But I wrote a beginning, then shelved it, and finally dropped it, and wrote "exclusive memory" instead. At that time, because of its own reasons, the profession of doctor could not be described with a calm and detached attitude. Even at the beginning of the continuation of how within this world, within the grain dust, I was a little uncomfortable and depressed, so when the article was about to reach 30 thousand words, I decided to post it to encourage readers. At that time, the sequela of my operation had not been completely eliminated, and it can even be said that it still exists today, so there will be a knot when writing about Dr. Ai. I have thought for countless times that if I meet such a doctor, the result and process will be different, and many things will change like dominoes. Once you have this idea, the article can't continue.
Let me start with Exclusive Memory, which is the least successful of my four modern works. It took one year and two months from the first serialization to the final submission, so it is one year and eight months before the final publication and listing. It stopped several times during the period, and the longest time was broken for half a year.
So now, as a book, I look back and find that there are so many imperfections in the text because of my discontinuity. Every time I read it again, I have an impulse to repair it. But when the good words were reproduced by freehand brushwork, I didn't move a word of the original story dialogue except adding a fan. I think, maybe the shortcomings left by each article in my heart are the traces of being an author at different stages.
Writing exclusive memory is the biggest change in my life, and it is also the most difficult year in my life so far that I have hardly written a word in the gap of more than a year after the completion of exclusive memory. Thanks to the support of many people, I returned to this circle.
The dentist's problems have been with me all my life. Ai Jingchu is my yearning for an ideal doctor.
Originally, this book was about memories of childhood and youth. Originally, I was going to start writing when Zeng Li was fifteen, and then describe her whole growth process. Finally, this man appeared in the middle of the article.
However, I gave up this idea because of the failure of bringing Zhaoyang Riying to school and the plight of two male owners. So, I chose her age of 24 as the starting point, and then folded it in half. (In the novel, Ceng Li answers that Ai Jingchu is 25, but actually it should be 24, and 25 is not full. )
Ai Jingchu is a person similar to Mu, which is why she enjoys memories alone and how she is a sister in this world and in this dust.
But the similarity in the bones shows the opposite attitude towards life.
The two of them, in the novel, occasionally encounter the same thing, but may make completely different choices.
However, Zeng carp seems to be a mirror.
They all had the same experience, that is, their beloved was alone, one succeeded and the other failed.
Therefore, if "Exclusive Memory" is a story about unrequited love, then "In this world, in this dust" is an anti-unrequited love story. Not all unrequited love endings are so happy. It's not that the person you secretly love finally likes you, and then you can be happy together.
Sometimes, we love someone, maybe not that person, but the feeling of love.
In the dust, Zeng carp's first love saw the phrase "the day on the cloud" twice.
"What if I say I love you?"
"It's like lighting a candle in a bright room."
Zeng carp misunderstood this sentence twice before, and finally she realized that love is just a candle in a bright room. It doesn't matter.
In this article, Ceng Li saw the article in a magazine. I read it when I was young. The original text is like this-
"What if I say I love you?"
"It's like lighting a candle in a bright room."
Antonioni, the director who wrote this line, has been interpreting the alienation and incomprehension between people all his life.
How happy love can be and how fragile it can be.
Fortunately, Zeng Li finally met Ai Jingchu.
Finally, to borrow a word from the reader, his name is so lonely and helpless-
Wormwood is as good as ever.