He cried in the consulting room for an hour? What's going on here? Let's have a look!
At nine o'clock in the evening, come out from the counselor and walk to the railway at the intersection. Listen. Ding-ding? The alarm went off. Is there a train? Flourishing? Drive slowly.
After crying for a whole hour, I felt that the whole person was going to collapse. I was pushed forward by the crowd and went to the subway to continue crying against the corner.
13 There are many informants, and no one pays attention. Perhaps this is one of the advantages of Beijing. No matter how embarrassing it is, it will not attract onlookers, and no one will point fingers.
After crying, you need to face an ordinary and complicated life day after day.
Last year, I seemed to be going to be an inspirational model.
Many people left me messages saying that I think you are strong and I think you are great.
A lot of people say, I think you are very powerful.
Others said, I really envy your good luck.
I feel very confused. What have I done?
I wrote a few articles, which were not particularly popular. I published several books, but they didn't sell very well.
Besides, I didn't do anything to boast about. What is there to praise?
Even in the face of this, I have never felt happy.
Still afraid, afraid, I feel that I am not doing well enough, I feel that I am not doing enough, I feel that I am paying too little, and I feel that I am not working hard enough.
However, to what extent do you have to work hard?
I have a very good friend who wrote in her year-end summary:? Young people always think that they are radiant and have extraordinary magic power to turn Gan Kun around, so they bump into each other, leaving only the blood of flies everywhere. Like me, they began to feel desperate, drained the optimism accumulated in the past 20 years, and were swallowed up by despair without even throwing a bone. So, when I got depressed the year before last, I was embarrassed. ?
This is also my biggest feeling this year, squeezing out the optimism accumulated in the past 20 years at one time. Despair is everywhere, doubting yourself again and again, denying yourself again and again, and then being anxious, fidgety and uneasy.
Sleepless all night, lying in bed with your eyes open at four o'clock in the morning, wishing to be swallowed up by the darkness directly, maybe this is better.
After this state lasted for several months, my body began to have problems. Finally, one day, when I couldn't relieve my headache after taking three painkillers, I began to realize that I couldn't hold on any longer.
I began to try to analyze myself. I started reading books about depression and psychology one by one.
When I lost sleep again, I sat in bed crying and watching Love Out of Depression and Poisoning, trying to analyze my source, my inner darkness, its influence on myself and how to solve it.
I went to see a psychological counselor, and she asked me: How did you support yourself for so many years?
She asked me: Why do you always blame yourself? Why can't you ever accept compliments from others?
She asked me: if, if you see that lonely, abandoned self, what do you want to say to her?
She asked me: Have you taken care of yourself?
And when I face all the problems, my only reaction is to cry myself to death.
Finally, after I choked for countless times, I finally said that sentence: I don't want to live so hard, I don't want to be so successful and awesome, I don't want others to tell me that you are strong, I just want to be happy.
At that moment, my heart suddenly calmed down. I seem to be pulled more and more tightly by a rope, at the moment when I was on the verge of suffocation. Collapse? It seems that until that moment, I didn't breathe really fresh air.
I have written some chicken soup and read many inspirational books, as if the whole society is telling people that only by doing their best can they be qualified to live in this world. We judge whether a person is excellent or not, and it becomes more and more simple and rude: how high is the social status, how much achievements have been made, how much money has been earned, and is he a successful person?
What we are looking forward to, the life we yearn for in our hearts, is how many years before we can achieve the breakthrough of our social class and become the middle class of society, and become the focus of attention from the little diaosi who had nothing before? Successful people? .
It seems to be a counterattack and has become a new religious belief. It seems that putting all your eggs in one basket has become the only way for us to achieve our goal.
Too many people around me live very hard, and too many people tell me repeatedly every day that only by working hard to the extreme can we be worthy of ourselves.
Being chased by this pressure and living every day? I'm not working hard enough? In self-condemnation, I constantly doubt my own value, as if I can't compare with others no matter how hard I try, as if all my efforts are ineffective.
Frustration is with you. When you walk on the road, it seems that every shadow is laughing at your uselessness.
After two months of depression and anxiety, I suddenly found out what I wanted.
I studied hard since I was a child, and as a result, I didn't do well in the college exam. I blame myself and give up on myself.
After work, I try to run forward and take up all my free time. During this year, I found myself gradually estranged from my friends. I didn't have any hobbies, and I didn't go out to play a few times, squeezing my space to a little.
However, I am not happy, I only have more and more anxiety.
