2. Develop friendship (satisfy each other's desires. )
Man: Thank you.
# Appreciate (You are great/great)
# Worship (Wow)
How do verbs (the abbreviation of verb) affirm, identify and praise language?
1. Really-look at what he did and its advantages from another angle.
2. be specific-tell the truth (for example, your clothes are in good color. )
3. Right now.
Tell me what happened. (The most that will happen in the future is encouragement. )
6. How to use nonverbal affirmation, recognition and praise?
1. Body language: kissing, hugging, eye contact, signal gesture (1.2 touch, give me five)
2. Material (well done, it is ok to give material rewards. I am very moved by what you have done, and words are not enough to express that I will send you a gift; Extra things to do)
3. Activities (play: play by yourself and play with your parents; Travel ...)
4. Privilege card (30-point free time card, personal card: not responsible for doing wrong, wish card: meeting a wish within 100 yuan)
7. How can I be a role model for children?
1. Become an important person. (gentle, firm and persistent)
2. Set an example. Children will only do what you do.
3. Visible. Let children see themselves clearly, be human, deal with relationships and emotions. )
1. Emotion is the expression of emotion.
#. Feeling (manifested as hearing, sight, smell, touch and taste) can be expressed through facial expressions, eyes and body reactions.
#. Emotional Lesson 1: Know yourself; Know other people. Emotional feeling is the degree of our behavior.
2. Emotions generate energy.
# All emotions are useful and can be used.
Useless energy accumulates in the body: digestive system, skin, endocrine system problems. -Decompression with 16%-20% vitality. If you can't press it, it will explode. The trash can at home is full, so we step on it with our feet. )
# Can't be destroyed, it can only be transformed.
# Comfortable: happy, excited, interesting, wonderful, nourishing ~~ ~ energy burning, energy injection-spinach.
# Uncomfortable: Pain, anger, hatred, jealousy, sadness ~ ~ Energy enters the muscles to push yourself to change, grow and learn. The biggest thing is pain.
When five gold coins are crushed (controlled, degraded, threatening their sense of security), hatred will arise.
4. Xu Yasheng's method:
& Text:
# Write (someone watches) # Say (listen) # Draw (ask, for example, how many birds are they making? )
& kinetic energy:
# Play (tight-loose) # Competition # Dance # Fun and exciting sports
Acoustic energy:
# Sing # Shout # Swear (Mom checks her homework when she is in the mood)
& Physiological feedback method:
Self-mutilation (hitting a wall, self-mutilation)
3. Emotion is emotion. Right or wrong, our information officer tells us about ourselves, and we are the masters of emotion.
(more tolerance and acceptance, not based on one's own emotions; When someone tells me that I don't like it, I should write it down and express my true feelings. )
feel
The most touching point:
1. All human problems are self-problems-self-problems come from anxiety, and anxiety comes from the gap between real self and ideal self. This anxiety is also due to the lack of self-worth.
I am particularly touched by the lack of sense of value. Speaking of this word, I suddenly remembered the scene where my father denied me the other day. Then I felt that I was in a bad mood and treated my children like this. The degradation of sense of value is really a serious injury to us.
If you want to improve your sense of value, you must accept yourself unconditionally and attach importance to yourself. Affirm, identify and praise yourself.
2. Not accepting failure makes me realize that this is my own problem. In particular, the teacher mentioned the suicide of a child who did well in the college entrance examination. Reminds me of my high demands on my children. To be honest, he did a good job, but I'm still not satisfied. I hope he can do better. Today, this gave me a wake-up call, made me realize my infinite desire and expectation, and made me see that I need to land a little bit and look after my children with different eyes. See where he did it.