Do you think the happiness of marriage is related to the age of marriage?
What makes you decide to marry someone?
Winter is coming, and the weather is getting cold. Walking in the cold wearing thick clothes makes my mood colder and heavier. At this time, a friend recommended a play called ModernLove. Some people translate it into "modern love", while others translate it into "modern love", saying it is warm and healing.
The play consists of eight episodes, each lasting about half an hour. The film is directed by john kani and emmy rossum, starring Anne Hathaway and other stars. Adapted from The New York Times's column of the same name. It shows the diverse emotional state of new york people, and probes into the contemporary people's understanding of love.
After reading it, I really felt a rare brightness and warmth. I chose five favorite episodes to talk to you and see what modern love is like.
Spoiler warning
I believe that many people will think in their hearts when dating: "Is this person the right person?" Thinking about things around you is often fruitless; With the answer, I am afraid that I am in it and can't see the situation clearly, so I ask my friends for advice.
Maggie lives alone in an apartment in new york. Recently, she has faced similar confusion. The person who gave her advice was not her best friend, but Gu Siming, the porter of the apartment. Gusmin, an Albanian, has been a camp commander since he was a child. He said that his past experience gave him a very accurate ability to recognize people. Gu Siming has negative comments on Maggie's date, and thinks they are not the right person.
Maggie didn't believe Gusmin at first, but the result of love was the same as Gusmin predicted. Some people stopped contacting the next day, and some people just started to be enthusiastic and soon became cold. Maggie has to admit that Gusmin really has this ability.
Later, for work reasons, Maggie will move to other cities and take care of her concierge. Five years later, Maggie started dating another man and thought of Gusmin again. She decided to go to new york to visit her friend whom she hadn't seen for years and let him judge for himself.
To Maggie's surprise, Gusmin took only one look and decided that he was very suitable for Maggie. Maggie was so happy that she couldn't believe it. Under questioning, Gus revealed the secret.
In fact, what Gusmin saw was never Maggie's date, but Maggie's state when she was with each other. In previous dates, Maggie often felt anxious and embarrassed, trying to cover up the embarrassing atmosphere between them; This time, Maggie was relaxed and her eyes were full of satisfaction and joy.
As the saying goes, "the authorities are obsessed", so when thinking about emotional problems, we often turn from ourselves to the outside world, ask others' opinions, let others analyze and weigh for us, but ignore our feelings. Whether a relationship is worth believing and working hard depends not only on the external information, but also on our state in this relationship.
When we fall in love with a person and establish a relationship with him, we often expect this relationship to bring us warm companionship and precious happiness. Therefore, when judging whether the other person is the right person, we should also start from our own feelings and listen to our true inner voice: what is the state of Ta and me? Am I relaxed? Why are you nervous? Is my state what I like? Do I really feel happy? Perhaps the answers to these questions can provide us with more accurate judgments.
Love in youth often ends in failure. Julie has such regrets. At that time, she was a college student in Paris and fell in love with Michael at first sight while traveling in a different place. When she left, she wrote the address of Paris to Michael, who promised to go to Paris to find her. However, before Julie left Paris, Michael never appeared.
The result is very sad, but Julie can't completely forget this relationship. She has been holding photos of them, talked about love several times, moved several times, and kept the photos, which became her deep memory.
Michael appeared in front of Julie again at the book exchange. Seventeen years have passed since that relationship. But Mai came here after seeing the publicity of the signing ceremony, and he made an account of what he missed that year. He said that he had actually been to Paris, and Anna Catalina with an address was stolen on the subway, so he couldn't find Julie.
This reason is questionable. Julie couldn't calm down when she saw the ticket to Paris 17. After the signing ceremony, Julie and Michael had dinner and talked about the current situation: they are married and have two children. What should I do with the couple I missed that year? Do you want to leave your family and continue your broken feelings?
After dinner, Julie and Michael go to the bar to continue chatting; After the bar closed, they wandered the streets of the town; They walked from the town to the grass by the lake and snuggled up in their chairs until dawn.
After getting up, they went to the hotel. At the door, they hugged and said goodbye. Michael had to go home, Julie went back to her room to sleep for a while, and she went back to new york in the afternoon. The couple, who were madly in love when they were young, met again after seventeen years and spent such a night together.
