-A case report of online homosexual counseling
the Chen Dynasty
Questioner: Sophie Gender: Female Age: 2 1 Marital Status: Unmarried Education: Undergraduate.
Externally, the sound is clear and the appearance is good; Introverted, stubborn, independent, poor interpersonal communication, good network communication, trust consultants.
Sophie in life
Sophie (pseudonym), female, 2 1 year-old, a sophomore in a university. She is tall and fashionable, and she is a very attractive female college student. It's just that my eyes are a little dark recently, which is quite depressing. I came to seek psychological counseling because of the problem of online homosexuality.
home environment
Sophie grew up in the northern city. Her mother is a company employee and her father is the manager of a foreign trade company. Because of her father's work, her parents are often separated, so there is little communication between them and family conflicts are constant. The disharmonious and incomplete family, coupled with the autocratic family upbringing, made Sophie feel that she had no fatherly love and freedom in her childhood. At the same time, although Sophie is obedient to her mother on the surface, she is rebellious at heart, so she chose the southeast coast for the college entrance examination, hoping to stay away from her parents.
psychic trauma
During school, Sophie entered the opposite sex love period earlier because of her good looks. A little older, she was possessed, hurt and abandoned by her boyfriend, and her best friend betrayed her and took her boyfriend. As a result, Sophie is insecure about men, loses trust in her classmates and friends, indulges in the Internet all day, dislikes studying, has little communication with her classmates, and tends to be autistic.
Strange romance
Sophie, who suffered emotional trauma, fell in love with Jalolin on the Internet during her infatuation with the Internet. Although there is a lack of realistic interpersonal communication during online dating, Sophie has a good time in the virtual world. After seeing each other thousands of miles away, I found that Jalolin was a "lesbian". While I was surprised, I silently accepted the other party's request for same-sex love and experienced same-sex love. At that time, Sophie was disgusted with homosexual behavior but unwilling to change, fearing that things would be exposed and ashamed; Inner conflict, anxiety, confusion. However, due to the great happiness brought to Sophie by homosexual behavior and the high concealment of the Internet, the uncoordinated state of homosexuality and Sophie's "sexual orientation" is gradually concealed. In the past six months, Sophie and Caroline have been gay through telephone, internet, letters and thousands of miles of trysts. However, because the two sides are thousands of miles apart, the channels of falling in love are hidden, the spiritual love component is high, and the degree of true love is low.
Emotional crisis
Because of the intervention of a third party, Jia Luolin and the third party have the advantage of time and space: the same school and the same department. Sophie's homosexual emotional crisis is prominent, and the three have been arguing over it. At the same time, Sophie refused to accept Jalolin's proposal of "three people falling in love". So Sophie was moody and at a loss, asking for support.
During the consultation process, due to the ups and downs of the homosexual relationship with Jalolin, Sophie was confused about her "sexual orientation" in the emotional crisis, so her mood fluctuated violently, and she was depressed and depressed.
Consultation results
During the four-month consultation, Sophie gradually found her lost self, made clear her "sexual orientation", and gradually returned to heterosexuality in her actions, thus gradually constructing a correct ideal self.
Negotiation process
The first stage of consultation: unbalanced tripod
Lose balance
Sophie is heterosexual and has no desire or passion for women. Six months ago, she was involved in a secret online homosexuality. Sophie has been secretly happy for half a year. But recently, gay "boyfriend" Jalolin told her: "At school, I have a girlfriend who looks like you." Sophie is under great pressure and feels the great challenge from a third party, so she has been depressed recently and can't sleep at night.
recall
In college, Sophie was favored by boys because of her outstanding looks, and she had a boyfriend when she was a freshman. One day, my boyfriend said frankly, "I pursue you, but I don't love you, because I bet with Allen (a classmate) that I can catch up with you, and I should make a bet to catch up with you." I have a girlfriend now. It's Alian. "Moreover, Alian is Sophie's best friend, and her beautiful emotional world was quickly broken: her boyfriend cheated, and her best friend took away her love. Sophie found it difficult to continue to communicate with people in reality and became more and more autistic.
