An Ruo hibiscus, waiting for flowers to bloom. An Ruo Hibiscus is my pen name, which means as peaceful and calm as Hibiscus. Waiting for flowers to bloom is my expectation for myself. I am waiting for the opportunity in my silent efforts, waiting for the moment when the flowers bloom. Walking and reflection are my requirements for myself and the way forward ... when I am at a loss, these things let me slowly find my place.
A conversation with my best friend in the morning made me deeply realize that I am more like a grown-up child, willful and withdrawn. Every day, I keep stirring my thoughts in my mind, wearing a mask of innocence and stupidity, putting myself in a dream and refusing to face the reality. She said that my simplicity is spoiled by people who love me around me, but no one can spoil me all my life, and life should go its own way. I've been chewing on these principles since I started writing. How could I not know them?
When people are occupied by emotions in different situations, it is easy to walk into a dead end and fall into some difficult predicament. At this time, unless they really sort it out, other people's words will not play much role. After all, everyone has his own experiences and ideas, his own unique feelings about everything around him in his life stage, and his own life path that he can't start again.
From my own experience and experience, I am really just a child. As a teenage college student, although my family is poor, I have never been really hungry and cold. From primary school to middle school, they are excluded from class life for various reasons, and everything they come into contact with is very simple; In addition to textbooks, I only had books similar to Grimm's fairy tales in my childhood, so it is inevitable that there will be a lack of extracurricular reading and my vision is not broad enough.
I always feel that I have lived for 20 years, at least 19 years, and I have been living in a daze. It was not until I started writing in recent months that I had a further thinking and understanding of the world and life. After reading Walden, I wrapped myself in an ivory tower built by pure literature, and felt that the world was too beautiful, and I could do anything as long as I worked hard enough. At that time, my daily mentality was positive.
The ivory tower built by thin reading is very fragile and will break when touched. The first thing to destroy it with destructive power is the love that I have been looking forward to most, which started in a particularly romantic way. What my lover brings me is a tug-of-war between dream and reality. It destroyed a world that I finally built, made me begin to doubt what I once believed, and made me suddenly lose my direction. I don't know what to do. This helplessness continues to this day.
Naive, I always wanted to return to the state of locking myself in an ivory tower and live a life of reading, writing and playing the piano every day in a simple town. Therefore, as a child, I deeply love him, but at the same time I can't help but have some lingering resentment.
But I'm not just a kid. I know there is more than beauty in this world. In those lonely times spent in cold eyes and ridicule, I also realized what is the grievance that no one talks about and what is the pain that is difficult to heal. I also know that after he broke my ivory tower, he opened a more vivid and clear picture of the world in front of me. This picture is like a mirror, showing a poor and immature self.
Recently, I am teaching Chinese to primary school students because of male votes. This is an educational institution with good quality students. It is said that these children have better family conditions and attend better primary schools. Before the formal class, I had no idea about these things, because the school I went to was not very good and I had no specific impression of the so-called "good" school. I thought it was difficult for children to listen carefully, but after the formal class, I found that although many children are also quite timid and fight in class from time to time, on the whole, their foundation and study habits are not much different.
Although the word "Xueba" has little to do with me since I was a child, after all, I have studied Chinese for two years and I want to continue writing. Therefore, I know very well how important it is to really learn this major well, to write articles with good quality with a wave of one's hand, to lay a solid basic knowledge of Chinese from an early age, to enrich reading, to broaden one's knowledge and to have colorful life experiences.
Writing is a process of output, and before output, there must be a process of accumulation before something can be output. The so-called accumulation, but roughly two directions of study and life. If you have a solid basic knowledge from childhood, your vocabulary will be richer. If you read a lot and have rich life experience, your sense of language will be stronger and your language expression ability will be better.
In other words, only from the perspective of Chinese learning and writing ability training, a good material foundation is of great help to learning. But as far as I'm concerned, I can't change my background or my past. What I can do is to try my best to make up for these gaps that were doomed from birth after seeing the reality clearly.
All this is not difficult to remind people of the recently discussed "poor children". With the unbalanced development of economy and the increasing polarization of society, the allocation of educational resources is becoming more and more unreasonable. The quality of educational resources has a great influence on a person's future development.
Generally speaking, the better people use educational resources, the higher their comprehensive quality and the stronger their ability to enhance their economic strength. Similarly, for many families with food and clothing problems, investing in education may not be as real as selling physical strength to earn money directly. Even those who attach importance to education can hardly provide a good learning environment for their children. In other words, it is difficult to cultivate talents with high comprehensive quality when the quality of educational resources is not good enough and the learning environment is not good enough.
The quality here refers to the overall quality, which means not only the knowledge reserve, but also the ability of vision, pattern and interpersonal communication. Personally, through two years' study and life in college, immersed in a relatively strong literary atmosphere, my vision and pattern have been improved to some extent, but my interpersonal communication ability is not so good.
Perhaps this is a common problem of literati, or perhaps the experience of being excluded makes me feel uneasy easily, or perhaps it is the inferiority complex that is deeply rooted in the bone marrow because of poverty from childhood. In short, I don't like to actively communicate with people, and I don't like to keep my distance from people. I just use some beautiful words to maintain a seemingly peaceful and beautiful relationship. So in the face of a brand-new environment and simple or complicated colleague relationship, I subconsciously chose to escape as much as possible, which seems to have caused a lot of confusion to the silly male ticket.
This kind of character is called simplicity and true temperament at best in the eyes of the appreciator, but it is a manifestation of ignorance in society. This is a world that is hard to distinguish between true and false, black and white. After all, everything develops according to established laws, and there are also various variables. Facing the complex society and people's hearts directly may make people grow up more than escaping. Innocence is more pleasing, but long-sleeved dancing is an ability that enables us to survive better in this society.
When I finally got up the courage to face these problems that I have been unable to avoid, and face the truest and worst self, the confusion and pain derived from escape seemed to suddenly disperse like smoke. There are always many things in life that we can't do, but find out what we really want, and then work hard for it, An Ruo Furong, waiting for the flowers to bloom.