Past love or first love may reappear in our lives. What it brings may not be an opportunity to renew our relationship, nor a difficult moral test. One of the significance of the reunion of old love is to let us look at the present from another angle, rethink the present state, and clarify the expectation and desire for love again. In the process of relationship development, we may solidify in a certain role and unconsciously forget the true requirements for love and relationship.
Julie, for example, and her husband have long lost the tenderness of love. Her husband is cold to her and lacks emotional communication. They get along like two fixed social roles. Meeting Michael doesn't mean Julie wants to go back to the past with him, but she has a chance to look at the present.
After saying goodbye, Michael went home and said to his wife, "I want to run this house well." Julie came home and said to her indifferent husband, "We are finished." Later, Julie's new boyfriend was not Michael.
Lacey is a lawyer. She is beautiful and generous, beautifully dressed and full of charm. Walking in the street is everyone's focus. She is also doing well in the workplace, and her work efficiency is very high. The company will give her important cases.
Lacey is also very active in love. One morning, when she went shopping in the supermarket, she saw Jeff picking peaches in the fruit section, so she went to talk to him. Soon, the two started dating.
Actually, there's another side to Lacey. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was a child. When depression broke out, she was listless and depressed, unwilling to go out, stuck in bed and didn't go to work. These two sides are in sharp contrast, one is dazzling love, the other is gloomy and powerless love, and Lacey tries to hide it.
When Jeff saw Lacey again, she was listless and depressed, which made Jeff feel at a loss. Later, Jeff invited her again, and Lacey, who had been actively preparing, fell ill again. She collapsed in bed, didn't go downstairs, and didn't explain, so the relationship ended.
Lacey was also fired by the company for serious absenteeism. Maybe this is no longer a colleague's relationship. Lacey told her daily work partner about her illness. Lacey is afraid to tell others the truth, because she is afraid that others will look at her differently, and that others will leave her and no longer like her.
Many people have never suffered from bipolar disorder and feel the same way about Lacey's story. From school to work, the surrounding environment seems to require everyone to show a bright, beautiful and capable state, while those who are depressed, fragile and uneasy are often degraded and criticized. Many people, like Lacey, divide the whole self into two different orientations, one is "good" recognized by others and the other is "bad" rejected by others. We try our best to show the good in life and try our best to avoid and suppress the bad in front of others. Even we hate the negative factors in ourselves.
However, these are our true state. If we can't fully accept ourselves, we will not only be unable to love ourselves better, but also encounter various difficulties in the relationship, such as the inability to establish a deep and good relationship, because the other party will always see a partially disguised person, and when they want to get close, we may take the initiative to push away or escape.
Lacey felt more relaxed than ever after she revealed her secret. The great pressure accumulated in the past dissipated, and she suddenly realized. Her previous habits actually deprived others of their true understanding of themselves. Perhaps, some people choose to leave after knowing the real situation, but this opens up opportunities for those who really love us. And a real and profound connection is worth our efforts.
Rob and Yasmin just met, and their second date was in Rob's new home. In the room that has not been renovated, the two chatted east and west, full of strangeness and embarrassment. After a while, the two began to take off their clothes, as if to close the distance from physical contact. Rob accidentally fell off the sofa and hit his arm on the glass, making a big cut. The two called an ambulance and the date had to be interrupted.
Yaming didn't leave, but followed Rob to the hospital. In the process of seeking medical treatment, Jasmin met the other side of Rob. He asked the doctor to take anti-anxiety drugs himself; He told the doctor his real age, two years later than the age he told Yasmin. Before the operation, Rob took off his clothes and was naked. During the whole process, Rob was embarrassed and nervous. These are things that Rob didn't want his new date to know and see, but it really happened.
Interestingly, this "frankness" virtually makes the interaction real and deep. They shared their views on themselves, what they wanted to hide, their past emotional experiences, and their relationship with their families. Unexpectedly, the absurd date that was forced to be interrupted made the relationship between Rob and Jasmine advance by leaps and bounds.