During that painful period, Sophie was addicted to the Internet, found another world in the Internet, and met Jalolin in the chat room. Sophie said that it is really not easy for a person who has never met and only heard the voice to fall in love with her. I have been online dating for half a year, and I really want to see the true face of Prince Charming online. On impulse, she took the train all the way to the appointment. To her surprise, the other person is a girl and a homosexual. Stranger still, she didn't refuse Jalolin's request to "continue same-sex love".
After returning to school, Sophie hesitated about her homosexual orientation, but the great happiness brought by homosexuality covered everything up. Sophie said, "As long as both men and women are happy." And no one else knows that Sophie is secretly happy.
Over the past six months, Jalolin has made new friends, but he still has deep feelings for Sophie. The two sides have been calling and writing letters, but recently a third party has appeared and a crisis has emerged.
ask
Sophie asked, "What should I do? Can you give me some advice to get Jalolin back? "
Faced with Sophie's request, I refused. I told Sophie: "Psychological counseling is not to give you advice, but to help you give advice. And you can't make a bad idea. "
Sophie stared at me unhappily and shook her head helplessly. Here I feel Sophie's strong dissatisfaction and misunderstanding about psychological counseling.
After my careful explanation, Sophie finally nodded and accepted.
Information point:
First of all, on the premise of respecting Sophie's "sexual orientation", I try my best to create an atmosphere of communication and consultation, try my best to let Sophie know the significance of psychological consultation, and try my best to let me know Sophie's real thoughts. Our interaction is equal and respectful.
Then, I actively guided Sophie to vent her negative emotions in the crisis, and discussed the way to deal with the crisis when the third party intervened, paying attention to adjusting her mentality, so that she could let go of her burden and deal with the challenge with a peaceful attitude.
Finally, in view of Sophie's autism in interpersonal communication, her thinking is often self-centered and only considers personal interests. In other words, the cognitive model can't consider the problem from the perspective of classmates and Jalolin, and the ideal model is used to impose social reality, and the thought is often divorced from reality. I encourage Sophia to communicate with Jalolin instead of relying on her own subjective imagination. I hope Sophie can examine and verify Jalolin's thoughts in the real social practice, especially in the actual interpersonal communication, and hope Sophie can get rid of the limitation of self-centeredness and truly return to the objective reality in this process.
After the consultation, Sophie asked me for a phone number. It is more appropriate for us to meet at 8:30-9:30 in the evening.
The second stage of consultation: can three people fall in love together?
Got a call from Sophie, Sophie's mood swings violently. A depressed tone, a deep voice.
Awkward new question
The consultation at this stage revolves around "Can three people fall in love together?" The topic of ...
It turns out that Sophie and Jalolin failed to negotiate on the uncoordinated state of the third party. Jalolin asked, "Isn't it good for three people to be together?" I'm sorry to lose you, and I'm sorry to lose her. "Sophie's attitude towards Jalolin is not opposed on the surface, but her heart is full of hatred.
Key points of consultation
In the process of confiding, Sophie constantly expressed her hatred for Jalolin's "game-style" homosexuality, and at the same time said that she could not accept the proposal of "three people falling in love".
First of all, Sophie and I deeply discussed the problem of "three homosexuals", which was attributed to the appearance of a third party. Guide Sophie to express her expectations and hidden thoughts. Sophie demands "two people in love" and opposes "three people in love"; We analyze the subjective and objective reasons for the appearance of the third party: the illusory boredom of online homosexuality and the novel stimulation of real homosexuality.
Then, we discussed Sophie's sexual orientation. Sophie insists that she is heterosexual, but she doesn't know why she is gay.
What is Sophie's "sexual orientation"? The collected data is insufficient, and the demonstration needs to be deepened step by step. Moreover, Sophie has no strong desire to change her homosexual identity, so I respect her experience and feelings. Until Sophie's "sexual orientation" is clarified, I will remain neutral and not interfere in consultation.
At the same time, I also learned about Sophie's family education.
Sophie was born as an only child in an urban area in the north. My parents have been separated all the year round and lived with my mother since childhood. Because my father is the manager of a foreign trade company in Yunnan, he has been busy for many years, and father and daughter rarely get together three or two times a year, so he lacks complete fatherly love in his childhood.
Sophie's family education is very strict and her activities are often restricted. She complains that she has no freedom in her childhood. There is poor communication between parents and frequent contradictions. My mother often takes it out on Sophie and thinks her childhood is unsafe.
