I am a psychological counselor, and a spiritual worker to a greater extent. I have been on the road of psychological liberation and assisting others in psychological liberation for ten years, but in this process, with the exploration of my inner self, my doubts and puzzles have not decreased, and happiness and pain in life also exist. While giving psychological counseling to others, I found myself lost in the process of psychological course.
In 2009, I left the state-owned enterprise and came to Shenzhen to study as a psychological counselor, and began to work in this field. In the past ten years, I have participated in various courses, conducted teaching and cases in this field, and gained a lot of insights and experiences. Every teacher has opened me up to varying degrees. Later, I found that I would give my strength to the teacher, and some of my cases would also give me my strength. This is not normal, and these experiences can't hinder the progress and pain that life has given me.
I can answer other people's questions, but I can't solve my own. Slowly, I fell into depression, feeling that life is dull and meaningless, and I often feel sad and painful. At this time, my body also showed various symptoms.
First of all, I was panting and exhausted after a conversation or a half-day class, and then I began to lose my hair for a while. I am very afraid of the cold and my body aches. I feel my body protesting, and I'm afraid to go to the hospital. I'm afraid of finding out what's terminally ill, and I don't know what's wrong with me. I saw Chinese medicine and found a Chinese medicine friend to acupuncture for two years. Instead of getting better, I am more serious, and I am very anxious inside, and anxiety is accompanied by anxiety. Lonely and helpless, although I know that physical problems must be related to the mind, I understand this truth better than ordinary people, but at this time that fear has completely occupied my heart, so that I can't deal with my emotions clearly, so I can only ask for help from the outside world constantly, which has cost us a lot of physical and mental healing methods, a lot of time, energy and money, but it has no effect and began to fall into deep despair. ...
The low point of my life in the past two years has brought me back to my family. I am forced to be with myself, but I am unwilling, unwilling to look in the mirror, unwilling to face myself, as if I am a useless person who can't save myself. But this process has one advantage, which makes me begin to understand the psychology of a patient, and my empathy becomes stronger. When I was a counselor before, I often couldn't understand the psychology and situation of a case, and even had some rejection. I think their experience is too narrow and selfish, but now I really appreciate a person's vulnerability and helplessness in the face of difficulties. My arrogance gradually collapsed with the severity of the disease, which was in sharp contrast with the arrogance of Sunshine when I was a trainer.
But after all, I have studied psychology and know that if I can't subdue my heart, I can't live a good life. I began to accept this situation and actively tried to find ways, such as standing in the pile for the first half of the year, about two hours a day. But in winter, I found myself more and more afraid of the cold, and it has penetrated into the bone marrow. No amount of clothes can warm me up. At the same time, that fear has penetrated into my bone marrow. My family looks at me like a monster, but on the surface, I can't see any problems, and the hospital can't check any special problems. But I always feel that death is close to me, and no one can understand that kind of pain, that is, others think that you are pretending to be sick, and I think I am dying ... Finally, basically, I will start to give up on myself. Even if I have to leave this world the next day, I choose to accept it. People die, don't they? Only to find that it's not that bad. ...
Later, I forced myself to pretend to be a normal person. On the surface, I really didn't see any big problems, but only I knew how uncomfortable my body was until I accepted my physical discomfort and bravely faced my pain. It took half a year, and then I happened to see Jingping's sharing.
I have read her articles many times, and I am very excited and kind, because I actually understand everything she says, because it is a kind of practice and the method I have been looking for, and I also know the meaning behind it. Later, I also added her qq chat.
She said
You are. You value your health too much.
The body will get sick and get better, but it is actually passive. ...
Hearing this sentence, I burst into tears inexplicably.
Because I really want to control, control my health, control the process of life, resist diseases, abandon myself, and want to return to the normal, healthy and beautiful appearance before. I've been completely unconscious for too long, and I want to get better soon. I also lied to myself that I'm a normal person, just pretending it's okay. In fact, the problem is getting more and more serious, and the serious purpose is just to let me face him squarely.
Next, I began to make up my mind to practice psychotherapy. I live in a very traditional family, and my parents often quarrel. My mother is very strict in discipline, and it is common to beat and scold me. Sometimes I even think she is a curse to me, and the vicious words she uses make people shudder. However, I have often been ill and hospitalized since I was a child, and that kind of anger and rebellion has penetrated into the bone marrow. Even after studying psychology, I still can't face my mother and hate her.
