First, I'm not worth mentioning. I don't deserve to be loved and feel inferior.
If you always sacrifice your own value and deny your self-esteem, you will feel unimportant. Even if others are kind to you, you will think that others have a purpose, because you don't match yourself. I want to be loved, but I am afraid of intimacy, because I am too close, and I am afraid of losing myself. Being unloved is lonely, so it is very tangled. Because in the hearts of flatterers, they will think that I am so weak and laugh at myself, so you won't attack me and I will be safe. Because you can't make up your own mind, you often seem naive and dependent. Their message is that you are responsible for me, because I always listen to you.
Second, it's all my fault. I'm too sensitive.
As long as others have a little pain, they will devote their time and energy to each other and reduce their troubles and troubles. They feel that their purpose is to solve other people's problems. Many children with psychological problems always observe the eyes of their parents or people around them and observe who is angry and unhappy every day. Sometimes they will feel that they have done something wrong and offended them, and they will be unhappy because I didn't do it well. Always take the initiative to take responsibility for those wrong events and problems, always bear the fault of all problems, take the initiative to admit mistakes when encountering contradictions, and be filled with indignation afterwards.
Third, I won't make others angry, and it's hard to refuse others.
I often hide my anger and tell some pleasant lies. Even those who make themselves very dissatisfied, ask them for help, even if they know they are depriving themselves, they will do it completely. Of course, they will feel uncomfortable after finishing, but when they encounter the same problem, they will run ahead without hesitation. When faced with problems, I always tell myself that the only way to make myself better is to obey.
Fourth, always be kind to others and never expose your true self.
They all speak very well outside, or their voices are very good. Because they have been pretending, the voice will always be sweet, and you will feel that this is a gentle girl when you hear the voice. I don't think they are aggressive, or warm men and sweet girls. Most of the time, they only lose their temper at home. Sometimes when you meet something very angry outside, you will suddenly change your face and become sweet immediately.
Fifth, we should not offend anyone and lack principles.
When things are compromised blindly, people will always feel cornered and feel wronged and depressed. Gradually, they will feel that everyone is hostile to themselves and take advantage of themselves. Even so, they just shivered in the back because he didn't dare to resist. If I resist others, I will feel uncomfortable, I will feel uneducated, others will dislike me, and I will never be myself. Although pretending to be tired, flattering and depressed, I can't do anything else, even if I know it's not good.
Therefore, often suppressing your own results will damage your body and mind. Many physical diseases, such as gastric ulcer, diabetes, thyroid diseases, hepatobiliary problems, cancer and so on. , mainly self-mutilation, suicide, depression, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia. Their inner experience is that they feel insignificant and worthless. No one will feel bad when they die, because every day is worthless and helpless. They live like beggars, showing ingratiation and obedience to everyone and suppressing their true feelings. I need praise and recognition from others every day, because I feel worthless and insecure, so I will be anxious, afraid and worried. I will feel very incompetent, and what is the value of my life.
The relationship that everyone needs to maintain in the first paragraph of life is the mother-child relationship or the mother-daughter relationship. If they don't take care of us, we will lose our lives. When I was a child, I quickly understood that only please can survive, so I still followed this survival relationship until I was an adult, even if I was an adult, it would be difficult to change. But in his mind, he will always have the desire to change his parents, but he often fails. Therefore, when this flattering child grows up, he will find a person who behaves the same as his parents as his partner and try to change them. After his spouse fails, he will change his children. When everyone's efforts to change fail, they will feel helpless and desperate and feel that life has failed.
So here are four suggestions: express your feelings and thoughts freely, feel your feelings freely, and ask what you want freely, instead of waiting for permission forever, choose to take risks freely instead of choosing safety and non-conflict.
Each of us has unlimited potential in both positive and negative aspects. We must admit that these potentials exist, good and evil, good and bad, bright and dark, strong and fragile, honest and deceptive. Our hearts are the unity of these contradictions. If you feel too fragile, you need to find the opposite of setbacks and make yourself stronger. If you are troubled by fear, you must find courage in your heart. If you are always bullied, then you need to find the reason why this happens in your heart. You must open your heart and admit that you have both advantages and disadvantages, both bright and dark. Only those who accept the darkness frankly are qualified to accept the light.