Now that I think about it, many people are reluctant to take the initiative to fall in love. They seem to have lost their enthusiasm for interacting with others. They talk about trivial topics on the surface of life and hardly share important life experiences. The relationship between two people is very superficial, there is no following, or the relationship is hastily established, and I don't know when to break up. Therefore, I would rather be alone than alone with two people.
In the environment of self-beautification and mobile relationship, many people wrap themselves tightly, because too much exposure and sincere dedication will also mean more intense pain and sadness when breaking up. Two people are talking about irrelevant things and doing what they should do. Even if the relationship breaks down, it won't break your heart. After all, there is no deep connection.
I believe that in many people's hearts, there is still a real desire for deep feelings, but they give up their dreams for fear of potential frustration and injury. Maybe, we can be braver and not have to be funny all the time. Only when we are really clumsy will we look cute. You don't have to be strong all the time. Real vulnerability will be accepted by those who love you.
Emma met Kenneth in a running race and invited him to join her club. Later, we often ran together and exchanged more. I am over 60 years old, single and slowly falling in love.
Emma took the initiative. At a dinner party, she said to Kenji, "I think maybe you can save a place for me in your heart." Once I was going to take part in a long-distance race in other places, Kenji volunteered to book a room with Margo. So the two old people fell in love and began to live together.
This Twilight love is more than simple companionship. Like many young people, Margo and Kenji are madly in love, traveling and decorating their house. It seems that the future has just begun, and they also adapt to each other in getting along, forming a rare tacit understanding. Just like running, one person used to be faster than the other. Running can make two people run side by side at the same speed and rhythm.
Later, when Kenji died, Margo was confused about losing the person she loved. At the end of the funeral, Margo suddenly bid farewell to the crowd and walked alone to the street where she and Kenneth were running. She couldn't help running.
In this story, running becomes a metaphor of life. When we are alive, we run on the road of life. No matter how old you are, as long as everyone in the world has the need and right to love, they are eager for someone to run with them.
Even if the relationship breaks down, even if someone dies, the road of life is still under our feet. What we have to do, perhaps like Margo, is to keep running, feel ourselves in the process of running, feel the love of the past, dare to expect another runner, and look forward to happiness in the future.
The running of this song connects all the previous stories. Everyone is on their own journey, they may just meet, they may be waiting for their lover, they may be hugging, they may be communicating with each other. There are thousands of ways of love in Qian Qian. Everyone is looking for, experiencing, feeling the sadness and joy, but continues to embark on the journey of love.
A lifelong couple is a classic love that people yearn for. With the extension of life and the awakening of people's self-awareness, it is difficult for us to have this kind of love again. When people reach middle age, they may face emotional breakdown and the departure of their loved ones, but these experiences have not really stopped us from pursuing love. As long as we stick to the love we believe in, whether we stay together for a long time or choose another person at the right time, we will never deviate from ourselves.
No matter how the way of love changes, I think there are always some things that haven't changed. In true love, we always respect and accept our true selves and dare to show our true nature. Meanwhile, love is the interaction between two people. Only timely communication and in-depth communication can ensure the emotional flow between them and keep the relationship fresh and warm.
There are unchangeable and changeable ones. Maybe this is modern love. May such love flow in your heart and mine.
Finally, send a poem by Borges:
"What can I use to keep you? 》
I give you sparse streets, desperate sunsets and the moon in the wilderness.
I will give you a person's sadness, a person looking at the lonely moon for a long time.
I give you my dead ancestor, the ancestor who was sacrificed with marble in later generations: my father's father was killed at the border of Buenos Aires. Two bullets penetrated his chest. He died with a beard and the body was wrapped in cowhide by soldiers. My mother's grandfather is only twenty-four years old. -Now, he led 300 people to charge in Peru, and now they are ghosts on horseback.
I will give you all the insights that my book can contain, and all the masculinity and humor I can find in my life.
I will give you the loyalty of someone you have never trusted.
Give you the core I want to keep. The core of not making sentences deals with dreams and is not touched by time, joy and adversity.
I want to give you the memory of a yellow rose, which I saw one night many years before you were born.
I will explain to you your life, your own theory, your real and magical existence.
Give you my loneliness, my darkness, my inner hunger; I tried to impress you with confusion, danger and failure.