When I began to recall these experiences of being beaten and scolded, some of which were when I was very young, I found that the pain, injustice and anger were always there. For so many years, that ghost lingered and tortured me. In the process of psychotherapy, I played it back again and again, like pushing myself to the deepest part of pain and dying, like sending myself to a frying pan to cook, and every cell was suffering. This makes me understand.
We release our meditation in order to see the truth, and seeing the truth itself can automatically change our inner self. This is an extremely painful process. I am not exaggerating at all. This is very painful. The process of seeing the truth is the process of peeling off the disguise layer by layer. When we admit our sense of inferiority and worthlessness, and see the sense of inferiority and powerlessness of personality, the real strength and value in our hearts will rise later. Without the desire for truth and great courage, I dare not face these. So this is why cancer patients like Jingping and those terminally ill patients are willing to continue to receive psychotherapy. There is a force inside me urging me to insist on psychotherapy, and there is also a voice asking me not to do psychotherapy. Why would I do that? It's too painful. If you feel better, you can eat, drink and make money. ...
But I didn't give up psychotherapy. I set aside a fixed time to do it every day. Sometimes I don't do it during the day. Do it in bed when you sleep at night and in the dead of night. Sometimes I do it late, but I feel at ease.
The process of writing is painful, uncomfortable, angry, sad and wronged. All emotions are poured out, and many of them are self-deprecation, self-separation and self-suppression. Only then do we know that everyone is the director of his own external reality, and there is so much rubbish in his heart, what health and happiness can we expect from the outside?
It's been almost a month. One day, I took a nap and sat on the bed to continue my psychotherapy. I recall my mother's abuse of me, everything she said to me, and the pain in my chest. I found that I couldn't tell the truth of what she said at that time. Many times, her judgment was projected on me, and I accepted it. Although I have grown up, it has been decades since that.
1. Emotion is just a kind of energy, without reality. Sadness and happiness are actually the same thing.
Emotion is just a kind of energy. This energy sometimes comes from my lower abdomen and sometimes from my liver. When it comes out, it melts, invisible, and leaves no trace. This is no different from the energy of joy. It's just an energy. Why should I separate? Who will share it? Who is responding to it?
2. Emotions rely on the body as a carrier, where they solidify, resulting in the body being blocked and uncomfortable. When emotions are released, solidified energy is released.
If emotion is energy, where is it stored? We store these emotions in our bodies, pretend that we can't see them, let them torment our minds and bodies, and then try to find some happiness in life to cover up the pain, such as love and wealth. To a certain extent, the pain will come back, and there will be events exactly like that emotion that will make us feel the pain again. In order to let us see it and release it, we regard it as an enemy and want to separate it and abandon it? That emotion is yourself, can you abandon it?
If emotions are just energy, then I don't have to react to this energy, I just need to take care of releasing this energy instead of dragging myself into the water.
Later, I began to focus on the release of energy and body pressure, and did not judge this energy before marveling at this body. It turned out to be so great that it saved so much for us. How can we not get sick?
4. Besides emotions, we can also release our solidified thought and belief system.
Emotions often come from ideas. For example, if I treat you well, you should treat me well. If you treat me badly, I will be angry. This is a metaphor. There is also a belief and concept that we have been instilled since childhood, which binds us tightly and makes us nervous physically and mentally and unable to relax. I have all kinds of control and judgment on this world. Why am I sick? Why don't people understand me? When we focus on the outside, it will undoubtedly make ourselves more miserable.
After realizing this, release becomes easy, but when you encounter something in your life, or think of something, you will still have emotions, but it is easier not to be caught by emotions at that time, just to take care of release.
I obviously feel a lot lighter recently. I have a faint sense of happiness. This kind of happiness is not acquired by me, but naturally rises. At the same time, I feel an energy that we call love, which is everywhere and integrated with me.
For life, what if energy is just an illusion of flow? Then what am I taking care of? Taking care of an illusion? When I found out that the object of care was nothing, did that kind of care still exist?
Psychotherapy is the ultimate way out, and everyone must stick to it.
Joyce 20 18 April 10