Her unhappy childhood made her stubborn, rebellious, independent and autistic. So when she was in college, Sophie chose a coastal school far from her parents.
The third stage of counseling: reflection on lovelorn-awakening
"I called a lot, but I couldn't find you."
"I haven't eaten for two days."
"I'll call you in bed."
I heard Sophie drinking. "Drink, you?"
"I'm drinking the beer my roommate bought me."
It turns out that the contradiction between Sophie and Caroline has intensified, and they can't tolerate each other and propose to break up. Sophie has been lovelorn for two days.
Jalolin's Dance Academy aroused Sophie's reflection on self-choice. In the consultation, Sophie constantly showed remorse, regretting that she should not accept it silently and should not use her feelings too deeply. I think it is a critical moment to use this favorable opportunity, that is, Sophie's reflection on homosexuality, to strongly change her desire for homosexuality, actively adapt to Sophie's transformation, and put forward corresponding measures.
Key points of consultation
First of all, I actively guided Sophie to vent her dissatisfaction. Under the guidance of Sophie, she vented her anger on Jalolin from head to toe and pointed out its shortcomings. Sophie said indignantly that she was not sad about losing Jalolin and would gradually forget Jalolin. But I don't understand the reason for my absurd behavior. I am so profound. Venting is like a searchlight constantly illuminating Sophie's dark inner world. In the constant light, Sophie's subconscious inner conflict is constantly promoted to the pre-conscious level, and gradually upgraded to the conscious level.
Then, we focus on why we fall into this incredible homosexuality. On the basis of our equal and respectful interpersonal relationship, I constantly repeat and clarify Sophie's views and emotions. In the process of Sophie's continuous reorganization of her cognitive structure and emotional structure, combined with the information of the last two consultations, Sophie constantly reflected and gradually realized why she fell madly in love with Jalolin.
Finally, we were surprised to understand the symbolic meaning of Sophie's homosexuality.
First, strict family education: Parents often restrict Sophie's communication with the opposite sex, even with friends of the same sex, so she has an inherent resistance to her parents since she was a child, and this resistance is gradually growing. When Sophie entered the period of inner conflict, the resistance finally accumulated from quantitative change to qualitative change-rebellion. When Sophie faced the choice of homosexuality, rebellion became the internal driving force of Sophie's transformation.
Secondly, interpersonal communication is not smooth: the deception of her freshman boyfriend, the betrayal of her best friend, unsafe interpersonal communication and traumatic emotional experience have become the external thrust of Sophie's deep involvement in online homosexuality.
Thirdly, Sophie's spiritual needs of idealism and romanticism, together with her homosexual experience with Jalolin, make online homosexuality based on spiritual love more stable.
After the consultation, Sophie was pleasantly surprised to find that she was deeply involved in the real motivation of homosexuality, that is, to vent her resistance to her parents' tyranny and her resentment against her ex-boyfriend. When Sophie's spiritual love is broken, I strengthen Sophie's sense of social responsibility, let Sophie look forward to the future on the level of self-cognition, grasp the mainstream of life, and emphasize an understanding of life.
Sophie began to reflect, understand and adapt to change, and kept returning to the real world of the opposite sex.
The Fourth Stage of Consultation: "My Sexual Orientation" ―― Sophie's Resistance
"Am I gay or straight?"
This question has been debated in the third stage, and I am aware of the internal contradiction behind Sophie's question.
"What do you say?" I asked, waiting for Sophie's response.
Sophie said frankly: "I think I am heterosexual, and even homosexuals have always regarded" Jalolin "as a male, but I have had homosexual experience and heterosexual experience. If I have a boyfriend in the future, I want to face it, not hide it. Will he accept me after he knows this? "
Obstacles to change
I took a deep breath. This is a sharp question. Sophie's worry is understandable, because of the common virgin complex, male chauvinism and misunderstanding of homosexuality in today's society. At the same time, I also think that the gay experience has cast a huge shadow on Sophie's heart.
In the fourth stage, Sophie's doubts are constantly discussed and analyzed to help Sophie find the internal reasons that prevent her from changing.