A person who has been lazy for more than 20 years suddenly becomes a workaholic. For me, what I get is never the sense of accomplishment of final change, but the pressure and anxiety without shadow, as well as constant self-denial.
For many people, hard work comes from the driving force of freedom, but for an O-Gemini like me, it is totally self-torture.
When I wake up every day, I think that I haven't done a lot of things, I can't find the topic, the rhythm is wrong, I start to feel anxious, and then I passively escape and hate, and I have to give myself a thousand times to get up.
I have written so many chicken soup articles to teach others to work hard, pursue their dreams and be the truest self, but I still can't do anything about all my problems. Many times, I don't want to admit it, or even accept it. I really want to be ordinary.
However, it is amazing that when I admit that I am just an ordinary person, I can't do it? Fight back? After such heroic deeds, I am not even so keen on becoming famous and rich. I seem to be liberated.
I finally accepted, in fact, I don't have that big ambition, and I don't have any lofty ideals to get ahead. What I want is a real life every day, a job I like, a group of people around me joking with me, writing what I want to write and trying what I want to try, which is enough.
Start combing again and check your life goals and real inner needs over and over again.
Then one day, I suddenly found that I was no longer afraid of getting up, falling asleep, losing a lot of hair, being sad because I couldn't write a word, and being angry and upset because of the sudden difficulties at work.
It seems that those negative emotions have quietly disappeared.
Someone sent me soybean oil and said, I feel that you are strong.
Strong? Maybe? Over the years, I have survived many times and walked a long way by myself.
I think that's enough. I get a lot of attention, and I'm satisfied with a little achievement.
But no, the lack of love and companionship will still make me feel extremely lonely and desperate in the face of a little frustration.
After struggling to support myself for so many years, I finally forgive myself for all my weakness and powerlessness.
I think what I want more than the so-called success is just a real and warm life. I want to be an interesting, gentle, kind and happy person, not a bloody but cold person.
Looking back on all the dark years I walked alone again and again, I finally began to realize that I didn't take care of myself, and finally began to admit that I was not strong at all and never wanted to be a strong person.
20 15 years, I was lucky to meet some people. They are very tolerant of me, constantly encouraging me and letting me know myself better bit by bit.
Little sister told me: actually, you are very good, but you don't know it yourself. Besides, the longer I know you, the better I feel about you.
Sister Phoebe told me: in fact, you have done a lot. You've tried hard enough.
Yixin told me: You take good care of yourself, which is what I want to see most.
I am also very happy to meet a company and leader who can give me enough space. Instead of urging me to do something all the time, I can find my own rhythm and take my time.
For me, 20 15 is not what I did or didn't do.
Instead, after escaping from myself for so many years, I finally began to try to face up to my past darkness and the influence they brought to me, and began to seriously look for my true inner desires and needs, and stopped trying to isolate myself from everyone and protect myself by avoiding giving responses to others. I won't always torture myself for what I can't get, and I won't always blame myself for falling far behind others.
After doubt and denial, I regained my confidence erased by reality and blow. I'm not that bad. I just really can't do it in one step. In that case, I still slow down, reorganize my work and life, try to prove myself in such a hurry and urgency, and then naturally fail, but refuse to admit that I am too impatient. Instead, I began to doubt my ability.
However, if I take a big step, I will pull the egg (although I don't? )。
Think carefully about what you have done, and feel that you have done well, not particularly good, not particularly bad.
I still have a little smaller dreams. I just keep them in my heart and walk slowly, instead of forcing myself to be tired because I am in a hurry.
I will still work silently for everything I want, but for me, what I need is to give myself some time, give myself enough space, take care of my feelings and love myself more.
I will continue to move towards my goal, but this time, what I want to achieve is not the envy of others and the success in the secular sense, but to better understand myself, explore my strengths, have fun at work, and strive to improve myself into a complete and healthy person.
If I can make a New Year's resolution, I only hope that I can become a person with the ability to be happy, a person who can love and accept love.
Maybe it's really hard for me to do this, but fortunately, I never gave up, and I never gave up believing.
I can finally say that I am getting better.
I finally began to believe that no matter how heavy the darkness of the past is, it is powerless to escape and try to cover it up. Only by facing it and solving it can we cure ourselves and let ourselves recover slowly.
I hope we can continue to grow together next year.
I hope that even if there is not enough chicken blood and chicken soup, it can still bring you companionship and strength.
Not the year-end summary. The year-end summary.
I wish you all a happy New Year in advance.
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