We can find several common problems that many men have in love:
1, constantly please girls
Boys have almost no emotional experience before, and the process of pursuing girls is to constantly please girls. Finally, the girl was moved and agreed to be with him. This method is almost the most popular but also the most obvious shortcoming of all methods. Let me explain the disadvantages of this method:
1. Constantly investing in girls, even asking for nothing in return, leads to your low profile. Girls are in a state of flying high. Only by increasing investment can you keep girls around you.
2. In the process of pleasing girls, I constantly exposed my sense of need, making my attraction very low, and I was easily put into a circle of friends by my sister, which eventually evolved into a "Jack spare tire".
3. After entering a long-term relationship, the girl gets used to you meeting all her requirements, and then puts forward higher requirements for you. When your investment fails to meet her standards, the relationship between your will come to an end.
2. blind payment
Boys have little experience in maintaining long-term relationships, thinking that they can maintain long-term relationships as long as they pay endless attention to their feelings, but in fact, the core of long-term relationships stems from attraction.
When your attraction drops to a dimension that is not enough to maintain a long-term relationship between you, girls will also find various reasons to break up with you. Common ones are:
"I don't think we are suitable."
"I don't like you anymore."
"I think we should be friends."
"My parents don't agree with us."
In a relationship, it is actually more of a process of mutual investment. The person who invests more pays more attention to this relationship, and it is more difficult to pull out this relationship, while the person who invests less is relatively easy to pull out this relationship.
Boys only always invest in girls, ignoring guiding girls to invest in themselves, which leads to their passive position in this relationship and their ability to control their feelings is getting weaker and weaker.
Many friends think that if they are always kind to each other, they will always be with you. This is actually a wrong direction. In a long-term relationship, it is more of an investment from both sides. This is the cyclical law of investment:
3. The purpose of recovery after breaking up is too strong.
After the target girl broke up, the boys immediately tried to recover through WeChat text, trying to reverse the fact of being broken up immediately, but the expression was too straightforward and did not stabilize the situation on the basis of guiding the girls' emotions. Many brothers also said the following words to the girl after breaking up:
"You tell the other party not to go, don't leave me."
"I have corrected all my mistakes, please give me another chance."
"Will you stop being so cruel to me?"
"Have you ever loved me?"
"Have you forgotten all our previous memories?"
And so on, these attempts to keep each other from leaving you by moving can only expose your purpose of redemption and your sense of need, which is also equivalent to pressure. Girls don't like pressure. At this time, the more you push her, she can only choose to escape from you.
If your purpose and need for redemption are too high, you will do things that the other party hates and increase the other party's dislike for you.
And the conflict between you will continue to rise. It is very likely that she will be blacked out directly by the other party and may never contact her again in the future.
This development will only make your recovery work more difficult, and the whole recovery cycle will be extended indefinitely.
If you want to maintain a long-term love relationship, the most important thing is to learn to read girls' minds, constantly improve yourself, increase your charm, and let girls be attracted to you until they can't live without you.
1, release stage
Reunion operation is actually a process of comprehensive consideration, because the target girl's impression of the client has fallen to the bottom, full of negative emotions. Therefore, at this time, it is necessary to give the target girl some time to release her negative feelings about the client, but at this time, if the learning ability of the client is required to be higher.
Because the window given by the target girl at this time is based on the emotional link before them, the existence of emotional link will also make the girl unconsciously, giving the parties a variety of small windows or small emotions. These windows are a process that needs to be grasped by everyone, from quantitative to qualitative.
2. Exploration stage
Judging from the target state of the target girl's best friend feedback, after the discussion of the mentor group, it is agreed that the target girl is currently in the "missing period" after breaking up.
This time is also the best time to use the method of * * * with memory. The negative emotions of girls to the parties have basically been released, so this time I edited a short message and opened the girl's window.
3. Heating stage
After breaking up, both sides are releasing their emotions, and meeting for the first time is actually the most crucial thing. On the one hand, if this contact makes the other party intuitively feel your change, then the subsequent recovery stage will be very easy. On the other hand, if you don't get better feedback from the other party, it will add more time and difficulty to the subsequent recovery stage.
Therefore, the best way for the first contact is shallow communication. According to the reaction of the other party, you can improve your mood in time, send out invitations, and avoid talking about emotional problems. Pay more attention to creating a comfortable and relaxed chat atmosphere, so that the other party can't feel your sense of need and purpose, reduce the vigilance of the other party and improve your prize.
4. Recovery phase
The most important thing in the recovery stage is your point-to-point communication with the target, rebuilding your core attraction, * * * establishing your communication mode and getting along with each other in the long-term relationship, and solving various problems and contradictions in your previous long-term relationship. Only in this way can we avoid repeating the same mistakes.
Moreover, the difficulty in the recovery stage lies in how to drive girls' emotions in dating, including the subsequent physical relationship upgrade. A large part of the deciding factor lies in your attitude towards this date. The mentality recommended here is actually "cold, but friendly."
If you care too much about your actions and words and are afraid of making mistakes, you will only make more mistakes inadvertently in the process, which will not pay off.
This is all the dry goods I shared with you today. It's not as tiring and difficult as you think, just find the right way.