The consciousness is afraid that parents, friends and classmates will know about her homosexual experience and that things will be exposed, which is the shadow of homosexuality.
Subconscious layer is Sophie's protection of the old value system, which used to be Sophie's spiritual pillar and psychological wealth, that is, the resistance to protect herself and restore the past. Consultation will inevitably involve the adjustment of Sophie's self-worth system and personality structure, and will encounter more or less resistance.
Here I focus on the extension of Sophie's impedance from the level of consciousness, and find a more direct reason together:
Dislocated self-consciousness
In Sophie's self-awareness structure, the interaction between the subject self (I) and the object self (I) is blocked by the abnormal interpersonal "cognitive and behavioral model", and the subject self (ideal self and mirror self) occupies too much territory, and the object self gradually shrinks, so does the normal communication between the subject self (I) and the object self (I).
It is what kind of person he will become in the future, and the goal he pursues in life is too idealistic; At the same time, Sophie imagines others' views, attitudes and evaluations of herself, and imagines that her image in others' minds tends to be idealized. Sophie's feelings about herself in real life, the true self, which is the core part of the original value system, are completely different from her ideal self and herself in the mirror. The evaluation of society and others is too scarce, and one's own thoughts and guesses often replace the evaluation of others and society, which constitutes Sophie's inverted personality and gradually forms a self-centered cognitive model and a self-enclosed interpersonal communication model. These two models have become a huge obstacle for Sophie to adapt to heterosexuality, which makes Sophie feel inferior and self-denial.
Constantly help Sophie get rid of egoism and understand her unreasonable cognitive model. Sophie can establish a positive and correct subject self on the level of consciousness, and then expand the impedance to transform the object self in the internal contradictory movement of self-consciousness.
In the process of constantly recognizing "separation from Sinochem", the problem is clear, but speaking and doing, understanding and changing are still two different levels. Change needs practical action, and Sophie needs further efforts. At the same time, it is necessary to deepen consultations.
Impedance upgrade
"I don't want to lose her, so I want her to know that I am not easy to bully. I want her to taste my power."
"I want to see her one last time and make a satisfactory conclusion, so that it can be satisfactory."
I clearly felt Sophie's anger, which was hidden behind her, and she was constantly cutting and confusing.
"Why do you want to make a complete settlement in this way?"
Sophie shook her head. "I don't know. I just think it might be better to end this way. "
"You still have the idea of going back to the past for Jalolin!"
"Well, I don't know ... maybe!"
Key points of consultation
Sophie shows a natural psychological tendency to protect herself and return to the past, and I gradually appreciate Sophie's small-scale resistance in consultation. In the face of Sophie's insistence, my active defense has little effect. If I continue to defend, our negotiation will come to an impasse. At the same time, I realized that I was too anxious and felt my "preemptive" opposite sex identity.
So we bypassed the center of the problem and beat about the bush, looking for reasons to stop Sophie from changing. I hope that in the contradiction between the subject self (I) and the object self (I), the impedance can be expanded and the object self can be transformed.
The communication between Sophie and Jalolin is getting less and less, as if Sophie's emotional problems are gradually forgotten. Psychological counseling seems to be gradually developing in a positive direction, but Sophie's emotional problems are not as good as expected. After a period of silence, stimulated by external factors, her mood sank again.
The fifth stage: a shaken heart
Emotional repetition
"At the end of the semester, he passed by my house on his way home. I can't believe he went back with the girl I hesitated for a long time and finally decided to meet. "
"I didn't think I didn't cry, because that girl is really ordinary, but she is also quite tall. Ah ... "
"I don't know why, when the train started, I felt very lost ... my confidence in Jalolin rose again and I had the idea of restoring the past."
"Whether he really doesn't love me anymore. Sometimes I'm really weird. I want to ask many questions. Maybe my ears are hard. I heard that people with hard ears are often very thoughtful. "
Since then, Sophie's feelings have developed greatly. Although this road is full of waves and pains, it completely dispels Sophie's idea of going back to the past, and at the same time, I deeply coordinated the contradiction between Sophie and her parents again.
The freedom I want
"I can't hold it any longer and don't want to talk to the phone and computer; Because, I can't see his expression, I don't know if he is lying to me; I hope I can be honest and can't stand cheating any more. I really don't want to delay, and I can't afford it. "
"I want to see him, look him in the eye and show my cards in front of him; I think this is the end. "
This stage of consultation coincides with students returning home in summer. The difficult emotional entanglements at home surfaced again, and I once again intervened in Sophie's emotional repetition.
"My parents don't agree with me to travel to his city. I cried after quarreling with my parents last night, but I couldn't tell them the truth. How sad they will be if they know. "
I appreciate Sophie's contradiction with her parents and her inner distress.
"He looked at me every day recently, and even my dad followed me when I went shopping. I can't stand being alone in my room at night. I really want to find a rope to climb out of the window ... "
"I am so big, they still treat me like a child. Even if I call you, I will take them out. I can't take it anymore. I want freedom! Ah ... "
Key points of consultation: "Children are always children in the eyes of parents". Sophie's recent abnormal performance has aroused parents' vigilance, and parents are also quite worried. Parents should pay attention to deepening communication with Sophie and guide and comfort Sophie by innuendo.
During the period when summer vacation was not conducive to the end, the inner conflict between Sophie's childhood and her parents broke out again in the crisis.
On the one hand, I pay attention to adjust Sophie's anxiety. I didn't interfere with her mood swings. I pay attention to clarify the real relationship between her and Jalolin and help Sophie understand her real situation. With a peaceful mind, let nature take its course without confrontation, I believe that realistic examples can help Sophie understand.
On the other hand, take advantage of the favorable opportunity at home, pay attention to the communication between Sophie and her parents, pay attention to the relationship between Sophie and her parents, and clarify misunderstandings. Sophie began to accept her parents emotionally, and she was able to think from her parents' point of view, and her psychological compatibility continued to expand. Sophie gradually understood her parents' painstaking efforts and realized many immature places.
The relationship between parents tends to ease gradually, but it will take time for the relationship with Jalolin to break down further.
Stage 6: Special Termination
"I'm sorry, I didn't discuss it with you. I went back to school early and am now in his city. "
I was shocked by her QQ message, but it was understandable.
"I called you at the hotel. Four people slept here the night before yesterday. The two of them sleep in the bed, I sleep in the chair and one sleeps on the ground. "
"I can't stand him. I had a showdown with him yesterday. I can't stand three people. Choose him or me. But he still chose her, and I really failed. I was so angry that I almost tore the ticket. "
"I can't eat for two days, and I can't sleep. I really want to never wake up again, ever. I am really tired and cold! "
"I don't want to go back because I pretended to be so painful when I went back to school. I am sorry for my parents when I go home, and I have to be selfish. "
In the interaction between virtual and reality, Sophie's carefully constructed paradise is swallowed up by cruel reality step by step; When the hope of returning to the past is only a corner, it is shattered by realistic examples, and even the last hope is gone. Sophie hid in the corner of the inner ruins, feeling sorry for herself. In great pain, Sophie's thinking tends to be negative and her behavior gradually shrinks.
The negotiation at this stage seems to be full of ups and downs and difficulties, but it is not, as if the final struggle is tragic but inevitable.
Information point:
First of all, pay attention to the negative energy generated by Sophie in a stressful situation.
Then, after Sophie's emotional stability, let Sophie "weigh the weight" and grasp the value and meaning of life. Sophie gradually realized that there is no obstacle in the world that she can't walk past, and the pursuit of the future in life is endless. Sophie's inclined psychological balance is relieved by "weighing the weight".
Thirdly, let Sophie grasp "judging right and wrong" on the basis of individual existence and meaning. Guide Sophie to face up to the objective results and understand the truth of "exchange of fortunes"; Avoid the negative evaluation of self at the social level, but emphasize the moral judgment of "Jalolin" and the subjective motivation of her behavior, guide Sophie to attribute positively, enhance Sophie's sense of self-worth, and hope that she will get out of the shadow of failure as soon as possible.
Finally, in the second gradual process of "weighing the weight" and "judging right and wrong", Sophie is guided to build a correct value evaluation system. Counseling interferes with Sophie's homosexual thoughts through value orientation, arouses Sophie's attention to observing moral rules and stimulates Sophie's sense of social responsibility.
Finally, the negotiation gradually became clear, and Sophie quietly set foot on the train back to school.